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Messages - Gabe Deem

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1
@yoie9411
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How long does it take me to get out of this problem?

There is no set amount of time as everyone is different. Start by watching this video that explains the basics: https://youtu.be/z4yx4ouxGbQ

2
Porn Addiction / Re: If you haven't told anybody,...tell someone
« on: December 28, 2018, 10:40:47 AM »
I can't believe this thread has gone this way. Honestly baffled.

I didn't tell a single soul about my porn-induced ED/addiction until I was seeing recovery/recovered. Yes, telling someone, even after recovery, is liberating. Getting secrets off your chest and helping others is always powerful.

He came and gave advice. Tell someone. The same advice I give. The same advice Noah Church gives.... just about anyone who has recovered advises people to tell people as soon as possible, because we realize how powerful opening up to others is, and that we wish we would have opened up and told others sooner. 

This is similar to telling a championship winning coach who struggled for years before winning, who is giving advice to struggling coaches, that he should have followed his advice way back when he was struggling, and that his giving of advice sounds a little arrogant now... I mean FFS.. come on. "It's a lot harder to win a game when your still losing dude..." Or "Everybody loves a good championship story, but you should have realized and followed what would have helped you before you realized what would have helped you win sooner."

Melando & Nikola, we need to treat members better. And, while opinions are welcome, and sure you can point out that it is easier to tell someone about porn addiction after you beat porn addiction (which everyone already knows), it would be helpful if we encourage advice from people who believe they have something helpful to say.

@Remmington, Thanks for sharing bro and congrats on 9 months and being able to open up to others. Much love and keep truckin, you never know who needs to hear it is possible to beat this addiction and come out the other side and openly discuss it. Noah Church told me that seeing me openly talk about it encouraged him to come out with his story, and he has inspired thousands of others.... a ripple effect. Keep sharing bro :)

4
Porn Addiction / Great new article by Rob Weiss
« on: December 19, 2018, 01:51:09 PM »
We've long said on Reboot Nation that not all porn addicts had "pre-existing issues" that drove them to use porn, but rather developed "issues" after chronically using porn through their adolescence. I have good news, more and more therapists are starting to catch up to reality and acknowledge that "opportunity addiction" is a real thing.

YourBrainOnPorn.com first wrote about this back in 2011 here: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ybop-articles-on-porn-addiction-porn-induced-problems/the-porn-debate/porn-addiction-is-not-sex-addiction-and-why-it-matters-2011/

Which also links to my video presentation for the 2015 Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health conference titled Porn Addiction is NOT Sex Addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9n-hs83AsY

Well known sexual addiction therapist Rob Weiss recently wrote this piece acknowledging this new type of addict. This is great news that more and more therapists are realizing that porn can in fact cause problems, rather than porn use simply being the "symptom" of a pre-existing issue: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2018/12/digital-age-conditioned-porn-addiction-a-new-version-of-an-old-problem/

Keep truckin rebooters! Much love

5
Good to see well known sexual addiction therapist and author/speaker Rob Weiss acknowledge "opportunity addiction" as discussed above: https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2018/12/digital-age-conditioned-porn-addiction-a-new-version-of-an-old-problem/

6
@ hockey ref So glad you listened to the podcast and found us. Congrats on 17! One day at a time.. there is no pit too deep you can't climb out of. And everyone here is either in the trenches or was at one point.

Glad to have you on the Nation. Not sure if you have yet, but here is a page with all my videos on advice and information we've learned about "rebooting" that you may find helpful: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaEqbNJURD6ChROqueUdNuA/videos

Hope the best for you! Much love


7
One important topic Rob is interested in helping spread the word about is the ways in which porn addicts differ from sex addicts. I made a video with some of the main points to consider when differentiating the two. Yes, both sex addiction and porn addiction fall under the diagnosis Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder, as they are both sexual, but Porn Addiction is Not Sex Addiction. Here is the vid I made for the annual Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health conference explaining this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9n-hs83AsY

8
Thanks Gracie! I appreciate you as well and all you've done for Reboot Nation! I wouldn't be able to focus on raising awareness without your help on the forum = )

9
What Up Nation!?

My homies over at Fight the New Drug let me share my story with them, in hopes of raising awareness on porn's potential negative effects. They are passionate about pointing people to love, rather than pursuing pixels on a screen that can never love you back.

Short 2 min video: https://fightthenewdrug.org/media/gabe-deem-story-reboot-nation/

Also... they just released a 3 part documentary that I highly recommend checking out. You can view it for free for the rest of November here: https://brainheartworld.org

Much love

10
People have had wet dreams long before gyms existed. Don't worry about wet dreams. They are natural, and will not keep you from recovering. Here is a video I made on the topic: https://youtu.be/092UH6e0BWA

11
Hey Nation,

I was recently interviewed by Robert Weiss for his podcast Sex, Love, and Addiction 101. I found it to be a productive conversation and he is really interested in bringing more awareness and help to the reboot community. He has been a mainstream voice around sexual addiction for a long time, and it was great to finally share some of the main points surrounding the topic of rebooting and how a new generation of addicts do not always have pre-existing issues that drove them to porn, but rather had unlimited access and chronically used a supernormal stimulus and then developed issues.

If interested, give it a listen: https://sexandrelationshiphealing.com/blog/a-new-generation-of-education-and-hope-with-gabe-deem-of-reboot-nation/

Much love

12
Porn Addiction / Re: Do you need to quit technology to recover??
« on: September 06, 2018, 02:08:41 PM »
@DeppressedAndOut
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Do you need to quit technology to recover??

No. But do whatever you feel you need to do. If that means staying away from tech temporarily, or for an extended period of time, then do it. I recovered using technology the entire time (besides a few weekends where I did unplug and read books. A temporary time unplugged from the internet is a good idea). So have countless others. Getting educated online, reading forums, watching education YouTube vids, messaging others in recovery, were all a huge and helpful part of my, and many others, recovery.

You want to avoid any behavior that may reinforce addiction pathways in your brain, namely, the seeking and searching of artificial stimulation.

Read this FAQ for the best practical advice on this topic: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/what-stimuli-must-i-avoid-during-my-reboot-did-i-relapse

Hope that helps.

13
Porn Addiction / LCAP Conference in Austin, Texas Sep 14th
« on: August 30, 2018, 09:46:13 AM »
Hey Nation!

You or anyone you know in the Austin, TX area... come check out this awesome event I'll be speaking at Sep 14th! I'll be sharing my story and the science behind porn's potential impact. Also, there will be a break out session where anyone can ask questions.

Plz spread the word to anyone who may be interested in attending. It's quick, extremely informative, affordable (tickets are $25, that's only 3 Chipotle bowls..) and I'd love to meet some of yall! Check out the site Lonestarco.org - register and I'll see y'all there : )

https://www.lonestarco.org

Much love


14
Porn Addiction / Re: 12000 warriors
« on: July 06, 2018, 10:10:04 AM »
Great points Sender! We are doing everything we can to change #2. And each and every post from members here helps. Keep truckin.

15
Porn Addiction / Inappropriate Private Messages
« on: May 24, 2018, 09:19:46 AM »
Hey Nation! It has repeatedly been brought to my attention that some of you are getting inappropriate and offensive personal messages. Myself and the mods have done our best to remove any members who engage in this behavior and we will continue to do so with your help. Please continue to let us know if you get odd/inappropriate messages, and we will continue to take action accordingly.

The only way to stop this behavior before it happens, rather than reacting to it after the fact would be to make new members have to comment a couple times before unlocking private message privileges. This is not something I want to do, as many people sign up who just want to ask a quick question about recovery, or desperately need help, or journalist/producers who want to quickly connect for a story.

If you have any thoughts or suggestions on the matter please comment. I hope everyone has a great day!

Keep truckin' and Much Love.

16
Porn Addiction / Re: PE Caused by PIED
« on: April 16, 2018, 10:06:39 PM »
Erection Quality

17
Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Re: heads up ladies
« on: April 16, 2018, 09:49:32 AM »
Can you PM me message and member name?

18
Porn Addiction / Re: Yourbrainrebalanced down?
« on: April 16, 2018, 07:11:50 AM »
It was briefly down yesterday but is back up and running.

19
@Bubble10
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Should I just stop caring if I happen to look at something arousing

Yes. Avoid the behavior of seeking and searching for material to be aroused by, and take the "I can appreciate beauty", and the "oh well" approach if you do in fact see something that would arouse you. Reinforcing the neurological wiring for seeking & searching for content, then conciously choosing to be aroused by said content, is what you want to avoid. Stumbling across something that may or may not arouse you is called living life.

I "stumbled" across many images during my recovery and at times over thought things like "oh no, did that just reinforce my porn pathways?!!," but over time, I recovered just fine and can handle whatever life throws my way in our pornified culture.

Don't think of just porn being the problem, think of the behavior of intentionally seeking out porn to arouse yourself as the problem. Stumbling across an image or watching a movie with a sex scene is not the problem.

That's just my advice of how to think about it. It has helped me tremendously in my ability to not overthink things. Hope that helps.

20
Welcome to the Nation @Zoltan,

If you haven't already, I'd encourage you to check out our vids on YouTube to help get you started. This one goes over the basics of rebooting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4yx4ouxGbQ&t

And the others have advice and answer some FAQ's so skim through those as well. Hope the best for you! It's never a bad idea to go to a doctor and I'd encourage you to do that if you're unsure if it is pied or not. If you can get an erection to porn though, it seems the pipes are working just fine. Here is a quick vid on that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltIjTeDKIh4&t

Much love


21
Success Stories / Re: Need Motivation? Hear Me Out! Short and Sweet
« on: March 28, 2018, 09:23:40 AM »
@Icandothis1102
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After you completely recovered, were you getting rock hard, 10/10 erections on a consistent basis (when aroused/having sex)?

Yes. After the 9 month mark. I was cautious for another half a year and tried not to have tons of orgasms, and spaced them out for a while. And I continued to feel mental benefits for up to 2 years.


@Jimthejones
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do you watch tv now?

Yes. Usually just shows on Netflix with my girlfriend, or the occasional big sports game.

@mike510
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I'm thinking because I haven't had sex in a long time..what are some ways or tips to get rid of premature ejaculation?

My advice would be to have slow gentle sex, without the end goal of orgasm in mind. This type of sex is called Karezza and you can google it to read up on it. I found this helpful to me in combating post reboot premature ejaculation. Conditioning your arousal to "take things slow" tends to be helpful to rebooters struggling with this. Also, intense exercise and meditation often times are helpful for PE, if you're not already doing those I'd start regularly including them in your daily routine.

@Iwillbeatit
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I just want to know after orgasm i have been facing flatline and still making progress or I am back to day 1?

Of course you're still making progress, and no, you're not back at day 1. Avoiding artificial sexual stimulation is the goal, and rewiring to a real partner, which is what you did. Experiencing a "flatline" is common after orgasm during the reboot, I experienced this as well from months 6-9 in my reboot. My advice is to space out your orgasms (not necessarily eliminate) and read this article and listen to the advice in contains within: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/porn-recovery-and-mysterious-flatline

In the end you're going to have to decide what is best for you and experiment based on how you feel. Remember, as long as you're not reinforcing the arousal pathways to pixels on a screen or any artificial stimulation, you're progressing through recovery. Hope the best for you. Much love and keep truckin.

22
Porn Addiction / Re: Withdrawal/insomnia is real
« on: March 28, 2018, 09:13:12 AM »
@Jz15
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I'd like to reply only from respect that I've lost count on how many times I've watched, it along with every available video from you and Noah....can't believe how much you guys have helped me and all of us here...

So awesome to hear that they've been helpful man. Hearing this keeps me motivated to keep doing what I can. I'm working on a vid right now that will explain addiction and porn's potential impact to kids 10 to 13 ish. Be on the lookout this weekend for it and pass it along to any parents you may know who would be interested = )

Again, thanks for commenting. I hope the best for you and much love!

23
Read this FAQ for info and advice on fantasy during a reboot: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/what-about-fantasizing-during-reboot

Hope you find it helpful. Much love

24
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I struggle to get erections when I am standing up

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I have tried and have been able to masturbate to porn standing up but is difficult without

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I find that if I stop stimulation I lose the erection quicker than with porn

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I'm pretty sure I have a mild form of pied

I'd agree it sounds like it. A reboot could never hurt to try. You're 20 years old you shouldn't lose your erection with partners in the middle of sex.

Congrats on one month. Keep truckin and I hope the best for you. Much love

25
Porn Addiction / Re: Withdrawal/insomnia is real
« on: March 28, 2018, 07:35:26 AM »
Could be Post Acute Withdrawal Symptoms (PAWS) or could be normal life stresses. Check out our withdrawal video if you haven't. You may find it helpful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxtQq0jBncc&t

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