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Topics - MtnClmbr

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Porn Addiction / Anxiety and Porn
« on: January 25, 2016, 02:05:43 PM »
What has your experience been like with anxiety and porn?  I have seen some posting on this on reddit and yourbrainonporn, but I don't see the connection made very often.  I've had some issues with anxiety way back before I started porn, and I know I used porn as medication to get away from difficult areas of life.  But I've noticed lately the very strong connection between PMO and an after-affect of anxiety.  It can get pretty bad, to the point of not leaving my apartment and not wanting to see or talk to anyone.  I just relapsed into PMO a couple of days ago.  For about 24 hours I feel like I am on a high--I don't sleep much and nothing seems to bother me or make me anxious.  I feel good.  Then, about a day or two after that I wake up with really bad anxiety and depression.  Does anyone else feel this way??  I am feeling this way right now, and it really sucks.  From what I've read, I know I'm addicted to the dopamine rush of PMO, to the point that when I was doing it constantly, I just felt pretty numb to everything else - was unable to feel happy or sad.  Then I'd get slammed with the anxiety, and start all over again.  It was just recently I recognized the pattern.  Right after a PMO event, it seems like it would be a dopamine level drop that could be contributing, and then later on after I've been porn-free for a while, maybe the anxiety comes from seeing life the way it actually is and not liking it and worrying about it.  What do you think??

Ages 30-39 / Searching for wholeness
« on: January 13, 2016, 02:01:37 AM »
I'm 37, and I've been addicted to porn almost as long as I can remember, at least as long I've been using computers that were connected to the internet. Maybe it wasn't really an addiction until high speed internet in the mid-2000's.  Anyway I'd guess it's been going on for about 10 years so far.  I come from a religious background, and this doesn't fit into my personal beliefs at all, so I guess I've constantly been in conflict over that. And I'm attracted to other guys, and don't want to be, so that doesn't help at all.

I've had chronic health problems for about 20 years, and only this year getting some answers to those problems.  That has been a very long and difficult journey.  I suffer from anxiety and depression both of which run in the family.  It was just this last month or so that I discovered through this site and others that a symptom of porn addiction can be anxiety.  In 2012 a younger friend committed suicide, and I began about a year and a half period of nearly crippling anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and general hopelessness.  My doctor prescribed anti-depressants, but it was very touch-and-go for a while.  It wasn't so much whether I thought I could go on, it's just that I didn't want to. I didn't feel any desire to live anymore. Probably anyone struggling with depression has felt like this.

As I started getting some of my physical problems (autoimmune thyroid disease) treated this year, it has really helped the depression.  And going without porn and masturbation help the anxiety immensely.  After reading some of the experiences of others, I decided I wanted to do a 90 day hard mode reboot.  I was about 26 days in and masturbated today.  It wasn't PMO exactly, but I feel like I should begin again, and use a counter for P subs and porn to help me stay away from it all.  I hope posting my experience here will help.

This past year I began a new job in IT. It has ended up being the most stressful job of my life, and I was under contract and couldn't leave with a large financial penalty.  That period has passed, but I am so far into the project, I feel I might throw away my experience if I leave.  About a week ago I have myself two weeks to think it over. Stress levels were through the roof today, and that's what sent me over the edge.  I understand about replacing porn with positive activities, and feel my job and health have been very limiting in that respect.  I am still unsure what to do, but I feel like life in general is so hard right now, it will be difficult to stop porn without a change in my job.  That is very much on my mind.

My goal is to go 90 day without PMO, P, or P sub or masturbation--and I'd like to stop it all for good it I make it that far.  This entry is not that exciting of an intro, but here it is. I'd appreciate any feedback if you're up for it.  I'd also be interested in hearing if there are any gay or same-sex attracted guys on here, and what your experience has been.  I know that challenges are pretty similar, but are unique in some ways.

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