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Messages - Gabe Deem

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1
Porn Addiction / Re: I failed because of smartphone
« on: March 20, 2019, 09:40:08 AM »
Do you have to have a smartphone for work? If not, consider getting a dumb phone. There are filters you can put on your phone as well, several of them free. Also, consider posting in an accountability partner section for your age group.

Bottom line, if what your doing isn't working, do something different. Hope the best for you. Much love.

2
Success Stories / Re: Porn Reboot - Started 1/09/2018
« on: February 08, 2019, 09:08:39 AM »
Hey, Glad to have you on the Nation and hope the best for your recovery. However, this belongs in the journal section. What age group are you in?

3
Porn Addiction / LA area rebooters - Upcoming conference FEB 16/17th
« on: February 03, 2019, 10:12:49 AM »
Hey Rebooters,

I'll be in LA on February 17th speaking at the 30th Annual Sexual Compulsives Anonymous conference. I'm the closing speaker and I'll copy and paste my presentation detains below. There are several presentations all day Saturday and Alexandria Katehakis is opening up the conference Friday night. If you're interested I'll post the link for deets. Have a great porn-free day my peeps.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday, February 17th

10:00AM - 11:30AM, 30 min Q&A to follow

Gabe Deem
The Neuroscience of Porn Addiction and the Necessity of Fellowship


After hitting rock bottom in porn addiction, Gabe went searching for answers (step 1, 4). While on the road to recovery he stumbled across profound insights from the field of neuroscience, and found communities full of thousands of other people on the same journey. Inspired by their stories, and realizing the desperate need for accurate information, he will share his own story and insights in hopes of helping others. (step 11 & 12, and #5 SCA Tradition)

For info see: http://scalosangeles.org/events/convention/


4
Quote
And pass my data on to Gary Wilson if it will be helpful in any way.

I did my man. It has been posted on YBOP already... below is the link. Your story will help many! Thanks for giving back.

https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts/rebooting-accounts-page-3/age-43-pied-ended-on-day-265-of-quitting-porn/


5
J, This is incredible. I'm so happy for you and proud of you for trucking through the road to recovery and sticking with it.

Thank you for posting this. I know this will help many people by sharing this. Everyone needs to understand that their life has meaning, and if you start with yourself, and sort yourself out, then love on others and impact their life in a positive way, there is a ripple effect that can happen and it all starts with a realization that if you fix what bothers you, you can change the world. Like the ol' Michael Jackson song Man in the Mirror lyrics say: "if you want to make the world a better place take a look at yourself and make a change." Gahndi said it another way, "be the change you wish to see in the world."

I'm so glad to hear that I was able to help. It encourages me to keep doing what I can to raise awareness and share my story so I thank you for taking the time to post this and reach out to me. I hope nothing but the best for you, and for continued success on this journey.

Much love!

6
@changemylife No prob.

7
Porn Addiction / Re: Book Club!
« on: January 25, 2019, 11:19:39 AM »
After you have a good understanding of the Neuroscience from reading and studying Your Brain on Porn, I highly recommend The Slight Edge, I've historically been a skeptic of self-help books, and thought they were "cliche" and would "tell me things I already know." However, after just completing reading this book, I can tell you it articulates some really profound wisdom in a simple, concise, practical way.

It will help you start DOING, rather than THINKING about doing. Those are two entirely different things. As confucius put it: "Knowledge without practice is useless. Practice without knowledge is dangerous."

8
Porn Addiction / Re: Offtopic: the Wrong Kind of Woman
« on: January 25, 2019, 11:12:19 AM »
Has absolutely nothing to do with porn or recovery. Not the place Rich.

9
Hey Rebooters,
Wanted to share with you a great new podcast called AllHailKale Beat Your Brain. I was fortunate enough to be interviewed for it and got to explain some of the neuroscience behind porn addiction & sexual dysfunction around @23:30 mark.
Some other great info is in it and even a calming meditation exercise at the end you may find helpful to incorporate into your reboot.

Listen here if interested: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p06yq72t

Much love & hope everyone has a great day!

10
@yoie9411
Quote
How long does it take me to get out of this problem?

There is no set amount of time as everyone is different. Start by watching this video that explains the basics: https://youtu.be/z4yx4ouxGbQ

11
Porn Addiction / Re: If you haven't told anybody,...tell someone
« on: December 28, 2018, 10:40:47 AM »
I can't believe this thread has gone this way. Honestly baffled.

I didn't tell a single soul about my porn-induced ED/addiction until I was seeing recovery/recovered. Yes, telling someone, even after recovery, is liberating. Getting secrets off your chest and helping others is always powerful.

He came and gave advice. Tell someone. The same advice I give. The same advice Noah Church gives.... just about anyone who has recovered advises people to tell people as soon as possible, because we realize how powerful opening up to others is, and that we wish we would have opened up and told others sooner. 

This is similar to telling a championship winning coach who struggled for years before winning, who is giving advice to struggling coaches, that he should have followed his advice way back when he was struggling, and that his giving of advice sounds a little arrogant now... I mean FFS.. come on. "It's a lot harder to win a game when your still losing dude..." Or "Everybody loves a good championship story, but you should have realized and followed what would have helped you before you realized what would have helped you win sooner."

Melando & Nikola, we need to treat members better. And, while opinions are welcome, and sure you can point out that it is easier to tell someone about porn addiction after you beat porn addiction (which everyone already knows), it would be helpful if we encourage advice from people who believe they have something helpful to say.

@Remmington, Thanks for sharing bro and congrats on 9 months and being able to open up to others. Much love and keep truckin, you never know who needs to hear it is possible to beat this addiction and come out the other side and openly discuss it. Noah Church told me that seeing me openly talk about it encouraged him to come out with his story, and he has inspired thousands of others.... a ripple effect. Keep sharing bro :)

13
Porn Addiction / Great new article by Rob Weiss
« on: December 19, 2018, 01:51:09 PM »
We've long said on Reboot Nation that not all porn addicts had "pre-existing issues" that drove them to use porn, but rather developed "issues" after chronically using porn through their adolescence. I have good news, more and more therapists are starting to catch up to reality and acknowledge that "opportunity addiction" is a real thing.

YourBrainOnPorn.com first wrote about this back in 2011 here: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ybop-articles-on-porn-addiction-porn-induced-problems/the-porn-debate/porn-addiction-is-not-sex-addiction-and-why-it-matters-2011/

Which also links to my video presentation for the 2015 Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health conference titled Porn Addiction is NOT Sex Addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9n-hs83AsY

Well known sexual addiction therapist Rob Weiss recently wrote this piece acknowledging this new type of addict. This is great news that more and more therapists are realizing that porn can in fact cause problems, rather than porn use simply being the "symptom" of a pre-existing issue: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2018/12/digital-age-conditioned-porn-addiction-a-new-version-of-an-old-problem/

Keep truckin rebooters! Much love

14
Good to see well known sexual addiction therapist and author/speaker Rob Weiss acknowledge "opportunity addiction" as discussed above: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2018/12/digital-age-conditioned-porn-addiction-a-new-version-of-an-old-problem/

15
@ hockey ref So glad you listened to the podcast and found us. Congrats on 17! One day at a time.. there is no pit too deep you can't climb out of. And everyone here is either in the trenches or was at one point.

Glad to have you on the Nation. Not sure if you have yet, but here is a page with all my videos on advice and information we've learned about "rebooting" that you may find helpful: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaEqbNJURD6ChROqueUdNuA/videos

Hope the best for you! Much love


16
One important topic Rob is interested in helping spread the word about is the ways in which porn addicts differ from sex addicts. I made a video with some of the main points to consider when differentiating the two. Yes, both sex addiction and porn addiction fall under the diagnosis Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder, as they are both sexual, but Porn Addiction is Not Sex Addiction. Here is the vid I made for the annual Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health conference explaining this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9n-hs83AsY

17
Thanks Gracie! I appreciate you as well and all you've done for Reboot Nation! I wouldn't be able to focus on raising awareness without your help on the forum = )

18
What Up Nation!?

My homies over at Fight the New Drug let me share my story with them, in hopes of raising awareness on porn's potential negative effects. They are passionate about pointing people to love, rather than pursuing pixels on a screen that can never love you back.

Short 2 min video: https://fightthenewdrug.org/media/gabe-deem-story-reboot-nation/

Also... they just released a 3 part documentary that I highly recommend checking out. You can view it for free for the rest of November here: https://brainheartworld.org

Much love

19
People have had wet dreams long before gyms existed. Don't worry about wet dreams. They are natural, and will not keep you from recovering. Here is a video I made on the topic: https://youtu.be/092UH6e0BWA

20
Hey Nation,

I was recently interviewed by Robert Weiss for his podcast Sex, Love, and Addiction 101. I found it to be a productive conversation and he is really interested in bringing more awareness and help to the reboot community. He has been a mainstream voice around sexual addiction for a long time, and it was great to finally share some of the main points surrounding the topic of rebooting and how a new generation of addicts do not always have pre-existing issues that drove them to porn, but rather had unlimited access and chronically used a supernormal stimulus and then developed issues.

If interested, give it a listen: https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/a-new-generation-of-education-and-hope-with-gabe-deem-of-reboot-nation/

Much love

21
Porn Addiction / Re: Do you need to quit technology to recover??
« on: September 06, 2018, 02:08:41 PM »
@DeppressedAndOut
Quote
Do you need to quit technology to recover??

No. But do whatever you feel you need to do. If that means staying away from tech temporarily, or for an extended period of time, then do it. I recovered using technology the entire time (besides a few weekends where I did unplug and read books. A temporary time unplugged from the internet is a good idea). So have countless others. Getting educated online, reading forums, watching education YouTube vids, messaging others in recovery, were all a huge and helpful part of my, and many others, recovery.

You want to avoid any behavior that may reinforce addiction pathways in your brain, namely, the seeking and searching of artificial stimulation.

Read this FAQ for the best practical advice on this topic: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/what-stimuli-must-i-avoid-during-my-reboot-did-i-relapse

Hope that helps.

22
Porn Addiction / LCAP Conference in Austin, Texas Sep 14th
« on: August 30, 2018, 09:46:13 AM »
Hey Nation!

You or anyone you know in the Austin, TX area... come check out this awesome event I'll be speaking at Sep 14th! I'll be sharing my story and the science behind porn's potential impact. Also, there will be a break out session where anyone can ask questions.

Plz spread the word to anyone who may be interested in attending. It's quick, extremely informative, affordable (tickets are $25, that's only 3 Chipotle bowls..) and I'd love to meet some of yall! Check out the site Lonestarco.org - register and I'll see y'all there : )

https://www.lonestarco.org

Much love


23
Porn Addiction / Re: 12000 warriors
« on: July 06, 2018, 10:10:04 AM »
Great points Sender! We are doing everything we can to change #2. And each and every post from members here helps. Keep truckin.

24
Porn Addiction / Inappropriate Private Messages
« on: May 24, 2018, 09:19:46 AM »
Hey Nation! It has repeatedly been brought to my attention that some of you are getting inappropriate and offensive personal messages. Myself and the mods have done our best to remove any members who engage in this behavior and we will continue to do so with your help. Please continue to let us know if you get odd/inappropriate messages, and we will continue to take action accordingly.

The only way to stop this behavior before it happens, rather than reacting to it after the fact would be to make new members have to comment a couple times before unlocking private message privileges. This is not something I want to do, as many people sign up who just want to ask a quick question about recovery, or desperately need help, or journalist/producers who want to quickly connect for a story.

If you have any thoughts or suggestions on the matter please comment. I hope everyone has a great day!

Keep truckin' and Much Love.

25
Porn Addiction / Re: PE Caused by PIED
« on: April 16, 2018, 10:06:39 PM »
Erection Quality

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