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Messages - JB1997

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1
Ages 20-29 / Re: Josh Reboot
« on: May 25, 2020, 10:43:42 AM »
It's been a little over 3 weeks. Things still going well. I wanted to watch porn this morning, but quickly kind of re-directed that temptation. But, then I wanted to just think and fantasize and let thoughts run wild but those are pretty much just homosexual/transexual thoughts - like the porn I escalated to. I even find myself not being able to focus on just one person it's like a constant switch back and forth between people, like how I used to watch videos with going back and forth. It sucks, but I know it's just something I need to work through. I got up out of bed and didn't JO and stopped those thoughts, but it was hard and tempting to just want to think about them. Things still going well. Historically when I've tried this in the past weeks 3 and 4 start was always the hardest, and right now I'm starting week 4 pretty much. Thanks for all the support everyone, and likewise best of luck to everyone else on this journey - we'll all get through this.

2
Ages 20-29 / Re: Josh Reboot
« on: May 22, 2020, 04:21:21 PM »
Jeks,

Thanks man - what a great tool. I will absolutely keep that in mind and try it in the future. I'll also check out that youtube show as well and check it out sometime soon. Cheers

3
Ages 20-29 / Re: Josh Reboot
« on: May 22, 2020, 07:18:40 AM »
Thanks for that Blueicetea, I appreciate it. Still going strong - no porn, pics, literotica etc. In my posts before I mentioned developing feelings towards sex/porn in the past that I didn't feel were genuine, such as attraction to homosexual or transsexual genres. The hardest part right now is actually abstaining from just those thoughts, even without viewing any sort of artificial stimulation. That's been really difficult to try to abstain from even thinking about it, because I feel as though I have far less control over thoughts right now then I do choosing to just not log onto pornhub or another site. Coming on here and writing about this certainly helps, as does meditation and writing in a stream-of-consciousness style, but it's still really hard. Does anyone have any advice for things that have worked for them?

On a happier note what I'm excited about now is I started dating someone who I've been friends with for years, so that really has caused this sense of urgency and even more dedicated commitment toward staying away from porn and other arousing content. I had a relationship in the past where , to put it short, we weren't able to have sex successfully for quite some time (about 4 months) and I think that was largely due to my addiction to porn because after abstaining, we were eventually able to. I remember how upsetting and discouraging those experiences were with trying to have sex and just be intimate with eachother, but physically not being able to. With this new girlfriend that I have who is SERIOUSLY amazing, I really don't want to have to find myself back in that place I was with my previous girlfriend, and I know that I do have control over whether or not I do have those bad negative experiences again. Anyways, that's just been a nice driver now that I have this new relationship that I want to make last.

As always, thanks for the support everyone, and if anyone does have advice on how to try to deal with just thoughts from content I escalated to and used to watch, I would appreciate it if anyone has a similar experience. Cheers
-Josh

4
Ages 20-29 / Re: Josh Reboot
« on: May 04, 2020, 10:57:39 AM »
Thanks Furquim,

Just not a great week at home, bored being in quarantine, and it just seemed like an easy decision at night that I regretted in the morning. Back on track, and trying to just improve what i was doing before because what I was doing clearly didn't work. All good, just improving the process and going to keep working with the support of everyone else on here too. Day 4.

5
Ages 20-29 / Re: Josh Reboot
« on: May 02, 2020, 09:10:38 AM »
Back to the grind and now need to reset - Day 1

6
Ages 20-29 / Re: Josh Reboot
« on: April 17, 2020, 09:31:35 AM »
Not as much of a strong desire to watch porn this week, but still find myself wanting to look at pictures of people in my university, or just other attractive people online. Even if it's just on social media, but I'm not deliberately seeking out the content. It's more just pictures that come up and I just scroll on, or log of Facebook/Snapchat altogether. So far, things are good. I feel like I've found my rhythm with a 4 day/week exercise plan, and I think that structure and getting some energy out during this quarantine is also helpful. Days when I exercise I don't seem to be thinking as much about any sort of artificial stimulation or masturbation. What is still a little disheartening is the thoughts around some of the stuff that I had escalated to that I still have - whether it's transsexual or other genres. It's frustrating because I want these thoughts to go away as well, and I feel like they never fully did or have. Does anyone have any suggestions for how to get rid of these thoughts or what to do when they come up - even while I'm abstaining from porn or artificial stimulation? I'm not sure, but I could use the advice. Or, is it just something where time is really the only answer? Thanks.

On a side note, thank you Spaniard for the positive words.

-Josh

7
Ages 20-29 / Re: Josh Reboot
« on: April 13, 2020, 06:41:16 AM »
Having thoughts coming back into my head surrounding some of the things that I escalated to while watching porn. It's weird how I don't really feel a strong desire to watch porn itself, but I do still think about the things that I would watch and those tastes that  I was uncomfortable with. I still find myself thinking about homosexual/transexual content. Meditating, journaling, and exercise together I think are helping keep those urges and compulsions to go back to porn at bay. This is definitely the hardest it's been to abstain from looking/thinking about porn to this point, but it still doesn't compare to how it was previous times that I tried quitting. This site has been helpful as well. I'll keep working and keep progressing, but it's definitely at a difficult point in this reboot right now as I go into week 4. Good luck to everyone else on this journey as well.

8
Ages 20-29 / Re: Josh Reboot
« on: April 09, 2020, 11:46:06 AM »
Still going strong in week 3. This past weekend I had successful sex with orgasm. Still, I feel like things could have been better - more effortless, more sensation and more relaxed, but it was nice to have sex again and overall have it go well....which it did not the last time I tried about a month ago. It's incredible how after a long period of not using porn but then relapsing, it did not take nearly as long for things to "come back" as they did before. My first time when I quit porn, it took about 4 months for me to even be able to have successful sex, but now it was only about 2.5 weeks. Recently, I think turning more into meditation and exercise certainly helped. I have not viewed porn or used other sources of artificial stimulation since my first post on here, and I'm going to keep progressing because I know things can keep improving and get even better. As always, keep going friends and keep working at this even when it's difficult. We got this!

9
Ages 20-29 / Re: Completed 6 Days
« on: April 05, 2020, 02:39:32 PM »
Sadb,

If you'd like, reading the book "Your Brain on Porn" by Gary Wilson was actually nice in the way it helped me understand a lot of the things that were going on in my brain and what i was being sensitized and de-sensitized to, and what led to that point. I'm sure many of us on here have seen youtube videos or Wilson's Ted talk, or a similar video, but having the full book and really being able to read through a lot of the content but hear other peoples' stories (struggles and successes). I also agree that shortening your goal may be helpful. Also, there's another website that I really got into when all this started for me called "Impact Theory", and just listen to some of the shows/interviews on there. It got me thinking about things in different ways. Really really amazing site. Keep working though and just keep improving each day.

10
Ages 20-29 / Re: The begining of my recovery journey.
« on: April 04, 2020, 10:38:07 AM »
Cheers man congrats on 2 weeks - keep on going!

11
Ages 20-29 / Re: Josh Reboot
« on: April 04, 2020, 10:37:39 AM »
Hi Faenoe thanks for the support. Back at my house off campus this weekend so I'm kind of bored just doing work, but not going to relapse and go back to porn. A lot of times just being bored and alone in the house was a recipe for logging onto a website on my phone and just watching something to pass the time. But, those days are behind me. Thanks for the support everyone!

12
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: April 03, 2020, 08:27:03 AM »
Faenoe,

Glad you're back on here man - I'm the same way and feel like I have the most success when I'm active on the forum talking with others. Stress is a big thing for me that causes me to want to watch porn, but also specifically when things I feel just aren't going well in terms of dating/personal life. Perhaps maybe that falls under stress as well. Keep it up man!

13
Ages 20-29 / Re: Josh Reboot
« on: April 02, 2020, 06:04:01 PM »
Still going strong on week 2. I picked up meditating again and now have done that for 3 days in a row. Meditation combined with journaling for me is really helpful for this process. I actually meditated with my Mom last night for about 20 minutes which was oddly very relaxing and just felt good. One thing I am trying to be conscious of this time around using this site is supporting other people. It's funny how supporting others re-enforces the accountability I feel I have toward myself, but also for others reading my posts now too. Helping others seems to be a good way to help myself in the process.

I'm not posting updates for me every day, but things are going well since I started this on March 24th. As always, keep working hard everyone - WE got this.

14
Ages 20-29 / Re: I've got this
« on: April 02, 2020, 06:03:25 AM »
I appreciate your story man, and even though I can imagine it was difficult being honest with your girlfriend, I still respect the transparency that you had from just what you said. This was also a point for me in one of my relationships where it really porn really was this dividing force that was getting in between my girlfriend and I really having an optimal relationship. I don't mean to put words in your mouth, but it sounds like something similar.

I'm cheering for you man, and keep up the hard work. It's so hard for me sometimes to not try and make excuses that a picture of a girl online/instagram, other suggestive pictures, or even a type of literotica isn't EXACTLY pornography, so it's okay. I just learned I need to be binary with it, and treat it all the same - it's all artificial stimulation for me, and not something that I can seek out purposefully and act on to pmo. I think it's nice your counselor that you mentioned suggested joining a forum, and now that you're here I'll look forward to supporting you on this journey as well! Cheers

15
Ages 20-29 / Re: The begining of my recovery journey.
« on: April 01, 2020, 03:02:35 PM »
You got it man - let me know how it goes. Journaling is a secret weapon if you ask me - hope it helps!!

-Josh

16
Ages 20-29 / Re: Completed 6 Days
« on: April 01, 2020, 03:01:45 PM »
Sadb,

I'd say that if you're looking for help and support with this, you came to a very good place to get just that. I'm currently on my journey with this as well, and I have had success in the past but have relapsed. I know that you said in your post porn was one of the things that you had to get you through that depression. What is seems like though is that porn may have infact been contributing to that depression as well and that is something that you wanted to change - I imagine that's a main reason why you're on this website. I think there is a lot of taboo behind these two things, but I swear by meditation and journaling. I have a lot of negative feelings, but used to have far more in the past. Journaling is just something that I do on my computer to get my thoughts out into a word document that I have saved, and I just write about whatever I'm feeling usually on a daily basis. But if I really feel sad or the strong desire to watch porn, I go on to my document and write to get those thoughts out of my head. They may still linger and be things that I think about, but for me it's important to find SOME way that I can deal with them. Meditation is something that is really really easy to get into it - it's just about bringing yourself to do it. There's a great introductor app anyone can download called "Headspace" that can start out just with quick little 10 minute guided meditations.

I don't know what's leading toward the negative feelings that you may be having, but I know for me that using porn as an outlet makes me feel better for the exact time I use it, then worse right after. I don't know if it's the same for you, but I know what that means for me is I then need SOMETHING ELSE to do when I feel those feelings. It's hard to start that other activity, because watching porn may be so hard-wired into one's brain if that's what they're resorted to when stressed, sad, angry, etc. For me, journaling and meditation are two of those other activities I go to. Many other people say working out as well, but to me that just doesn't help me sit with and make sense of the feelings I have going on in that moment. Nonetheless, try different things and see what works well for you, but the trick is just doing SOMETHING when all you want to do is watch porn - just don't let it be pulling up one of those sites or pics on your phone.

Hope this helps man - you have support here. Even people aren't commenting on posts, don't get discouraged. You being on here and a member on this site shows you're part of the community here, and that in and of itself is supportive enough. Props to you for trying to make a change - keep up the grueling, hard work. As someone who has had success in the past and is determined to get back there, it is worth the pain you have now. I'm feeling it too in my own way. Stay strong man!

17
Ages 20-29 / Re: The begining of my recovery journey.
« on: March 31, 2020, 07:29:36 AM »
NewDrugFighter,

I just read your original post and the replies on this page thus far. Keep up the hard work - I'm right here with you I know it's tough, and I've relapsed too in the past. Also want to give you credit for being totally open and honest in the original post, I respect the authenticity and transparency , and I think on a platform like this that only leads to more support and community between members on here.

For some of the other people that posted that talked about what to do with thoughts when you have them, journaling is like a secret weapon for me. For me the whole "Just don't think about it," advice is kind of pointless. We can't always control our thoughts in the moment, but I do feel we can control what we do in response to them. What I did was start a word document that I just call "pages" and I just try to write in it daily, and as needed (usually times of stress, anger, frustration, etc.). It's just my way of getting thoughts out in a method known as stream of consciousness writing. Whatvever thoughts I have I just write and get it down, no matter what. Nobody has to ever see what I write and I may not go back and look at it, but it's my way of getting those thoughts out of my head and trapping them on paper to deal with later if I choose to. I always feel better after writing and getting it out though.

The second part to writing in that style of journaling is that I keep a special section for the times when I have relapsed in the past on using porn and how I feel after I use it, both in the short term and when I've failed to have sex or just keep an erection with another person. I've heard that this could be degrading and viewed as I'm "dwelling" on the fact that this happened, but I think to a degree this is productive. I like to see and sometimes read in the vivid detail that I wrote about how badly I feel about certain things as a result of pornography, and frankly it often let's me take a step back and not be so fixated on how badly I want to watch porn. By reading this, it's kind of like me being able to see the cliff that I'm getting ready to drive off of by watching porn and how badly I know I'll feel if I do, just because I wrote it in such detail before and know what it's like when I relapse.

Hope this helps - I'm working to get back into meditation as well, but I do feel that journaling is absolutely a secret weapon for this journey that I've found really helpful in the past. It feels really weird at first, but nobody ever needs to read what you write. Even if you're skeptical, I'd recommend just trying it out. As always, keep up the hard work and keep on improving each day!

18
Ages 20-29 / Re: Josh Reboot
« on: March 31, 2020, 07:18:03 AM »
New Drug Fighter - thank you for the support man! I appreciate it. Hope all is well with you too.

For me first week is done now moving on to week 2! I find writing things down is helpful even just having a to do list for the day but also a separate list that I got the idea to start from a speaker named Brendon Burchard, where he talked about a what NOT to do list, and steps of how to do that as well in the same way someone writes out steps to achieve goals/finish their to-do list. That's actually been helpful. Writing things down too is also like another form of accountability just to get my feelings down on paper when I really feel frustrated, want to use porn, or even just if anything is bothering me - doesn't need to be related to PIED and all things related.

19
Ages 20-29 / Josh Reboot
« on: March 29, 2020, 06:30:30 PM »
Hi everyone,

I've used this website before as I've had intermittent success with rebooting. I've had a several relapses usually around a time where I've had a breakup with a girlfriend and just in feeling down, but I know that even though it feels good in the moment I always regret it. It absolutely sucks, but what I've also realized is that I genuinely felt I had more support and a much less-likely chance of relapsing and using artificial stimulation when I used this website regularly. I don't know what led me to stop using Reboot Nation, but I do understand now that this website and the accountability I feel I have toward others just in coming on here and posting really makes a massive difference in terms of success with getting over my porn addiction. Most recently I was with a girl last week, and realized I couldn't have sex after she asked and I tried, and I knew the fact that happened (again) was directly because of porn use. That feeling is one that I don't ever want to feel again, and have no intention of ever having in the future as a result of pornography use.

So, this is day 5 for me with stopping the use of artificial stimulation. For me, I know the hardest part starts around week 2 or 3, so I know it's coming up and that it will suck. I'm looking ahead though, and I know that this will get easier with time. I've had success before with this, and I want to have it again! But first, I know that I need to be ready for the hard part, and I'm glad I'm back on the site and have the support of those who are also going through this, and that I can also support others on this journey. To everyone who reads this, thank you, and I'm cheering for you all!

20
Ages 20-29 / Re: NO MORE HALF MEASURES!
« on: August 21, 2018, 10:03:47 PM »
Still going strong and have not JO or looked at pictures, erotic literature or anything artificially stimulating in a week now. I found that I am still having some sexual thoughts that I think about, but I don't really get hard when I am thinking about them on my own. I wonder if this is part of the concept of needing artificial stimulation to get hard, and that even if I have sexual thought on my own I still don't. Can anyone else relate to this?

21
Ages 20-29 / NO MORE HALF MEASURES!
« on: August 19, 2018, 11:28:01 PM »
Hi everyone, I'm Josh and I'm 21 years old. The last time I viewed Porn (video) was December 18th, 2017. I have not watched a video of any sort of porn since that time, but I still have been cheating myself for months, and I want to be honest with myself and say these "half measures" of quitting porn will stop now.

I had many, many times where I wanted to watch porn videos, but was able to successfully stop myself from watching videos, viewing literotica, or looking at pictures. Eventually though, urges just got really really bad, especially in times where I was struggling in my relationship with my girlfriend, had some bad news about a family member, or just wasn't doing as well as I wanted to in school. During these times, it was as if I was compromising with myself and saying "look, it's not as bad as watching porn videos, if you just look at pictures or literotica." Things were still okay with my girlfriend as far as our sex life, but I felt that it was just that; OK. It wasn't great, and I always felt like it could be better. I felt like I just didn't complete the reboot I set out to last December, and just gave up as things got satisfactory as far as a sex life is concerned. But, I want things to be great, not just OK, and I want to stop cheating myself from doing a full reboot, and refraining from all sexual content and not just videos.

My girlfriend and I have been broken up for a few weeks now, and I haven't really been with anyone else since that time, as I was still getting over our break up, which I have fully accepted and am over now. But, I want things with the next woman I am with to be fantastic, and the best they possibly can. I feel like I still have urges about watching gay or transsexual porn, which I have read might be part of HOCD. I don't view myself as being attractive to other men or transsexual women in real life, and the times I would JO to literotica or pictures, I instantly just felt shame and not happy about myself right after I was done. I would still view stories or pictures of gay or transexual people, but I never felt like that reflected me in real life. Oddly enough, I don't have a real burning desire to watch porn videos anymore, as I feel like I have gone so long without watching them. It is more the literotica and pictures that I have struggled with not viewing, but have successfully not looked at now for six days.

I want to continue that streak, and fully complete this reboot that I set out to do last December. I have been successful in having sex in the time since I stopped watching pornographic videos, but I know things can be better both physically for me. I feel like arousal and erections can be better, and the reason that they are not (whether I am with another person, or just by myself), is because I cheated myself by letting myself still look at pictures and stories. I think I am still struggling with the HOCD stuff too, but this is not as bad as it was prior to last December when I really started this journey.

What I feel like I need is just a way to be held accountable for not giving myself any slack as I cut out the remaining forms of artificial stimulation that I have been using for months. I realize now that it is not a video, but it is still porn, and it is still artificial and preventing me from fully recovering to the best of my ability. Giving up watching videos helped, and I know that fully giving up stories and pictures is the next step and will only help further. I want to keep checking up on this post, and greatly appreciate any and all encouragement and advice that anyone is willing to offer. It helped me so much having all the support I received on reboot nation the first time I gave up watching videos, so I know that this support is a very useful tool in helping as I work on correcting these "half measures" that I have been doing for months. I want to go all the way, and push myself and be the best person and partner that I can be from an intimacy standpoint for the next woman that I meet in my life. I have been selling myself short of what I can do, and what I am willing to accept as being "all better" throughout this reboot, and I want that to stop now. I know I can do more now, and that is what I am willing to do.

Thanks for reading and as always, thank you for the support.

22
Ages 20-29 / Re: 100 days but still struggling
« on: March 31, 2018, 12:09:18 PM »
Hi rnnr, thanks for the advice with running in the morning. I am very active both working out 3 times a week in the gym as well as daily activities outside either with Ultimate Frisbee or Spikeball. However, I never do these things in the morning. Do you find that runs specifically in the morning help you more?

HOCD is Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. If you look it up on Your Brain on Porn, or perhaps another site, they would have more information on it. If you were just looking it up for more information on it, I don't think you would see anything graphically sexual unless you did a google image search or something. It is something that both myself, as well as I think some other people on this site I have read  in posts are experiencing or have experience with.

23
Ages 20-29 / 100 days but still struggling
« on: March 31, 2018, 09:35:44 AM »
Hi Everyone, I want to start by saying I posted on this site before when I first started this journey, but I haven't posted in a while. I am 20 years old (almost 21). This is my first time trying to quit porn, and just earlier this week I hit 100 days without watching porn, which I am very proud of. However, I feel like I am greatly still struggling now because I have been thinking about wanting to watch porn, or even just finish to pictures. I know that I really want to do these things in the moment, but I know that these are just urges and I have been able to kind of overcome them a lot of times as they come up. I still have these thoughts and urges in my head all the time, especially regarding some of the types of porn that I used to watch. Over time, I had escalated to gay and transgender porn, and after looking into HOCD, I think this is also something that I suffered from.

I have had thoughts about watching this type of porn, and even have been thinking and fantasizing a lot about what it would be like to act on both JO to these types of porn, as well as in real life engaging and acting on some of the types of porn that I would watch. These thoughts come and go, but they are there all the time, and I don't know how to limit the amount of time I spend fantasizing and thinking about porn. I really don't enjoy the constant thoughts that I am having about watching gay or transgender porn, but I can't seem to get rid of them, and I really don't think I would ever act on them in real life. Does anyone know how I can manage these thoughts so I am not thinking about porn as much? Any tricks? The support from this site has always helped me, and I am glad I brought myself to post again now. If anyone has any tricks to stop thinking about porn, even if I am not watching it, or to help with the HOCD component, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you

24
Ages 20-29 / Re: I can't take it, time to change
« on: February 24, 2018, 11:39:24 PM »
This is awesome man, awesome that you have started this journey. Wishing you the best of luck, but just know it isn't about luck, it's about self-discipline. The outcome is in your control, luck is not needed. One message that really resonated with me was from a speaker named Jim Qwik. He's a memory expert, I saw a talk he had on youtube so it has nothing directly to do with PIED. However, he said "Reasons reap results." This always stuck with me, as he went on to talk about the idea of how motivation is needed for any sort of outcome, and that motivation starts with reasons for that change. My advice to you would be to just stay focused on those reasons why you are on here, starting on day 1, and don't lose sight of them. With enough reasons, you will have enough motivation to cause that change. There are hard days/weeks ahead, but don't lose sight of those goals (write them down, journal, etc....whatever works for you.) Just stay focused, that is the key going forward.

This forum helped me a tremendous amount in the beginning and still helps me on this journey. My last time I viewed porn was December 18th. I've had improvement thus far, so I can tell you it does work. Just stay on track, and know that people on this forum are here for you just offering their support, so be sure to check in from time to time as you post.

25
Ages 20-29 / Re: First post, I'm done with porn
« on: February 24, 2018, 07:30:46 PM »
Hi everyone, haven't posted in a while. Things were going good with my girlfriend for a while, but just have been kind of rough the last few weeks. It has to do with me not feeling the effort im putting into the relationship is being reciprocated. However, the sex-life side I think is going pretty well, as it is exciting and was something that was a wedge between us early on in the relationship.

I feel as though lately I just want to watch porn. On a superficial level, I want to watch it, but I know that I don't actually want to and I can recognize that it is because of this stress with my relationship. That being said, I want to and know that I would short-term feel better if I did. I haven't watched porn since December 18th. I am however finding myself spending a little more time looking at pictures of girls on instagram, or looking at profiles when I see an attractive girl. I haven't masturbated to these pics, but this is something that I have realized. I have also found that I am back to fantasizing more, which is something that I have struggled with trying not to do ever since I gave up porn, but can't help even a little when these thoughts come into my head. I find myself fantasizing sometimes and have a few times with masturbation, but I have not watched any pornography videos.

Does anyone else have this sort of desire to relapse sometimes knowing that it will feel better short term, but long term just make things so much more difficult? I know I would feel better short term, but I know I shouldn't and therefore I will not relapse. I just want to not have even that feeling to do it now. Does anyone have any tricks for not thinking about relapsing though? To be honest, some days I miss the way watching a video would make me feel. I won't relapse, I've come this far and am fully committed, but I don't like having the thoughts in my mind. If anyone has any words that could help, I'd appreciate it . Thanks everyone

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