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Messages - Rookie

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1
Ages 40 and up / Re: New to Reboot Nation
« on: November 15, 2020, 08:44:36 PM »
Hello everyone,
I had the urge to look at porn and such today, and I was alone. However, I found strength in God and all of you who have helped me already by your kind words of wisdom, and didn't give in to the urge. I would have given in, even days ago. Not today. I still feel the urge a little bit but I am not going to let it control me and will continue to give this to God, as I am a Christian.

Again, thank you for your encouragement and I look forward to coming on here and posting some more.

Blessings,

Mark

Christian here as well. Reformed Baptist, in the covenant theology camp (not Dispensationalist, if that means anything to you).

Looking forward to reading more of your journal.

2
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: November 14, 2020, 09:48:11 PM »
Day 239...finally, she was immensely in the mood, and for the first time, I was absolutely petrified.

******Trigger Alert******

Finally when we were doing the deed, the pain, was bad. All at the head. Then when climax happened, more pain. It was very, very bitter sweet. We both needed it. However, the pain was bad.

We then had a quick discussion and when describing the symptoms and where it hurts, she mentioned urinary tract infection, or prostate infection? So I looked it up, and sure enough, I found 3 sites that describe exactly what my pain is...and seems it's a prostate infection of some sort. Not a big believer in conventional medicine for most things. I know a homeopathic doctor in town that has resolved many issues. I'll be calling him Monday.

Giving him the symptoms, especially since everything looks completely normal, and feels normal...absolutely no visual defects or anything. Hoping he agrees and has some natural advice and medication for this.

Sorry for rambling, however, this is my journal.  :P


3
Ages 40 and up / Re: New to Reboot Nation
« on: November 14, 2020, 09:34:47 PM »
Welcome to the board Mark. A 6 month streak is huge!!

As mouse said, don't aim for 6 months again yet. Aim small battles for now. And the next thing you know, a whole bunch of small battles, add up to big victories.

If there's one recommendation I can give, is post often.

4
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: November 14, 2020, 12:19:46 AM »
Can you guys post a good site or page for someone in my precarious position.

Beyond happy you're back on with the crew. Don't take this in a harsh manner, but with your current emotional, sense of failure, embarrassment and all... if it was me in your shoes, there would be 2 things I would do. Invest in paper books, to read (personally, I go the theology or history side, I never was a fan of fiction of any sorts) or find a hobby as far away from the digital world as you can, and ONLY come online to post on this forum, or to take part in the website above.

Of course, none of us know your interests, finances, hobbies, free time outside of the forum. If you could indulge us, some of us might have the same interest and give tips on improving or expanding those interests.

The HUGE thing you will have to do, is find a replacement. ANYONE that indulges in porn...will now have an open window of time where anxiety and everything else will kick in. You MUST occupy that time with something else. Trust me when I tell you, I seem to have found hours per day now. Starting next week, I'm skating 3 times a week with my father in law, and the other 2 days, going swimming...first for my health, second, to occupy my time.

Can't wait to read about your progress north again Mr. S!!!

Oh, and DO NOT build a house where you are, travel light, you have a long way ahead of you. You MUST keep moving. And as Leonidas said, NONE of us have given up on you...notice my few posts just to keep your journal in the first page...we missed ya (sort of?)

5
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: November 10, 2020, 07:57:59 AM »
Slurps!!!! Glad to have you back!!! I will admit, I suspected there was some shame going on for some possible relapse going on.

Guess what, the past, is exactly there. What's why we have a big windshield and a small rear view mirror. It doesn't count anymore. Look at the big picture, in front. Time to head north again. So you have rolled down a few notches.

The important part, is that you're back. Probably with more determination. And how did Shade reach you? Personal messages? Does he have your phone number? Email?

6
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: November 10, 2020, 07:54:41 AM »
You're doing better than most of us here I thought, I guess you spend too much time thinking about it though. But bottom line remains that whenever lingers in your mind the idea that relief is at hand, that you could have PMO and you'd feel better and it would not count as a relapse and so on, then your brain won't give you no rest. Now if you'd start looking at that so called 'relief' as something that on the contrary you do not want and that you pity others for being weak enough to let themselves be conned by it endlessly, then the urges fade away. Period. Similarly, if you picture a small child whose toy was taken away from (because it made such a noise), as long as that child knows inside that the toy remains somehow available, then it he/she will incredible distances (wining and crying like it's the end of the world) until he/she eventually gets that toy back. Our impaired brains act exactly the same way in front of the implied possibility that our drug (=toy) could be available again to us. So basically, your brain's giving you the run around only because it knows deep inside there's a slight possibility that it could have it, therefore win. On the other end, if PMO is something you actively don't want then there's no room left for any craving of any form.

First off, no, I'm do not pity others for being "weak"...I was there and have never used that word to describe anyone else on the board. I know the battle. And don't underestimate the battle on my end. It is still a battle. The pull is not as strong as it was in the beginning, but there is still a pull. I will NEVER put someone else down on this board that has difficulty getting past 2 days. Been there. I am still occasionally trying to throw messages at Mr. Slurps...(Ex Edger).

But I understand 100% what you're saying about if there's a chance of PMO for relief, it will come back, with a vengeance. I know myself too well that if I give in, it won't just be 1 relapse. It will last a while. Which is why I'm fighting as much as I can.

Either way, I would never put anyone on the board down, it's a fight, every day. I'm just on a pity potty and thought I would put down some thoughts in my journal. I apologize if someone read that I thought I was better than others...believe me, that is never the case. If anything, I can try to give tips to help fight it, since I am there, and gracefully have a streak going, but otherwise, I'm the same as everyone else, a recovering addict.

7
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: November 09, 2020, 10:17:34 PM »
Day 234...Been 3 weeks since we had sex. While I miss it, big time, I'm not overly distraught. I might have to see a doctor. When Pedro gets halfway erect, there is some discomfort when squeezed around the middle of the shaft. And the last time we had sex, I wasn't able to cum. My wife thought I was having an affair. I had to confess that when Pedro is hurting, it's not an easy conversation starter "Hey hun, by the way, I'm hurtin' down there". Most folks don't like talking about their privates.

Based on the research I have done, seems like a UTI...they can apparently hurt since the urethra is "inflamed", when it stretches, it can cause discomfort. There is absolutely no pain / discomfort when limp, no signs of bruising, lumps or anything. Only mild pain when getting erect.

Who knows when the next time we have sex is at this point. She's beyond stressed at work, and thinks because I have a difficult time getting a full erection now, I'm rejecting her.

Great times...Hugely tempted at watching again, just for the relief, however, not a streak I want to start over. God give me grace.

8
Ages 40 and up / Re: Bunnys ascend to madness Journal
« on: November 01, 2020, 10:05:45 AM »
Keep strong, only a few more days to go!!! Keep your guard up, the addiction will come raging, as if it knows you're getting rid of it, and it doesn't want to go. Keep strong bro!!

9
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: October 30, 2020, 10:06:02 AM »
Day 225...this week has been an emotional roller coaster. I was in town with my truck (love that thing, big tires, lift kit, feel big in it) and a poor woman thought she had room to squeeze by, and she took out my driver's tail light, and a 3 inch scratch. Small gouge as well, so can't just do touch up paint. Light...$160...body work and paint...$1000. Well snap....

Get to work, wife sends me a text that someone at the gym where she works out, dropped one of those handles on her phone and crushed it. She was having a bad day, no sense telling her about the truck.

The good news is, the woman, that hit my truck, called me right away so we would have each other's phone numbers and she completely took responsibility for it. So far, they paid the light, and seems they are paying for the paint job as well. I already got a new phone for the missus.

Usually, with this kind of week, I would have resorted to porn for some fantasy living. This time, nope. Not worth it, especially with this kind of streak going. So, I am still on schedule with my bible reading within 90 days. I'm halfway.

Onto another week, for those of you reading my journal, thank you. You have no idea how much it encourages me. Though I have a good streak going, I can fall at any time. This covid crap (I don't believe it for a second, way too much information coming out showing data to the contrary of what's been reported) is not going to end anytime soon...I know where I live, they don't want to have the masks removed until the vaccine is out. For a 99.97% survival rate? Come on, the flu is deadlier.

Anyway, enough rant for now. If someone is feeling encouraged by my journal, drop a comment.

10
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: October 28, 2020, 11:58:49 PM »
Slurps?

11
Ages 40 and up / Re: Peters Journal
« on: October 23, 2020, 10:41:02 PM »
Great to have you on the board...be sure to post often, it's what keeps you accountable.

12
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: October 20, 2020, 08:33:58 AM »
Day 216...finally, I can say it's getting easier. I can finally be home, alone, while my wife is working and I'm not "tempted" to go surfing. I have been home alone a few times now for the entire day...I read my bible, clean the house, nap...whatever. And I was finally not interested in watching or indulging in porn.

I can't believe it took 7.2 months (based on calendar days of 30)...If I would have known this back when I started my reboot, could I have done it, probably not without this pandemic scaring me into believing the end of the world was near.

That being said, claiming to be a Christian, and indulging in this sin, had made me such a hypocrite, I was judging certain preachers because of who they may have shared a stage with, and then turn around and indulge in PMO for self relief and fantasy..

I'm NOT going to pretend it's easy now...it's still a struggle. Just not a daily one.

And I'm still waiting for my morning wood to make an appearance. I don't even get semi's...

13
Ages 40 and up / Re: Bunnys ascend to madness Journal
« on: October 20, 2020, 08:33:00 AM »
I hate going to the gym for the same reason....most women want us to stare, they don't admit it. They say "that's how I'm comfortable"...and they have no idea and are ignorant at how it makes some of us addicts feel.

14
Ages 40 and up / Re: Bunnys ascend to madness Journal
« on: October 18, 2020, 09:47:21 AM »
Keep the fight. If I can give any piece of advice...unless needed for work, put a STRONG pause on all electronic devices that give access to the internet / movies. That's what I did in the first 2 months of my reboot.

Keep the fight, you will see it gets better. Temptations are going to be very, very strong within your first 30 days, some for 60....but once you're over the hard part, you finally have some resistance to the temptation.

And you will see, it's very much worth it.

15
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: October 17, 2020, 08:08:50 AM »
Mr. S?

16
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: October 13, 2020, 07:48:44 AM »
Quick update. Thanksgiving day yesterday. We went for a drive to a local town about 45 minutes away. There's a hike of about 2km...to the top of a "rock". The scenery was breathtaking.

We needed to get away. Got home, at supper, and low and behold, she looks at our dogs and says "time to watch the show, and cuddle with daddy"...

Much needed relief achieved.

17
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: October 11, 2020, 08:10:12 PM »
Day 208...Covid sucks, my region has escalated back to orange. Gyms are closed, hair salons and other lady pampering services. All for 25 new positive cases in a general population of 750 000...Masks are somewhat mandatory, if you don't wear one, you get looks from everyone.

Wife can't go to the gym due to the closure, and she only had exercise bands. I told her I'm working on getting somewhat of a home gym, looking at a bowflex with up to 410 lbs resistance (I bench almost 200lbs or more now...so won't be long I'll be needing more)

Her anxiety is through the roof due to her work expectations, and a recent review she got from her employees, whom rated her low (seriously hoping they don't count it due to Covid).

I have been asked to remove myself from the house church that was just sprouting...because now house churches...have a limit of 10. Well, the hosting couple, along with 2 families covers that.

All this, and to add, absolutely no relief this weekend with my wife. Her anxiety is so bad, and her back pain, she was actually upset "the only thing you look forward to every weekend is sex...must be nice that it's the only stress you have".

I will add, that the tone she said that in, was not a pleasant one.

So much more going on this week that doesn't add to stress relief, let alone sexual relief.

Today, we had lunch at her parents, great time, great dinner. Came home and binge watched "The Boys". Well written, but highly vulgar and not very pleasant for a very conservative person (myself).

Then, the covid crap, that I'm starting to think is all a stupid facade. Many small businesses had to close in the area, but low and behold, a local strip club posts that they are open. The outrage that this has caused, is about time.

I am NOT saying this virus isn't a bad one. I am saying it's not as bad as advertised. The WHO even puts the numbers as 0.013% death rate, verses the flu at 0.03%...

More and more people are rising up against the MSM and the local tyranny of the government. The control is really getting out of hand.

Either way, thanks for reading my venting. The streak does continue...can't say I wasn't tempted with the frustrations. But being just over 6 months in...no more blue balls, I can unfortunately now go a couple weeks without relief.

I miss the intimacy with my wife more than the relief at this point (when no intimacy happens for whatever reason).

18
Ages 40 and up / Re: I need out, I'm unfit!
« on: October 10, 2020, 06:40:52 PM »
I posted about this, on Mr. Slurps journal. If you slip, you now have 2 things to count. First, the streak, so now, sure it starts again. The other number, is how many slips per streak. So for instance, if you were a daily "user"...and now you're only using once every 9 days, that's big progress. Eventually, it's going to get better.


19
Ages 40 and up / Re: I need out, I'm unfit!
« on: October 09, 2020, 11:18:56 PM »


[/quote]
 All in all, even though I haven't slipped, I don't know how this is will all come out. People usually feel urges that last 5 mns, this afternoon I had a 3h urge. I can't go on like this forever. I don't know if that's such a good idea...


[/quote]

In my first 2 months of the journey...I was walking around almost half mast every second day. Blue balls are a very, very real thing and hurt, bad. But the thing I had noticed before this journey, even fapping for relief, wasn't instant. So the times I had blue balls, I thought to myself "snap one off, and pain is gone in 3 hrs" ,or let it be, keep the streak, and the pain is gone in 3 hrs...

20
You're now getting into the "hot zone"...days 5 - 15 are usually the biggest struggle for most. The advice I give every time here, is, put a HUGE limit on your screen time. PC, laptop, tablet, phone, whatever...otherwise, the pull is going to be very, very strong.

Can't wait to see you climb to day 8

21
Ages 40 and up / Re: Ex-edger
« on: October 05, 2020, 09:24:56 AM »
Been a while Mr. S...you doing ok?

22
Ages 40 and up / Re: I need out, I'm unfit!
« on: October 05, 2020, 09:24:27 AM »
Mon Français parlé est plus préçis que mon Anglais. Mes deux parents sont Acadiens...alors, il reste que je suis pure. Mais, pas le même Français que la France.

Bonjour Rookie, en effet chaque fois que j'entends du québécois, je mets longtemps à comprendre. Mais, la plupart des mes ancêtres viennent des régions d'où les colons français venaient. En tout cas, bon courage et bon reboot!

All that said, I type much, much faster in English. Keep strong in your reboot...if you want some tips. Read Mr. Slurps journal, a few of us give him advice, and you can read mine. This reboot, is very, very much worth it.

23
Ages 40 and up / Re: I need out, I'm unfit!
« on: October 04, 2020, 09:55:09 PM »
By the way your French does not have any typo, which is very good knowing how French people keep making mistakes all the time, to the point I almost can tell you're a foreigner

Canadien anglais ici. I have always  appreciated the French' regular use of niceties (bonjour m'sieur et dame, merci) and their appreciation of their agrarian heritage and good food (des racines et des ailes). Canada sometimes slips when it comes to that. So get rid of this addiction and focus your brain on what is really important!

Pure French Acadian here folks. Mon Français parlé est plus préçis que mon Anglais. Mes deux parents sont Acadiens...alors, il reste que je suis pure. Mais, pas le même Français que la France.

24
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Start
« on: October 04, 2020, 09:47:46 PM »
Day 201...We celebrated our anniversary at a very luxurious hotel in our province this weekend. The price very much reflected in "luxurious"...

Had a great, great time. And had sex the night of, and the next morning. We were both very much anticipating it. We both knew, the main reason was just to get away from the house and daily responsibilities to be alone, no dependents with us.

The week was fine...she still has stress from her job, I still have politics at mine that piss me off...but hey, when you work for a huge corporation, you have the politicians, and you have the truth sayers. My shift has the truthers, and we aren't liked very much. Who cares, we get the job done and go home.

As far as the PMO...the streak continues.

Progress in church, I might not have to drive an hour each way to church for much longer. A group I know very well is looking at starting a house church. I discussed it with one of the organizers, and seems the format is one I know well.

I might even be one of the "leaders" in it, as far as preaching goes, since I don't have any issues with public speaking, and studying.

Hoping my wife comes back to "church" with me. That would be a huge blessing.

That's it for now, praying my next post is a continuation of the previous post.

25
Ages 40 and up / Re: Tried to quit 1000 times
« on: October 04, 2020, 09:40:53 PM »
Trust me when I tell you, the struggle, will be very, very, very difficult. The 1 BIG lie you can't believe is "just one more time"...

First of all, it's not just 1 more time, the remorse you will feel will far, far outweigh the "relief" you will get. That, will usually lead to a fall that will not just last for that 1 time relief, but probably 2 times or a long episode of multiple sessions.

The ONLY way to beat this, especially if you're married and have intimacy with your wife, is to fight this cold turkey. No peeks, no temptation to look, no relapse for relief.

I know my advice right now sounds harsh, however, you will NOT get a long streak, nor be able to beat it if you don't get past the first 15 days in "hard mode" as they call it.

It will get easier, but the struggle, the scenes, the visualizing of women you're around will be intense.

I remember going to the store, while within my first 45 days...women wearing stupid spandex pants...and they were gorgeous. I did everything I could to look away.

I obviously wouldn't have PMO'd in public...however, it would have built curiosity to look up women in spandex home...and lead down the rabbit hole.

Fight it brother, you have no idea the reward that awaits. My wife even noticed, about 3 months into my reboot, that the sex was becoming amazing again. And we're in our mid forties. I personally wish it was more often, but she knows I need relief every weekend. So for now, it works for the both of us.

I can tell you one thing, I am NOT going back to PMO without a fight. I obviously can't predict the future, and I may relapse again. But it won't be without a big, big fight.

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