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Messages - OldSoldier66

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Ages 40 and up / Re: OldSoldier66's Journal - Help and advice welcome
« on: March 09, 2017, 04:51:32 AM »
@MioSr - Wow, great insight.  I've kind of discovered a lot of the techniques you offer by default.  I appreciate your taking time to post here.  I know there's probably all the answers I'd need here on the site but damn - there's a lot to read, and The Man kinda expects me to actually perform work when I'm at work.  Right? 

Follow on question for the audience - I've been through a week of awful sleep, interrupted by some really bad dreams.  Not sex related at all, but the bad, disturbing, wake-you-up kind based on recurring scenes/places/worlds I've dreamt before.  Obviously, I've scraped the surface off of something and am now exposing the rotten inside to the air, but I guess I want to know if this is normal, or common.

Ages 40 and up / Re: OldSoldier66's Journal - Help and advice welcome
« on: March 04, 2017, 05:20:43 PM »
@Gracie - I tried that in my last marriage, and admittedly there was a lot of bad stuff happening then, so I don't want anything at this point triggering my brain to equate my current spouse with my abusive ex (the Vodka Harpy).  I'm really trying to do this the right way.  I do appreciate your input, though!

Ages 40 and up / Re: OldSoldier66's Journal - Help and advice welcome
« on: March 03, 2017, 04:27:32 AM »
@getagrip - I don't think that's beyond the realm of possible.  I had a lot of other things weighing on me when I posted that, which is the real source of my down tone.  My wife and I actually communicate exceptionally well.  Since that night, we've had a sort of breakthrough - i.e., she wanted to - but of course waking me up in the middle of the night is always a dicey proposition.  Point being, she expressed this to me.  I told her how much that meant and the significance and she'd not considered how things appeared to me.

I'm still in the "not much reaction down there" stage of this reboot.  I guess my next question is, when is it okay to have sex with one's wife during a reboot? 

Ages 40 and up / Re: OldSoldier66's Journal - Help and advice welcome
« on: February 27, 2017, 06:42:07 PM »
So now things get tough.  I've posted a comment somewhere else to the effect that I feel depressed, I'm not sleeping well, and even not pissing like I'm used to.  Guess that's to be expected, I suppose.  I'd love to know when this ends.  Doesn't help that my life won't stop throwing additional challenges at me while I do this.

My biggest worry is still that my wife has mentally and emotionally moved on.  I brought up the topic of sex, and she said she had 'shut that part of her down.'  I have no idea what that means.  I have no idea when - during this process I mean - it is once again good to actually engage in meaningful sex.  I worry that I'm going to go through all this without any way of seeing if my efforts are paying off, so to speak.  I won't cheat on her, though. 

Probably not the best time to post here.  Those 'other life challenges' are weighing heavily on my mind.

Ages 40 and up / Re: It's More Complicated For Older Guys
« on: February 27, 2017, 06:37:17 PM »
Good to know disrupted sleep is a symptom here.  Holy cow.  Nightmares, night sweats, etc.

Also noticed the following:

I'm not pissing correctly anymore
Depressed, negative thoughts
Lack of energy, but might be the above
Oh, and no wood... boners... at all... none

Anyone else?

Ages 40 and up / Re: OldSoldier66's Journal - Help and advice welcome
« on: February 23, 2017, 10:12:26 PM »
@getagrip - Yes, whatever works, man.  I guess I'm lucky because, after 23 years in the Army, I'm pretty good at exercising self-discipline, which extends to both behavioral and mental processes.  That said, I'm still not special.  I had to admit to myself that I had a problem before I could start exerting that control.  Right?

Ages 40 and up / Re: It's More Complicated For Older Guys
« on: February 23, 2017, 08:15:53 PM »
@jjacks - nice job.  I'm 48 and you guys here give me hope for my own personal future.  No offense, seriously.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Lost in Darkness
« on: February 23, 2017, 08:14:17 PM »
I know there's a purpose in swearing off PMO, but part of me wonders if you're hitting your shit to your significant other, is that bad??  Serious question here, because isn't PMO sort of a barrier to being aroused by the one you are with? 

Seriously - if I'm missing something, please educate me.

Ages 40 and up / Re: It's More Complicated For Older Guys
« on: February 23, 2017, 05:01:48 AM »
I'd consult a doctor about the other issues you cite for certain.  Adderall takes about 3 to 5 days to flush from your system, as I understand it.  Keep up the reboot, though.  You make a great point about exposure duration for we 'men of a certain age,' but I'm not fully convinced.  This problem strikes at the addiction level of the brain, so like nicotine or crack, one exposure can hook you - my opinion only.

Good luck, be strong.  You're not alone.

Ages 40 and up / Re: OldSoldier66's Journal - Help and advice welcome
« on: February 23, 2017, 04:57:47 AM »
Getagrip, I am hopeful and appreciate the support.  I've found that my PMO issue is a substitute for intimacy, but while I'm not as bad off as some stories I've read here, it's an issue nonetheless.  Someone above recommended the link on this site to 'Your Brain on Porn.'  No real journal or ongoing support like this, but it's a wealth of linked and embedded information.  I'm still exploring it.

On a side journal note, I'm finding new periodic surges of random thought that distract.  I doubt I have to explain it, but it makes things tough.  The good news is, my life keeps me busy enough to counter it.

Ages 40 and up / Re: OldSoldier66's Journal - Help and advice welcome
« on: February 21, 2017, 06:31:41 PM »
Mickormike, thanks for the advice.  I'd seen the link but hadn't gathered any kind of group opinion here yet.  I'll try it out... and keep working on getting my wife to come around and through her anger.  It's well deserved, but it flashes up from time to time and really triggers me in terms of what ex's and others have layered on me in damage.

Will check the link!  Thanks!

Ages 40 and up / Re: OldSoldier66's Journal - Help and advice welcome
« on: February 21, 2017, 05:39:32 AM »
Just realized my initial entry might sound like I'm in denial.  I'm not, and I'm white-knuckling (so to speak) swearing off porn and masturbation.  I keep hunting for advice or insight into the emotional anorexia as I'm working on this particular aspect of my problem.  The stories here are helpful.  It's good to know I'm not alone.

Ages 40 and up / Re: Lost in Darkness
« on: February 21, 2017, 05:14:55 AM »
Keep up the good work.  I read a piece here on the 'front page' that pointed out that going off PMO will manifest physical symptoms of depression.  Knowledge is power.

Ages 40 and up / OldSoldier66's Journal - Help and advice welcome
« on: February 20, 2017, 10:02:34 AM »

This, of course, is all new to me.  I have a problem, and I've signed up here because I need to get better in order to save my marriage.  I'm not certain that I'm a porn addict.  I know that I've used it as a substitute for real intimacy.  I've figured out - all on my own - that I definitely suffer from intimacy anorexia.  The porn use is my outlet for my natural urges and has offered me a way to decline meaningful sex with my wife.

Naturally, our marriage has suffered.  Three years into it, I'm facing losing her.  She is a good woman and my fourth wife (probably a significant statistic there).  She is different and doesn't manipulate me or emotionally abuse me as some of the previous ones have.  I'm fairly certain I've been made into the intimacy anorexic that I am by my mother.  I do not suspect there was any overt, outright sexual abuse.

I've searched the internet for support groups, advice and anything I can use to gain a better perspective and some insight into my problems.  Right now, I've sworn off porn and masturbation.  It seems to be helping.  I noticed that my mental imagery ability has responded, and my night dreams have become pretty graphic.  No wet dreams, just the sick part of my brain trying to force me back into my habits.

I took the step and shared all my revelations with my wife.  She appreciated me sharing it, and I think it was a good breakthrough.  It didn't solve the problem, of course, but now she knows I'm trying.

What I need are some references and help.  I've found all the emotional anorexia stuff (YouTube, etc) by that semi-famous counselor who's apparently damn near-trademarked the term.  The downside is, it's a typical twelve-step with the typical religious inserts and a slew of books and workbooks for sale.  Can anyone offer links, advice, or anything that might help?

My background: White, straight male, 48 years old, former Army officer who served 23 years.  Not sure what else might be relevant, but those are the basics.

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