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Topics - Braved118

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Teens / 01/02/19 Braved118 without ponography
« on: January 02, 2019, 11:03:07 PM »
 Second day of the year and mess it up. Today try to control my anxiety to masturbate. Everything was going great until 10 minutes ago. I feel stupid. Like I was about to sleep but I couldn't hold my anxiety. Like word the I see in my right when I finished a sentence SAIDS "Orgasm". Because literally that's what my body was asking for . So I don't know why but plz tell me what can I do?

                                                          Sincerely Braved118

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Teens / 01/01/19 Braved118 without ponography
« on: January 02, 2019, 12:04:12 AM »
Amazing, I never thought I would survive until 2019. In my mind I imagine a big war that I probably was not alive. My first thoughts were " I can't believe on this beginning of the year last year at 12:00am I texting to my crush I never would speak again after graduation and I could never tell them I had a crush on them until we graduate middle school because they were on a relationship". This is what happen I woke with a clean room because I said I would finished the year with one clean room, when it was 12:00am the lights went off were I lived( no idea, why?) but it not stop me( I light up some candles), when I woke up I ate, entertain myself with tech, painted white the wood the holds the mirror in the bathroom, went to my aunty, ate, came back home and entertain myself more with tech. To all the horoscope I say " you can't predict the future basically you are based in physiology". Like 2018 was supposed to be the year of capricorns because they were going to be happy with their life after the year ended. I am a Capricorn and I am not happy by the things that approach me and stop me from being me. All I want is to lived by my rules but I can't because the head can hurt me. Like I even ask help to my mom about my pornography addiction she dosent even ask me what molest me or even respect my opinions. I don't like that my mom makes inappropriate jokes. I want to have a anxiety pet but my stupid apartment prohibits hair pets. I can survive with a fish but wait my mom dosent want a another child. I take care of it. Sorry for uploading 4 minutes late from the day it was suppose to be post.
 
                                                                       Sincerely Braved118

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Teens / 12/31/18 Braved118 without ponography
« on: December 31, 2018, 10:02:37 PM »
Last day of the year. No big deal is just another normal day. Tomorrow will be another normal day. Nature never does something amazing for a new year so why even bother celebrate it like the same thing happens the sun comes up and then down.
Guys, I don't know but pornography again passes by my youtube. It was about photoshops. I would like to say it was for educational purposes but it wasn't. It was just people having an experience of how women celebrities get photoshop. Did I watch the whole video? Yes, why? I have no idea. I don't understand why people's body insecurities have to affect me like I can't even handle mines. You know I am going to finish this year by cleaning my room and saying " I don't care about your opinions judges I like how I dress and advice for you 'everybody has a different taste for fashion and if you don't like it well respected because you can't make the same spell different.'

                                                           Sincerely Braved118

4
Teens / 12/30/18 Braved118 without ponography
« on: December 30, 2018, 11:05:00 PM »
 Today was good. According to horoscopes, I am supposed to live happily after this year. I am not sure about that but I thought I never make it until 2019. I had a small anxiety attacked for fear of watching porn. One thing that help me was laying in both hands until I calm down.

                                                                 Sincerely Braved118

5
Teens / 12/29/18 Braved118 without pornography
« on: December 30, 2018, 12:04:35 AM »
 Today I notice that I should not be scared of my fear to fail at quitting porn because if I let my fears take over me I will fail. I think I just need to avoid getting stress. Right now, I am analyzing that my brain thinks that the solution for stress is masturbating or watching porn which is wrong. In fact, I am beginning to think that any person addicted to something brain thinks that the solution to stress is their addiction.

                                                           Sincerely Braved118

6
Teens / 12/28/18 braved118 without pornography
« on: December 28, 2018, 11:40:28 PM »
 I want to say today was great. I thought of what I should do in the future. Last night I had some emotional dreams. But for some reason, I just didn't think of porn and didn't get molested by anything. Question for today what are some things you do for emotional moments?

                                                                   Sincerely Braved118

7
Teens / 12/27/18 Braved118 without ponography
« on: December 27, 2018, 11:57:55 PM »
 Today, I went to work to earn a little bit of money. It is helpful having a company even if the person doesn't have patience. Today, I forgot what I dreamed because I woke up fast. I regret what I did yesterday. In four days, it will be new years 2019. I remember this year the first moment to think of it I think I will never forget it. To be honest I don't celebrate it but seems people are up I can't sleep. I was talking to my old crush by my insta. What we talk about didn't make sense because it was childish. At the end we never so each other again. Which makes me sad because my old crush turn to be a lovely friend. I feel like I want to cry because I am growing too fast. Soon, I will be 15 years old meaning 11 years ago I got violated, 6 years that I left a dark leaving place were i was brainwash, few months after I moved I got depression, after I moved i had to repeat 3 to 5 grade, when I started 4 grade I started getting bully, when I was 9 years old I started watching pornography, I felt alone at some time that I had suicidal thoughts, 5 years ago I learn English,  in 5 grade I started to work myself up to be smart, 4 years ago I graduated from elementary school, 2 years ago I quit pornography, in six grade I did great success in opportunities I got, I move again from too many expenses given to my current parent guardian, 2 years with 2 months ago I had a crush on someone, 2 months later that I like someone I started writing about them, 1 year with 1 month I started watching pornography again, 9 months I had great adventures with my basketball team, 7 months ago I graduated from middle school, 6 months ago I told my crush I like them, 5 months ago I visit my father, I told my mom to help me quit pornography 4 months ago, then I started high school, and an hour ago I started writing this. There is a lot I have done during i have live which is amazing because i still haven't said the little things and the big impacts i had done. My question for today what impact have you done?
   
                                                                       Sincerely Braved118

8
Teens / 12/26/18 Braved118 without ponography
« on: December 26, 2018, 11:07:56 PM »
It got hard. I don't know what to say, I feel like I change my personality. I feel that I should say I am ashamed. I really don't know what happens. First, I felt alone. Then, I got scared I would see pornography. Second, my mind starts to produce images of pornography I watch before. Finally, I got tempted that I masturbated. Literally, I don't know what happens. After I did that I fail by my own again. I really need help. This why I join because this is how I fail each time. And after this happens, a few days later I watch porn which I am scared that will happen. Guys, I am afraid. I really don't know what is happening to my brain. I can't control anymore when I get tempted. I literally did nothing today but shower and eat my meals. Today I dream about being in my childhood house. This was very weird because mostly everyone who I knew from school started showing there. So soon I went to the room I use to sleep because I was embarrassed for them to see the weird design looking house and I lived beyond poverty. When I enter, out of no where it was an auditorium. Then, everyone started getting in soon I had a librarian. She was showing us fishes with spikes which we were touching weirdly enough I didn't think about safety. I was close with someone I met at a party that I never saw again. Then, everything turns into a video game that we run and it is hard to control my body to move on. In the end, the villain turns out to be Thanos weirdly enough. My question for today is how can we not feel not alone?

                                                                                                                                        Sincerely Braved118

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Teens / 12/25/18 Braved118 without ponography
« on: December 25, 2018, 10:45:03 PM »
  Every day for some reason temptations gets harder to control. This is why after I have not been successful quitting pornography seems I got back to pornography again. I had a dream that scared me out. In this dream, I was in an auditorium watching a dance team perform that I use to be. Soon, I was holding a little girl that I was supposed to take care of. For some reason, after I was thinking it was like my child. Someone gaved me some source of fast food in a cup that seen to be chicken and mash potatoes. I told the girl to only eat half of it, she seen pissed off by me. I have no idea why in the world I said that because then I was thinking you should it told her "if you are hungry you can eat into your full". But then I started laughing with my friend who is one of the dancers. Here is what scare me the hell out, when I look at the upper seats of the stage I saw my middle school crush smiling thinking why I never told them "I love you" when smiling at me. When I woke up it was like 5 in the morning and then I couldn't go back to sleep. I think if this was someone other but not me ill be laughing. To be honest, I think I couldn't tell my middle school I like them because first, that person was in a relationship, second I was like that person's best friend, third, my family didn't let me be in a relationship and most importantly I couldn't love myself first. In the end( few days after graduation), I told that person I had a crush on them in text. I told them to block me if they want to (why in the world did I say that) and anyway so I did too because I was embarrassed. This old crush still haunts my dreams. Anyway, the question for today, why do you think old crushes haunt you? But all means this probably has been my akwarders written thing to the public.

                                                            Sincerely Braved118

10
Teens / 12/24/18 Braved118 without ponography
« on: December 24, 2018, 09:17:48 PM »
 Today for some reason just hearing someone say sex, provoked me to masturbate and orgasm. Did I do it? No, because I knew no one would lose anything but me in this therapy to not masturbate or watch porn. The thing that scares me the most is that when I get married, I won't be able to look at my partner in a respectful way and not the way they want me to look at them. Now that I think about what is sex for? I don't get if is for having a nice feeling, having kids or what for?

                                                                  Sincerely Braved118

11
Teens / 12/23/18 Braved118 without ponography
« on: December 23, 2018, 10:02:57 PM »
 Today started all good. I got ready and went to a meeting. Then, I was invited to eat lunch so I went. I got a really good meal there. But casually going home I almost die for real. While the driving person in the car I was, was turning right in the freeway at my right a car appear out of nowhere so close it would it kill me. Not going to lie I type of wish I would it die because I can stand my family opinions, beliefs and secrets. Everything got to solve with the police. When I got home I finished my painting. I started watching videos of people who visit abandoned places. The question for today are you considerate?

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Teens / 12/21/18 braved118 without pornography
« on: December 22, 2018, 11:40:36 PM »
Yesterday while writing my daily letter i forgot to hit the post. Today I went to the laundry, clean my room and paint.  Today I can say that is scary because I got a blood spot in my below lip. Not going to lie I am scared because I heard it can be a call for cancer. So I told my mom to make an appointment for me. Yesterday's blog question was, is it pornography if is educational? like birth and culture.  Today is my 2 day without pornography but not going to lie I feel something telling me to masturbate. To be honest I am keeping it strong because I don't want to have mental health problems anymore

                                                        Sincerely Braved118

13
Teens / 12/20/18 Braved118 without ponographic
« on: December 20, 2018, 11:00:49 PM »
 Today was terrible. Everything was going great when I sawed a video on YouTube about some women in Africa who don't want to marry older man because they don't want to so they created their village. I agree with them. The bad part is that they showed a scene where women showed their boobs naked. The editors did not censor it. It made me pissed off because I am here trying to forget an old addiction I defeated a two years ago and came to  have it again. So i don't know if it counts as seeing pornographic but I have to counted as yes and start as day 1 when it supposed to be day four.

                                                           Sincerely Braved118

14
Teens / Third day without pornographic
« on: December 19, 2018, 09:48:25 PM »
 Today I felt some temptation. I spend most of my time in the living room so nothing would happen. I realized that I am such a difficult person to deal with myself. I get confidence for ideas but I don't do my ideas because I feel stuck with my phone. Drawing has help me but I feel my phone calling me and once see if I can stop using it without school pressure. I can wait for Friday to come because then I get my winter break. I will not have difficulties to worry about school. By the way, now I know the reason why you shouldn't watch pornographic and is because your brain becomes confused with emotions that it hurts you.
 
                                                                       Sincerely Braved118

15
 I feel today was, good. School went well but I still need to turn a paper in about a story. I secretly wrote about my story. About what happened. Of course, I didn't write that this story is real because I feel scared to share my feelings. Basically, scared of people judging me. I already have my family that judges my style I don't need my whole community to judge me too. I feel like writing about my day to the public without nobody knowing my identity makes me worry less about my problems because is hard to tell people how you feel. I guess for me pornographic was a way to forget about my emotionally mentally pain just like some people do it with drugs. Today as a present someone gave me a new tablet. I think is an advantage to get out of watching pornographic because my brain is thinking why would you do that?

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Teens / First day without pornographic
« on: December 17, 2018, 06:57:01 PM »
 Today, was great I guess. I can help see inappropriate jokes are all around the tv, social media, and even kids entertainment. It's hard to not to do. The thing is I already had defeated this addiction but a lie made my dark pass come back to me. The last time I defeated my addiction is because I had hobbies. So I went to Walmart and bought stuff to paint. I am hoping painting can help me moved on.
 
                                                                Sincerely Braved118

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Women / The Cause Of My Pornographic Addiction
« on: December 16, 2018, 07:46:08 PM »
 I don't know if this is you but basically, I was brainwashed. If you never knew this could happen, well now you will know what is like. Basically, I was 4 years back then. I didn't know what I was about to know about the world. The only things I knew was simple math problems, the neighborhood, my parents, basic Spanish to communicate, to be me and I could say how I felt in my thoughts. But what happens next is about to come down. Two sisters in my neighborhood got me with their fingers (brainwashed). Basically, they got me to do whatever they wanted. They will have me with their fingertips by seducing me and threaten me if I didn't do what they wanted. Keep on mind they were "CHRISTIANS" at the eyes of others. But their dark side was they were secretly lesbians at the eyes of others who didn't know and probably incest. You see where I lived "$ex" and "Money" had everyone even Christians. You probably are thinking this person must be lying and believe it or not this still controls me. Believe or not believe when you are a child, people think that you are the most innocent thing, you don't sin and you are not capable to do harm(stereotype). Now, that I am in my beginning years of adolescence I quote " Stereotype! There is no age to act in a certain way, by the way, all that time adults in charge act like big baby's. Exactly, this makes my point". You probably think 'huh! That's a lot". That's only a bit of my cause. The answer to this true story is: The Cause Of My Pornographic Addiction is that I didn't get my parents attention and concern. If you will like to share your cause of your pornographic Addiction feel free to share it to fight it together.

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