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Topics - double trouble

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Women / get it of my chest
« on: June 10, 2015, 09:54:56 AM »
Hello all,
I have been reading here on your brain on porn for several weeks.
Now i am participating because the weight is getting to heavy for me with no one to talk to.
I am  a widow for 6 years now,and i am going to be 54 end of this month.
My natural language is'nt english, so i am struggling a bit with my words, hope you understand me anyway.
I chose the name double trouble, because my late husband was also a porn addict and now i have a boyfriend for 4 years,
and i have to go through the same thing again.  He is 57 by the way.

Here is the thing i am struggling with this moment:
I had a long talk with my bf about a half year ago, about his porn use, explained to him how hurtfull and denigrating it is for me. He also knows about the history of my deceased husband and his porn use and how that hurts me, and took my selfasteem away
He promised to quit, told me he thought it would be like quit smoking, and he would just stop. ( my bf did)

After the talk he got sick for about half a year, and so our attention went to that.
did'nt talked about it anymore, and i thought he got the picture about the porn.
But about half of may we had sex, and i found it rather porn like.
Don't know why i had these thoughts now, for our rare sex life has always been, he finishing his self.
In the whole four years he managed to cum inside me once. Also he is going limp during sex.
I think i know much more about it now i have read so much here on ybop. How could i be so wrong and underestimating the porn thing?

Anyway, he had to go away for work, and i checked his computer ( we don't live together)
I was there in his house for a few days. What i discovered was he did watcht porn again.
To see by the dates he never stopped. I was in shock of wat i was founding out later on my own computer, that it was about camsex and a sexdating site. WTF!!?? Porn okay but this is real interaction with woman!

a few days after sex i felt a burn in my vagina the whole time, had pain in my lower belly and as i got home looked it up on internet and what could be most likely was herpes?? Also at the same time he had a sore throat, on the internet it was said that a throat infection is one of the most frequent side effect of herpes.

I have seen it here before that men, when they are far gone also can act out. I only have such a hard time to belief he really would do this?

I know i have to confront him, was'nt it that we are going on vacation in a week. So i am holding it in from mid may.
My sister is going with us and i don't wan't to ruin our holiday for all of us.
It is so hard and heavy to keep it for me, and my fun for the holiday is been down the drain since then.
It is a untenable situation for me, knowing he is home alone, looking at porn, having webcam sex and masturbate. ( To me he would never send a naughty message or something)  And i can't  say anything about it, for the sake of our holiday.

So here i am, turning to you all, for helping me through this
For the men out here, do you think he had really been with another woman, or did i just had a bladder infection?
And am i going crazy about this or am i in denial?

Don't know if i can react to your responses the upcoming weeks because of our vacation, and i don't wan't him to know about this yet.
After my holiday i will respond and hope i have a update about this all. In the mean time i will read you all

It was already very helpfull to read all of your storys and make me understand more about things

Greets Double Trouble

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