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Topics - Sopie123

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Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / 3 months on Saturday
« on: February 02, 2017, 10:39:00 AM »
I haven't posted in awhile and just wanted to share my partner's progress. On Saturday it'll be 3 months since he's looked at online pornography/naked pictures of other women. He's gotten a few games on his phone and he reads the news/sports when bored. My partner has pictures/videos of me on his phone: many people say it's a bad idea, but he says it helps him because if he's bored he looks at my pictures rather than strangers. He hasn't slipped up to my knowledge in 3 months. I also haven't snooped in 3 months.

Our sex life is improving. He says my name more when we make love and he seems more into it. When he looked at porn he couldn't orgasm sometimes and I just felt he was bored a lot. We're exploring each other together and finding new positions together. He's more affectionate and he's less private with his phone. The times I've snooped on his phone were only when our sex life was sucking, and I was always right. When he couldn't orgasm two days in a row it was cuz he was loooking at naked pictures of women online.

Where I worry still...He isn't always signed in to his phone on Google. Last time he slipped up we went through his Google activity and it's how I caught him. I've glanced over when he's on google on his phone and he's not signed in sometimes. He says he usually is. I'm worried but I try not to let it overwhelm me. Our sex life is great and I believe he forgets to sign in after he clears his history a few times a month. I forget to sign in as well sometimes. His account isn't on Google anymore. Since we went through his Google activity and cleared everything out it was gone, whether I did that or Google just forgot his account. He doesn't use Google on his laptop (it's for school only) he uses Bing.

On his suggested apps on his iPhone a browser is usually not a suggested  app. Neither is iFunny. His games and the news and his Bank are his suggested/most used apps. So it makes me happy to know that he's doing well.

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Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Day 11 - Am I beautiful?
« on: November 15, 2016, 11:27:43 PM »
Day 11 is almost over, almost at day 12. The past few days sex has improved, SO has initiated sex more often and has been in the mood for it more frequently. He assures me all is well. He's been playing games lately that have no ads/ads that are appropriate and he has enjoyed the games. Today I watched an Intervention episode about anorexic twins. It made me think of my own self-consciousness with my weight. I never was anorexic or bullimic, but I would fixate on my weight. My parents would comment if I lost weight or gained weight, if my hair looked messy, etc, so I got stressed out. I gained about 10-15 pounds recently and I'm discouraged. My boyfriend tells me "I love you, you're beautiful and you are perfect. Why does it matter what anyone else thinks? If you wanna lose weight you can but you don't have to change anything." I don't wanna throw it in his face, but all I thought of was his google searches for beautiful and perfect women (supposedly men too), and how he looked on a website with women posting nude pictures of themselves and they all have perfect bodies. Real girls with real perfect bodies. I am trying to look to the future and take it one day at a time but it's hard. I get scared. He's making a ton of progress but I'm scared. I don't feel beautiful 100% now. He apologized and says he's focused on recovering and I trust him/see signs of improvement, but I'm scared I'll never feel 100% again. I know I'll marry him in a few years but I don't wanna deal with this when we're married. I wanna continue to help him.

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Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Day 9.
« on: November 13, 2016, 09:10:50 PM »
Today is 9 days since my bf's last relapse. He is being more open with me about what causes his relapses, what he feels when it happens, etc. I am learning to channel a lot of my feelings into forums and my blog, it helps me not freak out at him. He says I have no reason to trust him now, but that he promises he won't lie to me anymore when he relapses and that he wants things to be different. He says he understands it's wrong I've had to catch him and that he understands honesty is important. I understand his addiction is not my fault and that it's stronger stimuli he wants, that he is attracted to me. Me understanding that makes him feel more comfortable talking to me because that's where we disconnected and I think why he felt he had to lie. Even 9 days later I still get scared, I wonder if he will relapse again and not tell me. I get scared if something I believe will trigger him will come up when we're alone or together. He says these 9 days have shown him a lot and he knows more of what his triggers are and that this is a problem for him. He's been praying to God to help him, so have I. I just get scared he won't tell me if he slips up, he lied last time but he said he didn't want me to be disappointed in him cuz he was weak. For the first time in our whole relationship he admitted he was weak.

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Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / At my wits end.
« on: November 06, 2016, 09:52:50 PM »
Hello everybody. My partner and I have been together a year and a half. I love him very much, but his porn problem is tearing us apart. He had been about a month sober and then he relapsed Friday. He lied to me about it. I saw on his laptop (which he let me use) that there were inappropriate google searches and he lied and said they were from when he relapsed last month. But upon going to his Google Activity (which he gave me permission to do again), I saw he lied and that the stuff was from Friday. I hugged him and he started crying and I asked if he did it cuz he was mad at me or because he was triggered by an ad he saw and he said no, and that he didn't wanna talk about it. He's never cried in front of me. I used to cry and get mad but I'm trying to be calm so he'll talk to me. My problem is he keeps lying about this issue. I tell him if he feels he can't do it or doesn't want to to just tell me and he does. He said reading a book I gave him on porn addiction helps him.

I'm just at my wits end. I won't terminate my relationship over this cuz he's otherwise perfect. But it just makes me question things and it shouldn't be like that. He always tells me he doesn't masturbate at all or to porn. He said he last masturbated in March. In his Google Activity it says he looked up stuff at night when I was there with him in the room. If it helps we've had problems mostly stemming from porn. He yelled at me and said horrible things cuz he was angry and I think it was after that that he looked at stuff, he was on his phone while I was under the covers.

I'm stressed out and I'm trying to be positive for him. He encourages me to write my blog on porn addiction and says I shouldn't have to compromise my values or beliefs, and I deserve to have what I want (no porn). It's strange cuz while he supports me he also says porn isn't cheating. He thinks it's a fine line though. It makes it hard to trust him and I haven't snooped through his stuff so I keep my promise but he hasn't kept his. It hurts me deeply. He tells me he wants to stop, knows it's wrong and disgusting. I told him if he did it cuz he was mad at me that I'd at least understand, but he said it's not why and won't tell me. I don't even know what's the truth and what's a lie.

Can someone please give me and him some support/advice? I know he loves me deeply and appreciates me. He's had an addiction for 10 years and I can't tell if his trigger is stress, dirty thoughts, etc. I don't know how much he lapses anymore. I tell him to just tell me when he makes a mistake and he promises he will and doesn't follow through. It's a cycle of me catching him and him saying sorry, he may admit to other times, and then repeating. I think he does want help. He's a Christian. Like I said he says it's disgusting and wrong, doesn't think it's cheating, and won't open up 100%. I won't leave him or break up. He's also depressed and has anxiety.

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Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / Tired and scared.
« on: October 16, 2016, 10:27:48 PM »
I first want to thank everybody here for their support. It's given me courage to start my own blog to share my experiences so I can hopefully help somebody else. It's been two weeks since I last looked through my boyfriend's phone and it's been two weeks since he's looked at porn. The first week was rough but we're opening up and talking more. He understands and agrees porn is pretty much cheating and his goal is to go a year without it. He informed me his best friend showed him at age 11, along with violent images like beheadings and stuff. He's desensitized to a lot but it's now understanding me more. He said his problem used to be PMO 2+ times a day every day. But since we started being intimate he stopped masturbating and watched it about twice a week every other week. When I said I didn't like it he said he got it more under control but hasn't been able to go more than 3 months without it. The times I wasn't aware of he slipped up 3 times, and he owned up to each time. He said his triggers are when the news talks about celebrity sex tapes and nude pictures or if movies have sexual themes in them. He said he's been trying hard.

I'm proud of him for opening up and finally being honest, but I'm just scared. Since last year I've been terrified and had an intense hatred for porn. Before two weeks ago he was telling me he didn't slip up but always said I could look at his phone. He said he's never hidden anything on his phone and hasn't really to my knowledge (perhaps besides the time where days were empty on his search history but that only happened two times and it was a long time ago). I'm trying to forgive him and help him. I ordered him a book for lust issues and we're going to write in a journal to discuss feelings. I made him promise multiple times that he'd tell me if he slips up and he keeps saying he will. But he didn't last time so I'm scared. I'm terrified he'll slip up and won't tell me and will continue to do so. I already told him I can't handle it unless he tells me. He keeps saying he can do it though and that it shouldn't be too hard, because his problem used to be a lot worse.

It makes me terrified for us to be in public if a girl has large breasts or cleavage, or if there's a sex scene or references to sex on tv. I've talked to him about porn almost everyday because I'm scared. He's going to try to avoid watching stuff with sex in it and pray when he has urges. I don't know how to heal myself cuz I'm trying and it's not working. :(

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Hello everybody. The past 10 days were hard following me seeing my partner had looked at porn, but we've made a lot of progress. Today was the first time he admitted that he felt it was still somewhat of an issue and he realized it was a very thin line between porn and cheating. He admitted to me that he's never gone more than 3 months (and that's trying really hard for me) without it. From ages 11-20 (slightly less when in relationships) he'd PMO multiple times a day. Now he does not masturbate and says it's easier to manage his urges without doing so. He says it's hard when something comes on television about celebrity nudes or a sex scene is on tv and reminds him of porn. He says that he's disgusted and ashamed of himself and it's hard to completely shake but he wants to work hard. He is going to be accountable to me and wants to work hard so he can say he's gone without it for a year and then beyond. I'm going to keep track of dates and check in with him regularly. He's going to try to avoid tv and movies with sex, strip clubs or porn. I wanna suggest he write down why he wants to quit so he has it when he feels he'll slip up. He says he wants to beat it once and for all, that he wants to feel 1000% committed to me, and that he's going to look at it like a drug.

He's been 2.5 years sober off hard drugs as of December so I know he can accomplish this. He's had a hard time with it since his friend showed it to him at age 11. He really wants to do this for both of us because he feels it's morally wrong. I showed him articles and expressed my feelings openly so he had a realization of sorts and has motivation now to stop. He's tried the past year and now he's more dedicated. What else can I do to help him? He said I can still look through his phone and that he won't hide stuff.

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Hello again everybody. So yesterday we talked more about the issue. I want someone who's been through this to help me with my understanding. I spoke to my boyfriend about traumatic experiences as a child that I had related to porn/sexuality. I asked him questions about him and his sexuality. He said he has slipped up 3 times with porn and he's sorry he lied that he's trying to fight urges he has. At first when I spoke to him he felt uncomfortable. I said "It's not like when you watch porn you're imagining sleeping with different women," and he got uncomfortable and said "It's not like how you're imagining it, but no I'm not." The next day when we both felt better we continued to discuss it. From what I understood it's hard for him to get urges out of his head and he can't just imagine things without looking, and that he doesn't think about being with other people.

But it's weird cuz he said that porn/masturbating feel good sometimes, but he swore up and down he doesn't masturbate to porn, and promised that. So I asked him and he got uncomfortable again but said he doesn't like masturbating and just meant that he was comparing porn and masturbating in that both are habits that can be hard to break. But as far as I know he doesn't masturbate, he has always admitted to porn but not masturbating. He said he saves himself for me and that as a Christian he tries to combat things.

Some solutions we're trying are that we're going to take more pictures of me and videos of us, and he said that should help a lot. This time he swears he won't. I'm just concerned cuz he promised that before and slipped up three times. He said within one year three times isn't too bad and that he's trying. He's also going to try to find other activities when he's bored like the gym or playing a game. He's also insistent that if he slips up or is bored he will tell me. I'm trying to trust him and didn't lie to him, it's hard. When I make mistakes I automatically tell him, so it's going to be a long road but I want to give him one more chance.

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So I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and a half and today I found out he's struggled with quitting pornography. He told me originally it was no trouble quitting but I was suspicious and after poking at him he told me he's slipped up three times in the past year, and swore to me it was three times. He knows I don't like it but said it was a thoughtless thing that he used to do it when he was bored. He's been very stressed out between work family and school. He apologized profusely for hurting me and that he's going to try harder to push it out of his mind. I know he's trying because from what he said the three incidents are spaced apart. I know there's stuff I could do differently such as being more open and supportive. I told him that if he slips up again to just tell me so I can help and he agreed to it, but I wanna make sure he will actually do so. I was thinking having us check in monthly to see if he's had problems quitting. It's hard because I think for him (he won't admit it) he doesn't have as good self control. He said he knows it's bad and it's like a drug (he's been sober for almost 2.5 years off hard drugs), and wants to make changes. Is there anything else I can do? We are sexually active very frequently and he said that helps him a lot. I know nobody is perfect and I'm just happy now he's being honest. I've vehemently said millions of times I hate porn and all that jazz.

I don't know if it helps but he doesn't masturbate to porn and doesn't masturbate in general. I know it may seem hard to believe but he doesn't like it. He said he doesn't want to waste himself with porn when he has me. Idk how else to help. Certain things seem to trigger his use again.

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