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Messages - PresidentCoolidge

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I made my girlfriend cum. Ive never done that in my life! Stick to the plan fellas, its worth it.  ::) Man Im tired.

Im gonna stop for good. You guys are right. I dont know why I keep telling myself a little is okay. Theres nothing that porn offers me. I'm in a great relationship and this girl is all I need.

I have to apologize. I did not mean to promote the use of pornography with that post. Anybody on this forum who truly believes they suffer from porn induced ED, I highly recommend that you stop. I discovered the concept of rebooting in February or 2013 and along the way, I realized that there were many causes to my ED. Drugs, depression, anxiety, not being attracted to the girls I was with, being unhealthy and (of course) porn. However, I believe that it wasn't that I was using porn PERIOD, but rather that I was using it EXCESSIVELY (everyday, sometimes multiple times.)

But that is just my own personal experience. I'm not trying to promote pornography and I would recommend that everybody on here stay away from it. All I'm saying is that when I (emphasis on the word 'I') use porn on occasion, it doesn't have the same negative effects it had when I was using it everyday.     

Every once in awhile. Yeah.  :P

This weekend I celebrated Halloween with a girl Ive been seeing. I came twice from vaginal and oral. I later asked if she would be my girlfriend and she said yes. And to think that 2.5 years ago I couldnt get it up. I think the main thing that has helped me is being mindful of how much porn I watch, staying healthy and finding the right girl.

Im so stoked!

Let me make it clear. I think that we should all strive to leave porn behind. However, I think that we should not beat ourselves up if we relapse. The best thing is to learn from it and move on.

Ideally, I would like to stop using porn completely because I find it childish. But Ive noticed that when I slip up every once in awhile, theres really no side effects,  as long as I dont binge. But thats just my own opinion based off what I experienced.

I was thinking recently about when I really started to get a handle on this problem, and I noticed that a major contributor to my success has been my attitude. When I thought I was an addict I felt ashamed and helpless. When Igot cravings, I would give in and relapse thinking I was unable to control myself. Also, when I would relapse Id feel so ashamed and start binging because I thought there was no point in trying anymore.

All of that has changed. Now I just think of porn as something that is immature, superficial and a waste of time. I dont think of it as an addiction but rather a childish habit that is unproductive. Also, if I ever do relapse (which is very rare) I dont feel shame. I think, "so I slipped. Big deal, youre human. Learn from it and keep yourself from binging."

I would keep staying away from porn and give jerking off a rest. Have you ever had sex? That's the only way to know if you truly have PIED. Don't worry that you haven't gotten erections from looking at girls. Watching porn tricks us into thinking arousal comes only from visual stimulation. Real sex involves so many different types of stimulation (touch, smell, anticipation, looking into each other's eyes.)

If you only used porn for five months then you're probably experiencing mild forms of withdrawal. How often did you use it?

I'm sorry that you are going through this with your husband. As far as getting him to understand that he has a problem, I have no idea how to help. I was lucky enough to catch this at a young age, but I could see how it would be devastating if it took a toll on a marriage. All I can say is show him all of the information that is out there and that if he truly loves you, he will take everything you tell him into consideration.

My opinion is that he needs to stay away from porn forever. Addiction lasts a lifetime. Even after years of being sober and weaking the addiction-related circuits, an addict can still feel intense cravings when introduced to triggers. So, what might seem like an "occasional" use might easily turn into binging and repeating the same behavior that got him to where he is now. The majority of people who have recovered from porn-induced ED have stayed away from porn completely. Also, there's no telling what just one porn-viewing session can do to a man's long-term libido if he already has PIED.

If he decides to do the right thing, don't put pressure on him to perform right away. Give him time to adjust and rewire. Spend time romancing, kissing, cuddling, massaging, etc. Everything will be all right. You'll get through this. Just remember why you're doing this in the first place, because you love him. 

I would like to hear this guy's explanation for such an enormous increase in ED cases among young men.

"Edging" is only an issue when you're using porn. It's porn that elevates the dopamine for extended periods. I would suggest that anybody who masturbates should take their time and train themselves to control ejaculation, which can make you a better lover. Dont just rub one out in ten seconds flat.

Hey guys. For those of you wondering what the difference between healthy masturbation and unhealthy masturbation techniques were, I thought I'd give you a few guidelines. Remember, this is just advice, so feel free to take it or leave it, or send me your feedback.

1.) REDUCE/CONTROL EJACULTION FREQUENCY. This is not only true for guys rebooting/recovering from PIED, but ancient Chinese texts on love-making have emphasized the importance of semen-retention and controling how often a man ejaculates, especially as a man gets older. It's important to note that it is possible to have an orgasm without ejaculating, so this doesn't mean that you still can't orgasm or masturbate regularly if you decide to cut back on ejaculation. Also, there is no magic number for me to give you. Everybody is different. We are all different ages, have different past histories with porn, etc. To get a more detailed description on this, I recommend The Tao of Love and Sex.

2.) DON'T USE PORN. Porn use conditions our brain's sexual arousal pathways to completely rely on 2 dimensional visual stimulation, constant novelty and constant clicking. Porn teaches us to rely on certain sexual cues which are impractical for sex with a real person. When you do masturbate, use it as an opportunity to condition your brain to the sexual cues associated with real sex. Imagine real girls, what you would do to them, what you would want them to do, what they smell like, how they would feel, etc. If you find yourself re-imagining porn scenes as you're doing this, you need to stop and give yourself a longer break. Additionally, you need to ease yourself into masturbation and use it sparingly.

3.) POSITION YOURSELF IN A WAY THAT WOULD SIMULATE SEX. Part of the problem with our PMO habits, is that we get so used to sitting upright in a chair, in front of a computer screen, that when we're laying in bed with a girl, our brain goes "this is unfamiliar! This isn't sex!" Think of a position you would like to be in with a girl and use that. My guess is that you wouldn't be fucking her while sitting in your computer chair, most of the time.

4.) TAKE YOUR TIME. I've personally experienced premature ejaculation many times and I would attribute it to my porn-viewing and masturbation habits. I used to watch porn with the intention of finding the "right scene" that I could finish as fast as I could and get it over with. This trains the brain to want to cum as soon as possible. I have literally stuck my penis into a woman and cum in less than a second. That is something that you NEVER want to experience. LOL! Taking your time allows you to become a better lover by holding off on ejaculating and it can allow you to potentially learn how to have multiple orgasms, as a man. Better yet, don't even think of cumming as your ultimate goal when you have sex or masturbate. It's better to think of sex or masturbation as an experience to enjoy in the moment without worrying about having a finish line to cross. 

So that's my two cents. Let me know what you think. 

If you're having sex 3/8 of the time, it sounds like you're making progress. How long have you been away from porn and masturbation? It might take awhile of abstinence to get back to normal, plus you need to adjust to real sex (also known as rewiring) given that you dont have much sexual experience. As far as the performance anxiety, all I can say is relax and dont worry about getting an erection. Just go slow with her and be sensual. If you really are having trouble then it might help to see a sex therapist.

The way I practice meditation is by being mindful of the present moment. From my experience, the two types of thinking that prevent us from being happy or accomplising goals is 1) worrying about the future and 2) regretting the past. When you meditate, you're essentially training your mind to ignore those negative thoughts and be completely content with the present.

The more and more you do this, the more it will transfer over into your daily life. It almost feels like a drug; you will want to accomplish your goals, you will be more focused, you will be more patient with people.

What I do is I start by sitting in a room where there is no noise or distracting sounds. You want to wear loose, comfortable clothing. Try to relax every muscle in your body other than the ones keeping you in the upright sitting position. Rest your back on a wall to remain upright. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing. As you exhale slowly, recite a mantra or some kind of a positive saying (i.e. "I'm happy with my life.") As you focus on your breathing and the mantra, let all your worries and fears melt away...

Goffredo, it sounds like youre just overcoming anxiety about being with a new partner. Just try and relax when youreabout to fuck and don't worry about whether or not you'll "perform".

Hey guys. It's been awhile since I've posted because I fell on some hard times and began relapsing. I felt the need to make some progress before I posted so that you guys could take me seriously. I'm at 3 weeks of no MO or PMO.

Anyways, the hard times I mentioned include spending 6 months at a job I hated and was not cut out for and, after subjecting myself to all the stress, I was fired by my dick boss. But it's not all bad because I've been spending the time to read a shitload of books, practice my songs on the piano, exercise and, of course, get back on track with my reboot. During this time, I've had an epiphany.

I've struggled to explain to people why they should give up masturbating, in addition to porn, if they've struggled with this addiction. People say, "if porn is the problem and masturbation is healthy, why can't I continue to masturbate?" Several reasons that I have discovered from the information on YBOP and from my own experience.

First off, pretty much every successful rebooter had to give up masturbation for a period of time to return back to normal. There isn't a great explanation for this, but that's what the anecdotal evidence tells us. Secondly, I've noticed that it is very hard to MO without fantasizing about porn, even after as much as nine months of no orgasm! The problem with this is that fantasizing about porn and watching it are really the same thing. Porn is a unique type of addiction because it's the only one that can be accessed through our memory. So, while masturbation is perfectly healthy and natural, when used sparingly, the problem lies with the fact that our brains' have trouble distinguishing between masturbation and porn.

The best analogy I can give is this: addiction counselors tell cocaine addicts to give up alcohol as well as their drug of choice. This does not mean that alcohol is their primary problem, or that alcohol cannot be healthy when used in moderation. The problem is how the addict's brain perceives alcohol. Not only do addicts who continue drinking try to substitute their addiction with MORE alcohol, but many of them have extreme difficulty avoiding the temptation to use cocaine after they drink.

So, think of masturbation as alcohol and porn as cocaine. It's not masturbation that is the problem, but rather the way our brains' perceive masturbation through years of watching porn. I hope this is helpful.

"Morning wood" is a deceiving term. Healthy men get spontaneous erections during REM sleep about 3-5 times a night, on average. Morning wood is simply the result of waking up during one of these erections. There's no need to worry about getting them during the night. It's supposed to happen bro. 

Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction/Delayed Ejaculation / Re: Cold Showers
« on: January 28, 2015, 04:04:02 PM »
Cold showers have been mentioned by many successful rebooters because they work. Whether you are rebooting or not, it can be a highly effective routine for having a more relaxed and badass outlook on life, like meditating. If you go to, you can find an interview that Gary did with a chemical engineer, who talks about the physiological and psychological benefits of cold showers. One of these benefits is dopamine receptor up-regulation. It doesn't necessarily cause a blast in dopamine, it just produces more receptors for your neurons to transmit the signal of dopamine faster. It can also make you more resilient to stress. Believe it or not, our body's have natural physiological processes that have evolved over millions of years to counteract cold water. This is because our ancestors bathed and swam in it (we haven't had central heating until about the last century and a half.) The idea is that you introduce stress into your life for ~5 minutes each morning and, overtime, your body and mind learn how to process it for long-term benefits. It's the opposite of addiction. With porn, you feel pleasure followed by pain. With cold showers, you feel pain followed by pleasure. There's plenty of other benefits like depression relief, weight loss, and increased energy.

Symptoms of flatline include, but are not limited to, low desire for sex, depression, agitation and shrunken penis. I remember during the worst flatline I ever had, back when I first started rebooting, I couldn't even get an erection when I watched porn. I just sat there watching it with a limp noodle in my hand going, "what the fuck?!" I also had some crazy mood swings and just a generally negative attitude.

It's only an issue if you are intentionally seeking the material to make yourself horny. If you come across it on accident, you just have to find a way to ignore the urges.

Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction/Delayed Ejaculation / Re: urges
« on: January 10, 2015, 05:09:01 PM »
You can work out or find some other way to clear your head that's healthy. There's also meditating.

I would just take it slow. Women are attracted to men who don't feel the need to rush into a commitment. Use the time of your reboot to give her space to allow her feelings to develop over time.

It's up to you whether or not you want to tell her about your problem, but it might be helpful as you can use the opportunity to rewire. You don't have to have sex. You can kiss, cuddle, fondle, all that shit. Also, if you can get hard you can try something called kareeza, where you have slow gentle intercourse without orgasm. This is one of the most effective ways to rewire.

I've asked the same question before on this forum. Technically, the answer is this; you should be able to masturbate with a full erection either from just the sensation alone or from fantasizing about real girls. If you can't get a full erection from either of those two scenarios then you either aren't horny or you just need more time to reboot. However, the problem is that guys who have wired their brains to high speed Internet porn, from a young age, have a very difficult time distinguishing between porn and masturbation. After nine months of no porn and no masturbation, I started introducing masturbation into my routine. At first, I was able to cum without any fantasy whatsoever. Before I knew it, I was starting to need fantasy. Ultimately porn flashbacks started creeping into my fantasies and this eventually led to me relapsing. I think the best thing for guys in our situation (guys who grew up jerking off to high speed Internet porn clips) is to give up masturbation. You don't need it...besides, giving up masturbation is a surefire way to giving up porn because if you vow to never masturbate, there's absolutely no reason to look at porn. You understand? 

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