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Messages - zander13

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1
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: July 01, 2020, 12:56:35 AM »
Still trucking. No slip ups or anything over these past 8+ months. Need to stay humble and be aware that a mistake can happen at any time. Vigilance will be my savior.  I can fail at any moment.

2
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 27, 2020, 03:42:28 PM »
My sleep has been atrocious lately. The withdrawals just don't allow me to fall asleep.

3
How's it going?

4
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 24, 2020, 06:16:03 PM »
My girl came over to get her food from my place and we ended up hooking up. I'm kinda pissed, because she knows that I'm trying to limit my sex and she hung around and cuddled with me anyways. It's not all on her, but I'm still upset. I'm thinking about ending things with her permanently. No relationship is more important than my abstinence from porn, and that's a fact.

The chaser effect will always be a monster that needs eyes on it, so I'm going to maintain solid vigilance and avoid any harmful situations. I need to remain open and communicative.

5
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 23, 2020, 07:25:39 PM »
do you have problems like PIED? or is it only porn addiction without any physical issues ?

I used to have PIED, but not much anymore.

My dick and balls are shriveled consistently throughout the day though. My sleep is disturbed, my digestion is fucked, my fight or flight is wonky, and I'm often fatigued, which are all physical symptoms in my eyes.

The mental shit is the worst though.

6
Ages 20-29 / Re: Kraken's journal
« on: June 23, 2020, 05:24:28 PM »
Glad to see you turning it around so fast. God speed my friend, you've accomplished a great deal already.

7
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 23, 2020, 05:20:00 PM »
Had sex 5 times over the past 3 days. Mistakes, but nothing terrible. I just need to keep moving forward. I'm fighting for my life. My addiction will ruin it if I let it. I'm doing this to have a shot at finding true happiness. Porn and joy don't go together. I'm past 8 months clean, and I don't plan on stopping.

8
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 20, 2020, 02:28:18 AM »
Porn has plagued me for my entire adult life. I need to keep grinding, regardless of how bad I feel.

9
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 19, 2020, 03:30:08 PM »
If Frodo and Sam could do it, so can I.

10
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 17, 2020, 08:36:20 PM »
Still roughin it out here. Almost 8 months into this.

11
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 14, 2020, 04:53:26 PM »
Just need to keep going. That's all I can do.

12
Hey man,

Edging is worse for you than ejaculating. It's all about dopamine. Edging is the ultimate chemical dump.

13
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 13, 2020, 06:32:03 PM »
Today has been easier than the previous couple. Ready for that to change, but I'll do my best to enjoy it.

14
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 12, 2020, 06:38:18 PM »
Another tough day. Time is the ultimate healer when it comes to this addiction, and I plan on being patient enough to glide through the pain.

15
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 11, 2020, 04:06:52 PM »
More suffering today. No words. Anxiety is ridiculously high, fight or flight system is fucking broken.

16
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 10, 2020, 01:45:23 PM »
My hope reserves have never been so low. It's just day after day after day of anhedonia. I don't fucking enjoy anything. I have no motivation to do anything. It's not fucking fair. None of this shit is fair. I'm just sitting around wasting my fucking life.

I'm running out of hope. I don't know what to do or where to go from here. There's no action I can take other than wait around. I feel as if I'm being tortured.

17
Ages 20-29 / Re: Recovery is an incredible process
« on: June 10, 2020, 12:35:11 AM »
Hey man,

Keep at it.

18
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 10, 2020, 12:26:58 AM »
Been in a really deep trough. The last couple weeks have been very difficult. Not much good to report, sadly. Just going to keep moving forward.

19
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 07, 2020, 05:25:24 PM »
Just got a blowjob--fuckin idiot.

20
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 07, 2020, 01:23:04 PM »
Withdrawals kept me up until 6am this morning. Today is worse than yesterday, or at least equal. I'm being tested. I cannot give in.

21
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 05, 2020, 08:21:45 PM »
Gotta keep trucking my friends. A day will come when life will be so vivid I won't even know what to say.

22
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 05, 2020, 12:51:09 PM »
This has been one of the hardest weeks of this reboot. The symptoms are seemingly never-ending. I haven't gotten a reprieve in a fucking while now, and it's been grinding me down both emotionally and physically. I've been sleeping like shit, and my dick is constantly shriveled.

I get MW, but it seems to be a small consolation. I'm, undoubtedly, in this for the long haul. Every small bit of hope is very much hard earned, and it usually withers away before I am able to properly savor it.

23
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 03, 2020, 05:39:04 PM »
Today is worse than the last couple days. I'm in the thick of it right now. The pain seems to be cyclical, but that could just be me trying to make sense out of a senseless situation.

24
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 02, 2020, 04:14:17 PM »
Today has been shitty. I didn't sleep much last night due to withdrawal symptoms and today is just a continuation of the shittiness I felt last night. Patterns have been changing so I can't guarantee anything, but I'd bet that tomorrow ends up being a little easier than today and yesterday. I just need to hold on to the edge of the cliff, even if I have to use my pinky fingers to grip the precipice. Wish me luck fellas.

25
Ages 20-29 / Re: Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: June 01, 2020, 09:21:07 PM »
Paid for the sex I had. Today was rough man. Ready for a new day tomorrow.

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