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Topics - OldHornyGuy

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So, this is my first post here and if I gave all the details this post would turn into a novel, so I will just hit the highlights for now.  I do hope you'll read along and comment and respond as I think there are some interesting things about my "case" that might be useful or maybe even entertaining to some of you.

Let me start with the basics, I am 54, twice married and twice divorced -- fapping had at least something to do with both divorces, which I will discuss in later posts.  I have now been on my own for the past year and half putting life back together and NoFaP just might be the last piece of that puzzle.  Oddly enough it was a female student who told me of the phenomenon of PIED, which eventually lead me here.

Being raised Catholic my sexuality did not get off to a good start.  Through high school and college I actually had a lot of sex, but never intercourse.  I fapped, of course (but this was pre-computer, much less high speed internet!) and my girlfriends were awesome about providing all the BJs and HJs I could ever want.  Life was pretty good actually.  Then I got married -- to a Catholic girl. 

I had quite a bit of performance anxiety having never had intercourse and unfortunately she had her own sexual issues (including pain during intercourse and difficulty climaxing).  At the time I had no idea how to handle the situation and we struggled with our issues for years.  I took up fapping, first to porn mags, then internet pictures and IRC rooms, eventually porn videos.  Not a happy picture.  Being Catholic we didn't divorce for a long time, but we weren't really married either, we drifted apart and eventually did get divorced.  By the end of the marriage, I was a full fledged internet fapper, using videos and IM video chats all the time.

I met my second wife as my first marriage was winding down and at first things were really good, she had all the libido my first wife lacked.  I still had my bad habits when we first got together and she caught me a few times, but overall regular, fun, real sex reduced my desire to PMO and I got way better.  After some initial ED, things got rolling very nicely and we would have marathon love making sessions.  She even suggested regular porn nights where we would go at it while watching porn, but by that time I was more interested in her than porn so it never became all the regular.  Unfortunately things went downhill (I believe she has untreated bipolar, at the very least she went off her depression meds after 2 years of our marriage), she met up with some guy she found on Facebook and walked out. Sadly she gave as her reason the things I was doing when we first met, which I was no longer doing!  I was actually pretty well recovered when she left.  But I had to move on.

I got things together in the rest of my life (the last two years of our marriage were very stormy) but being alone and horny led me back to fapping on a regular basis. In some ways it was no big deal, maybe once or twice day.  Maybe an hour each time, but I think it still took a toll on me.

After the divorce was final (about six months after she left) I started dating again.  My ED was pretty pronounced.  Some performance anxiety, I am sure, but also PIED.  I told her my "cock was shy" that it was left over Catholicism and such but I was barely able to have intercourse.  Next girlfriend, same thing.  I thought I was just getting old and not that attracted to the second one, so I was still not too worried.

Well, I was worried enough to order up some viagra. Third girlfriend, same thing until the viagra arrived.  I did get good wood with viagra, but had really bad DE, which actually she didn't seem to mind that much.  Although she had to finish me with a HJ or BJ she didn't seem to mind.  Unfortunately she quickly showed signs of being crazier than my second ex so I moved on from there.  A few months went by and then I met Karen, which is actually where things get interesting.

Karen is a wonderful professional woman, sane as can be.  She was trapped in a bad marriage for many years and so does have some issues, but we have discussed them frankly and our stories have some interesting overlap.   Karen wanted to go slow on the sexual side, which is and was fine, but she obviously craved being touched and we spent a lot of time making out.  A lot of time.  I loved it and so did she and slowly our relationship got more sexual.

One night, in the heat of the moment, she decided to give me a HJ, which I thought I was more than ready for, but I was shocked when I never got hard, even though her touch is very good and when I came my dick was all shriveled up.  I knew something was seriously wrong.  Two nights later it was a BJ.  Again, it felt fantastic, but I never got more than 50% hard.  Even though I had not found this site yet, I knew porn was a problem and went NoFaP as of that night.

We finally moved to the bedroom and that's where things got really interesting, at least from the point of view of this site.  Turns out she and I have a huge similarity which became apparent over the next couple of weeks.  Turns out that she too is a fapper of sorts.  Has a box full of vibrators and toys that she keeps under the bed.  She admitted to me that she used them quite often, "give me two minutes and fresh batteries and I can get off" she said.  But she could not get off with me.

Before we tried intercourse, I used my hands and mouth all over her to no avail.  She was clearly turned on, completely drenched down there, said what was doing felt great, but no orgasm.  After a few nights of frustration she asked if I would hold her and kiss her while she used her vibrator.  I agreed and she did reach orgasm.  But she was not happy about it. 

We moved on to intercourse, but it was a disaster.  She wanted to use a condom and I could barely get hard enough to put it on.  Maybe a minute inside her and I was so soft the condom was coming off.  We tried a couple of more times with similar results.  In the meantime, she still could only cum with her vibrator, nothing I would do would push her over the edge.

Fortunately, we were talking this whole time.  I remembered what my student said and I started reading this site.  Because our problems seemed similar it was easy for me to admit that I thought that PMO was what was affecting my performance and that I was stopping it.  Even before I started reading here I was already on NoFaP for a week.  She readily agreed to first not to use her vibrator unless we were together and now she says that she doesn't want to use it at all.

Two weeks later, we are making good progress.  Quite frankly we just like being naked together too much to give up sex, so we haven't.  She gives the most amazing BJs and HJs and I get very hard during those.  I have been at times multiply orgasmic with her and when I do get hard she always seems impressed with what is there, which feels great. I have had a couple of nights where no matter how hard she tries, nothing happens down there, but it doesn't seem to matter, we just snuggle naked and hug and kiss and makeout until we are exhausted.  She has now had a couple of very nice vibrator-less orgasms, but we still have times where we try and try and try and she just can't get there.  But she says that the trying feels way better than anything her vibrator ever did.  So for the most part she is happy.

Last night was the best night so far.  When I first got there, we were hugging and kissing clothed in the kitchen and I started to get a nice hard on.  She checked it out with her hand and was very complimentary which made me feel good.  But then she said she wanted to take a shower and I thought, "WTF??? Let's get it on now!" but I didn't say that.    She took her shower and came out with only a towel on.  I was a little disappointed when I didn't get wood at that point.  But we started kissing and once again the blood started flowing down there and this time she didn't need to be asked to check it out.

We moved to the bedroom and she laid down so that her legs were hanging off the edge of the bed, which is a perfect height so I can stand.  I was probably about 90% hard and we had our first real intercourse.  I didn't time it, but it seemed I lasted about 10 minutes with some really hard and nice thrusting.  The smile on her face was worth it all.  I got close to O, but unfortunately I started to think about "what if I can't" which of course meant I couldn't and I lost the erection as well.

But we were both very happy.  We went on to other things, but unfortunately it was a night where she could not O.  But she said she wanted to give me a BJ, which she did and I got super hard, especially as I approached O.  I said I was about ready and she surprised me a bit by climbing on top of me.  She bounced up and down on me for a while, I stayed very hard and came inside her, which she loved.  I started to go soft, but felt I wasn't finished yet so I asked her to continue her BJ, which she did, getting me hard again and giving me one of the biggest and most satisfying Os I have ever had.

I know I have concentrated on the sexual aspect of our relationship, but there is so much more than that, which actually makes the sex that much more satisfying.  Both she and I understand that we are still not fully sexually functional, and we are both looking forward to the day we have full orgasmic intercourse.  In the meantime we keep pleasuring each other in sexual and non-sexual ways and it is one of the best times in my life.

I thank her, of course, but I also thank you guys, the brave pioneers who told your stories so that others like me could understand what is really going on.  I will be posting later how porn warped my thinking, messed up my brain and probably ended my marriage.  But for now I am happy that I have found a kindred soul in her and that love and sex are happening naturally for us.

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