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Topics - Punk Monk

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Ages 40 and up / Re-Boot Camp Journal
« on: July 10, 2015, 01:50:35 PM »
Greetings folks!

So glad to have found you all. Apparently I was doing a reboot and didn't even know it. But stumbling across Reboot Nation answered a TON of questions.

Quick summary:

I'm 47 years old and didn't really get hooked on porn until recently. But it was enough to screw things up. My wife is an alcoholic. And as she got deeper into addiction, so did I.  She would get drunk and pass out early in the evening (or day on a weekend). So, I started going online to fulfill those "male urges".

As my wife spent more time in an alcoholic haze, I'd spend more time online.  Soon, I was visualizing porn even while we were getting intimate.  Eventually, I needed the visual stimuli just to get to the Point of No Return.  And it seemed to take longer and longer to get there.  I also began to look forward to her passing out because that meant I could spend more time with my "digital playmates". And since I work from home, I was jacking it on a regular basis.

I decided to give up porn in February. Unfortunately that lead to erectile dysfunction. After one particularly difficult evening, my wife got drunk and said some incredibly hurtful things. So I went back to porn because at least I could "fake it to make it".

In May, my wife chose to get sober. I thought, "Well, if she can give up her addiction, I can give up mine." I stopped on the 1st of June. However, this lead to another month of ED.

I started researching possible causes (medication, diet, age, etc...). But I'm not overweight, am pretty fit for my age and eat fairly healthy. Then I remembered what happened in Feb. I Googled "Internet Porn and Erectile Dysfunction" and found the Your Brain on Porn Site!

Holy cr@p did that clear things up!

It explained everything I was going through while I was doing it (the anger, the resentment, the moodiness) and everything happening since I stopped (rebooting, flat lining, etc...).

I confessed all this to my wife last week and she was remarkably supportive and (as a recovering addict herself) very understanding.

In the time since I've quit I've only slipped twice (and none of it lead to fapping). But now that I know how it works, I'm more determined to stay "clean".

I'm noticing some changes already. The morning wood's coming back as are the "spontaneous erections".  I still get the urge to get online, but they're getting less and less frequent.  And a couple of nights ago, while lying in bed next to the missus I put my hand on her rear and got the rock solid hard on! I considered waking her to do the "Marital Dance", but she was out like a light.

There will be plenty of time for that, I suppose...

Anyway, glad to be here!

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