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Topics - RecoveryJunkie

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Hello ladies,

I have been dating this beautiful woman for about three months. Very early on in our relationship I told her about my PA and issues with PIED, about a week or two after statring dating her.  She was obviously quite shocked at first but decided to be suportive with my recovery.  i explained to her what rebooting was all about, hardmode. 90 days of no porn, masterbating or orgasming. I have not watched porn or masterbated to orgasm in 87 days.

We actually hit it off very well in the start and started developping feelings for each other but things started changing for her a few weeks ago after we made love for the first time and later that night she woke up  and found me trying to masterbate in my sleep, I have no recollection of this and she also believes I was sleeping. At first she said nothing of this but I noticed something wasnt right so I asked her what was going on.  She told me what happened and mentioned the incident which happened two nights in a row and also the fact that I had orgasmed a few times within the 90 days. I also used viagra once to see if it would help me come out of flatline but it didn't help and she was upset that I had taken Viagra without talking to her about it first which is understandable but it didn't occure to me to tell her at the time. She said all this made her confused and she felt she wanted some time to herself to think things out. She has often told me that it's ok with her that I am not able to get hard but I tried to explain that it is very frustrating for me as a man to not be able to function properly.

Iinitially I was very scarred to loose her, I was also frustrated because I just regained my ability to have sex. I really like her alot but when she told me that she wanted to slow things down I got very fearful and started hating how I felt completely powerless and controlled by the fear. This lasted about a week and although I still feel some fear it is not an impending doom feeling and I know whatever happends is not going to set me off and I am dealing with my issues in healthy ways like seeing a therapist and excercising regularly and eating well. 

We havent talked much over the last few weeks but tonight I stopped by her place and I told her of my progress despite the break. She was polite but quiet and when I asked her what was on her mind she said she doesn't want to talk about my recovery anymore.

I know we have feelings for one another and I want to move forward but it has gotten so awkward I often don't know what to do or say anymore. I'd like some sensible feedback from a woman's perspective. I will not to loose hope for recovery, I know I will beat this with or without her but I very much want her in my life.

I'm coming up on 70 days without PMO and feel that Porn is out of my life forever. I've been seeing a new woman since about 2 weeks before my reboot. I really like her a lot and thing we're going really good until I was able to have sex to O about two weeks ago.

Now I'm having really bad PA. She tells me she is happy with how things are going and wants me to just be patient but I feel like less than a man when my dick doesn't stay hard or even get hard at all. It's a big stressed for me and the result is feeling insecure about our relationship and this really sucks. How does one not worry about wether his dick will function or not? If I continue with this PA and insecurity I feel she will want out of the relationship.

It's a tough spot I'm in. Kind of feels like I'm so stressed out about performance that I'm going to say something stupid or act like an idiot and sabotage the relationship. Anyone else ever go through this in early reboot?

Hi folks,

I've been doing ok on my first ever reboot. I'm nearing 2 months without M or P and although this feels great I have to say it hasn't been easy. The website has been an integral part of my recovery. I can't really explain why but after getting educated to the nature of this disease and how it affects the brain, I have had very little desire to watch porn.

Resisting M has been a challenge as lust is triggered almost every time I see a sexy woman. My brain doesn't seem to be able to see the issue with lusting after women. I'm coming to a point where I want to be free of lusting as much as I want to be free from porn. I know this is possible though it won't be easy.

I have noticed a significant improvement in my mental clarity and self confidence, not to mention the social anxiety I was feeling is leaving me. Another thing I've noticed is that things that were once important to me that were neglected are becoming important toe again. These are the first real benefits to quoting PMO.

I need to go to bed right now but with continue on this topic at a later date

Ages 40 and up / Failure is not an option
« on: May 01, 2016, 07:37:41 PM »
I'm new here,

I'm 42 year old, I've been clean and sober from booze and drugs for 17 years. I am a straight male who has been struggling with PIED for most of my adult life. Started masturbating to magazines as a 12 year old kid. Always solo, I've had a number of failed relationships due to my ignorance of this problem. A few years ago I fell in live with a beautiful woman but I did not share with her my struggle with porn for fear of not being accepted. Instead, I blamed my ED issues on being diabetic and or being 40, not proud to say but at one point I even blamed her for not getting dolled up often enough. We lived together for a couple of years even got engaged but in the end her resentment grew and grew due to my inability and unwillingness to have sex with her. She finally left me after 3 years and I even felt relieved.

I continued to watch porn regularly and tried to seek professional help with no more success than about a week without it. I decided to joining this community since recently becoming aware of its existence. I have recently started dating a beautiful loving woman and decided to share my struggles with her. She has been very supportive and I have been free from internet porn and masturbation since (about 3 weeks now but I don't recall an exact date). I don't feel a big pull to watch it but my PIED is still painfully an issue.

I'm loving this honeymoon phase in our relationship which is mainly talking, making out, heavy petting and focusing on her needs being met. Today I'm feeling really down and useless for my continued inability to perform with a sustained erection. Does anyone have some words of hope from being there and having come through the other side of this hell?

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