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Topics - young shinobi

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The beginning
I have Always been addicted to new beginnings , new years eve, the start of a special months , and somehow I always managed to ruin each and every one of this fresh starts.
 For the last days , weeks & months I have succeeded in transforming  my life into a reality of my worst nightmares , uneducated , unemployed ,unhappy and out of shape of curse. 
I have reached a point where I am no longer willing to continue this path because it is leading toward an end that even my desensitized state can’t handle.
I have also managed to destroy any sense of orientation I had in the past, I am 24 years old now and for the first time ever I have no idea where am I going, I ignore the purpose of my life, I can’t define my self any more , what I am good at , or what path should I follow , writing , science ,fitness ,food, computer programming or any of the branches that can lead me to a fulfilling life style and a passionate tone of work.
My addiction is dragging me down the rabbit hole, the more deeper I get the more my senses disappear  ,  whatever type of talents or gifts I have is dying. getting closer and closer to death.  So why bother doing something different today, cleaning up , praying and asking Allah for forgiveness.
Did I somehow started to listen more  to that deep voice of hope, believing that there is more of you than a tormented life of addiction, that the goodness within is fighting it’s way back to the surface. this habit of writing on the computer seams to have had helped  my case a bit more , I also went to the economical capitol Casablanca with a friend for few times , and getting to  know the commerce world a little bit more made it clear that everyone no matter how poor or unlucky his life might be seams to be trying to cope with the outside world by any means necessary. Giving up is not a choice, letting life get the best of you is ridiculous , everybody is TRYING.
At the light of my current situation where all of my life is turned upside down, no school , no career, no life I believe that this my chance to stop earning this  life and start designing one . I am at the crossed road where I get to choose a direction for my life , and this the beginning I am looking for , my mission now is more crucial than ever , I need to set a curse to my life , I need to find my destination , my vision.
And I couldn’t choose any worst than now, where I stand to be the only life support to my mother and sister, they rely on me more than I think, financially but more important mentally.
They are my responsibility , and the source of my strength no matter how hard I try to deny that.i am somehow there HERO.


2
Ages 20-29 / The answer is in my self
« on: February 20, 2017, 08:44:46 AM »
Today . I'm marking again my first day in the reboot journey . I went for the first time to therapist to find someone for help . Guess what he kicked me out of his office . Thinking i was being funny .
I look like a young strong 23 years old man with no mental health probleme. The probleme is in my self . Im holding my self back . Im letting this addiction to affect my studies . My work and my life . I hold the key to get out of this storm my self

3
Ages 20-29 / the begenning
« on: January 01, 2017, 07:23:45 AM »
Greeting to all the reboot nation

Week 2

The BEGINNING 

Two week, exactly 14 days =about 348 hours, since I have decided to make a different choice every time I get the chance to. 

I have relapsed more than five time after my last post , I was of curse dwelling inside the PMO black hole , from witch no hope , no wise acts and no willing to act escapes it’s trap. Despite the overwhelming feeling of disorientation, and despair , something deep down kept whispering in my head ; “change”.

So in the 28 November , two weeks ago, I attended a motivational seminar , where I had the courage to stand in front of 800 stranger and speak up about my struggle with PMO . this was the beginning of my desired journey.

7 days later I witnessed a car accident , in witch a friend of mine from work got hit by car , the emotional height of weakness & sorrow was so strong that I knew that I was still alive deep down , and that I owed to my self to do whatever it take to stop feeling weak , vulnerable and helpless .

In order for me to break the cycle of PMO , I need to step into my fairs : ”religion”;” studies”; family” “work”.; and“ my self ”. The five pillars of my life. and the guide line of my decision making. 


4
Ages 20-29 / the 6th chapter : let the journey begin
« on: October 13, 2016, 07:46:14 AM »
I’m the Young shinobi .

This was my true identity, I had two loved ones in my life, all I can remember is that all my fights were driven by my deep desire to save theme. My dear Mother and my beautiful little sister. Everything else was simple and pure.
Then a villain came along [PMO/ADDICTION], he was strong, powerful, and he never seamed to have a weakness point. The more I got weaker the greater his power became.
At that time it never crossed my mind that the villain and the young shinobi were one person, two  faces of the same coin.
I , the young shinobi , never had the enough power to escape from this trap, after hitting my 18 birthday , it was clear to me that I was trapped in a never ending vicious cycle, since my mind didn’t shift, the same events , experiences perpetuated theme  self, over and over again   for the last 4 years .
I used to train almost every day because I wanted to gain strength , I  was always inspired by math , physics and even literature because I needed to obtain more knowledge , wisdom and intelligence , “to my the right mind is in the right body “.
But after my encounter with the villain, my addiction, my repetitive acts of MASTURBATING/PORNOGRAPHY.  My warrior identity started to fade away , my drive to succeed ,and even my true love toward my mother and sister wasn’t enough to stand up and face the villain in the battle field and say :”NO, you are not me , and this is how you are going down”.

The transformation needs to happen now, I still want to achieve my first academic record, I want to study hard enough to earn a scholarship to Japan, I  also want to become a real strong/wise Man by the time I hit 25 year.
 I crave the desire to push my physical and mental abilities to the limits and see where I can get , the sky is the limit.
My mother is probably the only person how never gave up on me  , she was also the first person to know about my struggle with PMO, she was very comprehensive , and told my this phrase like every time she does:
“ you have greatness inside you , you just need to tape into it”
So to all of you guys up there, reboot nation  , how had enough of being average , over looked , under estimated because our addiction left us with no choice but to give up , today, tonight , we declare war upon this abomination .
Every single day passing by during our reboot process will testify that we never quieted, never surrounded, and all the tools we will use against this enemy will make use stronger, faster and smarter.
Wake up early every single day , use your body and workout every single day , feed your mind with books and words of wisdom, and life lasting lessons instead of momentary instant of fake pleasure, live life and prosper.
Thanks to all ya.




5
Ages 20-29 / my issue with time
« on: March 26, 2016, 08:58:36 AM »
Time and actions
  Today, I decided to star posting early in the day, to avoid staying up late checking the FORUM and not being able to wake up early.
Like I said in my last post “beware of the power of sleep” waking up early has a tremendous effect on my mood and energy, it help’s me get a good star for the day ahead.
   Today I woke up at 07am , and I will  keep doing it for the next week , and I’m avoiding to take a nape or put my head on a pillow because I will definitely over sleep and ruin the hall day . After taking my breakfast and interacting with my family, I went to college for several hours and now I am posting my 6 day report.
    The brain fog, my concentration level and also my perception of the outside world is still restricted. I felt probably a numb pleasure response toward everything today, and I still feel overwhelmed by the day , I can’t take it all in , wishing for this day to come to an end.
     I end up loosing my drive toward the daily activities,
Since I have no agenda, no schedule and no idea about what to do next and I hate the aspect of chaos in my life.
Last year when I decided to make great effort to master my day , I remember how hard it was at first , but the more my day was organized , the more my mind gained clarity , and my five senses were somehow amplified.
I use to go into this state of mind briefly for one or to 1.5 hours in the early sunshine morning.
My mind was so open that I would use this flow state to write down my journals and analyze with great precision my progress toward recovery.
Now I truly miss that state , and from all the informations I read on YBOP, I realized that it was the brain fog that started to fade away momentarily , and that my brain also was returning to his normal sittings .
I hope that trough this recovery process I will regain my balance and my sense of time toward productivity and self improvement.

6
Ages 20-29 / I am the Young shinobi, this is my fight
« on: March 25, 2016, 06:16:36 PM »
I’m the Young shinobi .
This was my true identity, I had two loved ones in my life, all I can remember is that all my fights were driven by my deep desire to save theme. My dear Mother and my beautiful little sister. Everything else was simple and pure.
Then a villain came along [PMO/ADDICTION], he was strong, powerful, and he never seamed to have a weakness point. The more I got weaker the greater his power became.
At that time it never crossed my mind that the villain and the young shinobi were one person, two  faces of the same coin.
I , the young shinobi , never had the enough power to escape from this trap, after hitting my 18 birthday , it was clear to me that I was trapped in a never ending vicious cycle, since my mind didn’t shift, the same events , experiences perpetuated theme  self, over and over again   for the last 4 years .
I used to train almost every day because I wanted to gain strength , I  was always inspired by math , physics and even literature because I needed to obtain more knowledge , wisdom and intelligence , “to my the right mind is in the right body “.
But after my encounter with the villain, my addiction, my repetitive acts of MASTURBATING/PORNOGRAPHY.  My warrior identity started to fade away , my drive to succeed ,and even my true love toward my mother and sister wasn’t enough to stand up and face the villain in the battle field and say :”NO, you are not me , and this is how you are going down”.

The transformation needs to happen now, I still want to achieve my first academic record, I want to study hard enough to earn a scholarship to Japan, I  also want to become a real strong/wise Man by the time I hit 25 year.
 I crave the desire to push my physical and mental abilities to the limits and see where I can get , the sky is the limit.
My mother is probably the only person how never gave up on me  , she was also the first person to know about my struggle with PMO, she was very comprehensive , and told my this phrase like every time she does:
“ you have greatness inside you , you just need to tape into it”
So to all of you guys up there, reboot nation  , how had enough of being average , over looked , under estimated because our addiction left us with no choice but to give up , today, tonight , we declare war upon this abomination .
Every single day passing by during our reboot process will testify that we never quieted, never surrounded, and all the tools we will use against this enemy will make use stronger, faster and smarter.
Wake up early every single day , use your body and workout every single day , feed your mind with books and words of wisdom, and life lasting lessons instead of momentary instant of fake pleasure, live life and prosper.
Thanks to all ya.

7
Ages 20-29 / beware of the power of sleep
« on: March 25, 2016, 10:24:46 AM »
[DAY 5]
The first 4 days were great , in witch i felt a great sense of achievement trough my daily activities, no temptation , no cravings .
until today , I can see now the effect of my first dangerous habit :”over sleeping” , rather day sleeping , or waking up late , it’s like nothing I did today mattered .
I over slept today for like 3 hours after 11AM , even thought I woke up at 7AM and felt great about it , am angry and frustrated because this only remind my of my prolonged periods of sleep after seeing P and M to it .
I decided to become an early riser starting from 7AM , my goal is 4 AM , by the end of my 90 days rebooting , hope so ;D, by incrementing 30min after every two weeks, so in my [DAY 14] post I would wake up at 06h30 AM , every single day no excuses .
I need to star making positive change in my life and fast , every week I have to implement a new FAP:( fun, active ,productive ) habit hoping I will get there .
This week:
- go to the fight club 3 days a week
-waking up at 07AM
                                                                                          Young shinobi THANK YOU  ;D

8
Ages 20-29 / this is my story 2 .(the end)
« on: March 21, 2016, 07:38:11 PM »
From my seventeen up until now:
I’m 22 year old for the current time. And I can  still remember  my graduation year like it was yesterday , precisely the 26 June 2012, when I saw my final score  , my hopes and dreams fall apart:
-   At that moment all I could recall where my times in front of the computer screens , wasting time in a vicious PMO cycle , at school , down-town cyberspace , even at the family place if they had any remote internet access  .
From that miserable date my life took a wrong turn to hell, my addiction became heavier and heavier as the years went by:
-   my social  life became= zero
-   my human contact became=zero,
-   My academic achieving = mediocre.
This last point was even more hurtful, I originated from a poor family, and my success meant saving them from the bottom. But after   enlisting my name in a close home university - like community college –  with no girlfriend, no friends , no hobbies and definitely no workout since my PMOing/over sleeping  took all of my time , I realized that the young 16 year athlete how loved math and physics was no longer inside , I was replaced by a lost soul , stocked in regret and memory land .
This where the most dangerous PMO consequence I felt each day passing by :
-   no motivation
-   no drive toward life
-   a chronic social anxiety
-   an out of shape physic
-   no emotion response
-   no sense of time
-   isolation from the outside world
-   brain fog and a close symptoms to ADD
my longest strike on PMO was 67 days last summer , I got a waiter job  ,and  I was occupied almost the hall day , at night when I would comeback , I would go straight to bed without even thinking about P or M , before that was a 46 day strike , in my third  year of college , I made a full schedule of studies/workout/leisure’s ,but couldn’t commit to it because thanks to my addiction , I never finish what I start  .
I hope my story wasn’t so long , or boring for that matter , but 12 years of struggle isn’t quit easy to be resumed in few words , so thanks to anyone how spend this last 5 minutes finishing it.
THANK YOU ALL

9
Ages 20-29 / this is my story
« on: March 20, 2016, 06:06:28 PM »
Greeting to the entire reboot nation.
 I’m 22 years old young student from Morocco and this my speak up story.
I joined this community  as a first step in getting support and sharing my story with everyone , hoping to find the last pieces I need to get ride of this vice ones and for all.
After a none ending cycle of relapsing, I just passed my first day PMO free as my first step in the 100 foot journey.
At the age of 10:
I have been addicted to P for over 12 years, and it all started with the (-18) French movies where I have my first encounter with naked woman bodies and sex scenes ,  I easily got  hooked on it waiting for the next movie to run other scenes so I can feed my 10 years curiosity .this fact is new to me because For the first time I made a great effort remembering my first contact with P.
After that came the school rivalry to watch the first P images in public cyber –since I never had a computer- , and after that motion videos came along so I can get instantly hooked on P . 
At the age of 14 :
4 years later I made my first act of M , alone in the shower with no sex stimulate, I remember it was only an act of curiosity to discover my puberty , the first rush of dopamine was so good –addicting good-.
First I used to make fantasy stories in my head to M but when I discovered how much the process was easier and more rewarding with P , it’s then when the problems began .
Through primary and middle school I was a real good athlete, an A student how made ever lasting good impressions on every person I meet , I was kind , funny . Teachers, neighbors , family even regular friends saw me as a smart and talented young person with great future. Some people remember my name in time where don’t even recognized them.
At the age of 14-16:
High school came with my first years with this secret struggle , my mental and physical abilities started to fade away , my scores got lower and I always felt weak and trapped without making the connection to my addiction because at the time I didn’t see it that way , it was only a fun time to relief the stress and feel  momentarily good about my self .
At the age of  16 :
Due to my restricted access to internet ,  and at 2010 I joined a military school , the first year was awesome , I was top 5 in school , a promising runner . I fell  in love for the first time with a smart beautiful girl and I had great ambitions to go further , to graduate with high scores and win a scholarship to Japan to finish my university studies , but the fairytale was coming to and end.

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