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Messages - Gabe Deem

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1
Porn Addiction / Re: On becomming a Patreon of Gabe Deem
« on: May 20, 2020, 09:09:40 AM »
Hey Psyc Ops,

Really appreciate this post my man. I've been working on a video on the "Fatline" and I have many more videos coming. Each and every supporter will help me dedicate more of my time into making quality, helpful content.

Now, I wanted to clarify my stance on AA, because you said
Quote
Gabe is a fan of the AA model.


To be clear, I know the 12 step model has helped many people recover from addictions, but I'm NOT a fan of the "powerless" concept. I've thought about that a lot, and one could argue that even learning the neuroscience and reading others journals is "being helped by others," because.. it is. However, we weren't "powerless" to do a google search, make an account and start rewiring and rebalancing our brain. I feel the knowledge of the neuroscience "empowers" us to make the necessary changes to recover, once we know what we need to do and what we need to avoid. 

Put simply, I think many of the steps are helpful, but I'm not a fan of it completely.

Thanks again for the support. And thanks for being a guiding light on the forum. Much love, and keep truckin.



Much of the steps I believe are absolutely great and helpful for recovery, but I'm not sure I'd say they are essential.

2
Porn Addiction / BACK ONLINE. Server Issue Fixed.
« on: May 15, 2020, 06:17:27 PM »
Hey Nation,

Server had issues this morning that are now fixed. I apologize for any inconvenience. I hope everyone is having a great porn free day. Remember:

“The secrete of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

Much love.

3
Porn Addiction / The Last Thing Isolated People Need
« on: April 03, 2020, 02:36:24 PM »

4
Porn Addiction / Is Calling It Porn Addiction DANGEROUS? (NEW VIDEO)
« on: April 03, 2020, 11:54:19 AM »
One thing that frustrated me when I was going through recovery from porn addiction and porn-induced erectile dysfunction, was the amount of articles I came across that were full of bullshit. Essentially denying porn can cause problems, like addiction and dysfunction.

Unfortunately, there is still a growing push to smear all the recovery communities like this one, deny our problems are legitimate and ignore the science that is so helpful in understanding what we’re going through.

Worst part, is they want to teach teens porn addiction doesn’t exist.

I made a video responding to a recent article arguing that we should stop saying porn addiction is real. The arguments made are the same arguments I saw when I was recovering with a limp dick from porn use.

If the truth doesn’t get out to the world, how many more will get hooked and/or screwed up?

I hope some of y’all find it helpful and useful when you come across people trying to dismiss porn’s negative effects.

https://youtu.be/IEytratydII

Much love, Gabe

5
Porn Addiction / Re: Help Support Reboot Nation
« on: March 26, 2020, 09:26:18 AM »
Thanks Psyc Ops,

I really appreciate it. Every little bit helps so much. I'll be spending more time working on videos and writing.  8)

Recording a video today. And much, much more to come. I'll be making a Q&A video this weekend and all Patrons can ask any question they want that I'll answer in the video. You can post it on the Patreon post or send it to me privately on Patreon in a message.

Hope everyone has a great porn-free day. Limit time online. Create a list of things to do. Stay active, avoid idle time.

Much love.


6
Porn Addiction / Why You Shouldn't Watch Porn During Quarantine
« on: March 25, 2020, 10:54:00 AM »
Hey Nation.

Yesterday I was interviewed on a radio show in Ireland on the potential negative effects of porn, and why watching it while quarantined (or anytime) is not a good idea.

here's the link if interested. It's 16 mins: https://play.acast.com/s/room104/c00f1add-6cc3-44e6-a897-3f364d2a2032

Hope everyone is staying safe in these crazy times

Much love

7
Porn Addiction / Reboot Tip during isolation for Coronavirus
« on: March 15, 2020, 02:54:35 PM »
What's up Nation,

Many of us will be spending way more time at home, and potentially online. Just wanted to drop a line of advice that helps me avoid spending too much time online:

1) SET A TIMER! For time online.

2) Make a list of things to do offline.

My list: Workout, Read a book for an hour, write an hour, work on a project (I'm currently working on a reboot nation video that will be responding to a recent article that listed 10 ridiculous arguments implying the concept of porn addiction is "dangerous."), play cards with wife, take dog on walk, call parents, etc.. etc..

Decide on a reasonable amount of time to get your news, look at social media to communicate with friends/family, watch educational videos (like Reboot Nation  8) ). Then, set a timer.

Do this everyday. Should only take a couple mins max. Keep it simple. It needs to be something you genuinely believe you can stick to.

Finish by writing a "reward" you'll get if you complete the list. After all is done, fire up that Netflix show, video game or whatever floats your boat.

Remember the saying "idle time is the devil's playground." Keep busy doing healthy things.

Hope this helps. Much love

8
Ages 20-29 / Re: Free At Last
« on: March 14, 2020, 07:21:09 PM »
Rooting for you and option two, Achilles! You got this.. one day at a time.




9
Ages 20-29 / Re: Nofap Journal: Starting on day 7
« on: March 09, 2020, 03:41:06 PM »
Awesome Hutch! You'll turn that 9 into 99 real soon! 90 more days to be exact haha.

Great idea with the alarm clock and changing your environment. The more you change your environment the more your brain will realize things have changed and wire up a new routine and replace sensitized pathways.

Keep truckin and continue focusing on pursuing the new, not on fighting the old.

I'll move your journal to the 20's section.

Much love

10
Ages 20-29 / Re: Nofap Journal: Starting on day 7
« on: March 06, 2020, 03:53:50 PM »
How old are you now? This needs to be in the appropriate journal section (I'll move it for you).

Congrats on 7 days! Hope the best for you!

11
Porn Addiction / Re: Rebooting is not enough
« on: March 05, 2020, 06:01:40 PM »
Quote
Majority of ppl with PIED will never heal.

That's not true. Here are thousands and thousands of success stories: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts/rebooting-accounts-page-1/

Quote
It hs been 4 years ever since I last visited this site and people's relapses hv gotten worse.

Based on what? How do you know? Most members come and go. This site has 16k members, and very few active members now were here years ago.

Quote
For 2years I tried to go cold turkey on P but i ws relapsing all through out. But then I met a girl who was understanding two years back who helped me rewire and now I hv a normal sex life. I even stayed off P bcz I was accountable to a real person.  Many ppl will never heal bcz it is impossible but bcz of wrong approach.  I mean how in the world do u think a person in his twenties can go more than 500days without a woman bt then say he wants to be "normal".  Rebooting alone is a recipe for a relapse!

Not sure what you're talking about "wrong approach." We specifically give advice that many successful rebooters give, and that is to "rewire" to a real partner. The only reboot approach is to stay away from artificial stimulation. See this page: http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=70.msg370#msg370

"3.You need to, and maybe have to, REWIRE your sexual response to a real life partner."


Quote
Rebooting alone is a recipe for a relapse!

Many have recovered by rebooting. However, the above advice would agree with you that pursuing a real life partner is beneficial.

Let's be a bit more positive.



12
Porn Addiction / Help Support Reboot Nation
« on: March 04, 2020, 03:36:27 PM »
What's up Nation!

For those that don't know me, my name is Gabe Deem, and I run this website, and the Reboot Nation YouTube channel where I post educational videos to help those recovering from porn addiction and/or sexual dysfunction, as well as videos of presentations/interviews I do with the goal of raising awareness of porn's potential negative effects so others can make informed decisions.

Why do I do this? In short, porn screwed me up and I'd like for others to be informed so they don't screw themselves up as well, especially kids/teens who have no idea what they are getting into.

With that said, if you've been helped in any way by this website or some of the content that I've produced, please consider supporting me on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/gabedeem

Your support will help me do the following:

  • Keep the recovery website up and running smoothly (and free!)
  • Produce educational/motivational videos
  • Prepare for speaking engagements
  • Create engaging presentations for a wide variety of audiences ranging from students, parents and professionals

If you're not in a financial position to be able to donate, please consider sharing the page with anyone you know who might believe in my mission.

Young people are growing up in a world with tons of porn and no information on how it might negatively affect them. With your help, we can change that. Thank you!

Much love

- Gabe

Patreon link: https://www.patreon.com/gabedeem




13
Porn Addiction / Why I Stayed Away From Crack, But Not Porn (video)
« on: February 27, 2020, 12:40:01 PM »
Hey Rebooters,

A few years ago Noah Church and I went on the Chelsea Handler show on Netflix. This is a clip from the show that I thought had been completely deleted from the internet forever and I hadn’t been able to find it for 3 years. However, this morning I stumbled upon it and posted it on our Rebtron Nation YouTube channel. In it I tell Chelsea how I believe education on the potential negative effects of porn is the most important thing we can do o combat the public health issue we have:

https://youtu.be/h8jgFdHarQU

14
**Forum Rules-Guidelines-Suggestions** / SITE IS BACK ONLINE
« on: February 25, 2020, 09:46:44 PM »
Hey Nation,

The site went down on Feb 22nd due to a bug in the forum software. The problem has been resolved and we're back online!

Hope everyone has a great porn free day!  8)

Much love

15
Ages 20-29 / Re: Breaking the cycle of addiction for whole life
« on: February 14, 2020, 05:38:57 PM »
Quote
Completed 30 days today.
Feeling so happy

Awesome! Congrats on 30.. keep truckin  8)

16
Porn Addiction / BACK ONLINE
« on: February 11, 2020, 01:00:06 PM »
Hey Nation,

As many of you know, the forum has been down the past day. The site went down due to our host migrating to a new server. The issue has been resolved. Hope everyone has a great day.

Much love.

17
What's up Nation,

I'm looking for anyone willing to share their story for a documentary on porn's impact. A great opportunity to raise awareness and help others, and I can personally tell you there is nothing better than taking this negative we've experienced and turning it into a positive by shining a light in a dark place to help others out of the tunnel.

 I've spoken to the filmmaking team over the past couple years and trust they are portraying subjects with compassion and humanity. People interested in sharing their story can send an email to the film's producer at documentaryfilm@protonmail.com. All communication is private and will not be shared without permission.

Here is a short description about the project:

Every single day, millions of people masturbate to internet pornography. Desire and sexuality shape every person, yet we rarely discuss porn. Tsunami is a survey of porn’s influence on our society, from the companies making billions off clicks and user data, to the legislators making laws about porn and public health, to the families whose children are viewing it underage. We want to hear the personal stories of those whose lives have been impacted by porn use, and from those seeking support in groups like this one. For our documentary, we are particularly interested in speaking to people going through recovery, and tackling issues of self-esteem, masculinity and misogyny.

Y'all feel free to message me as well and I can put y'all in contact.

Much love,

Gabe

18
Porn Addiction / Re: The Most Deluded Man In the World
« on: February 08, 2020, 03:44:31 PM »
Man, I certainly saw myself in there.  8)

Noah, this was incredibly creative and spot on. Brilliant.

Really hope it reaches far and wide and helps inspire countless peeps.

Much love.


19
We have to do a better job of protecting kids from being exposed to unlimited amounts of porn. Although I don't support a porn ban, I do support age verification for minors. Adults have to prove their age to gamble, buy alcohol/tobacco, and even see R rated movies, Age Verification is just a necessary step to protect the youth.

https://youtu.be/s8r_8VcpWBQ

20
Clip from the Katie Couric show where I had the opportunity to share my story and raise awareness on porn-induced sexual dysfunctions: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9VSYf7jEOg

21
Porn Addiction / Re: Can i use a fleshlight to quit porn?
« on: November 01, 2019, 10:50:45 AM »

22
Porn Addiction / Porn's Impact on Kids: A Serious Issue (New Video)
« on: October 30, 2019, 03:43:27 PM »
Hey Nation,

Finally got around to posting a speech I gave on Capitol Hill. My goal was to raise awareness on potential negative effects, and eventually get the basic neuroscience of sexual conditioning and porn addiction in sex education. If interested here it is:

https://youtu.be/UUU3X0uZ_Zw

23
@Johnny Trailer, Occasionally, yes - without porn. Went several years without M'ing at all, but now every once in a while I do. Although, I'd still personally advise peeps to stay away, especially during a reboot, most of the time I do it to fight pre-mature ejaculation and take it slow and focus on sensation.

24
Yes, you can masturbate. However, you have to decide for yourself if that is the best thing for your reboot. My advice would be to only have sex and avoid M, especially for the first few months of your reboot. This is from our Basics of Rebooting page:

"To masturbate, or not to masturbate, that is the question"

As stated, we have only two "rules': 1) Stop using artificial sexual stimuli, and 2) Do what works for you. Many guys have discovered it is helpful to eliminate or drastically reduce masturbation/orgasm during a reboot. Possible reasons to drastically reduce or eliminate masturbation during a reboot:

1. If you have porn-induced ED, your brain is saying: "I can't do this anymore". Understand that your urge to masturbate is not true libido - you are addicted to porn, or your sexuality is conditioned to pixels. If you need porn to masturbate, or have a partially erect penis when you do, you are not horny or in need of "release". You are addicted and seeking a fix: a temporary dopamine high.

2.The majority of men with porn-induced ED need to drastically reduce masturbation and orgasm. When you have a pathology, you usually need to do more than just eliminate the cause - in this case porn use. You don't generally break a leg by putting weight on it. However, once it's broken you have to cast it, use crutches and eliminate walking while you heal. Same goes for porn-induced ED. You don't have to wear a cast, but you need to give your brain time to heal, free of intense sexual stimulation.

Masturbation and porn use are tightly wired together. Like Pavlov's dog that salivated when it heard the bell, you will start drooling for porn when masturbating. Time is needed to weaken the neural connections intertwining wanking and watching.

Recovery may be easier without masturbation/orgasm. Remove masturbation/orgasm from the equation and most guys experience a sharp decline in sexual desire, we call the flatline. (See: "HELP! I quit porn, but my potency, genital size, and libido are decreasing")

When you also eliminate orgasm/masturbation, not just porn, it seems to precipitate a more complete and deeper withdrawal, and thus healing.
 
Masturbation and orgasm strongly reactivate cravings to use porn. It has been surprising to witness that most men have an easier time eliminating masturbation than they do porn. For most guys with porn addiction, masturbation is simply not that interesting without porn, and they are amazed to discover that porn, not their libido, was driving their constant search for relief.

Caveat: All the above is based on the current feedback given to us by successful rebooters. It is subject to change.

Caveat 2: Some guys with porn-induced ED need to orgasm in order to jump-start their brains after a reboot or extended flatline
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For more information regarding the Basics of Rebooting, check out our video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4yx4ouxGbQ

25
Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction/Delayed Ejaculation / Re: HELPPPP
« on: October 25, 2019, 07:34:11 AM »
I quit porn 4 years ago and have relapsed only a few times since. I found a girlfriend and we started having sex lots, sometimes up to 5 times in a day. 10 months later has put me into a sort of flatline. I feel depressed, have social anxiety and I’ve got lack of concentration and motivation along with lack of libido. However, if I have sex multiple times in one night I feel like my brain is back in balance again with all social anxiety and depression disappearing and along with this my libido comes back. Has anyone experienced these problems before or can help me? I’m currently abstaining from orgasm until I feel mentally healthier

Hey @Lottie123, I'm slightly confused. You say having sex up to 5 times a day has put you into a flatline, but having sex "multiple times in one night" makes you feel like your brain is back in balance? Can you describe your situation in more detail? And also, have any other variables in your life or goals/plans/family/friends/relationship changed that may be behind the feelings of depression and anxiety?

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