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Messages - Arthur2

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1
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: January 18, 2020, 01:53:36 PM »
Alright !

BIG UPDATE !

Here i am on day freaking 15 !
So happy to be here.
I would be on a month but 15 days ago i had a "crazy night" with 5 PMOs in one night.
So overall that is a month with one accident in the middle.

But now i am on day 15.

The reason why i stopped giving updates is because i was kinda tired to give updates and say ph i relapsed again. But i havent stopped the fight. Absolutly not.
I am on fire for quitting P, M, and O.
I am on hard mode btw.

Today is a very special day, and i am so happy to be on a decent streak because tomorrow i am going on a trip to the USA. I will be staying one week and half there. And there will be a ton of social interaction and meeting new people and old friends and family amd stuff. So i really needed to be on top of my world. Which i am quite nicely because i am on day 15.
And keeping this streak should not be too difficult while i am in the USA because my brain will be so focused on social interactions that it will have all the dopamine that it requires. I am pretty confident on this streak now.

I will update when i am back in my country, but i dont think that i will give daily updates any more. Because it could become quite repetitive for me. I have pretty much said it all in my previous posts.

I hope yall are doing good and have positive mindset, and i wish you all a good succes on your journey.
God bless the nofap movement.

2
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 25, 2019, 06:14:58 PM »
3

Relapsed and PMO 4 times in two days. 4 O's from wednesday morning to friday morning.
A pretty bad relapse because i spend a whole freakin night edging to P.
It seems like day 12 is a milestone that i cant get past.

(Of course i can but right now that is where i relapse all the time)

3
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 19, 2019, 12:03:11 PM »
Thank you Dod.

But today day 12 i feel exactly like i felt on my previous streaks at day 12 :

Extremely horny and very easily triggered.
So nothing has changed (why would it ?).

There is that threshold that has to be passed. The threshold of week 2.

I need to not think about it. That is when i think about it that i become triggered.

I feel very happy to be on day 12.

4
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 18, 2019, 03:46:17 PM »
Onze, onze, onze !
Onze onze onze onze onze onze onze onze onze, onze !
(Singing)

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaay : ELEVEN !

La la, la la ! La la la, la la. La, la la, la, la la la, la la, la la la la la la la, la la. La, la, la la, la la la, la la.

5
Ages 20-29 / Re: Last attempt to quite porn
« on: November 17, 2019, 03:35:00 PM »
Oooooh !

Yes me too i have lonelyness urges sometimes, when i want intimacy with a girl but i can t.

This time forgive me but i wont relapse along with you.

6
Ages 20-29 / Re: Last attempt to quite porn
« on: November 17, 2019, 12:07:22 PM »
Me too man ! So cool to be on the same day !

DO OR DIE !

7
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 17, 2019, 12:06:14 PM »
day 10

8
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 16, 2019, 07:59:32 PM »
Day9

9
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 15, 2019, 03:34:19 PM »
Yes, thank you Dod.

Day 8 now.

Yesterday i had a craving but i just dropped my phone downstairs and i went to bed and i was good to go. ;)

10
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 14, 2019, 05:03:23 PM »
Day 7

11
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 14, 2019, 06:56:03 AM »
Late update day6

12
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 12, 2019, 06:54:35 PM »
i wrote the above and it kinda sounds like i relapsed.
But no no no ! Dont worry guys, i am still strongly sailing on day 5.
I was just speaking in general.

13
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 12, 2019, 06:52:30 PM »
I am so tired of setbacks.
I really need to man up.
I know exactly what happens when i have cravings.
I know how to deal with them.
I know they happen and now i recognize them right away.
I just need to man up.

And above all, i know that inevitably them uges are coming, but even the slightest edging will make them more difficult to resist.

I really like how i became familiar with this little "background sound" so to speak of the constant craving.
My heart is kinda burning within my chest for porn. And that burning is incomfortable. It would cool off if i indulged.
Do you guys know what i mean ? The heart burning within you ? Probably like when you are in love with somebody. But i dont know. I dont think i ever really loved a girl. Because i have always been fapping. So how could i know real love ?
My heart burns tonight. And also my genitals burn. And the muscles of my butt and of my lower back. They want to move back and forth.
Everything want to indulge. But the burning of my heart is the most amazing of this. Kinda like if i was in love with porn. And when i think about an image that i love, my heart burns more.

I am curious to find out if i can fall in love with a real girl after recovery. Can i still love ? Can i discover, or rediscover love ?

This burning is like a sort of hunger that causes pain when unsatisfied.
And it so easy to satisfy it !
So easy. The most pleasant drug in the world is literally at hand.
Victory over this is like truly victory of the spirit over the flesh.
Or the victory of the man over the animal inside.

Even though i wouldnt take full credit for that victory if i managed to make it, but i would thank God and just say : i am so glad i got through it.
This i say : if i overcome this, it is a miracle and really a new life would open.

Lately i have been thinking about that again :

That basically, since puberty and me being able to be sexual, i have been fapping every day as a lifestyle. As something perfectly normal that i wasnt even thinking about doing.
I wasnt even interested in girls (and i was afraid of them) because it was so easy and convenient to fap instead of having the complications of a relationship.
I suppose this has also much hindered my social life in general. I have probably been a much more socially awkward person than i should have been.

No wonder it is so hard to quit.
I dont know, maybe 14 years of that.
It is unbelievable.
That would make me a whole new person.
I mean completly new.
An other life for free. A new world. A renewed adventure.
A new outlook on life.
My whole sexuality is fapping.
This is who i was. The old me.
I am a wanker ? Not anymore. Really.
Now i rely on God to help me. I dont want to appear arrogant and cocky and say : "i overcame that by my own power !"

To say the least, i am very enthusiastic about this journey.

14
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 12, 2019, 06:29:39 PM »
Alright. Day5

Earlier in the day i felt cravings but i didnt edge whatsoever.
I feel pretty satisfied of that.
But i want that glance at images right now.

I know what i need to do : not think about it.

Tomorrow should be easy, since i will sleep in the morning until 2pn, and then i ll drive until evening.

15
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 11, 2019, 04:55:17 PM »
day4

16
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 10, 2019, 07:10:05 PM »
Day3

Now i am waiting for the next tidalwave.

17
Ages 20-29 / Re: Last attempt to quite porn
« on: November 09, 2019, 11:26:22 PM »
Sometimes i get wet dreams... During the day.
And it is the hardest thing to resist, when my brain starts to go on sensual scenarios and i cant help but indulge in thoughts. Just indulging in thoughts ! It is horrible.

For me that is the real.monster i need to overcome.

Stay strong my friend.

18
Ages 20-29 / Re: Last attempt to quite porn
« on: November 09, 2019, 06:53:21 PM »
Yes sure, exercizing helps a lot.
Cheers.

19
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 09, 2019, 06:51:49 PM »
Day2

20
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 08, 2019, 06:00:47 PM »
Day1.
But i mean, at least 40 hours. So almost 2 days.

For me i just like to count when i have a full 24 hours day.

I relapsed just once (without P).
I fapped once.

21
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 06, 2019, 03:35:11 PM »
Day 2
I just forgat to update yesterday.

22
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 04, 2019, 11:24:00 PM »
It is kinda like : if i succesfully have a 10 day streak, it is because by chance i just didnt cross the path of that bully at school for 10 days.
But then each time he catches me he beats me up and i am helpless.
Very few times i was able to retaliate and keep him in check.
But i am gettin at it. I am gettin at it.

23
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 04, 2019, 11:17:34 PM »
i remember one specific time that i have succesfully controled and overcome an urge, and that was awesome, but most of the time i dont, and to be honest, my streaks are more "accidental" than voluntary.
That is to say, i add a 7 or 10 days when i happen to be too busy or just the urge doesnt come.

And dont get me wrong : those streaks are still good and an improvement compared to what i was doing before, but man when the big urge, the real urge comes, the monster, i cower and i get bullied.

That is it. I need to defeat that bully and become a grown man.

24
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 04, 2019, 11:11:41 PM »
Damn autopilot.

Actually i am almost never in control. As soon as i have an urge, i yield to it, and either i will edge or will fap because autopilot takes over.

But yes i know i can win this.
Thank you.
So back to day 0.
I will count day 1 only when i have completed a full 24 hours.


What happened is basically i was lying in my bed after my night shift, and i couldnt fall asleep, and i started thinking about S.
I spend the next two hours trying to not think about it and fall asleep, but i couldnt.
And eventually i was so pissed that i just decided to watch a little bit of porn to placate the cravings.

I am insane.

I am literaly insane.

By the definition of insanity, which is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

But far from discouraging me, this experience i find it very interresting, because one part of my brain knows those things and doesnt want to watch P (that is why after the session i added a new website to my friend the cold turkey website blocker) and another part of my brain is that of an insane animal.

I find it very interresting to try and tame that animal. But it is also quite frightening and humbling to be so vulnerable and not in control of yourself.

Guys, dont mess with your brain.

I know a man who has demonic visions all the time every day, like rats climbing al over him, and horrible voices in his head and constant headache, and he says those things have gotten way worse when he started beeing highly involved in watching P.

Beware.
As for me i am trying to heal.
But boy i am starting to get scared.
Today i acted as a complete beast going to the slaughter.
I was helpless.
I has been a habit for soooooo many years !
At a time i wasnt even thinking about PMO (or just MO) as a potential problem and was doing it as a daily natural thing to do for soothing.
How was i misguided !

Lero, where are you ?

Where are you Lero, hero ?

I dont care if you write in your journal or not, but for love' s sake and the sake of God and fear of God, please keep fighting for your life.

Fighting for your life.
I love you people who are weak and human like me.

25
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be as i was when i was a kid (The PMO hatas)
« on: November 03, 2019, 07:07:28 PM »
Day 3

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