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Topics - challenged

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One of the things that I have noticed is the tendency we have sometimes on this forum to set forth allegedly universal rules, or dogmatic statements, that are supposed to be applicable to every porn user, or every spouse of a porn user, or every marriage or relationship, or every rebooting effort, etc.  Certainly there are some things that I think could readily be the subject of a consensus, such as the dangers of porn, the basics of rebooting, etc.  But it seems sometimes we tend to rush to apply "rules" or categorical statements to other people's situations that might not apply.  Our individual experiences are often very important and meaningful to us -- indeed, they are our very lives.  But quite often they might not apply equally to everyone else, or perhaps even to most people.

I see a lot of posts to the effect that "we are all X," or references sometimes to some things "we all must believe" or that we "all must do."  Other times I read categorical statements about marital relationships and how we as "addicts" (another somewhat categorical statement) must have impacted our spouse, or how our spouses will react to something, or what they must feel.

I think we should exercise some caution when making statements that include words like "all," "always," "everyone," "every time," etc.  We all are different people, with different circumstances, different experiences, different backgrounds, different relationship histories, etc.  Furthermore, the task of recovering from porn and restoring relationships is a difficult and sometimes complex process.  I think we might do some more harm than good in some situations when we over-simplify matters and try to apply too many universal rules to every person.  I think many recommendations and comments would be better framed in terms of "this is what has worked for me, and you might want to consider it," or "this is a potential danger (or error) in your approach," rather than "you must do this" or "you must not think this."

This is not directed at any particular person on this board, and I'm sure I've probably been guilty of some of this as well.  It is just a general observation, and some thoughts to contemplate, made in the spirt of trying to understand and help each other better.  :)

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Porn Addiction / Why Are Some Days Easy and Some Days Hard??
« on: November 30, 2014, 08:43:04 PM »
One thing i've noticed in the rebooting process is that problematic sexual temptation seems to vary on different days, seemingly without rhyme or reason. Has anyone else experienced this?  Why does it happen? 

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Has this been discussed before?  If so, perhaps someone could point me to the other thread(s), but I looked a bit and didn't see a thread title that would indicate this has been discussed.


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