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Topics - Al Taha Al Marylandi

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Ages 20-29 / Leaving SSRI & Porn
« on: December 30, 2016, 08:38:47 PM »
Hello Guys.
I am old member of reboot nation.I haven't came to RN for a while, I think 6 months may be.
This time was full of ups and downs.I was taking lexapro 10 Mg again, I was on this drug for 95 consecutive days.
My best streak was 90 days, I relapsed on 91 day. Lexapro helped me a lot in combating my anxiety and depression, but again it is just a drug, it can't fix your life, and sooner or later it starts not to work. The effect of lexapro is no longer there, and my doctor told me to increase the dose. But now I have decided to leave SSRI because its not working any more and I can't live on this drug forever.
It had some devastating effects on me too, I was like a robot, a human with very less emotions, I was taking risk for no reasons. I would not recommend this drug to anyone.
Now I will try to leave porn as well with SSRI.
This is all I have to say right now, But now I will come regularly on reboot nation.
Taha Marylandi


Ages 20-29 / Never Give Up
« on: August 11, 2016, 09:07:13 AM »
I was away from RN and YBOP from last few months. I had been going through ups and downs as usual.
The reason I came back to these two sites, is that I was having a very hard time focusing on the reboot.
To keep my reboot as my first priority I needed some support base, so I am back into game here again.
Never give up is my new journal. You can't give up in your life, you have to fight every second till death.
Rest is fine.
I am feeling home, back into RN community.

Ages 20-29 / Through The Flames (staying in reality)
« on: July 05, 2016, 05:36:07 AM »
Starting again

Ages 20-29 / I Really Mean It Mindset
« on: June 18, 2016, 07:47:53 AM »
Day 1.
I am starting I really mean it mindset from today.
I will do 3 things daily in I really mean it mindset.

1. 30 Minutes Daily meditation twice = 1 hour meditation
2. 24 Minutes Daily Affirmations twice = 48 Minutes affirmations
3. 29 Minutes Daily hypnosis twice = 58 Minutes hypnosis

Today is the first day.

Starting with full force.

Ages 20-29 / I won't Give Up
« on: May 16, 2016, 05:04:49 PM »
I was using antidepressant SSIR drug for last 2 months.
Zero results.

I am still addicted to porn and ejaculating 2 times a week.

I am leaving SSIR now.

Another journey begins now.

Ages 20-29 / Breaking Addiction
« on: March 25, 2016, 02:01:22 PM »
Warning:- Sad and Sorrow

Hello everyone.
My name is muhammad taha. I am 26 years old guy.
I have been on this forum with different ID and names in past.
But I am one of oldest member here.
At one time, I had the greatest numbers of post in my bag on this forum.

So lets start with my life story. I will just be brief. otherwise I would have to write 10 pages.

Life story briefly

I was born with Moebius syndrome, a very rare and extremely shameful defect for the victim of bad gene.
I had a extremely hard childhood.
I had problems in my school too.
I was physically and emotionally abused by kids at school, teachers , my parents and most of the people I knew.
I was sexually abused by my cousin too, although it was not a rape but it was by the agreement of both. but still it was sexual exploitation of young kid.
Problems and difficulties remained in my life for ever.

Now I am living in US.

Current Situation

Although I am making some money but I am not satisfied with my job at this time.
I am suffering from porn addiction and frequent ejaculations.
Porn is all about girls and love, but the most hated part is the ejaculation which comes after that.
I hate ejaculation more than porn.

any ways that's a different debate.


I am suffering also from severe depression.
I am suffering from social anxiety.
I face many kinds of anxieties.

I can be bipolar as well, because for very short peiod of time I become religious muslim, but soon after that I come back into reality and become atheist again.
in the same manner, sometimes  I become very nice person,good loving and caring and then I become selfish again when I come back into reality.

I don't have any problem with being selfish and atheist.
I love to be selfish and atheist.

Religion for me is just waste of time.

But I want to end the mood swing and this bipolar personality.
sometimes good sometimes bad, this should end.

suicidal thoughts are always coming in my brain.
few days back I went into kitchen, grabbed a knife in right hand and I was looking at my veins in left hand, and I was just thinking how much pain I will go through if I cut my veins and get freedom from this dark life.
but then I decided I might try some other day, lets see there might be some hope in near future.

so I am really getting suicidal now.

Current Decision

Now things have got completely out of my control area, now I have decided to go to doctor.
I have taken the doctor's appointment for next week.
now without the help of drugs and doctor I might kill myself.
I need antidepressants and drugs desperately now
So I am fighting back against porn addiction and other problems in my life.
I am not giving up.

I hope future might bring some peace in this shittt dark life.


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