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Topics - re1908

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Ages 20-29 / It's been 11 years
« on: December 28, 2015, 07:16:14 PM »
Day 11

It has been 11 years since the first time I get in touch with porn. It is day 11 of my no PMO streak. This is my story

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I started to get in touch with porn in my junior high school. I somehow managed to get a book full of erotica stories. It makes my heart beating up and make me very curious. Then my curiosity led to another form of porn: hentai comic books, x-rated films, and a porn video. However at that time, high speed internet is very rare in my area and we need to have a CD to watch porn video, which is quite hard to get.

My situation worsen since I felt a lot of sexual innuendos even in daily normal things like newspaper with rape stories, normal movies with hot scenes, etc. It was hard to put away your mind from porn things. And then, I started to masturbate. The orgasm, it felt so nice so I wanted more and more.

Since that moment, I am a slave of porn.

When I go to college, it is in the city and I was from a remote village. Internet access is faster than ever and a lot more private space since I rented my own room and I am far away from my family. It made my addiction worse and worse.

Then I started to watch a ton of porn videos. I have my favorite genre, but it widen every time I watch. I need something new. New story, new porn star, new genre. I spent hours to get the right video worth of my orgasm.

I watch porn and masturbate often. In some days, it is even several times in a day. Man, sometime piss get achy after I fapped that much.

But the misery of me is, I am a religious man and this addiction makes me very very guilty. I feel ashamed of my self. I want to stop. But I just can't control my self. It sucks, really sucks.

I am not aware of other negative consequences of porn, until I find Your Brain on Porn book. I watched TED videos on 'The Great Porn Experiment', buy the book, and start to understand how it really works in science point of view. I feel the same negative consequences mentioned in the books like
- self hate, guilty
- depression
- porn over wife
- lose control
- many hours spent in meaningless thing = watch porn
- can't focus, like a zombie
- bad memory, easy to forget

The one that is mentioned less is primary ejaculation. I am quite sure it is because of porn, I learned my ability to satisfy myself very fast. Not sure whether it will be fixed by stop PMO, but It is a worth-to-try.

Now I've graduated and work. I married early, have a hope that love and natural sex can fix my addiction. But I have married for months and it has not stopped. I think the main problem is my commitment to stop.

In the near time, I will have a newborn. I decided this time to by my turning point. It is the time for me to make the commitment. Bring out the most of my will power to free from porn slavery.

No more excuses. It has to stop, NOW.

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It has been 11 years since the first time I get in touch with porn. It is day 11 of my no PMO streak. This is my story

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