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Topics - TheSpaniard

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Hi all,

I believe that one of the big reasons I relapse is because when I feel triggered (mainly because I feel alone, stressed, anxious, pressured...), it's almost impossible to say NO to adult content. I mean, I think I'm capable to manage porn, but I do see some adult content websites related to my fetishes (especially contact websites). It's like I NEED IT in order to feel OK. When this emotion hits me, I feel totally DRIVEN by it. I lose control of my actions and I stick to my phone as my life depends on it.

So, here is my big question... for those who manage to SUCCESSFULLY overcome triggers and this kind of emotions... how or what do you do?

Sometimes I feel like a friend with whom I could express myself will be a big help...

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Monday, 13/04/20. Day 1

Hi all,

I'm a 25 yo guy from Spain. I will turn 26 yo next month (in may).

Well, I like keep thigs simple, so I'm not gonna dwell with my background and my full story. In short, apart from my sexlife, everything goes pretty well, at least, for the people around me: family, friends and colleagues. I work for a multinational food company (I do like my job and they trust me for some important projects despite my age) and I'm also doing my PhD in Food Science in one of the best universities in Spain. One could say that I'm pretty succesful. But the thing is that my sexlife is going really bad, mainly because of PIED and my insecurities.

Well, being completly honest, right now I don't have PIED, but I'm still struggling with porn and cybersex. I've been fighting this problem for 5-6 years (I really don't know for sure...) and, as you may know, there have been a lot of up and downs through the road. The thing is that, after 5-6 years in which I've really grown up and I've learnt a lot about me, I still feel like I'm a porn addict and I believe I have a problem with high-speed internet. I just can't stop watching (extreme and fetish) porn and/or looking for real experiences (but actually not accomplishing them) when sex thoughts hit me up.

I can have sex with girls. I mean, my erectil functions works enough. Sometimes I enjoy it, sometimes I don't. In those occasions in which I don't, I'm like... OK, I know this is good for me because sex is good for me, but I don't feel pretty much. Other times, I've had sex feeling like a lion haha.

Currently, I have a sexual relationship with a girl I don't like physically, but with whom I get along very well. I've been seeing her for 8 months or so (just for occasional sex) in order to rewire my sexual tastes to regular sex. She doesn't know about my sex issues and I try to keep her satisfied (which she claims she is). For me it's OK. I mean, I think this is a valid step in my path. In the near future I would like to have a genuine, healthy, funny and committed relationship with a girl with whom I may share values, someone I can be fully sincere and not feel judged. But in order to be prepare for a relationship like this, I think that I must improve my relationship with myself. Not just when things go well, but especially when I feel abducted by sex thoughts and fantasies. I feel like I'm not emotionally prepare to handle a real relationship with a girl I want to get involve with. If I can't control my own thoughts, emotions and actions, how am I suppose to be able to share them in a deep level with someone? How am I suppose to handle her needs and wantings if I'm struggling with mine's?

The thing is that I have a lot of insecurities. I prefer not to talk about my insecurities in my first post, I just want to point it out as I believe they are the root cause of all my sex issues. I've visited some psycologists that had helped me a lot during these years. I really value what I've learnt about me thanks to them. But I still have a problem and I think I'm the only one with the capacity to overcome it (sounds obvious, isn't it? haha).

By the way, good luck to everybody with the quarantine because of coronavirus. For me, staying at home makes this difficult because I feel lonely and disconnected from the people I like ot be around. I will be grateful to receive any constructive feedback from anyone.

Stay strong. 

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