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Topics - MindOverModem

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Porn Addiction / Russell Brand on Discipline
« on: June 09, 2019, 03:19:15 AM »
I found this video to be super helpful, Russell Brand discussing self-love and discipline. To me, this is what a reboot is all about, becoming "the kind of guy" who doesn't look at P.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-cpOD7eOB8

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Ages 30-39 / Starting my 30s Porn Free, one day at a time
« on: June 01, 2019, 04:00:55 PM »
DAY 1

After countless attempts to do this on my own, after a long streak that ended not long after I stopped posting here, I'm trying again.

I just turned 30, and I don't want P to continue robing my of my time the way it did in my 20s.

Day 1 has been all over the place. I feel immensely relieved to have 24 hours free from it. At the same time, the cravings have been overwhelming. As a wise man once said, and the founder of Reboot Nation quoted, "If you're going through hell, keep going.

I'm well aware of that truth in recovery that if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got. This time, I'm going to try to do it in hard mode at least for a little while. The timing works out since my girlfriend and I are doing long distance at the moment.

 I've never gone more than 7 days without M, so we'll see how that goes. I'm trying to just focus on one day at a time and know that a much more satisfying sex life awaits.

I'm so grateful RN is here. Thank you all for your support.

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Porn Addiction / Looking for Hardmode Advice
« on: November 20, 2018, 10:07:49 AM »
Help!

After several false starts just cutting out porn but still masturbating (and inevitably returning to porn,) I'm ready for a hard mode reboot.

Can you please give me some practical tips on how to get through hard mode?

It seems impossible. I'd appreciate any hacks or things that have helped you when all else fails.

I don't have PIED, thank God, but there's no question I'd be more sexual and just more present in life if I cut out artificial stimulation. The other time's I've tried quitting, fapping to porn fantasy has brought me down.

Thank you.

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Porn Addiction / A Useful Trick for Defining Healthy Sexual Behavior
« on: October 07, 2018, 11:12:36 AM »
In Sex Addicts Anonymous, they have this really useful way of defining sexually healthy behavior for each individual: the Three Circles. Because sex--like food--isn't something most people can or would want to give up, they emphasize taking a structured approach to defining what healthy sexual behavior looks like for you.

Your inner circle is stuff you do not want to do at all. These things define your sexual sobriety and time away from them counts as sober time.

Your middle circle is stuff that you're generally trying to avoid because it can easily lead you back to your inner circle behaviors. This includes all kinds of triggers but also emotional stuff that can put you in harm's way.

Your outer circle is healthy behavior that you should be actively seeking out. These are behaviors and habits that build self-esteem and reinforce social bonds and actually make it less likely that you'll relapse.

For me it looks like this:

INNER CIRCLE
Porn, porn fantasy, camsites, etc.

MIDDLE CIRCLE 
Sexy pics on Instagram and social media, DMing strangers who I'll probably never meet in real life, sexting someone I'm not seeing in real life on a regular basis (my ex), Incognito mode, deleting browser history, having multiple email accounts and browsing stuff that I wouldn't want people to know I read, sex articles, pornstar interviews, porn documentaries, sex podcasts. But also emotional states like loneliness, self-pitty, and rejection.

OUTER CIRCLE

Sex in real life, relationships, dating, flirting, expressing my sexuality openly and without shame, foreplay, intimate conversations, friendship, masturbation to physical sensations and real life fantasy.

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Porn Addiction / Good News About Fetishes Going Away
« on: September 24, 2018, 07:27:28 AM »
I found an old post on here where someone was asking if their fetish was porn induced or just part of their sexual "tastes." I'd like to answer based on my own experience.

For about 6 years of my porn viewing, my main fetish was gangbangs and anything to do with humiliation. Even watching other types of porn became difficult I was so into that stuff.

I read some articles that seemed to say that your fetishes are your fetishes and you can't change them, you just have to learn to accept them. This made me discouraged and shameful, which made me use porn more, which made me more ashamed. And round-and-round the cycle goes.

I quit recently. Luckily I have no PEID, but it's been a rollercoaster sex-drive-wise and I've definitely felt some zombie-like flatline symptoms (you can read more in my journal posts)

But today something amazing happened! I'm noticing that the fetish is already going away JUST ONE WEEK into my reboot!!!! This morning I found myself super horny, but instead of fantasizing about gangbangs and whatnot, I was focused on a woman I had slept with. Just experiencing her body and mine together, not trying to fit her into a porn scene in my mind.

This gives me a lot of hope moving forward. I know I have a long journey ahead of me, but it's wonderful to already start to see a small change. I know that I have to keep going if I want to grow and move farther away from the obsession.

THE OTHER THING: I'm also working on unpacking the roots of this fetish with my AA sponsor and my therapist, and we've been talking about it since before I quit porn. Obviously, porn introduced me to stuff I never would have been interested in without porn, but there has to be a deeper reason why I gravitated to that stuff and not one of the many other fetishes I found online... I'm super grateful to be going through this experience of learning about myself and my sexuality even though it's challenging and sometimes painful.

Thanks for reading.   

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Ages 20-29 / One Day at a Time
« on: September 21, 2018, 01:50:31 PM »
DAY 4
Greetings,

Longtime lurker here, ready to get serious about rebooting. I just set up my account today and I am 4 days porn free.

My background is like so many stories I've read on here. Got into softcore/ late night stuff as a young kid in the midst of ADHD and emotional issues. Nudity seemed to fix everything. Then it was a dial-up connection, then high-speed porn whenever my family wasn't around, then just spending time in my room alone with my laptop.

I grew up to have an active sex life and substance abuse issues. My dependence on drugs, sex, and alcohol lead me to AA and I'm now 4 years clean and sober. Through my 12-Step work I was able to change my relationship with sex and women, but my dependence on porn continued.

I never experienced PEID, but I have noticed a dramatic decline in my sex drive when I'm using a lot of porn and my overall energy and motivation takes a hit too.

I'm ready to be done with porn because I don't like the person who I am when I'm using it and I don't like how much of my time and energy it consumes. Most of all, I want to be free of the obsession that, to me, isn't any different from the other addictions I've struggled with in my life.

Thanks for reading. I'm grateful for the support of this forum.


Day 4

I'm over the "three-day hump." I can tell you first hand that that's a real phenomenon. My strongest cravings so far were yesterday (day 3) and today feels easy compared to the past 3.

>Feeling very moody and restless. I know this will pass, trying to take it easy.

>Have been dealing with some porn fantasy. Had a porn dream last night.

>Getting to sleep hasn't been easy.

>Meditating and exercising more than usual to keep my head straight.

>This first week (maybe 2) I intend to go PMO free as kind of a reset. I can already M without porn, but I don't want to default to porn fantasy. I'm going to hold off until just the sensation is enough.








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Porn Addiction / Rebooting NO PIED, what should I expect?
« on: September 21, 2018, 12:55:09 PM »
I'm 29 and quitting porn. I definitely have an addictive relationship with it, but I DO NOT have PIED. I want to stop before I do. That said, I've noticed porn does have an impact on my energy, my mood, and my sex drive.

I'm wondering what I should expect my withdrawal/ reboot to look like considering it's not a worst-case scenario erections-wise. Any tips?

Thank you! I'm grateful to have the support of this community and I'm glad I finally made an account.

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