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Topics - Sampson Munk

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Teens / 15 yr old with porn problem... Im back again
« on: December 02, 2015, 03:39:29 PM »
Hello all,

BRIEF HISTORY: I began watching porn at about 8. My viewing escalated and intensified at 12-13 and I began PMO. This year I couldn't stop and I experienced sexual dysfunctions of minor PIED, inorgasmic ejaculation after binge periods of PMO, and delayed/inability to ejaculate from a girls touch or just masturbation.

I was previously in this forum about 6 months ago. My progress was a bit stunted by far too many relapses, and after consultation with my dad about getting away from porn, he and I agreed that masturbation is not a bad thing and should be separated from my porn problem. He suggested making it special and I felt really confident with my reboot then; I ended up leaving the forum. Unfortunately, with and without girlfriends, I have been on an endless cycle of 2 weeks clean, binge, 2 weeks clean, binge, 2 weeks clean, binge.

As I'm struggling so much, I've disabled browsing on my devices, downloading any apps and if somehow I managed to find a backdoor to that, restricted search is still on. But, because I have been so desperate if snuck out at night and used the office computer or even the family mobile phone. Dad has offered to emplace a safe search program called 'Net Nanny' on both computers. Id like him to do that. I'll talk to him about the phone too.

I've been trying to reboot for about 10 months now. I suppose the hardest thing now is finding inspiration, motivation and desire to stay away from it. I just feel so drained about the thought of a reboot that I'm just constantly giving in to porn. That's why I thought I might come back on the forum for a bit, for that motivation and because I think it could help me as a step against porn.

Please feel free to give me feedback, ask questions, I'd really appreciate it :)

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Teens / Let's do this - 14 yr old addict.
« on: April 30, 2015, 02:35:30 AM »
Hi all :)

If you want to read my past story, please view my previous attempt journal. This is my new journal

A BREIF SUMMARY:
I tried and failed my first reboot. I snapped back into a binge stage. I then locked myself out of porn almost completely. What followed was excessive masturbation to triggers on YouTube.

THE PLAN:
I am feeling better and ready to take it down again.
1. I will be disabling all access I have for the first 2 months. I am not strong enough to last that long without seeking triggers. I will be focusing on no MO or edging during this time, while porn will be out of the question.

2. When I have my urges under control I will then take on porn and let myself back into Safari on iPad only. If I just turned it on after a while thinking I could handle it, I would be a fool. So I'm taking it in two parts.

So I'm taking it in two sections. I have two separate addictions, and if I can control one without worrying about the other that will help a lot. It will also give me control of urges, which I will use when I am ready to take on porn. I will also develop progress and mindset, also another helper.

DEFENCE:
Drumming and pushups will be my defence against urges.
Listening to music will be my trick to getting to sleep with night erections.
No stroke when I have an erection REGARDLESS of 'one can't hurt'


I will be keeping this updated as often as I can. If I'm too busy for this I'm too busy to MO. Guys please let me know any advice or help I want all I can get.

Wish me luck,
Sam

THIS REBOOT STARTED 30 APRIL 2015



3
Teens / 14 year old porn addict finally breaking free.
« on: April 04, 2015, 11:57:37 PM »
Hi all!

I'm 14 turning 15 and new to this website. Just joined the day I posted this. If you wish to see my progress, just scroll down to see my (hopefully) daily updates :) . I suggest you read my story as below as it will explain how shackled I am by my addiction right now, and hopefully it will bring you inspiration and help me!


MY STORY:
Porn began with me at an extremely young age. At age 8 I took to the Internet- behind my parents back- to seek images of female genetalia and eventually nude images. This was mainly driven by curiosity. This carried on for quite a while, until guilt got the better of me and I confessed to my parents. They suggested I stopped, but encouraged my curiousity, and as a result bought me some books on sexual development with images of both gender. This made me stop for a couple of years.

Driven by curiosity and that adrenaline (or whatever chemical) rush I previosly experienced, I returned to the online images. This was age 11, and lasted for a little while before I confessed to Dad. This made me stop once again.

One big thing that limited me and lead to guilt/ getting caught when I was young, was I had to use the office computer.

However, at age 12-13 I bought my first personal device: my IPod touch 4 Generation. You all should know the IPod has an app called 'Safari' a browser with access to anything online excluding Flash. This gave me easier access to this online excitement. I returned to soft porn, seeking simple nudes, then turning to sexy images of girls (partially clothed then nude). Erotic videos then found me at a clean soft core website, with images and short videos girls stripping, posing, simply walking and occasionally touching themselves. I stumbled upon one video containing lesbians and cunnulingus. This revolted me, and snapped me out of my joy, leading to another confession to Dad. He helped me stop.

This didn't last forever. Later at 13 years, I returned once again. I didn't know any other danger apart from it being morally bad and the guilt. I wish I had known more to perhaps scare me into not returning into my final downward spiral. Arousal was now the objective with this images and videos. As I slowly turned to more extreme pornography, that being female maturation videos, my sexual development had begun and I noticed external arousal signs. These highly exciting videos left me very excited and skitsy. I then got the urge to masturbate. Unfortunately my first time was to a pornography video of (from what I remember) lesbian porn. This was very, very bad as it set the basis of long term wiring of my arousal and sexual release to the pixels on my iPod.

Excessive masturbation followed, which, some would say was an addiction in itself. However, in my experience, this is the easier addiction to break. I began unnasisted masturbation, but achieved far greater excitement with porn use, but not better orgasm. I was further desensitised at the age of 13-14 and progressed to hardcore porn. This porn use was, at first, a couple of times a week. It then progressed to multiple times a day. This was when my true addiction began. I couldn't/ still can't orgasm easily unassisted, have no non-sexual fantasies of real girls, think of sex without thinking of porn, easily get an erection from my touch alone.

When I had a girlfriend, I was able to stop the porn and masturbation for a whole month, before I couldn't take it any more. Unfortunately, when I did masturbate again, I did it to porn, re-locking myself into my old habits. I then struggled with letting the porn go after this, but stayed relatively free of it. When she left, I returned into full heavy addiction.

Several times over the past 2 months I have been a very regular user and after almost every time, suffered extreme guilt and remorse. When I ejaculate with porn (it is very hard to achieve without it) I feel the build up but no orgasm. I do get an orgasm (with struggle) without porn. I tried weak attempts to stop, the strongest of which was a calendar marking my progress.

Last night after relapsing, I sought help online, but this time found this website. It helped me expand my knowledge and I'm feeling ready to take on urges and the reboot.

SOME STRATEGIES I WILL BE USING:
- keeping track of my progress in this journal
- helping you guys out and asking questions and tips for help
- installing a safe search app and blocking myself out of Safari on my iPod
- deleting all other apps with access to Internet and/or pornography on all devices
- turning on safe search on my iPad's safari (I need it for school work)
- filtering explicit results on YouTube on all devices
- meditating at night before sleep. This rewards myself for progress, corrects wrong states of mind, blocks out pornographic fantasies, and encourage sexual attraction to real girls

I will be using meditation as my main tool to defeat urges. If I can ever think rationally when urged I can often stop relapsing. Also, mediation will help calm my excitement and channel my sexual energy. Regular meditation should also help me become wiser, peaceful and controlling of desires and rational thought.

One issue I realised meditation may have is time consumption and hard to initiate when excited. However, even 20 minutes of long meditation is not wasted time, as it is productive to my recovery and is better then 30 minutes or more spent relapsing. And as for initiating, it's easy to stop and take a few deep breaths then immediately attempt to introduce rational thinking to stop relapse. These few breaths will often calm you down enough to think properly and encourage deeper relaxation, taking your mind off porn.

I am new to meditation so please correct me if I'm wrong and give me tips! Feel free to comment and please help me out if I ask a question :).

Wish me luck.

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