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Porn Addiction / Re: On becomming a Patreon of Gabe Deem
« on: June 01, 2020, 09:43:59 AM »
Below is a link to support Gabe Deem.  Does not cost much, and it is an investment in your future.  Put some skin in the game, and you are much more likely to win the game.  If you are on the sidelines just watching, no pain no gain.

This situation can be described as many things.  "Addiction" is the word most of us here use.  I don't like that word.  It carries a lot of baggage.  It implies disease, or sickness, illness; something that must be cured.  It carries some shame.  It was helpful for me, in the beginning, to use the concept.  It put a name on the problem, and I needed to name the problem in order to create the solution.  But I am not for sure the word is adequate to describing the problem.  If you are here, you are not sick, you don't need to be cured, and there is no shame.  Your brain is a computer.  Feed it certain input, and you will get certain output.  Just that simple. 

So, about 2007, we, as in us, as in humanity, invented a super neat tool:  High Speed Internet Porn (HSIP).  HSIP was one of the most efficient tools we have invented to trigger a neurological reward/motivational event that we love, aka a dopamine high.  A dopamine high is sort of like feeling like the best you can feel, the most alive you can feel, for a moment, for those that have the problem.  That neurological event, by the way, is naturally occurring, totally healthy, and absolutely necessary for the survival of the species.  If you are a newbie, one of the most important things you can do to overcome what we call "porn addiction" is to forget and reject everything you think you know about porn.  It's all wrong.  Porn is not addictive, porn is just a depiction of sex.  But, depictions of sex leads to thoughts of sex, and thoughts of sex, naturally, lead to the neurological reward/motivational event that is a dopamine rush.  This happens without porn, but porn is a tool that makes achieving that reward event easy and efficient.  You need to demystify porn, you need to de-romanticize porn, you need to forget everything you thought you knew about porn and realize it is simply a tool.  It is a means to an end.  It is a button.  Your solution is to quit pushing the button, and thereby quit getting high.  Probably the most difficult thing for persons with the problem is recognizing they are getting high, then embracing that they are going to have to give up getting high.  I can tell you this, but you will not believe me, until you do it:  giving it up is not so bad, once you have given it up for a while, and once you have given it up for a while, you will cease to miss it. 

Gabe is going to be posting about "flatlining" for Patreons soon.  This problem is funny in that it is not the same for everyone.  I never flatlined.  I never had PIED.   Those were symptoms of this problem that some experienced, but I never did.  For those of you who have experienced those problems, I strongly encourage you to become a Patreon of Gabe, which costs a few bucks a month, but which gains you a bit more of personal insight from the man who has done so much to bring this problem into focus. 

Much love. 

Porn Addiction / On becomming a Patreon of Gabe Deem
« on: May 05, 2020, 05:31:48 PM »
Below is a link to support Gabe Deem as a Patreon, through the Patreon app.

I just got my first Patreon video, sent directly to my email.

Tne of th things I have learned is that we almost ought to have a "test in" doorway, for new members.  New members can use the resources here to learn about the problem, which might better be described as having conditioned, or trained, their brains, via porn (sexual thoughts) to produce a neurological motivational and reward event.  We have been doing that for as long as the species has existed, and that reward event is this species evolved mechanism for encouraging reproduction.  Whether one considers themselves "addicted", or not, if you have a brain, this reward event is a big part of your existence and perception of reality.  But recently, around 2007, we invented High Speed Internet Porn, which is when this problem started being reported, and we are still playing catch up with it. 

We are still early in the study of what it is, how it works, how to "measure" changes in the brain, and, honestly, while this place has helped many people, including me, we are still taking a shotgun approach at how to fix it.  Once we applied the word "addiction" to the problem, it was intuitive that we would use preexisting addiction solutions to fix the problem.  I am not a big proponent of using the AA model for what we call "porn addiction,", because I know the solution to the problem is, essentially, to do the same thing we did to cause the problem:  Make a commitment to training your brain to live without the neurological reward event. Gabe is a fan of the AA model.  He may be right; it may be the best way, but I got clean on my own, with help from forums like this one.

In any event, if you are a person with this problem, Gabe Deem has sacrificed thousands of hours of his time to help YOU.  He does not get paid for this unless we pay him.  I signed up to be his Patreon a while back for a very small fee.  He deserves more, but it is what I could afford.  I urge everyone reading this to click on the link and support Gabe.  It is not much money for us, but if we had a couple thousand people support him, even at a very low contribution, it could make a real contribution in this very good, and honest, man's life.

Much love.

Ages 20-29 / Re: One Day at a Time.
« on: May 01, 2020, 07:39:58 AM »

Ages 20-29 / Re: One Day at a Time.
« on: April 30, 2020, 07:34:30 AM »

Ages 20-29 / Re: One Day at a Time.
« on: April 29, 2020, 06:25:27 AM »

Ages 20-29 / Re: One Day at a Time.
« on: April 28, 2020, 06:46:55 AM »

Ages 20-29 / Re: One Day at a Time.
« on: April 27, 2020, 06:24:40 AM »
Day 7.   Going for a run.

Ages 20-29 / Re: One Day at a Time.
« on: April 26, 2020, 08:49:10 AM »
Day 6.  No problemo.  That is pseudo-Spanish for no problem.

Getting lonely on this thread.

Ages 20-29 / Re: One Day at a Time.
« on: April 25, 2020, 08:50:16 AM »
Day 5.  Clear.

Ages 20-29 / Re: One Day at a Time.
« on: April 24, 2020, 07:21:31 AM »
Day 4.  AvRF28 are you still in?  Clear.

Ages 20-29 / Re: One Day at a Time.
« on: April 23, 2020, 07:03:56 AM »
Day 3, clear.  This is like push ups.  We just have to get up and do it. 

Tomorrow, day 4. 

Ages 20-29 / Re: One Day at a Time.
« on: April 22, 2020, 07:14:10 AM »
@Mindful Days.

Looks like we are jacking your thread. 

Day 2.  Clear. 

We are shooting for 90.  Easy Peasy, Nice and Easy.  Just kidding. 

Ages 20-29 / Re: One Day at a Time.
« on: April 21, 2020, 03:42:14 PM »
OK, here goes.  This will be my day 1, and I will attempt to post here every day up to day 90.

Hi Mr. Wilson, I cannot stand to leave you hanging, so, response as follows (all in good fun).

Because the word is too small.

Because it is antiquated, outdated, inexact, inapt, and is 2,000 years behind the neuroscience. 

Because, as initially formed, the word has nothing to do with how we use it today.

Because, as utilized, currently, it implies sickness, disease, illness, and malady; something to be cured, something to be treated, and once it becomes defined as a "disease", only doctors can treat it, and they get to charge the insurance companies millions and millions to fix it.

Because it is a billion dollar word.  Billions in profits, potential billions in loss, potential billions for treatment.

When I quit porn, by which I mean, when I quit using porn to (unconsciously, unwittingly) achieve a neurological brain reward/motivation event, it was helpful for me to think of the thing I was quitting as "porn addiction."  Now I know there is no such thing as "porn addiction", and the word "addiction" is too small a word to describe the event.  **If you are reading this and have the problem, it is still helpful to think of it as "porn addiction," but this is not me telling you how to fix it, this is me trying to find words to describe what it is. 

This is what happens when we look backwards to find words for things we never understood, until recently, and, honestly, we have a long way to go and much more to understand about the human brain and the use of porn as a trigger to a reward.

Science needs to develop better linguistics to describe the event, which is actually more complicated than how I just described it.

The implications for regulation and taxation are immense.  We regulate and tax addictive things.  We limit their use.  This is why cigarettes and alcohol are regulated and taxed, and why some drugs are deemed illegal.  I, myself, do not really believe the porn industry is that concerned about whether the word "addiction" is pasted on to the word "porn"; statistically speaking, I think it is a very small group of people that form a relationship to porn use that is troubling or dependent.  But, coupling those two words has huge implications.

Not just regulation and taxation, but medicine. 

I suspect the AA model is the basis for treating what we call addiction like a disease.  Addiction does not occur in nature, because it would be a negative survival trait.  An animal that distracted could not hunt, and would be easy prey.  Humans have altered their environment so much they can survive addicted. 

But addiction is no disease.  Addiction is, actually, the result of training, conditioning.  We can be trained to "like" just about anything, with enough time and enough reward, even if we do it unconsciously.

I think Gabe Deem has said something along the lines of "If I had been taught it could be addictive, I would have not used it."  Well maybe not a direct quote, but, there it is.  Education is key.  If people know, from an early age, that porn consumption can be habit forming, a lot of people who are here, would not be.   

The fix, for one who has become dependent on daily porn consumption, is as simple as you have said:  just quit.  But while it is that simple it is not that simple.  Words, again.  Quitting is not simple.  Quitting is the simple solution, but the solution is not that simple, because once a person has trained their brain to expect that reward event, well, to be Mr. Obvious, their brain expects that reward event. 

This gets into the question of what is the definition of addiction.  Is addiction defined in the consumption of the thing, the trigger?  Non addicts might define it as that.  What I know is that addiction is at least as accurately defined in the response of the individual in quitting it.  You have measured the brains of people we call "porn addicts", and have recorded that their brains light up exactly the same way as drug addicts.  Tru dat.  But, another measurement would be to measure the brains of those quitting whatever thing we have identified they are addicted to.  Are those brain functions identical, as well?  Put another way, the focus of most academics studying this problem is measuring the brains of those using or anticipating using; is there a way to measure the brains of users going through withdrawals.  What goes up must come down, and we have focused on the take off, not the landing. 

Where I am going with this coronavirus rant is that the word addiction, like the concept of addiction, may need to be altered or expanded, or shrunk. 

Addiction is not a disease.  It is a trained, learned, conditioned, a response to stimulus. We do not "catch" it; we do it to ourselves, and if we knew we were doing it to ourselves, a lot of people would not do it.  Being aware of what we are doing is both key to avoiding the problem, and, then, quitting it.  Don't get me wrong, I like tits as much as the next guy, and, honestly, I pride myself on liking them a bit more than the next guy, but once I understood I was watching tits to get a dopamine high --  thanks to you --  it became substantially more easy to quit what I was addicted to, and I was not addicted to watching pixel tits, I was addicted to the dopamine high I was using them to achieve, by generating a sexual thought.  It is not what we see on the screen that produces the neurological reward event, but, rather, what we think of it, the brain's response to it.  . And yes, I DID use the word "tits" constructively, in a sentence.  Mother would be so proud.     

The word "addiction" is loaded.  It comes with a whole lot of preconceptions, and not all may be merited.  While many things have been described as addictive, not all addictions are the same, not quite. 

Mr. Wilson, I could not have quit porn, which I used daily, without you, and your writings, and your Great Porn Experiment video, which was brilliant, despite the fact you do not feel it was academic enough.  For the record, porn addicts don't need to be neuroscientists to quit; they just need a basic understanding of what the problem it, and that video gave us that. Thank you.

But, respectful observation, you are pushing hard to put "porn addiction" into the DSM, and it does not belong there, not IMO, not as such. 

The problem is not you, not your neuroscience studies, not the concept of "porn addiction", not your definition of porn addiction; this is no criticism of you.  The problem is the DSM, and the first word of the DSM, which is "Diagnostic", which flows from "diagnosis."  Words, again.  Diagnosis defines the identified event as an "illness".  Coronavirus, for instance, is an illness.  We catch it.  The phenomena we call "porn addiction" is not something we catch--yes some people are more prone to it--but it is the result of training one's brain to achieve a neurological reward/motivational event.  There is no treatment for it, the solution, as you have said, it "just quit."  Of course, quitting does result in withdrawals, but your solution is the only solution.  I think any definition of "addiction" cannot rely on observing compulsive, repetitive use, but must also involve observing and, if possible, quantifying the the withdrawals that come from ceasing consumption. I don't think anything can, correctly, be deemed an "addiction" unless the user gets withdrawals when they quit, and (it appears) more often than not, people can consume a lot of porn, and do, and a lot of people who consume a lot of porn, for a long time, can put it down, easily.   

But, what we call porn addiction, is different from some other things we call addiction, such as drug addiction. 

So, I Googled "death by overdose", just for fun, (I know, my fun is not your fun) and the first statistic was that in 2018, 67,367 people died by overdoses.  Not one of those was by porn.  As much as I am sure a lot of us would love to overdose on porn, not one person has, ever.  I then Googled "death by withdrawals".  Statistics here not so specific, but, yes, people can die from drug withdrawals, and alcohol withdrawals.  Not one recorded case of porn withdrawal death.  Nor cigarettes, nor gambling, nor sex. 

Does this mean that the concept of porn addiction is inaccurate or incorrect?  No, at least not for these reasons.  I think the words are too small to accurately describe the event; people can become dependent upon the use of porn to achieve that neurological reward/motivational event; but it is not, exactly, the same as other addictions.

This distinction need not be a point of toxic contention--not that you have ever done that, because you have not--others have, such as she who shall not be named (never say her name, she can hear it and put the cruciatis curse on you, which is quite mild compared to porn withdrawals).  But the neuroscience of what we are calling porn addiction is new.  We find ourselves at the beginning of the conversation, not the end.  In 100 years, what we think we know now, might look like voodoo then. 

Similar, but not exactly the same....I actually did not figure this one out until the end of the video...

Keep up your excellent work, and also keep your sense of humor; "a little song about internet porn".  We are talking about the most absurd animal on the planet:  Us.  Only we could figure out a way to devise a computer then stream sexual images while rubbing one off, over and over, for years, and still survive.  It's a strange fucking world full of strange fucking people, because, by definition, people are strange.   Jim Morrison, a rock star, said that.  He died a long time before most of us here were born, and way before the invention of High Speed Internet Porn.  A true visionary. 

The reality is, whether it is porn, or something else, we will find ways to trigger the neurological brain reward/motivation event, and the technology is on the horizon to allow us to put an electrode in our brains to do it, with no artificial trigger.  For those dedicated to experiencing the neurological brain event, at any cost, that is the way they will, eventually, get their high. People always want a thrill, even if it is a stupid one.  A friend came to my house not ten minutes ago to show me a picture of a stacked, nearly naked, blonde he is having a phone conversation with.  I hated bursting his bubble by telling he she is actually a 78 year old filipino man, with no teeth, trolling the internet for money.

Much love. 

Porn Addiction / Re: Help Support Reboot Nation
« on: March 20, 2020, 10:10:36 PM »
It takes Will and Determination to get a grip on this.   

I just signed up for two dollars a month.  I will drink ten times more than that in coffee a month.  It's not so much, and he can use your help.  Let's help Gabe. He is carrying a pretty heavy burden.  He is here to help you.  He is trying.  You know anyone else is trying?  WE can try too.  I don't think he must carry it alone, and all help is appreciated.  If you are reading this, and you fucking ARE, chip in.  It's not much, just a couple bucks a month.

What?  You want to live forever?

W ishing you would help.

OK.  I want to live forever...but...  Get in the game.  Make positive change.  You can do that.  Help the man.  He is helping you. 

Much love.


Porn Addiction / Re: Porn Gave Me A Limp Noodle - Why I Told The World
« on: September 05, 2019, 08:09:34 PM »

Porn Addiction / Re: Research study looking for participants
« on: June 29, 2019, 02:01:46 PM »
This study, like others posted here, presumes something that should not be presumed, and that is that everyone here considers themselves an addict.  After the initial disclosures, the first question was, something like, do you think you have a problem with using porn.  I don't, anymore, so I answered no.  The next screen said:  We thank you for your time spent taking this survey. Your response has been recorded.  The survey is skewed because it presumes only those actively addicted have insight to give into porn addiction, when, in fact, it is probably the opposite; those who were addicted, but have overcome it, probably have far more insight into porn addiction than a newbie porn addict, who may actually, still, believe it is "porn" they are addicted to.  It is a perfect example of people studying something they have no idea about, but are carrying in incorrect preconceptions.  You don't really need to ask newbies about their addiction, because they don't understand it. You need to talk to people who have overcome it. Gabe Deem could give you more valuable information in 10 minutes than asking newbies questions for two years. We are way beyond asking "what is porn addiction" or "why is porn addiction."  We know the answers, they are not sophisticated, not complicated, just basic neuroscience.  Save yourself some time; every question you think you want to explore has already been explored by Gary Wilson of Yourbrainonporn.  It's been done, it is already done. It's like starting a study on what causes blood clots--WE ALREADY KNOW. 


Porn Addiction / Re: Today = ONE YEAR!!!
« on: April 15, 2019, 06:33:06 AM »
Excellent work .22.  Thank you for showing how it can be done. 

Porn Addiction / Re: Failed after almost 70 days...
« on: April 09, 2019, 08:12:17 AM »
Porn addiction, like quitting the addiction, is a trained brain response.  You were not hooked the first time you experienced porn, and overcoming porn addiction takes time, too. 

A lot of people say they use porn to treat anxiety.  Yep, but, anxiety is not something that really needs treatment.  We don't like anxiety, we wish we did not feel it, but anxiety is an evolutionary hold over from a time when anxiety was actually a very successful survival trait.  Turns out that carefree, happy, hapless monkeys are more likely to be eaten--which nature does not care about--than anxious monkeys--which nature likes because, being less likely to be eaten they are more likely to do something nature does care about--make more monkeys.  Way deep down in our brains, underlying the whole "porn addiction" thing, is an evolved, biological, imperative to "make more monkeys."  I won't bore you with the long story, but porn addiction is possible, and only possible, because the sex drive is hard wired, in the brain, in every, single, primate, including us. 

I like the hard 90 because it helps people embrace the impossible thought, for an addict, which is: I can live without this.  But, know, during that 70 days, which is impressive, you trained your brain to live without it every day.  The addict uses every day, multiple times a day. Think of quitting as training, as exercise, as pushing yourself more a little bit every day. The purpose of the exercise is not perfection, which, my friend, you will not achieve; the purpose of the exercise is to take off your chains. Once your chains are off, you are not perfect.  You are just an imperfect monkey with no chains.  That monkey, an unchained monkey, he is a wolf among sheep.  Whatever he wants to do now, he is far more likely to do, than he was wearing his chains. 

Stand up. Wipe the dust off.  Look it straight in the eye. Go again.  Move forward.  Do it.

Porn Addiction / Re: Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin.
« on: February 12, 2019, 03:10:07 PM »
We have come from an "addicted to X" model, whatever X is, to the X does not matter so much, and  what we are addicted to is what X triggers, a dopamine pleasure response, regardless of X.  Sure, each addiction trigger, your X, my X, her X, may be different, but what all addicts are addicted to is the brain reaction the trigger leads to.  This is an interview with Judith Grisel, whom I love, who has her PhD in Neuropsychology AND is an addict (recovering), so she both can discuss the problem from a neurological perspective (and that is the ONLY perspective that explains addiction--forget your mommy and daddy problems), and she knows what we have all felt, because she has felt it.

Click on the link, and once open, go down and click on "listen".  Remember, while we currently define our addictons as X, X is only the trigger, the thing we are addicted to is the underlying brain event, the doamine event, regarless of X.

Porn Addiction / Re: What habits have you picked up to replace Porn?
« on: February 07, 2019, 09:59:08 PM »
Exercise helps.  Reading helps.  Study helps.  But the key to quitting porn is not replacing it, it is learning to live without it.  Quitting porn is about giving something up.  It is not about replacing it.  Eventually you will quit missing it or wanting it.  It just takes time.  Chin up and carry on.   The English way.

Porn Addiction / Re: "Free January" challenge
« on: January 31, 2019, 08:35:13 AM »
Final day of challenge.  31 clear.  As long as you eat your spinach, it is all going to be OK.   

Porn Addiction / Re: "Free January" challenge
« on: January 30, 2019, 08:31:06 AM »
We quit porn for one reason, we quit addiction for one reason:  It caused a problem.  When quitting, it is helpful to remember the problem we are fixing.  30.  Clear.

Porn Addiction / Re: "Free January" challenge
« on: January 29, 2019, 08:43:03 AM »
28 +29.  Yesterday, posting here just did not occur to me, as in the thought did not pass my mind.  I have been clean for a lot longer than 29 days.  It takes a lot of concentration, effort, and commitment to get clean, once addicted, but once you achieve clean, then staying clean becomes second nature.  It is about changing life patterns.

Porn Addiction / Re: reboot
« on: January 28, 2019, 07:31:00 AM »
Some call it anorgasmia, some call it delayed ejaculation.  I hate both terms.  It is inability to cum during sex, but total ability to cum using porn.
 You have "sensitized" you brain to prefer reaching O with porn over reaching O with sex.  It happens.  You need to start studying the basics, and one of the most basic concepts to comprehend is that if porn caused no problems in our lives, we would not quit it.  If you want to reach O with sex, you are going to have to desensitize to porn and re-sensitize to sex, which, translates:  no more porn.  That is going to suck for you my friend, but that is the answer to your question.  The point of the exercise is to retrain your brain to give a neuorological reward for sex that you have trained it to give with porn.  Yep.  You trained yourself to get it that way.  Not consciously, but, you did.  Time to get conscious. 

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