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Topics - MioMio

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Ages 20-29 / My Journal
« on: December 28, 2014, 10:55:55 PM »
I have been around this forum since May 2014 and went through many rocky bits, but the significance of positive experiences have made me realize that reboot is the way to go.

Update 1:
Relapsed after 59 days.
Update 2:
No ED
Update 3:
First wet dream (ever)
Update 4:
Relapse after 74 days.
Update 5:
Going hard mode!
Update 6:
New thread.

Looking back, there have been several issues that have made me relapse, but mainly a lack of goals. I am not rebooting to impress others, but to make a permanent change in my life. From now on I will try to observe my actions from a realistic point of view, no bullshit, no attention-seeking.

My sticking points:
a. Personal insecurities (the problem)
Namely,
- self-consciousness
--> how do I see myself and how do others see me?
- sexuality
--> at some point I decided to refrain from taking a realistic approach to sexuality and turn it into a taboo topic to avoid at all costs
- women
--> I grew up on very liberal terms, but always set up own barriers. I would reject girls approaching me, due to a lack of self-confidence and fearing conversation
--> I was always expected to just handle the situation with women, but I get anxious around them. Around my family and work it makes me uncomfortable to speak about women, even worse to look at them. But it's not a taboo, somehow I have created this barrier myself!
--> Every relapse was caused by the fact of me coming home alone, not having met a partner or feeling that I could not stand up to the expectations others have in me
- socializing
In rare cases I have felt that I could be myself. Often, I play(ed) roles to fit into situations. More importantly, I acted how I thought others expect me to be... life of the party, the fun guy, the story-teller, the drinker...
- alcohol
to be continued...

b. Alcohol (the tool)
So far, every relapse I went through was partially caused by alcohol. It is a powerful tool to get your mind of problems and relax for a short period of time, but it also destroys boundaries and only offers a quick, but damging fix. In combination with my reboot, I will refrain from alcohol.

I will use this journal to work on my sticking points. This Journals is intended to give me a better perspective on myself and help self-reflection.

Reboot Plan:
1. Go hard mode - No P, no M, no (intentional) O
If it get's serious with a girl, share my path and stay with it.
2. No drugs, absolutely no alcohol
3. Work out: Hiking, bicycle, maybe gym
!! Plan weekend trips to get my head clear
4. Eat healthy: No junk food
5. Sleep min. 8 hours per day, get up no later than 7
6. No TV series, only selected movies in cinema.
7. No lying, no showing off, no attention-seeking

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Ages 20-29 / 2nd relapse after 75 days, here we go again.
« on: December 09, 2014, 01:53:20 PM »
I saw it coming, but didn't care to face my problems.

An unhealthy mix of health problems, stress and social pressure have made me relapse three days ago. I am contemplating hard mode and staying with it for a while!

I am planning on remaining with my old method of setting up two week stretches as my goal. On a long run I'd like to reach 100 days.

An accountability partner would be highly appreciated! If you feel like you could need a wing, let me know :)

3
Ages 20-29 / Day 64: First wet dream ever!
« on: November 24, 2014, 09:01:50 PM »
Hey guys!

I hope that this post will motivate anyone struggling with pmo and who is currently involved in the reboot.

At the moment I am undergoing my second reboot attempt and have passed my first round by five days now. Truthfully, I must admit that the last 1,5 weeks have been a major struggle. On one hand I noticed that I was falling back into old patterns like trying to find excuses why watching porn would be okay, but then again I realized that my perspective on it has changed. Before, opening porn sequences and masturbating to them was my daily routine. When I was confronted with porn last week, I realized that I am at the point where I can control my actions and stop this nonsense, so I did. Some p, but no m and no o :) It was a minor bump in the road, but more importantly, a sign that I am making progress.

Then, two days ago, I was travelling with some friends and met this girl from Russia. We kicked it off immediately on the dancefloor, had a great time and eventually I came to find out that my ED was no longer an issue for me!!! Yes, there was alcohol involved, but in the last couple of years I have always thought that alcohol would be the main cause for my inability to get it up. I feel positive that this reboot is already having a huge impact on my development!

Lastly, it is 02:49 a.m. in Germany right now and normally, I would be in the depths of a deep slumber, but what happened an hour ago, just blew my mind. I had problems sleeping, because I am currently dealing with some problems in my family and I feel like I am just in the process of getting sick. (Hearing the Russian chick cough made me somewhat anxious- well, lesson learned!) In any case, I feel asleep shortly and had an overly realistic erotic dream resulting in a massive pulsating orgasm, like I've never felt before. When i woke up again, I realized that I had my first wet dream! This may come strange to some of you, but I have always been curious, if my early heavy porn use was the reason that I never had one. More importantly, I wonder if this is another big step in overcoming this addiction. When I was approximately 18 or 19, I stopped worrying about it. Now at age 26, I am completely mesmerized by what just happend and which experiences may lie ahead of me!

Stay strong everyone, we're all in this together  ;D


4
Ages 20-29 / There's no I in revolution v3.0
« on: May 07, 2014, 02:25:07 PM »
Update 1:
Relapsed after 59 days.
Update 2:
No ED
Update 3:
First wet dream (ever)
Update 4:
Relapse after 74 days.
Update 5:
Going hard mode!
Update 6:
Relapsed after roughly 14 days.

I realized that all of my posts were directed in towards other people. Instead of helping myself, I tried to get attention from others. Sorry for anyone Who has tried to come back to my initial posts. After my last relapse I went on a rampage and delete my past experiences.



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