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Topics - Reboot543210

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Ages 20-29 / The Journey to take back my life
« on: May 04, 2018, 01:45:58 AM »
Day 0

Today is once again day 0. Not day 1 on the journey without porn but day 0, because I just PMO 3 times in the last 3 hours, all while my wife lays asleep in bed, innocently  clueless that I have been PMO on and off for the past 2 years and 3 months. I have tried to stop but I can't stop. It's horrible.

I started watching porn 13 years ago (when I was 12) and have been recklessly addicted ever since. In year 8 of my my addiction when I met my wife, I was able to stop for 1 year and 9 months. However I fell back into it and have been using porn on and off ever since (every 6 weeks or so) and I always end up falling back into it even though I try not to. The longest I have went free of porn during this period is about 135 days. I truly want to stop but I cant. My wife and I have great sex and I  have no issues with erections. But I want to have an open and honest marriage with my wife who is so loving and amazing but I can't because of this secret porn addiction in my life. I desire to have a normal life in which I never think about or desire porn. I want to stop but have continued to fail miserably.

Im just at a loss and can't see how everything can go back to the time in which I was free from porn for that 1 year and 8 month time and I had an open and honest relationship with my wife who knew everything that had happened in "the past" and genuinely believed porn in my life was over. But sadly porn is back in my life with a vengeance and she has no idea. I just want to go back in time and I regret ever using porn.

I can't change what has happened but I still have hope in my heart for the future and that's why I'm here. I hope that tracking my journey without porn starting today will be a great tool to break this addiction and I would appreciate any emotional support or advice that you could share with me. I am desperate.

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