Topics

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Ages 20-29 / I'm not achieving my potential

« on: July 17, 2017, 10:51:36 PM »

Girls think I'm hot. I have no problem striking up conversations because I have unwavering confidence, especially when I am drunk. Yesterday, I PMO'd 3 different times and I today while at work I felt sad and unmotivated and didn't meet my sale numbers at all. I am a go getter and porn is hurting me. It needs to get cut out. I haven't had sex since September 20th 2016. My excuse is that I want to focus on myself and succeed, its really just a coverup to hide my addiction. I deleted my Facebook and instagram because I don't ever post in those sites anyways. I feel like there is so much to learn out in this world and I am not allowing myself to live to the fullest because i choose to watch porn. In the past, I've tried to use trackers to count how long I can go without porn and then I found myself constantly checking the days, hours and even minutes and thought to myself "OK that is long enough". Then I dive right back into the cycle.
I've also noticed that If I am drunk and watch porn, I have a different perspective and I don't think its attractive. I find myself thinking how the people in this are all acting and its just a load of shit. Its kind of funny that my drunken mind is able to see that better than sober mind.
I'm gaining weight and not working out and drinking a lot (roughly 23 beers) a weekend. Furthermore, I tend to go on phases of where I put snus in my mouth and then watch porn. I somehow convince myself that being stimulated will make the porn more appealing. Its not true.
I don't care if anyone reads this but myself but I need this closure. I am giving up Facebook and Instagram and tobacco and drinking max 6 beers this week. God Bless and may I realize the untapped internal strength that I know I have.

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Ages 20-29 / Time to start up again. (Personal note)

« on: March 27, 2017, 11:00:20 PM »

Alright, its time to start up again. I can jerk off all I want; I'm just not allowed to look up porn. I think overtime my brain will condition itself to crave real human contact rather than a screen. Its so fucked up to think that I'm hurting my brain from this. Anyways, I'm starting the tracker again and I'll see how far I can go. I want to become my best self because that is when I will be able to find the girl of my dreams. God Bless.

3

Ages 20-29 / I gave in after 2 days and 16 hours

« on: October 26, 2016, 03:29:44 PM »

This is just a personal note to myself-I watched porn and gave in after 2 days and 16 hours. My new goal is to go 4 days without PMO. Rome wasn't built in a day....baby steps. I got horny after going on Facebook. Definitely wasn't worth it, I don't ever contribute on there anyways.

It is good to note that I felt like the fucking man these past few days. I've had increased energy and confidence. I know I'm capable of going longer and I kind of got a little feel for what it feels like to be super confident and energetic. Onto 4 days without PMO!

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Ages 20-29 / Avoiding Facebook helps BIG TIME

« on: October 26, 2016, 12:04:43 AM »

Survived 2 days and counting, without PMO. This is coming from someone that averaged 2 times daily and probably 20 mins daily of just lurking for better porn over the last several years, this is a big moment for me. I'm well-aware that this is totally pathetic but progress is progress, right? Anyways, today I realized that my urges tend to come from Facebook/Instagram. I usually go on and see someone is a bikini or a low cut shirt and then I just want to go masturbate. Detaching from my "normal" mindset and not doing my daily routine (going on Facebook), I've realized this is a major step in helping avoiding a trigger. I'll probably go on Facebook here and there, but making a mindful block on it for the time being has already proven to be very beneficial to me. God Bless.

5

Ages 20-29 / These impulsive thoughts are driving me crazy

« on: October 24, 2016, 11:25:26 PM »

 I'll start off by saying this, I am a 21 yr old dude. I've tried using NoFap, a sub reddit, but there was simply too much to read and comprehend and it was overwhelming. I love the idea of writing a personal journal; for me, its great self-medication. I began watching P when I was in 7th grade. I was 12 years old and ever since then the longest I've gone without viewing P is a week. 7 days withdrawn from P is the most since beginning 8 years ago; I now am attempting 90 days. I'll allow myself to MO strictly based on imagination from past sexual experiences, that is all.

With that being said, P has made me develop p-induced ed. I've been soft and unable to perform with real, attractive girls about 6 times. (yes, I've turned down 6 DIFFERENT girls  because I can't get it up)  Not only is that a major problem, but also I have found myself having no empathy towards others, too. And as of recently, I've began having extremely impulsive, exotic thoughts about P.  It grosses me out to no end and I honestly hate those stupid, random thoughts. I've noticed that the more I watch P in a given day, the impulsive thoughts come more often. I think this forum will help me get to achieving my real potential. God Bless.