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Topics - PMOVictory

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Ages 40 and up / What will your 2 questions be?
« on: November 17, 2014, 01:00:48 PM »
The other day I was thinking about this whole PMO thing.
Before I joined Reboot Nation, I thought to myself where will I get support in beating this PMO Monster!
No one talk about PMO out loud in real life, it is all secret... dirty... but so many guys are doing it!!!
And to my disbelieve even more than what I could even imagine...

So here I sit thinking by myself. Should there be someone out there, let's call him the world GURU on PMO with all the answers and solutions to beating the PMO Addiction... and he only grants me two (2) questions that he will answer to my satisfaction...

What would the two questions be...?

So I want to ask my fellow Rebooters, would you consider asking those questions in response to this post...
I'm curious to see what questions fellow rebooters struggle with.

We could even pretend that we are the GURU answering it...
What do you think...?
Are you up to the challenge?

Ages 40 and up / The Blessing of having Victory over PMO!
« on: October 09, 2014, 03:15:00 PM »
Hi Guys, and Ladies

Its been a rough ride since leaving home...
Long hours on the plain...
No Sleep...
Connectivity problems, etc.

For now I'm back!
Some of might have noticed that I started posting again on some of the other posts.
I have grown to love spending time here on the forum, reading and posting that I have actually missed it a lot since a week ago.

All the encouragement and support still plays a big roll in staying positive and PMO free.
I hate that all the 12 step programmes start by saying, "Once an addict always an addict."
Let me explain.
As a Christian and believer in the Saving power of Jesus Christ. Having experienced it in my personal life. Of which victory over PMO is but one and the most recent example. I am convinced that there are strength in numbers. And that full recovery of the mind are still in the distance.
A forum like this helps you to stay focused and have a more personal relationship with others. And this is what we as humans need. The chances that I will ever meet some of you in real life are slim. However, I know you are out there and that you respond to what I say. This type of experience are not that responsive when it gets to spiritual things.
Having said this, I by no means want to discredit spirituality. Or give that impression.
Actually I see an analogy in the experience of this forum and spirituality.
It works like this.
I need to spend time in the word of God reading and finding things that apply to my life and situation, like I am doing here on Reboot Nation. Even some times read things that are not relevant to my situation helps to educate me and identify pitfalls. This enlightens me and build confidence.
Then I would pray to God to help, strengthen and guide me. In the same way that I would cry out for help here on the forum by posting something in it.
After a while I will get a response to what I have said and asked for. Not always in the way that I expected it to come. At times someone might even PM me and give more personal advice to what I need to hear. This is great and helps me in overcoming temptation and heart ship.
Isn't it wonderful!

Getting back to my progress!

I'm doing very well. It's been almost 6 months now...
A lot has changed since!!!

Most of it not in the way I expected it to.
Remember I never had ED, but were very much over used down under.

The most significant changes I have noticed were that I am more responsive and a lot more sensitive to pleasure.
Making love to my wife has also taken a deeper meaning to it. It is not about just pleasing myself anymore, but first and foremost pleasing her and by that the satisfaction for me is so much greater.

I have also during the past week noticed that I would wake up during the night, say any time between 2 - 4 am with the most amazing strong erections. They would just last forever. I have never experienced something like this before. What a great feeling... 8) Obviously not allowing it to put me into a downward spiral of PMO, I perused my wife and had the most amazing relief making real LOVE to her.
I have been thinking of this and I have realised, and please correct me if you think that I am wrong...
This sure are as close as it is supposed to have been designed by the master designer.

What a blessing it has been.
How could I have allowed myself to miss out on this by being so selfishly trapped in the PMO habit....!
Foolishly thinking that the more I did it the better it would have become...!
Like a dog chasing a car... then when the car stops, it does not know what to do with it... :-\

So this is my plea to anyone that may read this and are still battling to beat the PMO dragon and asking himself is it really worth it?

Yes my Friend it is!!!
And yes, much more than what you can imagine!!!

Stay strong and receive the Blessing!

Ages 40 and up / VICTORY over PMO
« on: June 29, 2014, 07:07:00 PM »
My Story

I will be 47 in August 2014. I first saw one of my cousins masturbate at the age of 6, he is only 8 months older than me. His parents approve of it and even joked about it as he would do it in front of everyone. Although my parents disapproved of it and told me that what he dit was wrong, somehow it made an imprint in my young curious mind.
The curiosity led to me wanting to know what this is all about. I touched myself and although it did not feel satisfyingly good I can remember how at some stage while continually “playing” with my small hard penis, a funny sensation would come from it. It was like a feeling of warmth, almost unpleasant, but strangely nice. To the extent that I wanted to continue the “playing” but for some reason could not. This sparked more curiosity. I wanted to know why I could not continue “playing” even though it felt nice. This led to me wanting to see if I could keep on playing beyond this feeling it generated and not to stop. Because I knew that my parents disapprove of it I would do it in secret.
Without knowing it at that early innocent yet vulnerable stage of my life, I got addicted to the feeling and pleasure of masturbating. It became an activity that I were involved in more and more. At that stage I did not know about sex, did not know what it was that I was doing, just that I liked the feeling of what it made me feel when I did it.
During this time of my life there were no fantasies of sexual nature when I masturbated. Remember I did not know what it was that I did. Just that I knew that I liked the warm strangely nice feeling that my actions produced. And being so young these orgasms were dry, no cum would be produced at climax.
During this time of my life a lot of time were consumed by either thinking about it, or doing it. At age 9 I remember how I at one stage masturbated so much, even at school during breaks, that the skin on my penis were raw from all the friction. This scared me and for some time I toned it down, but still it was there and I would still masturbate a couple of times per week.
I can not remember a time in my life where masturbation did not play a steady, frequent role in my life. As I matured and reached puberty I can remember how the steady increase of my penis size fascinated me and thus the frequency of masturbation also increased. Still it remained my little secret. I never partook in any group masturbation, or talked with, and to other friends about the topic. I remember one occasion when a boy at school had a magazine with naked people in it. I never made the connection and never even really looked at the photos apart from a distance and just by passing.
I remember that much later on I started to fantasise about girls when I masturbated and the connection were made by me playing with my penis and girls. Only then did I start to fantasise about having a girlfriend or  being married and having a wife. I remember being curious about sex and wanting to find out more about it and how it all worked. Still being very shy and not having any GF. As a matter of fact I finished school and started studying and still not even have any GF of girls as friends.
At the age of 22 I met my first GF and she became my wife after we were engaged for a year. I was bought up by my parents that sex before marriage were a no - no. And that is how I understood it to be. However 6 months into our engagement one day after having a nice time kissing and cuddling my fiancé had me so horny, never even touching me. I remembered asking her to touch my dick. She was afraid to do it and I assured her that it would be OK. She wanted to know what I wanted in return and I just said that it would be OK for me if I could only see and touch her tits. This was the first time anybody touched me and It also so happened that I coached her that day into giving me a hand job.
After that it regularly happened that she would give me a hand job, but only during her menstrual period when she knew it was safe and I had no chance to have sex with her.
For me this was exciting and I could not wait to get married and do the real thing. However the big disappointment came when the first night at out honeymoon she did not want to have anything to do with sex. This was the start of a long lonely 14 years of marriage. We did have sex but very rarely and I was very clear that she did not enjoy it at all.
To me I was betrayed. Everything build up to what I imagined to be a very healthy sexual marriage and then this. I thought that once I was married and sex would be a regular part of my life that I would be able to put masturbation behind me forever. But with a wife like the Ex there were no chance in hell. As a matter of fact it triggered the need to masturbate even more. It was only after a couple of years, I would say, about 4 to 5 years into our marriage that I one day muzzled the guts together and bought the first Playboy I ever bought. This also were the first time that I used porn to masturbate with.
I kept it as a secret from the wife but after a while I was feeling so guilty that I told her what I did and showed her the magazine and took a scissors and cut it into fine pieces. I didn’t want it to land up in the trash and somebody would get it and be led into temptation by me.
But sad to say all during this time when regular healthy sex with the wife were withheld from me, it just fumed my masturbation habit. During this time the internet started to become a household commodity and I stated to revert to it for porn. To the extent that at times my mind were so constantly filed with thinking about sex that I just barely functioned. There were days that I would masturbate up to 7 times. Don’t ask me where I got the energy and stamina for it! But on average 2 - 3 times were the norm.
Apart from this area in my life that I was feeling deprived and betrayed of. The rest was normal. I reckoned that I was “happily” married and that there were no reason for any divorce. but 14 years into the marriage the Ex wife walked out on me, taking my 3 sons with her.
The devastation of the wife leaving me made me rebelled even more. The depression of a broken marriage made me revert to the internet four hours at end, sometimes going through the night. This were also when I first went to an Adult Store and got some DVD’s. I thought that this would numb my pain and rejection but it just were not the case. To me the guilt that were part of it were just so overwhelming. I tried to stop it and for a while it went better.
It was during this time that I met my second wife. Again I did not want to have any sex before marriage and we agreed to it. Soon we decided to get married and then after we made the decision to get married we started to have sex out side of wedlock. The sex was good, the best I have ever had. After I’ve met my new wife and during our courtship I did not PMO at all.
The the guilt kicked in, we realised that we did not want to have sex outside of marriage and that we were doing it. We both decided that we would stop having sex at all and that we will resume it after our marriage. So we went without sex for 2 months. For met it was difficult and then I started to MO again in secret.
After we married I hoped that we would pick up the sex where we left it for the 2 months before getting married but alas, it was not the same anymore. We battled to have sex frequently and eventually very soon after we got married we settled to only having sex once a week. Again to me it was disappointing. Although we love each other a lot and are very supportive of each other the sex were not what I hoped it would be and once again slowly but surely the whole saga started all over again. Internet Porn, Masturbation and Orgasm were part of my routine, more than what I really wanted but now it were s part of me that I found it difficult to step away from it.
A life long battle of 40 years need to end.
All through my life I realised that I need to do something about it, I just never could take control of it. Will I ever be able to put an end to this…?
Is porn and masturbation going to ruin my life…?
Will my mind be bothered wit it for the rest of my life…?
I need help…?

In the next post I will share with you what all happened to get me to start this new journey.
A journey of VICTORY over PMO

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