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Topics - Midnight Rider

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Ages 30-39 / Le Québécois - A nordic fight
« on: February 19, 2016, 10:40:58 AM »
Bonjour chers lecteurs ! Hello dear readers !

I'm now on day 4, and damned! that's hard. So I write down my own topic in order to keep myself busy, because PMO is fully filling my mind this morning. I feel like quitting smoking. No way I can concentrate on my files this morning !

French is my first language and English is my second one, so please be indulgent with my writting errors. I know I could have write on a French forum, but I feel more confortable here for personal and cultural reasons. I will write in English because it is an English forum so that everyone can understand, but feel free to post or message me in French if you want to practice your French !

I began with porn long ago (I'd say 20 years), while being a teenager. I'm now 33 years old. I was looking in secret at my father magazines and late night erotic tv shows. But everything went out of control when I got high speed internet. That's when I began a daily consumption that never stopped since.

15 years and a few girlfriends has passed. Looking back, I realise that porn always had impacts on all aspects of my life. After the first weeks with a new girlfriend, I used to jerked off all my libido on porn, so I had nothing left for my partner. I still wanted them, but how could they beat all that crazy images you see in videos ? At last, I was almost not touching them. I also sometimes had erectile dysfonction (ED), creating a fear of not getting or keeping erections.

It also had impacts on my social, educational and professionnal life since I often use to stay up late in front of my computer instead of going to bed. So I used to wake up late and tired, to skip classes, to sleep in class, to miss meetings, to miss partys, to lack concentration at work, and so on. And four years ago, I move my lawyer office in my house. I then started to watch porn at job when my secretary wasn't there. It's useless to say that my productivity (and my finances) quickly went down.

I knew for many years that I had a problem with masturbation, without knowing it was related with porn. I talked about it to my ex-girlfriend five years ago. She did understand and tried to help me. But when I first relapsed, she feeled cheated and we got a fight. After that, I simply lose motivation and fell back in my secret life... We're now separated with a 2 years old little girl in shared custody.

Last fall (2015), I began a consultation at my local dependance center to help me with an alcool problem. It quickly was resolve, so I choose to move on with porn. OUCH ! that's way harder ! The dependance center personal wasn't even aware of porn dependance, but they accepted to continue to help me anyway. I feel they begin to learn fast about it even if there's not much french litterature on the topic.

It's now my 16th week of struggling against porn, masturbation and orgasms (PMO). I had an 11 days without PMO, a relapse, and another 12 days. Since then, I use to relapse after 2 or 3 days when my libido get too high.

I woke up Tuesday. Angry and motivated. That's enough. I'm tired of all this, I want to pass on something else. I want to be able to fully enjoy my life and my little girl. I fought so hard to get that shared custody, I'm not gonna throw it away for a stupid addiction. This is crossroad. Fight it or submit... LET'S FIGHT, once and for all !

I'm still on that fourth day. Damned! it's gonna be a long one! I think I will get a snowshoes walk in the forest and eat a poutine this afternoon.

Keep on riding folks

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