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Messages - squid

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1
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: February 26, 2020, 11:58:44 PM »
nice work blue keep it up!

2
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: February 26, 2020, 04:08:31 PM »
One thing I'm noticing is that when I'm stressed and feeling bad about my bad habits I'm not very nice to people.  I get irritated more easily and that sucks.  God damn I just want to have a job and not be living so lazy.  It's all up to me and that's stressful. 

When I rebooted from games for one week I mainly watched the game I was rebooting from on youtube haha.  Not really helpful.  I want to try some new habits.

1.  In bed by midnight and awake by 9am.
2. Only game or watch stuff between 8-11pm


3
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: February 25, 2020, 06:06:36 PM »
Thanks for the reply blue!  Yeah the main stressful thing is during my weekdays where I stay up till 3:30, wake up at noon, have breakfast and play games until late afternoon, do something productive for 20 minutes, have dinner and go back to playing games.  My roommate says he has hardly seen me.

Although this has been my habit since I got laid off and it was my response to stress on highschool, it's not me.  I don't feel like myself, and it's stressing me out.  I have all the opportunity in the world.  I am self sabotaging.  I'm calling it out.

So, I have my class tonight, I did my homework and am going to have a great class, then I am going to plan the rest of my week.  I can do this, I can get daily habits that make me stronger not weaker.

4
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: February 21, 2020, 12:15:30 PM »
Good stuff blue!  That book sounds interesting.  Today's a new day man, that's a beautiful thing.  I've been thinking about designing my environment for success and making positive cues more obvious.  That's for making me think of it.

5
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: February 21, 2020, 03:51:27 AM »
Thanks for the reply blue!!  You are right about adding friction to unhealthy habits in order to make them less sticky, it's a good idea. 

However, there is something I learned from my week of no gaming and that I've also learned from rebooting pmo.  The binge gaming is not the source of the problem.  The source is my fear in response to my call to adventure.  I am hiding.

If all the games in the world disappeared, I'd switch to Netflix, then to youtube, then to books or something else.  The distraction doesn't deserve all the mental energy I give it.  It's almost 4am right now.  I am awake because I am self sabotaging.  I have a phone interview tomorrow afternoon, by staying up late it will be more difficult to interview and on and on and on.

If I really wanted to find a job, learn Korean and run a marathon, I could get it done in short order.  I need to be honest, I want to hide.  I like the feeling of a big goal and I like achieving them and I have achieved many.  However, I also like being in another world, in knowing that things are safe and comfortable.

Playing games, staying in my house and sleeping all day feels safe and comfortable, it really does.

But it's not.

It's actually the most dangerous thing I could do.

It's killing me, my spirit, my health, and my passion.

The best parts of me are getting rusty and decaying. 

I'm only 25, my days are priceless, and I'm tossing them aside.

The comfort zone and the safety zone have separated.

The comfort zone is hiding.

The safety zone is not hiding. The safety zone is trying things, putting myself out there, being apart of community, leading, and making my best art, every day.  That's safer than molding in a dark room, way safer.




I am going to pour myself into what I want.  I'm a runner, I'm a korean language speaker, I'm a marketing analytics professional.  I'm a friend, I'm an organizer, I'm a leader, I'm an outdoormen.  If I get free time, I'm going hiking.

Shifting into higher gears!

6
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: February 19, 2020, 03:20:10 PM »
Got my own copy of the atomic habit book.  Did the habit scorcard exercise and learned that most of my daily habits are not helping me get where I want to go.  It's good to be aware. 

Today I woke up at 11:30, I tried to wake up at 10:30 but fell back asleep.  Went to lunch with some old co-workers which was very nice.  Kind of made me glad I got laid off, that old company still sucks, worse now than before.

Made a plan and applied to a job and got a phone interview so had to send them my resume.  Now at the gym!

7
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: February 18, 2020, 06:07:55 PM »
played some games yesterday until late and then woke up layer and played all day until I had to leave for my class.  It's the same habit loop that's been causing problems for years. 

Making dinner now and then am going to my Korean class.  My studying has been going well, running needs more energy and so does job searching.  Mainly though I think I just need a better attitude, I've been feeling sluggish and zoned out the past few days.  And that's not how I want to be.

8
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: February 16, 2020, 08:09:11 PM »
Had a great visit with friends then an awesome Valentine's day weekend with my gf.  I took her on a winery tour and it was super fun and romantic. 

I'm a little nervous about all the things I have to do this week for job searching but I know once I get some momentum I'll feel better.  Also want to get outside/be more physically active this week and wake up earlier.

-squid

9
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: February 12, 2020, 11:44:28 PM »
That sounds like great reflection blue especially about relationships.  And of course the argument that you don't deserve an amazing woman does not hold up at all.  I'm tempted to lay it out and explain why having used a lot of porn in the past and being a bit closed off barely tips the scale when looking at your level of emotional intelligence, your drive, sense of community, romantic inclinations and compassion.  But you already know this.

The thing is blue, if you invite a few amazing women out on dates, odds are a few will say yes.  And if they get to know you, odds are one will want to keep you around that you want to keep around as well.

Dang man, it's like you're hungry and are sitting under a ripe apple tree.  If you just stand up and select an apple, you won't be so hungry anymore.  You deserve good things.  Be your own champion and get rid of all those dangerous thoughts of self limitations, of fear, of I'm not good enough, of I don't deserve this.  No one deserves it, all we can do is the best we can and give back to the next soul at the soonest opportunity.  #blessed

10
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: February 12, 2020, 11:30:45 PM »
Thanks blue!  Glad to have you back, missed you the other day. 

Reboot the game day 6

Great day.  Drove up to visit family, went on a run, studied about an hour of korean and have two new leads on jobs.  Wooohoo!  The trifecta!

I'm blessed, haven't always felt this good but I knew if I kept putting one foot in front of the other with a vision in mind, I'd move closer to it.  And it worked.

*an exception to reboot the game, tomorrow I'll visit my good friend from childhood and we often play games together to reconnect.  This is for a few hours at his house in person so I'm comfortable okaying this exception.  Afterall, that sort of gaming brings me closer to my friends and is really fun, it's not what was causing my issues.  Granted there may be a chaser but I'll be ready.

-squid

11
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: February 12, 2020, 12:49:24 AM »
Reboot the game day 5

Good day today had a fantastic korean class, and even studied afterwards.  If there's one thing I want to add to my plan it's to start going to bed earlier and waking up earlier.  Like midnight to 9am or something like that.  Instead of waking up after 11am everyday haha.


12
Ages 20-29 / Re: 100 days goal
« on: February 11, 2020, 02:08:34 PM »
Woohoo new record!!  Great work dude paying close attention to how much better you feel off porn.  Record all that stuff.

13
Ages 20-29 / Re: 27 And Done With Porn
« on: February 11, 2020, 02:07:19 PM »
Sounds like a beautiful day dude!  Now I want tacos hahaha

14
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: February 11, 2020, 02:03:58 PM »
Reboot the game day 4:

Couldn't post because reboot nation was down but what a great day.  Found a job I want to apply to and will apply today, did a light workout at the gym and went to my gf's place to keep her company because she got sick too and had to stay home.  I'm 100% happy with her, perfect woman for me :).  Brought her some flowers to cheer her up and it was a beautiful moment.

Also did my Korean lesson.  I did it at my gf's house because I forgot I made it Monday instead of my usual Thursday because of travel this week.  I've never done one where someone else could here and that made me nervous at first but after a few minutes it didn't bother me as much.  I get very shy when speaking Korean so it was good practice in that respect.

Also yesterday was the first day of my online language learning workshop that will last three months.  I'm paired up with a team and there are hundreds of other learners also participating so that's awesome. 

I'm pretty happy with my fitness progress considering my sickness over the past two weeks.  I've still been able to do some tho which is good.  Finally feeling better.  I do want to do more running though.  I have my rehab exercises and have learned a lot from my PT I want to practice and my 10 miler is in under two months :).

Korean I'm pretty happy with my progress too, i just need to keep it up and not let it slip.  I have my college class tonight.

Job searching needs more effort.  I've been procrastinating it and the thought of it make me nervous even though it shouldn't.  I need to improve my attitude in this area from a chore I need to do to:  It's actually an incredible opportunity to have paid time off to find a dream job. 

Haven't done any gaming.  I have been watching professional matches of overwatch a lot and watching a bunch of YouTube and Netflix.  But still, the overall time is a lot less and I'm feeling better.  Gaming makes me feel powerless because I just keep playing and have trouble stopping but watching stuff is different because it has an end.  At the end of each episode or video is an end, and at that end is an opportunity to take a break which I've been able to capitalize on.  Also, I get bored after a few hours and do other things.  Gaming has no breaks and I don't get bored.  So it's been a big improvement.  :)

My gf asked me the other day if I gamed after I got home and of course I told her no because I didn't.  I haven't told anyone about this reboot because I don't want them to act any differently.  It's a personal thing I'm doing for me and it's also an experiment.  It's too early in the process to share.  I'm sure I will eventually but it's too early.

-squid

15
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: February 09, 2020, 10:42:10 PM »
Yes!  You are still trying and are still doing super well!  Take a read at your early journal and see how far you've come :)

16
Ages 20-29 / Re: Starting today
« on: February 09, 2020, 10:40:15 PM »
Hello!  This sounds a lot like performance anxiety.  I had the same thing.  Staying away from pmo is a healthy habit and continue to do so.  But I'm not sure that your case sounds like pied because you do get strong erections with her normally.  Just keep trying periodically but in the meanwhile do lots of cuddling, kissing and other bonding activities.  As you get more comfortable you should be fine.

17
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: February 09, 2020, 07:45:45 PM »
Reboot the game day 3

Thanks for the support everyone, today went well.  I was feeling sick all day and watched a bunch of tv and YouTube but I'm okay with that.  Also saw my gf in the afternoon and had a wonderful time.  Now off to get pizza with my friend.

18
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: February 08, 2020, 09:29:38 PM »
Great momentum blue!!

19
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: February 08, 2020, 09:27:21 PM »
Thanks everyone!!  I met my gf's mom and it was really nice.  All of the healthy activities I've done the past few days gave me extra confidence and I was more relaxed :)

20
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: February 08, 2020, 03:59:49 PM »
Reboot the game day 2

Bed around 2:30, had a great night and chatted with my roommate.  Woke up around 10:30, watched some youtube.  Had breakfast with roommate and his dad.  Then went on a 1.5 hour walk and called my dad, mom, sister and uncle.  It was nice catching up with everyone.  Came back and watched the opening game of the overwatch league which I really enjoyed.  Now I am going to do a quick kettlebell workout before getting ready to meet my gf's family for the first time :)

I've been enjoying trying new activities like watching movies, reading, and calling family instead of gaming.  My head feels more clear.

21
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: February 07, 2020, 09:42:24 PM »
I used to believe it was impossible.

It's not. 

It is worth it. 

Every single hour I treasure, all 5,184 of them. 

Pmo free:
216 days
Or 7 months, 1 day
18,662,400 seconds
311,040 minutes
5184 hours
216 days
30 weeks and 6 days
59.18% of a common year (365 days)

22
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: February 07, 2020, 09:36:53 PM »
Sounds like you're in a storm blue.  I have something to give you: "This too, shall pass".  You know what you want, you know what you need to do, you know what is at stake. 

I believe in you.

Seriously

23
Ages 20-29 / Re: squid's journal
« on: February 07, 2020, 09:33:36 PM »
Thanks for your replies as always Blue!  Tonight after dinner I started watching supersize me 2, the documentary and I am really enjoying it.  Also went and got a haircut :)

Even though watching a movie for instance is also entertainment like gaming, it's new material, not the same loop of playing the same game all day long.  Actually I think the biggest difference is that a movie has an end.  Games these days are games as a service, these do not end.  Every week or so the development team changes something or evolves the game to keep you playing instead of trying something else.  They are very easy to get stuck in, and your attention goes into the game.

Since your attention has been taken, tricked, stolen, you don't notice things.  You don't notice gaining 40 pounds, you don't notice you haven't talked to old friends in months, you don't notice the voice inside telling you your calling. 

How can the hero answer the call if he doesn't hear it?

24
Ages 20-29 / Re: My journal
« on: February 07, 2020, 06:10:34 PM »
Post every day for the first 60 days.  How has it been?

25
Ages 20-29 / Re: Not gonna go it alone
« on: February 07, 2020, 06:08:31 PM »
Blue, have you thought about going on an artist date?  This is a date with yourself where you treat your inner artist and inner child.  Something like going to a movie, a play, a museum, on a hike, something to give your inner artist new material to play with and to give yourself space to form new thoughts and new art.

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