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Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: December 10, 2019, 09:10:41 PM »
Just opened up my computer for the first time in awhile (weeks)
I was only using my cellphone for everything but an hour ago I bent it really hard cause I was really pissed
It started burning and now it smells like shit in the house

I'm not even mad

I feel depression creeping up on me
Its hard to say if I'm depressed or just really bored
I think its both
I feel like a limp dick

Not sure if looking at escort ads like an addict may be the cause of that cause I think its just as bad as porn to be honest
All that bottled up anger might be also feeding the depression
keeping feelings inside make you depressed
the opposite of depression is expression it seems
But I never let any anger out except when I cant keep it in anymore

I wrote a whole paragraph but deleted it cause fuck it
I don't wanna think anymore it just fucks me up more
I never get any answers to the questions I ask myself

Thinking just makes things worse
I need to do more stuff instead

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: December 08, 2019, 10:49:49 PM »

I'm happy with the fact that I dont even think about or want to watch porn vids
sure I look a shemale ads and sometime end up jacking off to them but its way less harmfull than porn cause theres not even nudity most of the time

this is progress for me even though some people might not look at it this way
I dont feel like I'm at square one at all
seeking out real shemale is the way to go right now cause I think its whats keeping me from going ape shit with porn


Some of you guys reading might have trouble understanding or find that fucked up that straight guys wanna fuck shemales

If you wanna know, this is how the evolution of shemale attraction happened for me:
first I got into futanari, some animated girls with cock (hantai type shit)
then real girls with fake dicks (still women so its ok)
then real girl with dicks ( didnt know it was actually dudes with tits)

after awhile I realized there wasnt actually any girl with dicks and it was all males and I was disgusted

but it didnt stop me from watching it and after years and it became normal and I got used to it
I used to type t-girls on google instead of shemales cause I thought they t-girls were actually girls
but now I could type crossdresser and find a passable pic and jerk off to it and its pretty normal

I used to tell myself I would never actually fuck a shemale in real life cause it would make me gay or some shit but now I dont care about what it means I just do what I want

anyway you cant become gay as far as im aware of, youre either gay or youre not
with the amount of fucked up shit I watched Im sure if it was possible to become gay It would have already happened to me lol

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: December 01, 2019, 01:38:54 PM »
Day 2:

feels good to be porn free even if its just a day
I'll try to forget shemales for as long as possible and keep myself pmo free

I wont get a job a starbucks just to try and meet women
I'm sure I can get less shitty job and stay true to myself while meeting women too
A better job means probably older women more my age rather then 16 yrs old sluts
I'm thinking a legit restaurant thats not fast food

If I just talk to women daily I'm sure pmo'ing would be less tempting
cause right now things are fucking dead and I have no hope of meeting any women ever if I keep going on like this

I've been saying the same shit over and over in my head for years
always the same thoughts and nothing comes out of it
just a pure fucking waste of time
making me more and more depressed each time I think about it

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 29, 2019, 08:31:08 PM »
I havent found any shemale escorts
I've become addicted to looking up ads
I do it twice a day
It made me fall back into porn and my addiction is getting worse

I didn't even want to acknownledge this so I could act like everything is fine

I need slap myself and get a job now so I can meet women
I keep thinking about it but dont do shit
cause im scared to go work at starbucks
I'm kinda disgusted by this place
its like too fake and trendy and only girls and soy boys work there  (at least thats my thoughts of it, I may be wrong)
my ego hurts thinking about it lol

but fuck, there lots of girls so I must try alteast
and I hear Elliott Hulse saying " do the shit youre scared of"
in the back of my head

I'm going to go get a coffee there and see if its bad
i might check out other coffee spots too

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 29, 2019, 08:05:43 PM »
she is 16 or 17 and the legal age is 16
I cant imagine sleeping with a 14 yr old that would be fucked up
even under 18 should be illegal cause girls that age are so immature 

Usually I wouldnt even think about sleeping with girls that age but when you have no other option its hard not to

like they say, a hard dick knows no conscience

and I didnt even think about what people would think if I slept with a 16 yr old, I was on nofap at that time for the first month and I was acting out of pure animal instinct without any afterthoughts

and shes not a poor little innocent normal 16 yr old shes the biggest slut and she dresses like it, tight yoga pants, showing off her tits and talking about sex all the time...

I have SOME self control but damn

But oh well its no big loss she was pretty ugly, immature and now I realize kinda of a fucked up bitch even though we got along pretty good

I was listenning to the song dead & gone by TI this morning and in the intro they say something like

  what matters more than the mistakes you made is what you've been able to learn from them

well I've hopefully learned not to fuck with immature underaged girls
at least be more careful... and act less needy
cause im not saying i wont fuck one if I get the chance cause im dumb, horny and a stubborn mothafucka

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 26, 2019, 07:36:55 PM »
Alright, just got prank call and fell for it
I'm dumb
it was that bitch

I forgot she was like 16 and why you shouldnt fuck with girls this age

Thats what happens when you only think with your dick
Im so fucking stupid
and I deserve it
This is a good learning experience

I'm way too thirsty..

In situations like this I only hear what I wanna hear you know
its like I don't wanna ever assume its bs even if the odds are 99 against one

I knew this couldnt be real but my dick made it possible

also she called when my dick was hard... like she fucking knew..

Im fucking done man
Ill either get a real girlfriend my age thats serious or jerk off and fuck trannies till I die
I wont settle for immature 16 year old bitches to get my dick sucked... at least I shouldnt..

well fuck boys
another lesson learned
or the same fucking lesson I didnt learn in the begginning
Its starting to get imprinted in my dumb ass brain now...

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 26, 2019, 06:46:18 PM »
Just woke up from a nap
I was checking escort ads and I received a call
almost denied the call cause it was a number from another region
I picked up and it was a girl and she was like whats up?

I didnt quite recognize her and she was like do you remember me?
it was the girl that I used to work with...
she wanted to see me or do something
right now

what the fuck
women are fucked up

I didn't say no but I got her number back cause she called me and I don't know what to do
I'm in shock and will process this

she was playing games last time we spoke or was mad that I didnt really love her or some shit
didnt even know if she liked me but I know we got along well and she talked about sex with me all the time and let me slap her ass with a spatula once Lol...

what does she want? to fuck me or fuck with me?

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 24, 2019, 07:09:47 PM »
I've been sick
doing pretty good though
I thought my mind was sick so Im kinda relieved

Ive been way more horny this last month since I stopped training
when I fucked up my tricep last month I realized my whole body was overtrained
one side effect of overtraining is loss of sexual appetite or however you wanna call it
so if youre training too much and have PIED, consider slowing down to see if youre state improoves

ill begin a new training routine not exceeding 14 sets per workout and not going to failure, thats training advice from the hodgetwins


other than that, still jacking off sometimes
most of the time when I check ads
but usually not when looking at pics
and I do it very quickly

I know this is not optimal but I atleast I dont edge and watch porn for 1 hour + like I used to do

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 21, 2019, 10:43:29 PM »
Feeling shitty
my mind and body are fucked up
I jerked off twice in a row to shemales 2 days ago and it was a good move cause it left me fucking disgusted with myself
now I dont feel like watching porn at all

I found an attractive trans but I'm so fucked up Im really not in the mood for anything
bad timing

hope tomorrow will be better

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 19, 2019, 10:20:58 PM »
No luck finding shemales
contacted one yesterday but didnt respond
she got over 4000 views on her ad in 2 days
thats crazy

I cant believe how many people are seeking them out
ended up jerking off twice, once to tranny porn..
yes I know its bad
I know I should stop

Dont even know what changed to make me not give a shit

I have an idea that might explain it
I've been overtraining for awhile and my body was strugguling to recover and I think thats why I wasnt horny very much
its like when youre sick you dont wanna jack off that much cause your body is busy with something else
same shit might apply

since I stopped training to fully recover thats when I lost it
training is my number one addiction and its hard to cope when im not going to the gym and have all that extra free time
I replaced a good addiction with a bad one

hopefully when I start training again next week Ill stop fucking up and move in a good direction again with my life


I don't post much anymore cause I'm fucking up right now
I was doing good and now everything went to shit and I aint even the least bit upset which is even more fucked

at least the shame of having to post this might help me a bit to get better even though its not much
when sucking tranny dick has become everyday talk I dont really know how to be ashamed of stuff lol

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 18, 2019, 02:06:09 AM »
Made it to two days then relapsed again and again

I keep looking up shemale escort ads all the time
I always end up jacking off

Im obsessed with trying to find a trans to fuck
hopefully I find a passable one soon
but I don't know what will happen after
will I be able to move on and focus on girls now that I fulfilled my fantasy or am I gunna crave more?
last time I felt good and I didnt crave more also I didnt jerk off for a week after

I kinda like this fucked up fetish but its a love/hate relationship
I wouldnt want to get rid of it but at the same time it kinda fucks me up from getting in a relationship (I think)

I'm not sure what to do right now
I cant help myself from thinking about shemales
not sure if its cause Im bored, feeling sick or my mind is just at another place right now
usually it aint like this

I'm kinda lost and blinded
dont know what I want anymore
except feed the addiction
thats one of the reason its hard for me to do anything about it

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 13, 2019, 02:34:31 PM »
only day I didnt relapse was yesterday

I'm so dumb

I actually thought I was done with porn for real this time
but here we are again
fucking day 0

ofcourse I'm gunna relapse if I'm feeling hopeless with meeting women
I dont give a shit if I have pied if I never fuck anyone

I dont know whats going on inside my head
42 days was not that hard now 1 day seems impossible

I need to start rebooting seriously again before I loose all the progress I made if its not already too late

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 11, 2019, 03:40:07 PM »
feeling tired and depressed
I dont feel like doing anything
noticed 2 girls at school today that just couldnt keep my eyes off them

I just feel like giving them affection
I think I need that more than sex

yesterday was a good learning experience
trust your gut more than your cock when it comes to escort ads..
I was so stressed out about meeting the shemale that I lost my appetite, had diharea, a headache and was shaking like crazy, its like my body was trying to stop me

I'm not really craving shemales like I was for the last week today
I wanted to get with a shemale for the last time before I stop but I think I'll focus on real girls instead

just saying this makes me disgusted with myself
the fact that id choose a tranny over a girl
it may be the case for meaningless sex
but If I get a girl a really like Im sure id be fully satisfied


I must find a job asap and get back on track with the reboot and everything else before I fall too deep into depression like last winter

Im so brain dead and fucked I need to wake the fuck up and do shit, be sharp and stuff FUCK im tired of living like this

I wanna be surrounded by women 24/7 till I meet one

meeting a girl is the only way I can quit forever I think

Ima go work at starbucks theres plenty of girls there
If anyone is reading and have a good job idea to meet women post it

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 10, 2019, 11:55:09 PM »
Since my last post I shit got out of hand

After my relapse I got horny and looked up trans escorts online
found one but she ended up not being available
long story short I spent all week trying to find a shemale to fuck but all I ended up doing was using those sites like porn
I didnt jerk off to anything but at the end of looking ads up i always ended up jerking off

did that all week then contacted one that I didnt want to fuck cause she looked too much like a dude cause I was desperate and horny
that was today...
I just got back from there and didnt end up fucking him cause he was digusting
that was a dude

like theres no way id hit that,
for me to be attracted I must not be able to tell it ever looked like a man

anyway, I left and he wanted money cause I cancelled and threatened to post my cell number online
I left anyway

I got home like 30 mins ago then received threats by her pimp (or the tranny posing as her pimp idk)
that he took my plate number and he was gunna beat me up
and also that he followed me home but that was impossible cause hit like 200km/hr on my way back with another dude so I knew he was bluffing

Also I asked to tell him what my plate number was and he didnt respond
the tranny was pissed and called me names when I left the dirty ass motel lol
he wanted 40 bucks for the wasted time
fuck off

Im I scared of a 40 dollar debt beating? nah
and also he cant even find me so good luck fag


Other than that the reboot is going pretty shitty as you can see
I gotta stop going on these sites

life in general is also pretty shitty
but not that shitty
Im just depressed and really bored
I'll try to figure a way to get my shit together soon

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: November 02, 2019, 06:28:10 PM »
Day 42:

woke up with nut butter all over my bed
first wet dream
cleaned it up and tried going back to sleep but
I couldnt
I was way too horny and started fantasizing
started jacking off then stopped myself 3 times then I got up to try to stop myself but I just had no more willpower to stop

I relapsed
I went back to sleep and had another wet dream after that

I'm not even mad
I tried my best to fight it
I'm not back to square one and I made alot of progress
one porn-free relapse wont do much damage

I'm gunna try to still do the 48 days left trying not to relapse again

didnt expect to relapse this soon
right when I thought I was smooth sailing I get fucked..

but its fine its not about the 90 days
its about changing lifestyle for good
the challenge is only a tool to help
or for people who have a big ego who wanna brag

but props to the people whove done 90 days
thats hard

if i would jerk off every 42 days quickly without porn thats a win
thats enough to fix my dick

porn is the main enemy

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: October 31, 2019, 06:36:53 PM »
Day 40:

5 day till im halfway there
no urges lately
going pretty smooth
 70+ days is going to be the hardest part I think
my first reboot ever I relapsed around day 75

I'm feeling kinda angry and irritable
smoking a lil cigar help take the edge off
I know smoking is not good for the body
but it helps me calm down and stay present
its the only bad habbit I have now

I'm still thinking about shemales
but girls not so much unless I see them
I think its cause im not horny enough
I'm planning to get with another trans after the 90 or 100 days maybe if I dont meet any girl

I wannna explore before Im settled with someone
I want to enjoy being with a shemale but a big part of me wants to have a really bad experience so I can stay away from them for awhile and focus on potential partners instead

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: October 29, 2019, 09:07:53 PM »
Just watched a video of fearless dan about Kanye West coming out about his porn addiction
I used to kinda hate this guy but now I kinda like him for that
this was unexpected

Believe it or not the no fap movement is still pretty unknown to most people
I think seeing Kanye talk about this will open some eyes

Social media is just as bad imo and we dont realize it
I was just thinking this before watching the kanye vid

we've numbed ourself with it just like we did with porn
and I need to stop using it that much (youtube and shit, so many hours of wasted time)

I think it has a big part to play with boredom and depression
and people around us using it makes it hard for people to socialize with people that are always on their cellphone

I'm so bored man, I feel lifeless
I'm stuck in the same old boring routine
I need to change shit up

I was thinking of going to live somewhere with no technology
like do some kind of social media reboot
but I need to adopt this lifestyle where I live too

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: October 29, 2019, 12:55:54 AM »
Day 38:

one more week and im halfway to the 90 day goal
feeling pretty good
I'm being kinda social at school and at work which I think is good for me

Feeling kinda bad when reading others people journal though
everyone seems to be doing well with girls or atleast having some kind of contact with them and I'm not at all
I will stop reading them and focus on my own progress instead

Anyway I'm not at the point where I can fuck girls yet
but I can still meet some and I think this is a good moment since I'm not so thirsty right now

I will probably get another job wich I have female co-workers soon
I think its the best way for me to meet women

I think I'll show interest without being a try-hard when it comes to women
Its more natural, attractive and shows youre not as needy

If you need to try really hard to get the girl, she probably doesnt have that much interest in you anyway right?

other than that, still thinking about shemales sometimes.
kinda dont feel like people would understand if I told them I like shemales and they would think im gay

but the other part of me wants to be honest and true to the people around me
Im not ashamed to tell people I used to watch shemale porn
but actually sucking a trans is another thing to admit

I'm sure my friends would fuck with me with that if I told them Lol

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: October 26, 2019, 06:38:50 PM »
Day 35:

Feeling more stable now
havent had urges lately

Ages 20-29 / Re: Journal day 1
« on: October 26, 2019, 06:29:18 PM »
might be related to too much sex fucking up your brain or not, idk

if your brain needs orgasms to function then youre addicted
just like a smoker needs his cigarette to function

maybe wait it out for a few weeks then if your state doesnt change, change something

Ages 20-29 / Re: Journal day 1
« on: October 26, 2019, 09:46:49 AM »
give your dick some rest man
no sexual stimulation for awhile is the best for recovery
but do what you want, thats just my opinion

also social anxiety and depression are withdrawal symptoms
same thing happened to me when i first stopped (or the second time i did idk)

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: October 24, 2019, 07:04:12 PM »
Day 33:
Im aiming for 45 days right now
baby steps baby

Ages 20-29 / Re: Just another day.
« on: October 24, 2019, 06:50:46 PM »
hey no hard feelings
thanks for reading
and yeah I need to do the 90 days..

for awhile when I stopped porn I was so horny that I was very needy looking for girls (and trannies..) and kinda used this as a side drug to porn but now I think this is not the way

I need to remove sex for a little while to reintroduce it later on in a healthier way
cause if I use women to channel my porn cravings ill go back to porn if the girl leaves and its gunna be a breakup + relapse = youre fucked boi

I'm focusing on the reboot and I'm aiming to take things really slow with girls (spend time with her and wait until i know I like her for sex)

but dont get me wrong, I need a girl
otherwise i swear ill relapse one day or another
I dont want to live a life without sex

Ages 20-29 / Re: Just another day.
« on: October 24, 2019, 01:31:55 AM »
Hey its not gay if you say no homo Lol
I think you were referring to my journal with the dicksucking part..
but thats what porn turned me into

anyway, goodluck with your reboot, you seem to be doing good, id be careful about tinder though, that shit made me relapse

Ages 20-29 / Re: Shemale Addiction
« on: October 24, 2019, 01:00:12 AM »
fuck this
Ill just go to sleep at 2 am every night
ill be depressed and tired but its better than relapsing
ive been way to close from relapsing i cant allow myself to slip
I wanna make it
im serious about this im fucking tired of failing its been like 3 years since i first thought about quitting

no jerking off for 90 days or 2020 lets do this shit!!

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