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Topics - anon89

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Ages 20-29 / 28 y/o: Back on track after breakup and relapses
« on: December 05, 2017, 02:03:48 PM »
Hi, everyone! I did my first reboot last autumn/winter, and it went really well. Luckily, I was never addicted to porn, but I did masturbate too much (almost daily on average).

Here's my previous journal for those interested: http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=10802

First reboot results

I noticed most of the improvements guys often talk about (much better mood, better posture, deeper voice, increased libido, easier time talking to people, humming tunes randomly, etc). I had no problems giving up porn, so I realise my story might not resonate with everyone.

The reboot partly motivated me to ask out a girl that I really liked, and we had a relationship for a few months. (I should add that I've previously read up quite a bit on dating advice, masculinity and sexuality, which has benefitted me quite a lot.) This was my first ever girlfriend, at the age of 28.

My ED problems were almost non-existant with her, so I think the previous ED embarrasments were largely a result of hooking up with girls that I wasn't fully comfortable with or into beyond fooling around. Of course, the excessive masturbation didn't help.

Relationship experiences

Things were euphoric the first couple of months, and we had some great times together. I've never had such effortless and enjoyable contact with anyone, both conversational and physical.

The breakup was tough, but it forced me to learn about my self: It took a while, but looking back now, I see that I avoided confronting/acknowledging her negatives sides, didn't ask her tough questions, didn't take the lead properly in various situations, and centered my life around her instead of having a proper direction of my own.

Ultimately, I'm very thankful to have gained such insight, and also to be able to realise all the things I did right. Rebooting isn't everything - you still need to build your character, knowledge, masculinity, etc., but it definitely brings those things forward.

Relapse period

Post-breakup until recently, I went back to PMO maybe 4-5 times a month for relief. Nothing bad happened, but nothing good either.

I did go to job interviews, and ended up getting a great job that I find fulfilling, challenging and enjoyable. I've also had some really fun times, so it's not like relapses undo previous efforts, or take away the character you've built up throughout your life.

Essentially, it feels like previous periods where I've avoided physical activity. It doesn't hurt me in the short term, but I do notice the love handles sneaking up on me. Lately, I've felt tired and been kind of bothered by certain things, so it's time to get going again.

Going forward

My reason for rebooting the first time around was to fix my ED. This time around, I wanna look at several things, such as:
  • My social life. I guess I'm a social introverted guy. I enjoy meeting people, but I have a strong tendency to stay by myself in my apartment. I have fulfilling hobbies, but I want to see my friends more.
  • Fitness. I lift weights 3x/week, and attend dance classes, so I'm not a slob, but I sit too much on my ass outside of that. My friends struggle with the same, so I think we can motivate each other.
  • Mental clarity/being more awake. Brain fog gets in the way throughout the day, and I'd like to have more energy. I'm considering quitting coffee. Going for daily walks should also help with this.
  • Diet. I fart too much, I get slight stomach aches, and I have a tendency to over-eat. Thinking back, I've actually declined a couple of potential hook-ups because of it. My neighbours have had success eliminating sugar and flour, so I'm gonna give that a go.
  • Dating. I'm looking forward to sharing growth and passion with a beautiful woman again. I've met some the past months, but I've simply chickened out from asking them out.

I recently went two weeks until last weekend, and noticed the same benefits that I mentioned initially, so I'm ready to get going again.

Maybe it's the Jordan Peterson binge I've been on recently, but I'm really enjoying getting my act together.

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Background

I was never really into porn, so giving it up was not a problem at all. I did masturbate (maybe 70-90% hard) almost daily though.
First time with a girl at 21 (got ED), first and only intercourse at 23, and then nothing without ED until now.

On average, I went to bed with maybe 1 girl a year, and always had unreliable erections. I thought it was just performance anxiety, as I was in good shape and eating well.

Last autumn after yet another ED, I went to Google and got the answers I needed!

Rebooting

Giving up (P)MO made me feel more drive, and stabilised my mood at a noticeably better level, but after a few months and meeting a new girl, I still experienced ED.

Then a bit later, I met someone I was genuinely interested in, and things went way better!
I got hard relatively easily, even with a condom on, and had intercourse for the first time in almost 5 years.

I feel much more attracted to girls nowadays, but I want to be with the one I'm seeing at the moment.

Looking back

For me, porn was never the problem. Reducing masturbating to a minimum helped, but in terms of ED, I think my main problem was performance anxiety due to lack of emotional connection with partners.

I would love to hear if others have had similar stories.

You can read my full background story and journal here: http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=10802.0

Thanks, everyone!

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Ages 20-29 / (Sep. 2016) 27 years old: Porn- or masturbation-induced ED?
« on: September 27, 2016, 10:29:41 AM »
Hi! I'm 27 years old, I eat healthy, lift weights, don't drink much - all the right things, one would think. Despite not watching that much porn, I've had problems with ED, especially in bed with someone. I've only gone 2 weeks so far, but this community has given me optimism. I had absolutely no idea that such huge numbers of young guys were facing this issue, and it's very interesting to read all the research and anecdotes.

Here's my story:

1. Teenage years

I started masturbating around age 13, no porn. To begin with, I kind of knew that porn wasn't good for me, so I (mostly) stayed away from it. However, I stumbled upon a few misunderstandings later on:

1. I'd start jerking off almost every night, because one friend said it really helped him sleep (it really does). Even if I didn't have an erection or feel particularly aroused, I would force it (no porn).

2. Another friend talked enthusiastically about masturbating fast and with a hard grip. Not knowing any better, I imagined that's what sex would be like anyway, so I started doing that too.

3. Boners in class happened all the time, so I trained myself to prevent them, and increasingly viewed them with shame.

4. In my early 20s when I finally decided to understand how to interact with girls, I reasoned that if I didn't masturbate regularly to porn, I'd cum in like 10 seconds. I only watched sporadically, like one week on, two weeks off. I'd watch 1 or 2 videos the first night, then 2-3, then 5-6, and then I'd just go from one video to the other nearly an hour, realizing the madness and stopping porn again for a few weeks.

2. Shame and depression

In my teens, I developed a lot of shame and fear around my (completely normal) attraction to girls. I was really afraid of being labeled a perv, making girls uncomfortable, subjecting myself and her to ridicule. I had heard people talk in those terms about friends of mine who were bullied, and even though I was well liked, fit in socially, looked good and played sports, I took it to heart.

I think it might also have been due to shaming comments in society around male sexuality, and a lack of kind confident role models in that area. Eventually, I also started viewing most aspects of myself negatively (my introversion, childishness, even my enthusiasm). Two years of high school, I was so depressed that not a week went by where I couldn't get out of bed. It got better for whatever reason towards the end of HS, but has been with me to an extent ever since.

3. Sexual experiences

Age 21, I kissed a girl for the first time. I didn't experience anything like the perfect '80s movie rush with fireworks in the background I had been dreaming of my whole life, but figured that was probably because of the alcohol (like 2-3 beers, haha).

Later that year, I also got in bed with a girl for the first time. I was almost completely limp, and couldn't believe it. After all, I had regularly gotten involuntary boners in class a few years back! With a lot of work, I got a semi going and got a blowjob, but it took me an agonizing eternity to finish, and I didn't enjoy it.

In later experiences, I -have- gotten hard and had pre-cum with clothes on, but mostly gone soft once clothes come off. I've only done PIV once in my life, four years ago. I've never felt that much physically, in terms of butterflies, excitement, and those things. Don't get me wrong - I've had some fun, loving and pleasurable experiences, but I just wish I'd have a proper erection and actually feel really excited.

4. Recently

I've recently decided to face areas of my life that need attention, such as career, finances, relationships, social life, internet addiction and sex. I heard about NoFap earlier, but figured that was for hardcore porn addicts, not casuals like me who could easily abstain. I just figured I had performance anxiety or got excited too early. After all, what else could be causing ED in a young fit guy eating lots of fish and vegetables?

It's now been about 2 weeks since I figured I'd stop porn and masturbation to start the recovery process. On a couple of occasions now, I've met attractive women and felt butterflies almost stronger than I felt when I was 14. I did commit earlier this year to let myself to feel such things fully, but it only gotten that strong since I started rebooting, and it's such a fantastic feeling.

The drive to do hard work also seems heightened: now when I've read things, I've actually taken action. Nothing much has happened in terms of the ED itself yet, but I know it's still very early. I'm feeling optimistic.

I know hard times may lie ahead, but it feels great to finally take responsibility, and I'm grateful to know that I'm not alone.

Thanks for reading!

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