Ok here goes.
This is a hard one to write.
Some important information first
I am rebooting without my partners knowledge.
I'm 3 weeks in.
My main p fantasy used to involve her cheating on me
The thought now turns my stomach.
I love her to bits.
She goes out on her own a couple of times a month with girl pals. Always has done.
She is a natural flirt.
Guys hit on her. Always have done.
She tells me. Always has done.
It never used to worry me, in fact made me proud.
I TRUST HER IMPLICITLY.
I now have found myself checking her phone.
Her conversations with said girl pals.
Not looking for evidence of an affair or anything like that, but .........
in fact I don't know why I'm doing it.
It's almost as if I just want to know what was happening while I wasn't with her.
Again NOT because I don't trust her but because I wasn't there and feel I was missing out.
It is hard to put into words.
It's almost like since I started my reboot I feel so much closer to her that I want to be with her all the time
Is this my anxiety kicking in?
When I check her phone, if she is in the house I know I could get caught, I get a big "rush" of "nerves"
Could I just be substituting sneaking around looking at p for sneaking around looking at her phone?
The rush feels different but I'm worried.
Please don't hate me, I'm not proud of myself
Any help thoughts appreciated