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Messages - k-fff

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1
You got it. You're really on the right track man.

I had sex early on in my reboot as well--it might cause a chaser effect and/or make you feel crappy for a few days after, but I don't think it set me back or anything. Out of the three things you can do, I'd say sex is the safest. I could be wrong though, so take it with a grain of salt.

I used to think that after an "x" amount of days I'd be okay too. Time has slowly beaten that thought process out of me, but some people won't take as long as me to get better, so it works for them.

Yeah boredom is tough, but a lot of my boredom stems from the anhedonia nofap creates within me. Real life isn't as shiny when my brain is used to pmo as its go-to pleasurable activity. Don't know if that's the case for you, but I would at least examine how you used to be and compare it to how you are now. Has life gotten more boring recently, or have you always struggled with it?

for me, on the days my brain is in relative sync with the outside world, I have to choose between fun activities as opposed to forcing myself to conjure one. Instead of grasping for fun, I have to decide which activity is the MOST fun. Withdrawal makes life kinda boring. I don't have much of a desire to be social, or watch movies, or read, or any of that shit. But I've also destroyed my brain so badly that I don't really have a proper frame of reference anymore. I forget what it's like to want to do shit. Not until I was 27-28 did life really start to get bland and painful, and now I can't really empathize with guys who aren't as completely wrecked as I am.

Good luck. I would keep your hand away from your peepee as a rule, but if it didn't set you back this time then I wouldn't reset your counter. Counting days can be nice in the beginning when it comes to motivation, though what I said earlier should be the mode of thought as you get out of the beginning stages.

After the first 30-60 days it becomes much easier to not relapse, so just fight through this beginning section. But people get complacent and cocky and they fuck up because they forget how strong of a hold porn used to have on them. Don't be that person. You can't return to how you were before. I've seen several cases of guys coming on this forum who are filled with energy and motivation to quit, and they succeed and start to feel better. And then they either disappear without stating they relapsed or they do write that they relapsed, and THEN disappear. I used to do it myself.

Thanks man, I think anhedonia is a symptom of my p use too. I only really started having this bad when my p use cranked up. That is why I say it is self  inflicted because I have fun things I could be doing, but instead there is just no motivation to go out and do them. As a result, I would put myself in situations that would eventually cause me to relapse.

2
Thanks, Zander, I appreciate the info; I honestly appreciate the guidance and recommendations. I felt okay after the MO; it wasn't similar to the way I feel after using p. I reset the counter the last two times specifically because I could tell how badly it affected me.. I don't really have a problem with fantasy. It pops up at times, but i don't really engage in it. If I had to say triggers for me always came from certain websites and tv shows. Ever since I have started being strict with myself, I haven't really gotten urges. The other issue I somewhat worry about is I still consistently have sex. Is that going to be affecting the brain healing this early in a reboot? I guess other issues that I can think of is randomly getting urges while being online. But primarily triggers would cause it and boredom. Boredom is such a bad trigger for me. It is idiotic in a sense because it is a bit of self-inflicted boredom when I examine it. For me, the counter is partially to keep the motivation up, but I realize in the past I was kind of using it as x amount of days and this problem will no longer be a problem instead of looking at it simply from the perspective changing my habits up to limit superstimulus as much as possible.

3
Thanks for response, Phineas, well my reasoning for possibly resetting is not because of p fantasy or anything like that, but due to the fact, I mo'ed out of stress. As you know using orgasm to relieve stress is not a good habit and many of us pmo soley because of that. I don't think going to orgasm for stress relief is a good thing so I am debating on doing it.

4
Day 11
I mo'ed yesterday. I don't know if I should reset my counter. I started being stricter over all with my idea of a relapse. Any intentional p seeking is a relapse.I have been sick for over a month. It is driving me crazy. I am always coughing at night and I haven't worked out in the gym in forever as a result. I made an appointment with the hospital. I have been fighting with a coworker. Honestly, I don't know how much p is giving me these bad emotional reactions or it is just my natural temper. At this point, I am very tired. Tired of being sick and tired of p. I need to keep avoiding any stimulation that is best option even a photo sets off the chain reaction to using p. As annoying as that is, it is the reality of this problem.

5
day 10
Thanks Phineas

7
Thanks for the info, Phineas. I will try to put that more into practice.

8
Day 2
I reset because of the peeking the other day. Tomorrow is a problem day so I should spend the time after work out of my house and doing something until time to go to sleep.
things to do today
-practice piano
-stretch
reminder of why I want to quit porn: it steals my time and it is ruining my dopamine receptors.

9
peeked, stopped quickly enough but did feel the dopamine hit. my problem days are day 3 day 6, day 14, and day 21. Basically, about every 3 to 6 days seems to be heavy urge days. I don't want to keep doing this cycle. I do spend too much online as is, but as it stands right now I have been sick for three weeks so it has been difficult to do much of anything. I hope tomorrow I am finally over this.

10
Day 3
P is ruining my life and my attraction to women.

11
Day 2 reminder why I want to quit p. It is draining my time away. I lose hours and hours to it. It makes me depressed. It is my biggest problem and my life improves drastically when I am not using it.

12
At this point,  the anhedonia is really cranking up and I need to remember why I should tough this out.

13
Nah, don't worry about it man. The situation needs reality more than anything else. P is ruining my life I always need to be reminded of that.

14
Day 1 restarting because of the edging.
I want to quit p because it takes up too much of my time and it is the thing that is causing my current bouts of depression

15
don't take that as angry, but yea, I know edging is really bad I posted abbout it to keep more accountable I am not happy about it at all.

16
I know it is worse by far it is my biggest problem.

17
Day 3
Things to do today
-practice piano
-stretch
Reminder of why I want to quit p since i edged for 30 minutes today. That right there is the reason it wastes my time. It is ruining my life. I need to make these posts in the morning to remind myself. I will also post about what I need to do for the day to keep myself working towards my goals.

18
Yea, I can't allow myself any of those things. Avoiding triggers is the best way to beat this and I let myself slip by giving myself a pass from tv shows or movies.

19
day 2 a reminder why I want to quit. I have urges to watch p, to watch other people have sex, and not participate why would I ever want that. If I keep doing this bad habit, I will never overcome being a dilettante at various things that I have some skill. My posture will further deteriorate. I will likely develop pied and I will accelerate my hair loss. P drains all of my time and energy; it leaves me with nothing but guilt and disgust afterwards. It numbs my emotions and wrecks havoc on my sleep schedule. I am regaining control everyday.

20
day 1
Why I want to quit porn: I am not living my life. I am literally not moving forward or meeting new people. It drains so much time from the actual use and the subsequent withdrawals after use that I can't function because of lack of sleep or a headache.
Things I need to do today
-clean up my room
-stretch
-hang up my clothes after washing them
-grade all the papers

21
Day 0
relapsed bad today. The last three days I was clean before that had two days of edging. I downloaded about 25 videos from this current session. Just deleted them. I am back in a bad habit of relapsing constantly. lately, I have been ill and I really haven't gotten any sleep. My life has been quite miserable lately and porn is worsening the situation. The best thing i can do is get back to posting here to motivate me to stop. Avoidance works the best for me. Any stimulation I just leave the situation that is what i will go back to. My main problem is my phone. I wish I could get away with using a flip phone, but I fucking can't because of work and i have to use this gotdamn app. My relapses have always been starting from my phone lately. I want to quit because this sinking feeling and I don't want to develop pied.

22
Thanks so much, Jeks, I really appreciate all the support you send my way.

23
Day 1
I think I am gonna have to give up watching anime. It has too many triggers. I also notice I spend an absurd amount of time online in general even when I am not relapsing. Maybe that just has to do with boredom. I have a really bad headache from the relapse yesterday. I don't feel good about much of anything right now. I have 29 days left in this month. I want to spend those 29 days not using p. I don't want to spend another birthday with this in the back of my head. Avoidance worked best for me the past 20 days also posting daily. One thing I hate about myself is I always seem to lose sight of why I want to quit when I get further in, does anyone know other strategies to help deal with this? I feel like my direction is totally lost I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what to do. I have some savings now, but it is nowhere needed to live well.
I don't know my last relapse I was asking myself why I wanted to quit and what difference does it make. I guess ultimately it is because it isn't real. It is literally a screen and it drains my time. It made yesterday completely pointless and it wasted the entire day. I want to leave this country and I want to quit this job.  I hate my life in a lot of ways.

24
got 6 days then relapsed again. Nofap november is a failure a day in. I feel depressed now. I think i got urges because i was tired today. I am not sure. Also, anime, today should have been  a warning sign to stay off my computer. My birthday is coming up on the 27th. I don't want to be 29 with this problem still. I hate it.

25
Relapsed the other day. It was a really bad edging bend that lasted about 7 hours. Reason why it was so long is because my p habit isn't to just watch p. I will search for videos to download. Now I have a very specific p habit which is downloading basically the same set of videos over and over in a very specific genre or fetish. then deleting the stash. I have a massive headache now. I am unhappy about breaking my streak, but I realized that I ended up relapsing because yesterday I was stimulating my brain too much by seeing too many risque ads on this anime website. I feel better over this relapse even though binge was exceptionally terrible because I know what I need to do. Avoiding artificial stimulation is usually enough for me to control my urges or simply not have any. This binge is only really bad when I don't get back on the horse and I don't immediately start again. I might do a dopamine fast next weekend. This is why I always need to be on guard against even minor stimulation and also the boredom I have. I had boredom and my mind was like go to p do it. But it always turns into this weird bingeing is really bad for my health. I don't how much this will set me back, but it doesn't matter because I am gonna get right back on the horse. Current goal is hitting 30 days for my 29th birthday, I will and can do it.  I am confident now that I can conquer this.

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