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Topics - Reboot4good

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Ages 30-39 / Time to Reboot for good
« on: March 05, 2020, 12:12:05 AM »
First post on here. Looking forward to many more. Day 7 no PM

I first saw p when I was a little kid and a friend showed me his parent’s video collection. Shortly after I learned to m. Inside I felt it was wrong but I was drawn to it. Throughout my teenage years, I frequently viewed p on the internet and via cable tv when I had the opportunity. In addition to satisfying teenage hormones and curiosity, it became a crutch I’d use to numb negative emotions.
The habit destroyed my self-confidence and made me feel more isolated. I definitely started to see people as objects and had a hard time connecting emotionally with others. Most of my relationships with others were selfish and hollow.
Eventually I made a decision to change and to quit cold turkey. It was difficult but so liberating. I had a handful of slipups as I left it behind but was able to leave it completely for several years. It took a lot of time to learn to develop relationships with people that weren’t superficial but I improved a lot and so did my overall happiness.

I wish I could say I never pm’d again but admit that I started to turn to it occasionally after I got married. I think it had a lot to do with a few things:

1.   Life becoming more complex & having increased stressors as a husband/father.
2.   Not having figured out the right way to consistently deal with negative emotions
3.   Increased accessibility with smartphones and our digital world full of triggers.

It’s been something that comes up every few weeks during times of high stress or strong negative emotions.

I’ve tried a lot of things to limit or curb my struggle and have had decent success mitigating but it kept coming down to if I got into the right emotional state, I would blow through any safeguard, filter or logical reasoning and look at p.

Recently I was browsing on a streaming site and ran into a documentary about the negative effects of p. I watched it and felt sick to my stomach listening to girls talk about how much they regretted being in p and kids who struggling with the extremes modern p has gone to and how it promotes violence, abuse & has distorted views of what sexuality should be. It made me feel deep down that there is no way to justify even a little p. I heard about and started to research it. Reading about the science behind p helped me better understand what I was up against. Combine that with the marital problems it can create (my wife hates it) and I have some strong motivators to quit completely. I want to be an example to my kids and don’t want to ever worry about them catching me looking at p. Or have p mess with their self image, especially my daughters. I also want the self-confidence to know that I’m in control of myself and can stick to commitments, even tough ones like leaving p behind forever.

My reboot plan is to do a better job of recognizing my emotional triggers and dealing with them in constructive ways. Mainly meditation/prayer, managing stressors, taking care of my physical health and taking meaningful constructive action in my life. I’m a Christian, so for me constructive action also means trying to do God's will and serve people. I think posting and reading posts on here will help me to stay on track. I also like that by posting I might be able to help others in addition to getting help & motivation from my fellow rebooters.

Cheers to all who read this & are in the thick of it themselves. Let's do this.

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