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Topics - Taka

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Ages 20-29 / Road to recovery - a winning path?
« on: May 04, 2014, 07:07:19 PM »
I have already started a journal on yourbrainrebalanced but I have decided to start one here too. If you want to read this this in full lenght, read it there under same nick there. Now a little bit about myself. I am 25 yo introverted guy who just recently found out about his porn addiction. My problem to begin with was DE because lack of sensitivity. I wish I have found support sites like yourbrainonporn earlier because my addiction have probably cost me a lot of my relationships. But luckily ED did not fully developed.

I was suspicious that something was wrong with porn even before I had my first sexual encounter. I have been PMOing since about I was 12. I had several crushes on girls when I was young but I never really did feel desire to connect with a girl on personal level then. It was time to put myself out there when all of my friends who did not have girlfriends in their teens started dating and I just felt stupid. I got my first girlfriend when I was about 21 and I just felt porn is wrong. It felt like I was cheating on her. That did not get me to stop back then because my addiction was stronger. She eventualy found somebody else and I was seriously heart broken. Year after that I have found another girl and lost my virginity to her. It was not ideal since I could get it hard but was never able to O even after intense stimulation from minutes to hours. With next girl I was with I did O but only once a day after intense stimulation for several minutes and again I felt nothing during PVI - not even my erection. My friend back then gave me advice that laying off porn will help and it truly did. But when I was not with that girl I was a lust ball and did M like crazy.

I was researching back then why it was happening to me since I was able to finish during PMO but I did not come across yourbrainonporn (I am not sure if the site was fully operational back then). Since the start of my journey 3 or 4 month ago I have relapsed a few times. Last relapse was due to massive stress from school. I did not get pleasure from P anymore and my longest streak before that (40 days) convinced me to try again. During those 40 days girls were checking me out and complete strangers (boys and girls) were approaching me in the clubs and at the parties which literally never happened before. Generally I was calm, more balanced, focused, etc. Also old memories which I have got no idea of having started oppping up out of the blue. I also have got a random hookup on day 30 and I was almost able to climax from oral stimulation which never happened and was able to O with condom on. And it was the best sexual experience of my life. But the morning after I had DE again so I was not completely prepared. Week after that I did MO which lead to that vicious circle of PMO.

So now I am going hardcore mode and my previous experiences with rebooting make it lot more easier. I can tell to everybody out there do not be depressed if you relapse or edge. Just keep on going because your progress is not entirely lost if you do that. Be strong brothers. I have lost some of my best years to this addiction - Do not make the same mistake. I have decided to end it now when it is not too late!

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