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Messages - Reboot4good

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Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to Reboot for good
« on: July 03, 2020, 05:22:42 AM »
Day 120 no MO, day 5 no P. I’ve been doing the nightly meditating. It helps so much. There’s still a long road ahead but I know I can do it and drop P completely.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to Reboot for good
« on: June 30, 2020, 06:55:45 AM »
Day 117 No MO day 2 no P. I’m getting caught in a rut where I’m super disciplined but cave when the pressure builds after a few weeks or so. I can usually see it coming for a few days in advance and know it’s avoidable. Something I have been slacking on is daily meditation and accountability. I think I’m going to start there and commit to making the time. Also going to take a hard look at what I do and don’t need to use my phone for and potentially delete a bunch of apps. I’ve been turning to tech to relieve built up stress but that eventually leads me to P. It’s something I believe I can do if I just make it a real priority and make myself accountable. Going to post more here to be accountable.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to Reboot for good
« on: April 09, 2020, 08:13:04 AM »
Thanks for the encouragement! A few  days ago I fell back into more of the same. No MO but got triggered and it was too easy to open an app and browse around. It was super frustrating. I’ve since deleted the social media and streaming apps I struggled with and think that it’ll help with spur of the moment impulse control. I’m at day 3 no P day 41 no MO. Focusing back on my daily routine is helpful. So is limiting my time on tech. in general. I’m going to put my phone & computer away more often and spend undistracted time with family and on screen less projects and hobbies.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Reboot Start - Man age 35
« on: April 09, 2020, 08:02:11 AM »
It’s a tough fight but you’ll improve. We all will. Keeping the commitments we make is super meaningful. And good call re. Balancing avoiding an environment where you can slip super easily and having the internal change that removes the desire to slip. I need to do a better job on both of those things so your posts have helped me there.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to Reboot for good
« on: April 05, 2020, 08:40:26 AM »
Day 2 no P day 37 no MO. Just being honest and admitting  defeat the other day instead of trying to rationalize and justify was a powerful step in ‘righting the ship’ and getting momentum back. In the past when I‘ve prolonged admitting I had failed, it usually led to more and more fails of increasing severity. So I’m glad I didn’t devolve into more graphic P or an MO but still want to get to a state where I don’t look for any P so I can do a full reboot. Anything worthwhile takes hard work. If getting to a full reboot takes a lot of time and effort, it’s going to be that much more meaningful when I achieve it.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Reboot Start - Man age 35
« on: April 05, 2020, 08:28:07 AM »
Thanks for posting here. You can aren’t alone in your effort for self betterment. Let’s keep  at it with that hope that success is on the horizon... very appropriate for the upcoming Easter message. Something I’ve found in my life is that safeguards and filters and stuff like that can be destructive if I rely too much on them and there is always a way to bypass them if I get into the wrong mental state. Journaling, praying, meditating, studying, connecting, serving  and being accountable have created more sustainability for me. I definitely still have work to do though! So I’m not saying they don’t have a place in your recovery plan but ultimately it comes down to our personal desire and resolve to be better and work to improve ourselves and  build meaningful relationships. It’s a journey with ups and downs but the overall trend is improvement if we keep at it. Cheers to brighter days ahead!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to Reboot for good
« on: April 04, 2020, 11:10:50 AM »
Day 35 and then. I was feeling pretty triggered by overworking and some family stress + covid19 craziness that has totally messed with my daily routines.... and I browsed around on social media and non P movie sites that had some movies with explicit scenes. Because I was looking for glimpses of P and got a similar rush I am going to count it as a fail . So this is day 36 no MO day 1 no P.

As I ask myself what led up to this. I think it’s a combination of new triggers and just the withdrawal cravings that are inevitable. I’ve got to figure out a way to remain consistent in my resolve at day 30+. It’s easy when the remorse is fresh but harder as everything else in life kind of stabilizes and I feel on track.

I’m going to explore more books and documentaries (thanks for the recommendations!) and make a better effort to post more on here. Will also make a point to be more crisp on my schedule and daily routines including spiritual stuff. Let me know if you guys have any ideas.

Ages 30-39 / Re: My journal and start of my journey
« on: March 26, 2020, 09:34:29 PM »
Nice work man! Seems like sometimes the best thing is to remove self from the situation. So much easier said than done. Definitely meaningful to collect those victories. Keep it up!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to Reboot for good
« on: March 26, 2020, 09:32:29 PM »
Day 29 no PM.  The grind feels much more manageable right now. Seems like those waves of cravings are inevitable but they do subside and that’s encouraging. I’ve still got a ways to go but will say that overall I feel happier and more connected to wife and family compared to when I started this Journal. Absolutely worth it to stay away from PM but need to stay consistent to keep those good things going.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to Reboot for good
« on: March 23, 2020, 11:16:55 PM »
Day 27 no PMO. Was triggered and started to browse around on social media and read the content descriptions of some rated movies that have nudity or explicit scenes on streaming sites. All comes down to trying to get closer to looking at P without explicitly looking for it. So ridiculous how my brain tries to get me to justify just a little to give it a wiff that will lead to more and more. I knew what I was doing and stopped the cycle by looking for some content on the negative effects of P and by posting some on here. Going to focus on having a good attitude tomorrow. Anxiety from the negativity and uncertainty in the world right now is def. a trigger, so hopefully a positive outlook and can do’ attitude will help. If not, my backup plan is to watch some videos about the negative effects of P, success stories and reading forums like RN.

Ages 30-39 / Re: My journal and start of my journey
« on: March 23, 2020, 11:07:50 PM »
That’s a big step. Congrats and best of luck. You can definitely do this like so many others have. Sometimes quitting is a one and done, often it’s a drawn out process. For most, it seems like sustainable recovery requires identifying the triggers that make you want to look at  P and finding ways to deal with them more constructively. I look forward to watching  your success story unfold.  Cheers

Ages 20-29 / Re: Here to make a change
« on: March 23, 2020, 11:01:29 PM »
Hey man an idea is to figure out what her love languages are if you don’t already know.... acts of service, gifts etc... and make a list of things you can do that line up with what helps her feel loved and connected. Plan to do those things at some times when  you would normally be looking at porn. She’ll probably reciprocate and your relationship will get stronger.  It will definitely strengthen your connection with her and be more enduring than porn.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to Reboot for good
« on: March 23, 2020, 08:43:12 AM »
Day 26 no PM. The 20-30 day mark has been where I have really struggled in the past. Definitely feeling a stronger pull right now and am triggered pretty heavily by stuff on social media etc. Gotta ride this one out because I know life will be better without the artificial fix that comes from P. From there hopefully I’ll gain a little more longevity and stamina to stay away from P.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Free At Last
« on: March 14, 2020, 07:37:27 PM »
You can do this man, there are more fish in the sea and brighter days ahead!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to Reboot for good
« on: March 14, 2020, 07:33:43 PM »
Day 17 No PM

Doing well right now. Still triggered at times but have been trying to find better more meaningful things to occupy my time with. Reading the forum has helped a ton, even when I don’t have anything super valuable to contribute to a thread. I am pulling for everyone on here to succeed and find that reading about the struggles people are having reminds me why I am resolved to quit PMO + helps keep me committed.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Starting my reboot and need some support
« on: March 14, 2020, 07:28:33 PM »
We are in this together and I wish you the best. I look forward to watching your success story unfold. Keep the posts coming so we can all support each other. It’s early, but being active in this forum and my journal and other videos and success stories has definitely helped me maintain  that desire to leave PMO and that had made it easier to say no when triggered or to avoid triggering situations.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Quit a well balanced addiction for good
« on: March 10, 2020, 10:50:52 PM »
Man it’s super tough to change when you remain in an environment where the behaviors you are trying to leave behind can thrive. A huge step in the right direction is to start to cultivate a new environment that your old behaviors don’t jive with. New social groups & hobbies are a good start. Ha and there are plenty of ways to ”go and do stupid stuff” while sober, you just need the right crowd. This level of change is not easy but you can definitely do it.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to Reboot for good
« on: March 10, 2020, 10:34:01 PM »
Day 13

Facing a lot of triggers right now from some work and home related stressors. It’s tough and sometimes I feel like I’m white knuckling. I’m trying not to over work myself and to make time to meditate and to do constructive things like exercising and spending time with family and friends or working on projects to keep my mind focused away from the pull to PM. It comes in waves and I know I can ride it out, just need to tell myself that PM isn’t an option. It’s all part of the process to feel the pull to return to an easy dopamine fix during hard times. I’ve been taking time each morning praying/meditating and considering what positive things I should do that day. I am trying to write the top 3-5 things down and then make a point to do them. It’s super satisfying and provides a healthy dose of dopamine for me to check off that list and know I did meaningful stuff. Hopefully this will create some stronger neural pathways than PM as time goes on. Posting on here is kind of therapeutic as well.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to Reboot for good
« on: March 08, 2020, 10:08:54 PM »
Day 11 and doing pretty well. Had some really emotionally draining exchanges today where I restrained frustration and anger in the moment of the exchange but was left dwelling on them afterward. It helped some to take a walk and acknowledge the raw emotion. Some things I think you just have to move past and let time fix. In the past this type of thing would be a huge trigger to look at P. I still have resolve from the realizations that hit me a week and a half ago. Not through the woods yet on dispelling the negative emotion but trending in the right direction.

Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: March 06, 2020, 12:53:31 AM »
Thanks so much for the thread man. Your comment about feeling bad about yourself affecting how you treat others is soo true. I think we often project our own worst criticisms of ourself onto others as if they are saying those things about us. It’s clear your are are making gains and moving in the right direction. I think it is so important to love and be patient with the guy you see in the mirror. through the process. You have a vision of what you want to be and can and will become that if you hold onto that vision. Sometimes believing you can or can’t  do something creates a self fulfilling prophesy. The only way you’ll fail to become who you want to be is to stop trying. The only way you’ll stop trying is if you stop believing you can do it. That negative self talk is so toxic! You’re growth may not be linear but you got this. Look in the mirror and see the guy you will be, soak it in and love yourself because that’s who you are deep down, not some compilation of your temporary flaws and mistakes.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to Reboot for good
« on: March 06, 2020, 12:16:35 AM »
Day 8. Going strong. Was able to isolate some lies I was telling myself to bring me down about performance at work. Helped me curb a negative mood that would’ve put me more at risk of pm. Thanks for the book suggestion. Will definitely check it out! Honestly just being a part of this forum and having interactions with similar encouraging people is such a boost and strength builder for me. Thank you so much for the input.

Ages 30-39 / Time to Reboot for good
« on: March 05, 2020, 12:12:05 AM »
First post on here. Looking forward to many more. Day 7 no PM

I first saw p when I was a little kid and a friend showed me his parent’s video collection. Shortly after I learned to m. Inside I felt it was wrong but I was drawn to it. Throughout my teenage years, I frequently viewed p on the internet and via cable tv when I had the opportunity. In addition to satisfying teenage hormones and curiosity, it became a crutch I’d use to numb negative emotions.
The habit destroyed my self-confidence and made me feel more isolated. I definitely started to see people as objects and had a hard time connecting emotionally with others. Most of my relationships with others were selfish and hollow.
Eventually I made a decision to change and to quit cold turkey. It was difficult but so liberating. I had a handful of slipups as I left it behind but was able to leave it completely for several years. It took a lot of time to learn to develop relationships with people that weren’t superficial but I improved a lot and so did my overall happiness.

I wish I could say I never pm’d again but admit that I started to turn to it occasionally after I got married. I think it had a lot to do with a few things:

1.   Life becoming more complex & having increased stressors as a husband/father.
2.   Not having figured out the right way to consistently deal with negative emotions
3.   Increased accessibility with smartphones and our digital world full of triggers.

It’s been something that comes up every few weeks during times of high stress or strong negative emotions.

I’ve tried a lot of things to limit or curb my struggle and have had decent success mitigating but it kept coming down to if I got into the right emotional state, I would blow through any safeguard, filter or logical reasoning and look at p.

Recently I was browsing on a streaming site and ran into a documentary about the negative effects of p. I watched it and felt sick to my stomach listening to girls talk about how much they regretted being in p and kids who struggling with the extremes modern p has gone to and how it promotes violence, abuse & has distorted views of what sexuality should be. It made me feel deep down that there is no way to justify even a little p. I heard about and started to research it. Reading about the science behind p helped me better understand what I was up against. Combine that with the marital problems it can create (my wife hates it) and I have some strong motivators to quit completely. I want to be an example to my kids and don’t want to ever worry about them catching me looking at p. Or have p mess with their self image, especially my daughters. I also want the self-confidence to know that I’m in control of myself and can stick to commitments, even tough ones like leaving p behind forever.

My reboot plan is to do a better job of recognizing my emotional triggers and dealing with them in constructive ways. Mainly meditation/prayer, managing stressors, taking care of my physical health and taking meaningful constructive action in my life. I’m a Christian, so for me constructive action also means trying to do God's will and serve people. I think posting and reading posts on here will help me to stay on track. I also like that by posting I might be able to help others in addition to getting help & motivation from my fellow rebooters.

Cheers to all who read this & are in the thick of it themselves. Let's do this.

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