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Topics - mattoondah

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Success Stories / From a 7 MONTH Sexless Dryspell to 5 Women in 5 Weeks!
« on: February 05, 2020, 06:50:58 PM »
Man I feel like a new man! I have gone on an absolute TEAR lately! I've had sex with 5 different girls in the past 5 or 6 weeks. Plus 3 more just fooling around.

I quit porn November 1st.  So a little over 3 months ago.

There are definitely a couple different factors.  Quitting alcohol last August definitely made it much, much harder initially, but I got over the hump and now I feel like I have freakin' SUPERPOWERS in the bar!  All sober.

The first girl that broke the dry-spell definitely made a huge difference too.  That took that stank of desperation off. Hahaa!

But I really think that quitting porn has been a big factor.  And in subconscious ways at least, made me more attractive.  I have more confidence talking to beautiful women, better eye contact, no repressed shame about porn use.. and in general just find it much, much easier to be myself!  The best version of myself.

But it took time to get here...

I also work on this shit.  HARD.  I didn't just quit porn and alcohol.  I did those things and then FORCED myself to go to the bars on the weekends and approach attractive women sober.  There have been many, many, BRUTALLY hard nights, nights where I got stuck in wall-flower mode and did not at all feel like myself.

I felt like quitting after those nights.  But I didn't. I slept it off or took the whole week off from women if it was Saturday, then picked myself up and tried again the following weekend.

I made it past that.  Those nights are far and few between now.  The new norm is that I go out and am more outgoing, more social, opening more attractive women than I did before when I was drinking and using porn. 

From a 7 MONTH sexless dryspell, to 5 different girls in 5 weeks... I feel like a new man!  :D

There has still been some ED with some of these girls.  But considerably less than before.  I think the reality is porn use is ONE thing that can cause ED.  It's not the only thing. 

I'm very healthy and not THAT old at 45. I get crazy morning wood, so I don't think it's physical or bloodflow related.  I don't use porn at all anymore, so I don't think it's dopamine related. 

I think what's still giving me problems, is mental.  I get fucking nervous, because it has happened in the past. And I think about that.  You know... overthinking it.  But I'm confident that will happen less and less often over time.  I see lots of improvement so I'm not too worried about it.  I'm just going to give it time and try to be IN THE MOMENT more, and enjoy the naked woman in front of me, instead of worrying about how it's going to go with her.   ;)

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Success Stories / 1 Month Porn Free!
« on: December 02, 2019, 06:54:21 PM »
I'm certainly not all better, but yesterday was 1 full month porn-freeeeeeeeee!  That's the longest I've gone in years.  I'm looking forward to the next porn-free month and getting 2 months down.  ;D

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Ages 40 and up / PUMPED To Finally Quit This Bad Habit!
« on: November 03, 2019, 12:41:16 AM »
My name is Matthew.  I'm here because of ED caused by porn, like a lot of you.  But more importantly, lately I've noticed my confidence around women is TERRIBLE.  Really bad.  Just can't maintain good eye contact, can barely make an approach in a bar.  Sheepish on the dancefloor, not talking to girls in my day to day life, only at bars. And just overall bad self esteem around women.  For no reason!   

There's no other root cause for it, except porn use. ....and subconscious SHAME about that porn use.

What I really want from this is for my ED to go away, and my confidence around women to go way up.

I was happily single living abroad in Europe, and before that happily single in Arizona with enough girls in my life in both places.  But now I am miserably single in California.  I am in the throes of a horrific 5 MONTH dryspell!  I don't know WTF is causing this.

This dryspell is what is causing my porn use.  i'm lonely.  I go out "hunting" in the bars, unsuccessfully, come home frustrated and USE.

A little history: I have done this before.  I have quit just porn before, and I have quit PMO before.  Quitting PMO was a disaster.  It was brutally difficult, just using up willpower, I think i actually bailed on day 29, I can't remember, it was 5 years ago. And it KILLED MY LIBIDO.  It took me a month of regular whacking to get back to normal.

Don't give me the 'that's just the flatline bro' I'm not buying it.  If I stopped going to the gym, I couldn't reasonably expect to stay strong past a week or two.  Use it, or lose it man!

Quitting just porn though was great!  I can't remember how long it took, but I got my mojo back.  I THINK I remember more random women checking me out and even smiling and saying hi to me.  And for sure 100% I got my boners back.  I can clearly remember bringing home a BIIIIIIIG Girl.  I mean BIG guys.  Not hot.  Nice boobies but the rest was not pretty. And I had a great erection for her.

I don't know what happened? Life?  Lonliness? Underestimating how addictive this shit is?  But I lost my way, and got back into porn.

I have been half ass quitting for the past couple years.  Like I'll quit on Monday, I don't tell anyone, after an unsuccessful hunt on Saturday night, i go back to porn and binge on it for the rest of the weekend.

I think I've been lying to myself saying I've mostly quit with some relapses... but all I'm doing is powering through the work week, I'm 100% still using. Just in binges on weekends.  If I followed that pattern with alcohol I wouldn't say I'd quit booze, lol.

Speaking of which, August 1st I did quit booze. August 15th I quit sugar. Sept 1st, I quit fast food, cleaned up my diet and lost 14 pounds.  So I am on a ROLL! Which is maybe why I'm so positive about this.  And because I've done it before and - I KNOW IT WORKS.

For me masturbation is not the problem.  Masturbation is not the supra-stimulus highly addictive behavior. PORN is the problem!

I know people will disagree with the choice to leave out the MO part, but for this journal my goal is to quit porn forever.  That's it.

I fully believe in the 'use it or lose it' principle.  But a 45 year old man without a girlfriend, does not NEED to come every single day, 1-2X / week is fine. If you're horny outside of that - GOOD!  Let it build, maybe it will encourage you to meet an actual female.

I'm posting here mainly for ACCOUNTABILITY.  I had quit drinking before years ago and had ok success with it for a while.  This time when I quit I wanted support.  I wanted accountability.  So I go to meetings every couple of weeks.  I know if I use alcohol, I'd have to tell everyone at my group.  It keeps me motivated.

My plan is to continue doing things I enjoy that cause a healthy release of dopamine:
 
  • Take more salsa classes.
  • Surf.
  • Dance.
  • Karaoke.
  • Ride my bicycle or Vespa.
  • Go out and talk to girls.

I'm naturally funny, and can make my friends laugh.  I can write a joke.  But I've never been able to make music, or compose a song.  I have ALWAYS wanted to learn to do that.  This seems like a great time to do that. That can be a big replacement activity for the hours wasted looking at porn.

Anyway, thanks for listening, I'm really STOKED to be here.  Looking forward to getting rid of this addiction once and for all.

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