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Messages - Orbiter

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Ages 30-39 / Re: Orbiters Journal of Recovery
« on: July 09, 2020, 10:33:30 PM »
Today it feels like the fog I have been in throughout my break and since my last few relapses is finally beginning to dissipate. Due to statewide stay at home orders, I have been focusing on my creative projects and matters around the house. I shall use both and the time to reflect to keep me occupied until I am back at work, it will be interesting to see how the current situation affects it.

So far today i've had some faint, fleeting urges which were quickly and easy to dismiss and ignore. Mood and libido are overall flat in the way it has been for much of the last two months.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Heavy addicts small victories
« on: July 09, 2020, 10:28:51 PM »
Hi KittyHawk,

It's been awhile and I can only hope you're focusing on other areas of your life and not stuck in a downward spiral. Feel free to keep us posted if you feel the need.

We're still rooting for you!

Noticed it's been awhile by your (admittedly high) standards since you last posted. Everything going ok I hope?

Looking forward to an update soon.

Ages 30-39 / Re: A Better Tomorrow
« on: July 09, 2020, 10:24:41 PM »
At this many days in, remember you're more or less in the eye of the storm with urges & withdrawals. Sounds like you've got it under control so keep doing what you're doing and make sure to keep occupied but not push yourself too hard through this tricky period.

Keep up the great work!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: July 09, 2020, 10:22:32 PM »
By my calculations, that means that as I post this, you'll be almost there metal! It's good to have company and support through these times of isolation and uncertainty. Though company and support from others can only be given to us when we open ourselves to it so kudos to you for continuing to do so. From the way you write of it, it sounds like you and your wife have become much closer through the hardships and events of the last few months yes?

Ages 30-39 / Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
« on: July 09, 2020, 10:17:40 PM »
Stay strong Babysteps, keep on moving!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rebooting trough self-parenting
« on: July 09, 2020, 10:17:01 PM »
Sounds like the hike was a nice adventure and could be a welcome new addition to your lifestyle. Kudos to you for breaking the cycle, going out and actually following through with it. I know how you feel with the spine difficulties, I have some mild back issues too. Exercise and being active definitely helps so be sure to stick with it.

Letting the reboot sit on the backburner doing it's work in the background is definitely the way to go with this process I feel. I noticed though you said you're logging your P exposure, does that mean you're still periodically looking at it?

Ages 30-39 / Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« on: July 09, 2020, 10:12:12 PM »
Ugh I hate those dreams. Be sure to stay focused and occupied and you'll soon begin to forget about it. You're doing great and I wouldn't want to see you make the same mistake I did on my last 'long' streak.

How's life in general going? Any progress on the self improvement front or are you waiting to get into a clearer frame of mind?

Ages 30-39 / Re: Orbiters Journal of Recovery
« on: July 07, 2020, 05:24:50 PM »
So it looks like due to Covid restrictions, I won't be able to leave my city for my holiday and everythings returning back to lockdown which is disappointing to say the least. The accomodation won't refund my booking either which is frustrating considering I booked it less than 12 hours before lockdown returned. No idea how this will affect work or anything else at the moment but at least I still have my health (so far) right?

Over the last two or so days. I feel like i've been in a very strange place & mood. Neither good nor bad, just sort of empty & vacant. Perhaps it's the exhaustion? Or maybe just all the events of this year catching up with me now I don't have work as a distraction. Not sure what to write or think of at the moment but at least i'm staying clean and trying to stay busy.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Peace through living
« on: July 06, 2020, 07:55:27 AM »
Welcome to the forum Frergstroh!

It sounds like you're off to a great start and you've made some valuable insights already. One thing that I feel is very important to re-iterate in a discussion like this is, although it is important to understand underlying causes for our addiction, identifying fetishes too much with a part of your personality, your upbringing or identity gives them a power that over you that they should not have.

Though there may be an aspect of your personality that makes you more prone to enjoying them over other specific fetishes. Most of us would not have any of these fetishes were it not for the desensitisation effects and escalating of our PMO habit. Reflect on it but don't over think it too much, these fetishes are a symptom of our addiction and they'll weaken the more we stay away.

Keep up the good work & stay strong!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rebooting trough self-parenting
« on: July 06, 2020, 07:43:42 AM »
Sounds like you've got quite the solid plan there for some meaningful self-development during your time off. 9 weeks is almost the perfect time too and i'm honestly a little bit jealous.

Make sure not to be too hard on yourself or too 'all or nothing' while doing so. Setting yourself up to fail in such a way is a common road to relapse I have walked many times. If you can bend, you will never break

Looking forward to hearing of the progress with your new routine.

Ages 30-39 / Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« on: July 06, 2020, 07:34:06 AM »
I don't think there's a single person on this forum who doesn't relate to everything you just said. I certainly know I do. All I know is that it only gets better by starving the addiction of what it wants and day clean by day clean, that's exactly what we're doing.

And yes, it's so insane the way this addiction can just hijack our sexuality like that. These days I view real tactile sexual experiences (even solo ones) and the weird, harsh, artificial novelty stimulus and escalation of PMO as two completely different things. I've known this on varying levels throughout all the years i've been attempting to beat this addiction but i've only truly appreciated this since my most recent relationship where I really had to understand and accept this harsh & horrible reality.

I still struggle with thoughts and flashbacks myself. My strategies to manage them revolve mostly around avoiding them to begin with. It's hard to stop the slide once triggered but the less we PMO, the easier it gets.

As Icandoit said, starve the addiction. Keep up the good work!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Orbiters Journal of Recovery
« on: July 06, 2020, 07:22:06 AM »
All very valuable observations. Thanks guys!

Imsorry - I think the worst part of the chaser urges is not even how strong they are but how DECEPTIVE they can be. All of my relapses over the last two months were already happening before I even realised it. It can be difficult sometimes when you're busy and dealing with other things in life to check yourself and stay aware. Saying that, you're right in that it does pass if you stay vigilant for the first week after. Those first seven or eight days are the ones to be on high alert, realising this has made things easier, knowing that there's some light at the end of the tunnel after.

Icandoit - Yeah MO is a no-go for me as well. I actually tried MOing every day while rebooting a few months or so back to see if it worked once and for all. The PMO urges were still just as strong and the withdrawals were the same, the only difference was I felt far more tired and the chaser effect you mentioned was ever present. I wound up relapsing at the usual 5-7 day mark I was stuck in. No positive difference whatsoever for me. It may be different for others but I know it doesn't work for me.

Shade - It's only been a few days so far but it has been good. Lots of creative work and small goals in that area have been completed already. I'm planning to go away to the country for a couple of nights to break out of my routine and spend some time in a different environment. I booked the hotel just now and i'm really looking forward to it. Hooray for holidays!

That about sums things up at the moment. It's day 4 I guess and urges are tricky but mild. Still dealing with that brain-foggy, seedy, crappy feeling after PMO-ing too frequently. With that said, I feel like I am getting myself back on track at last and clear-headed enough to know nothing PMO related is tempting or good for me in any way.

Hope you are all doing well. I'll keep you all updated.

Hi Shade,

Good job avoiding the chaser effect. One MO is not the end of the world but on day 7 might be a bit early for it. I don't know about but I have found MO often does very little in easing urges and at worst makes them worse. Good to hear you've still been able to make some quality time with Mrs Shade despite your recent physical & emotional periods of exhaustion.

What was the three mindfulness moments about again? You've probably explained them in your journal before but I can't remember.

You're going strong again Shade, keep it up!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Lets do this.
« on: July 04, 2020, 09:29:03 PM »
Welcome to the forum! Sounds like you're starting with a solid foundation, goal & reason to do this.

Good luck with the start of your journey. Let's do this letsdothis!

Ages 30-39 / Re: My journal, my friend
« on: July 04, 2020, 09:26:18 PM »
Some fascinating reading regarding impulse control. I think a lot about the age we live in, particularly with the prevalence of the internet in our lives, the continual streaming nature of information and media that hours can disappear into (tv shows, music, news, videos and yes, PMO) has over time lead to a global loss in impulse control that explain many aspects of the state of our lives and why the world today is in the state it's in.

I think there's a correllation between loss in impulse control in addicted mind obviously, but there's also the problem of instant, cheap & easy gratification that can be found throughout modern life. Addict or not, it's probably something we should all be wary and vigilant of in our day to day lives.

Anyway keep us up to date on how everythings going. I'm looking forward to reading of the next step in your journey.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting over with a journal after 4 years...
« on: July 04, 2020, 02:22:56 AM »
Hi Metal, sorry to hear of your recent difficulties with being confined to home quarantine. It must be tricky being in a situation where boredom and the stress of COVID is ever present. I'm sure you have already but if you haven't, do make sure to thing of things that can occupy you throughout these times.

Wishing you and your family all the best wishes & good health.

Ages 30-39 / Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« on: July 04, 2020, 02:16:35 AM »
Hey Icandoit

I've little to add here that hasn't already been articulately put by Shade and Jixu but I think you're making more progress than you think. Think of it like exercise as a gradual strengthening of your resolve each day clean. And be wary of overly negative self-talk as well, sometimes it can be about realities that need to faced & discussed but other times it can be our addictive brains laying the groundwork to give up and relapse.

Keep climbing the mountain!

Sounds like a lot of good decisions have been made both with your wife, work and getting back into the right mindset to stay away from the PMO. The necessary focus of working in the office might be in someways beneficial as you will spend a good amount of the week away from all the environmental & situational triggers at home.

Lots of positives indeed, it's great to hear.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Orbiters Journal of Recovery
« on: July 04, 2020, 02:05:49 AM »
Hi Shade,

I think i'm struggling with my resolve to stay away after relapsing yes. Exhaustion, particularly from work, has been playing a big part in that. The other thing would be that to an extent I have been losing focus of my goals (the financial goals, personal & health stuff, creative pursuits etc) that I had set myself back in May. The good news is I am on leave from work for a week and I have a lot of time now to get things back on track.

It's crazy how much harder life is when relapsing on even a weekly basis. That alone is a strong motivator to get things back on track I feel.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Orbiters Journal of Recovery
« on: July 02, 2020, 06:39:10 AM »
Totally right Icandoit. Unfortunately I relapsed again.

Must break the cycle...

Ages 30-39 / Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« on: June 30, 2020, 07:34:20 AM »
Me too Icandoit. As long as we exercise some reasonable caution, I think the break will be beneficial.

Keep up the good work Icandoit. You're going great!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Orbiters Journal of Recovery
« on: June 30, 2020, 07:30:38 AM »
Another short entry for another busy day. I'm doing okay though. I hope everyone else is too.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Heavy addicts small victories
« on: June 29, 2020, 07:58:00 AM »
Hey KittyHawk, how's everything going? It's been a few days since, hope you're doing okay out there at the moment.

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