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Messages - ShadeTrenicin

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Day 7,

Man the urges are strong today! I'm struggling, but luckily I am at work.

Ages 40 and up / Re: quit for good
« on: August 13, 2020, 03:17:58 PM »
Hey Joe,

How's life on your end? It's been a while since you've posted here and I'm assuming that all is well.

wishing you the best

Ages 40 and up / Re: Nofap Consciousness II
« on: August 13, 2020, 03:14:35 PM »
No worries man,

We all know that you have these episodes on occasions so no worries about that.

I think it's empowering that you are battling the addiction and coming on here while also dealing with the psychotic episodes. Hats of to you!

Stay safe and stay strong Georgos!

Hey Buddy,

welcome to the forum. It sounds like you are specifically dealing with social media triggers. If you think you can manage without, would you dare to give up fb and Insta?

A lot of guys on here do a digital detox alongside or as part of beating the porn addiction. For a lot of guys on here a quick look at a model or attractive person on social media can be the trigger that ignites the urge to go an masturbate to porn. That's why a lot of guys give up social media.

If you ask yourself the question; would i really miss not having fb or Instagram? or Why am I on instagram and facebook, what do I really get out of it? does it bring me joy and does it make me feel a better human being?

Anyway, great that you've come to this forum, I hope to read more of your journey on here. Also, please read some other threads on here. You will find that you are not alone and also you can learn a lot from the experiences of the other guys on here

Good luck my friend, stay safe

Hey man,

I think what you say sounds plausible, but I would also forward this question to other users since I have not experienced it myself. But, i have read about it in other threads on here, so you are not alone :)

How are you doing overal? Yhis must be day 22/23 for you, correct? Besides the depression are you noticing other symptoms? Like less brain fog, change in boners, stuff like that? Back in July you mentioned trouble sleeping, is that still the case? ANd how are your urges/triggers coming along and are you able to manage them?

A lot of questions from my end haha. Let us know how you are doing:)

Keep strong, and keep safe

Ages 30-39 / Re: My journal, my friend
« on: August 13, 2020, 03:02:33 PM »
Hey =sorry

I do recognize the boner thing. I experienced it as something that happened when my brain began to shift sexual attraction from P more towards my wife. But I would also get boners on the weirdest moments, not even sexual ones but more like moments of love/intimacy/trust.

How are you feeling a couple of days after your shitty mood? You doing okay?

Ages 40 and up / Re: nofap journal
« on: August 13, 2020, 02:48:44 PM »
Hey Joel, how's things going in the UK? Heatwave still on? If all is right you should be having all sorts of crazy weather(rain and hail) as well? Let's hope so that you can have some proper sleep and be at your best again! I certainly also could use some sleep!

Keep strong and keep safe

Ages 40 and up / Re: Nofap Consciousness II
« on: August 13, 2020, 02:46:54 PM »
Hey Buddy,

You were pretty out of it yes, but that's ok! Welcome back!

How are you feeling, coming down to earth?

Ages 40 and up / Re: Is a 43 year addiction even possible to break?
« on: August 13, 2020, 02:46:08 PM »
Hey 43, welcome and you are not alone! You are among like minded spirits here!

If i may suggest; please read the post of a guy called UKGuy in the 'succes stories' section; He shares a great many tips and tricks that can help you beat this addiction.

Please keep on sharing your journey here and read some of the other threads on here, it will help you in feeling less alone as well as learning things that can help you.

Good luck and stay safe

Ages 20-29 / Re: My journal towards freedom
« on: August 13, 2020, 02:34:23 PM »
Hey Sanders,

congrats on hitting the 90+ days. Excellent achievement by you. How do you feel now that you've crossed this 'milestone'?

Take care my friend

Ages 30-39 / Re: Taking it seriously
« on: August 13, 2020, 02:30:53 PM »
Hey recovery00,

Sucks that you've got stress at work. But will the outcome of the project, albeit somewhat less fruitful, really determine your careerpath on a single instance? Or is it that you perceive it like that?

In any case, do you have any control over the potential of the project anymore? If not, would you be able to accept the outcome, no matter what it is?

I wish you good luck in dealing with this. With respect to PMO; do you foresee any extra difficulties in triggers / urges due to this stress and have you thought of counter measures?

Good luck my friend, I am rooting for you

Ages 30-39 / Re: A Better Tomorrow
« on: August 13, 2020, 02:27:39 PM »
Hi NewStart,

thanks for sharing the extension! This could be a real improvement for a lot of us on here! Many thanks!

So how have you've been since your last relapse 8 days ago? Have you been able to shake it off and get back on the horse? Your post was pretty profound, despite you mentioning your brain being a total haze. But what I noticed is that you do think that you deserve love and kindness. To me those are one of the most important aspects in beating this addiction. Loving yourself and granting yourself attention and love to me is fundamental to taking yourself serious in beating the addiction.

So how are you feeling about yourself 8 days after the relapse?

Let us know man!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Reboot
« on: August 13, 2020, 02:20:30 PM »
Hey TerribleSail,

Good to see you to continue posting on here :) ! I also like your positve/negative response. But maybe you can think of it as challenges in stead of negative. Struggling with getting urges from seeing a sex scene in a show is not negative at all, it is you who deems the struggle negative. But in reality its something that is difficult because it's something you are learning to fight against. If you ask yourself if you are glad that you are now struggling because it is a part of the reboot, would you not consider labeling it as positive? Struggling means fighting and that means that you are actively working on the problem!

So don't be to hard on yourself my friend, self love is an important aspect in the process!

Good luck and stay safe, I am rooting for you

Ages 30-39 / Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
« on: August 13, 2020, 06:42:20 AM »
Excellent approach BS! To me this is one of the most important things (and one that I also struggle with); self love!

Keep it up man!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Orbiters Journal of Recovery
« on: August 13, 2020, 03:45:16 AM »
Hey Orbiter,

I think it's wise to fully focus on getting rid of PMO for now and leave the smoking for what it is.As you said, beating P is already hard enough (I actually think quitting PMO is more difficult than cigarettes). And, once you have dealt with the P, you are perfectly capable of quiting smoking because you have all the experience of dealing with addiction.

Glad to see that working from home has brought you relieve. You could say that working from home could also induce stress since you spend more time on your own behind a screen and thus more chance of relapse. But in this case i'm happy to see that it has actually helped you!

Good luck my friend

Thanks for the support Orbiter! It's much appreciated!

Today is day 6 :)
Yesterday was ok i guess.. The heat wave is still very much present, sleepless nights are also still a thing. Had a nice quick chat with the Mrs. yesterday after we watch a documentary series and one of the episodes was about tantra.. At the start there were quite some suggestive images (not nudity) but suggestive enough so I told my wife that it triggered my urges. She was happy that I told her and we briefly talked about why I am doing hard mode again. It was a relief to talk about it and I noticed that afterwards I felt more relaxed and less tense.

So for today the program is heat, combined with more heat. But somehow i'm getting used to it. The phone routine while sleeping is still in place (YES!). The next step would be to detox myself from that device. I notice that when I am not feeling 100% at ease I immediately grab my phone (much like P) In fact my phone is a substitute for P in a way.

Edit; let's hope this heatwave is gone soon..Because when driving through the city I work in (it's a city with one of the bigger universities and so a lot of female students living there) I came across a body of water with a LOT of very nice looking girls who didnt even bother to sunbathe in their bikinis but just their thongs.. oh man.. luckily I was driving and could not pay a lot attention to them...

Thanks for reading guys!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
« on: August 12, 2020, 05:15:08 AM »
Great work BabySteps, how are you feeling about yourself right now?

Today is day 5 and i've noticed the urges coming back again. Already yesterday.
Sleep is still terrible, even with the ac unit blasting at full power. So the last couple of nights were not good. Therefore I have to be extra careful of relapsing since sleep deprivation and the loss of cognitive strengh (i.e. willpower) really cuts into my defenses.

Fortunately we both sleep downstairs so there is nowhere for me to go to to relapse, this already takes away the opportunity and with that a great deal of the automated mechanism. Phone is still far away from where I sleep.

Those night moments when there is no sleep is when all the other protective measures are sleeping aswell, you know that.

Very true words, thanks! To deal with the sleepless nights we've thrown the whole house upside down; we're both sleeping in the living room because that is where the airconditioning is lol. So we're both sleeping on  our mattresses in the living room in a nice 22 degrees celsius (beats the 30 degrees in the bedroom).. I am always hoping for steaming nights in the bedroom, but not like this lol

Urgewise I am doing okay-ish. Felt sluggish the whole day due to this thick moist blanket of unrelentless heat. Why is it that in commercial property the a/c is always serviced when needed the most? The office was almost unbearable so I went home a little early. We had some dinner, watched some tv and played with the new kitten. We've been talking about a kitten and now seemed like the perfect time because my wife is constantly home and we wanted to bring something positive in our lives to distract a little from the constant covid struggle. This seems to be working very well :)

I'm also thinking on where I want to be at the end of the year, but most importantly on the how of it. I've been on this forum for a nice 8 months now but I feel that I can do better. Not in a beat myself up kind of way but more like I think i have not grasped every opportunity to beat this addiction. So as indicated earlier I will now first focus on a single month. It may indeed seem like a mountain, but I've done it before and I know that I can do it. Lately there were  a lot of struggles and I've let them get the best of me. The easy thing would be to blame external influences like sleepless nights due to heat or stress or whatever and while those make it more difficult of course, in the end the true fight is within and how you deal with the setbacks or extra challenges. It is that wall of defense  that you see mentioned on here often. Because sleepless nights can most of the time be anticipated and because of that actions can be taken to make sure that there is no relapse.

So for me the how is staying on top of it. When I've scrolled back through this thread and also pondering about the past months I notice that I let my attention slip after a while. I get complacent. I allow the urges to creep back in and have not always fully committed to my own deviced 6PP. And the 6PP is not enough. The 6PP is great as a last defence but there should be more defensive walls in place. One of those is seeing the gradual build up towards a relapse. From my experience it is not a 'momentary' lapse but a sequence of events and choices in the days before the relapse. It is the recognition of that mechanism, getting insight in my own self-sabotaging behaviour before it reaches critical mass.

I will ponder some more on this.

Have a good one gentlemen

Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: August 10, 2020, 01:53:35 PM »
Hey Buddy, how are you doing? How was the trip with family to celebrate your birthday???

Ages 30-39 / Re: We can do it if we don't give up
« on: August 10, 2020, 10:40:43 AM »
Ok, Yes, It is very hard indeed. But you've identified this time as extra sensitive for relapse. Do you have any stategies / a plan for dealing with it?

From my experience if you just try to wait / sit it out and hope for the best it's very likely that a relapse will happen. You cannot simply will your urges or addiction away. You have to give your brain an alternative.

Is there something that you can do? clean out a closet or something? A task that can be done in a couple of hours that will also give you a good feeling about yourself when finished.

Good luck my friend

Ages 40 and up / Re: nofap journal
« on: August 10, 2020, 07:27:20 AM »
Hey Joel,

Sounds like a tough time, especially with the neighbour flaunting about. Something tells me she's not a 90 year old ;)
I do totally recognize the fuzzy brain due to the heatwave and because of it; bad sleep. Same here (and a lot of my collegues as well). What I do find is that simple tasks like clearing out a cabinet or organizing some folders is work that is not so bad to do with a fuzzy head.. It's not much but it's something and it will make you feel productive :)

Good luck being home alone and not looking out the window, you can do it!

Ages 30-39 / Re: Gaining control of Compulsive Masturbation
« on: August 09, 2020, 04:38:29 PM »
I second that. While I do understand the strategy of watching but not MO-ing i think that the pathways in our brains might still be activated. Maybe it will also cause a shift in preference. You might numb the cam girls pathway but open up a new pathway to another style of P.

Good luck the coming week my friend! Keep us updated

Ages 30-39 / Re: Reboot
« on: August 09, 2020, 04:37:00 PM »
Hey Buddy,

you've come to the right place! you've taken a great first step in recognizing that P has a negative influence on your life.

I look forward to reading more of your story on here. Also, please check out the other threads. You will find a lot of recognition and tips and tricks!

Good luck my friend

Ages 30-39 / Re: My journal, my friend
« on: August 09, 2020, 04:35:39 PM »
Hey sorry

Sounds like there is a lot going on. What you said about you wanting her to be the one to give you children, isn't that also your shitty mood talking? As you described, the beers, the bad food, the lack of sleep. That all does not contribute to a good sense of self and from my experience it can lead to pushing some things or some people away from you. Wasn't it at the time that you were not feeling good about yourself and therefore subconsciously not giving yourself enough love, that you were projecting this on your gf?

Excellent work in recognizing the possible triggers and chance of relapse. I think you did a very good job in recognizing your mood, state and what it could lead to. Still, this shows us how much of an influence our earlier choises have on us and also the lack of sleep.

Stay strong my friend

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