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Topics - Yuri

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 Dear All,

 I will share you my story. I will try to keep it short but I will try to recall everything that was essential for my recovery as this knowledge may be beneficial to you. It is crazy now to recall what I have been going through. I will soon be 31 year old and by the age of 30 my life turned around for almost 180 degrees to the brighter side. So much has changed. From being a "freak" who is in love with artificial pleasure I have managed to regain my life and to unite with the nature. I have a girlfriend that I am sure will be my wife and someone that is destined to be in my life and has helped me to become a better person. I spend most of my time now doing something worthy. I get up early and I don't enjoy anything sexually artificial any more.

 I was stuck with porn and sex chats for many years. I got aroused from my habits up to the level when I needed something extreme to get aroused a lot. I had all the classic porn addict symptoms. Worst were falling into pessimism, restless legs syndrome (and stress) and of course not being able to make real love with a real woman and that was terrible! That was like living in a matrix and giving your precious sexual energy away to something very negative and unnatural. Now I recall it like a very strong addiction that I didn't notice or did not want to notice. It was like a delusional relationship you fall in love to and it eats your life energy. You get your dose to feel better whenever you want but after another moment you feel empty. I got my "wake up call" when I met my girl. I fell in love and we got together after some time and then I understood how bad is it really!! ...

  My journey to recovery started somewhere in October 2014 and I finally enjoyed making love in June 2015 . Imagine?? Well ... I was able to have sex somewhere in April already but it was such a hard times when my girl was wondering if she want's to be with a man like me. So imagine how it felt!? It was fighting for my life and for my love at the same time. For me it took about 6-9 months to finally get my sexuality and life back. There was about 5 relapses. Some were smaller and some were bigger.

 I had a very strong addiction and it took so much to fight it. These were the worst parts (BESIDES FINDING THE SOURCE OF WHY YOU GOT ADDICTED):
1. Having a girlfriend made it sometimes easier but sometimes extra hard. I am talking about that it is very hard to fight addiction while you are feeling bad and having a thought that she gives up on you. Just listen to this. There were two times when we did split up and I fell into depression and relapsed. But about two days after she says that she can't get rid of me (love) while she did not even suspect how much I suffered from this and that it made me relapse. She want's to spend a night with me again but I cant do it again. What a nightmare!! On the other side while I felt her support I could be super strong. She always made me go forward and thought me to think about myself.
2. I had strong porn withdrawal symptoms. I even got ill and relapsed then because I had to spend all my time in the bed. Urges were so strong I was not able to withstand. There were also terrible swings in the mood.
3. Understanding that porn is not an option!!!

AND NOW THE MAIN PART OF ADDICTION. I was so desperate I did read a lot of information about addiction. I found a book that helped me enormously and connected myself back to the nature. Eckhart Tolles "The Power Of Now". It appeared that I had a very strong "Pain body". In a few word I always thought that I do right that I fight all the pain in my live but I had to surrender to it rather than fighting it. I did fight my pain and searched for a relief in orgasms from artificial sexual stimulation and by time it took over me.

 I don't want anything extreme any more and nasty fetishes are fading away. I get hard with my girlfriend much easier now after we had our first sex. Orgasms feels so natural and the feeling after is super fine. You feel really great after you cum while after porn You had that feeling of emptiness. I had some chaser for another orgasm later but at least there were no urges any more for something artificial. Everything is not great yet. I will take much more time to get things real good but i already enjoy it.

 Please ask if You want to hear anything specific that could help You.

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Porn Addiction / New Year - A perfect time for changes?
« on: December 31, 2014, 08:52:57 AM »

 Happy New Year everyone!!!

 Fact of New Year seems like a perfect way to change something in our life. Of course the fact that this is a New Year won't change much but i will still make a combo of both. I want to quit Porn since November. I struggled with several relapses but my goal is the same and now I want this to be year when i leave porn once and for all.
 It will also be very easy to count days from now on  :) .
 
 Be strong!

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Dear All,

I am 30 years old and i am trying to get rid from a porn addiction that prevents me from having a normal and healthy sex with the one i love (i met her a half year ago) and simply a normal relationship. I am very sad i didn't start my recovery earlier (please take an example from this. You never know when you will meet someone who really cares about you and will want to make real love with you).

I know i will succeed but it is always a much longer road than we expect.

I have relapsed three times so far. And now i hope that i am ready to go all the way to get rid from my addiction. I am learning from my mistakes and i learn more and more facts and theory about porn addiction that helps me a lot. First time i did relapse after first two weeks. It seemed so easy at first (now i understand that it seemed so easy because i met my girl several times and she just took all those illusional urges away). But after two weeks urges became so strong i felt ike a psyco and i couldnt meet her by that time. I went into chat (i didnt even watch porn), started some conversations about my fetishes and it triggered my fantasies so much i felt a new dose rushing in. It all led to touching myself and orgasm as my genitals was super sensitive that moment. The same happened 4 days after. I was so depressed and angry on myself both times. I had failed myself and my relationship so hard. The third time happened yesterday. I had entered a new level as i did whitstand for at least a month and i started to feel urges leaving me away as i made a super mistake of checking out if i can control myself. Of course that moment it was that stupidest thought of "Nothing would happen if i just watch it for a second" and my willpower were somewhere else i guess. I became careless and i got SO STRONG urges at once and i became like hypnotized. I tried to control myself but i could not. I EDGED! And it is worst thing that can happen. I could stop watching after some time but i was on the edge. I felt dopamine rushing within me and I understood that if i dont orgasm it will tear me apart whole night.

Now i know that whenever i enter these chat or porn sites i will fail. I will use all my knowledge to fight my addiction. I even told it my girlfriend and thanks God she seemed like to understand it and she supports me. I want her and i want normal sexual relationships. And even if she would not i knpow that i would fight my addiction and i will get rid of it. I want real pleasure from making love not a filthy desires that leads to pain and depression.

My stronger side is that i have good basics. I grew up with no porn and i still remember how it has to feel for real (I had a super beautiful virgin girlfriend at about 23 and i wanted her so much but our relationship didnt continue and she didnt ever satisfy me). I am into porn for at least five years and i have adopted interest for hardcore porn. At that time it was a way to flee from my relationship that was such a drama for me. Currently i feel like even with my relapses i am now attracted to more softcore things that are enough for me so i dont feel like i start it from zero. I have acquired more willpower and of course KNOWLEDGE. Without knowledge it would be extremely hard to fight it. I have started to meditate regulary and i feel how much sport activities benefits fighting these urges. But i know that all those urges and fetishes are right there and just waits for any trigger to occure.

I hope this post helps myself and i hope that this and my following posts will help me and will benefit someone else also. This is just another day on a road to my ultimate goal but lets call it a first one to feel more of a challenge because i dont want to allow any porn or cyber sex anymore. I want my to be free and to become a better person. 

LOVE  :) !

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