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Topics - willspbr87

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Ages 20-29 / Rebooting my life for better
« on: February 02, 2015, 05:59:28 PM »
Hello, guys,

I'm a Brazilian man of 28 years old, and I'm here to control my porn fantasies and urges deeply ingrained in my mind since my teen ages.

I grew up as a very shy guy, unable to approach people by myself. That screwed me up for a long time, especially in my relationships with women. My teen ages were sad, lonely and sexless. I used to spend most of my free time playing games and fantasizing about having sex with a girl in school that I liked a lot, but was unable to approach. I never got any good sexual orientation and any good relationship advice from my parents, and I was really depressive.

That was the time I started getting contact with porn. It wasn't the age of high-speed internet porn, though. One day, some of my classmates put in my school bag a half dozen porn magazines and I ended up seeing all of them. I remember that when I read those magazines, I got very attracted to lesbian porn and started to fantasize a lot about sex, inspired by the erotic stories they published, expecting that one day it could get real for me. I also used to turn on the TV late at night just to watch the erotic chat advertisements that were common at the time, which consisted of girls doing striptease. I watched them and went right to the bathroom to fantasize about the striptease I liked most, and kind of conditioned myself to have an orgasm when the chick took her bikini top off... that's crazy! :P

My bad habits escalated when I lost my virginity at 21, when I was in college... and with a prostitute. At the time I wondered if I was ejaculating too fast, because I'd pay for half an hour and would stay with the chick for half that time... but I didn't take it seriously, as my erections were OK and I was getting excited.

And so, I went on masturbating, playing MMORPG games, watching amateur porn pictures in the internet, fantasizing about girls that I knew I would never have the courage to approach, and visiting prostitutes whenever I could. But by the end of my college, when I was 23, I felt that my life sucked and I was a complete loser, and I could get stuck in life forever if I didn't do anything about it. I felt that I needed love from a woman to feel really accomplished, that was what was missing in my life.

I started reading a lot of stuff on how to attract girls, started going out more, trying to approach girls. But on the other hand, I intensified the use of porn, as I believed it would help me get in the mood of a libidinous guy, the one who's able to woo at any beautiful girl dressed up to catch my attention. It didn't work, and I ended up getting a weird habit of taking pictures of girls's butts in the street... it fortunately didn't last long, as I used to feel a lot of shame of myself after doing it and realized that I could get caught anytime.

In the end of 2011, I found a forum of guys giving each other links and advice for self-improvement. It was there where I found a link to the YBOP website. It definitely opened my eyes for the harm that porn had done in me by the time, and that was when I finally decided to quit porn and MMORPG games. It was a painful process - I even got an anxiety attack by the end of 2012, soon after quitting MMORPG - , but it helped me get back some control in my life. I progressively got rid of porn, but kept on masturbating and going to prostitutes, although I masturbated much less frequently - from every 2 days to every 2 weeks. It was in this time that I picked up one prostitute and started going out only with her. It wasn't a serious relationship, though, but I was feeling better and more confident. I even tried approaching girls again.

Finally, in the middle of the last year, I got my first girlfriend. She wasn't beautiful and had lupus, a chronic immunological disease which made me wonder a lot about my future with her. That was when I had to face my problems with early ejaculation. I wasn't able to satisfy her and that would make me feel guilty. And to make things worse, I went to an urologist that advised me to do edging. Soon after, I ended up masturbating more and I had hard times in bed, now facing a serious ED. My erections were weak, or would get weak immediately upon penetration. Sometimes I'd feel my penis dead and it was very frustrating. We broke up in December; then, I went for a prostitute and failed to get an erection again. That's when I got into YBOP again, now willing for a complete reboot and orientation in the right direction. I started a NoFap in December 30th on my own and could resist until two days ago. It was very beneficial for me, as right before relapsing I got back some confidence, felt that my dick was getting back into life, I was getting some morning woods (which I didn't have for a long time) and even got a new girlfriend, and was getting aroused just by staying with her.

I'm here to get rid of the habit of masturbating and having sexual fantasies when I wasn't supposed to. I remember that in my early ages, my dick used to get really hard with very little stimulation, and I hope that I can get back that power. I've got a counter for me and will share with you my progress. For now I've set my goal to stay without PMO for 60 days, which is a real challenge, as I'd never resist more than 30 days without masturbating.

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