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Topics - Grounded

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Ages 20-29 / Fuck it, let's try again.
« on: July 21, 2015, 11:19:01 PM »
Hey. I'm 24 years old, been PMO'ing since my early teens, and I have PIED. Never been able to even get an erection with a girl. Back in college I always assumed it was just from alcohol, but in April 2013 I had a fling with a girl, and I couldn't get hard even when sober. We'd hang out once every two or three weeks because of distance, and every time it'd just end up in me getting her off but remaining completely flaccid myself. After two or three months we just stopped talking to each other, so our fling ended. After that I really started looking into my issue and discovered this website. I tried quitting porn and rebooting for a year or so with little success.

Then in April 2014 I met another girl, and long story short we became friends with benefits. Same as the first girl, we'd only hook up every few weeks or so because of distance and other circumstances. However, I still couldn't get it up at all. Nearly every time we messed around, we had been drinking a lot beforehand, so I just blamed it on alcohol. But, because of her, I really wanted to get over this problem, so I created an account here and started a journal. Things started going pretty well; I made it to 90 days PMO free. I still couldn't get hard, but I was able to get an erection solely though masturbation without the use of porn or pornographic thoughts, which I don't think I had ever been able to do before.

However, in mid-late September, my friends with benefits and I got into a fight, after which we just stopped seeing or talking to each other cold-turkey. I started feeling some withdrawal from stopping masturbation, which, along with breaking it off with my FWB and another unrelated stressful problem I was dealing with, led to me becoming depressed. Because of my depression, and losing my main motivation for rebooting (my FWB), I started to PMO again, and all but abandoned my rebooting and my journal. From the end of September, throughout October, and up until the start of November, I felt like complete shit. I had thoughts of wanting to die every single day for about a month and a half. Once November started, my depression lessened, and continued to lessen as time went by, but my reboot was in shambles, and I've been PMO'ing since.

So that brings me to now. I've always been muscular, but back in February I started lifting heavy, so I've gotten even bigger. Not to brag, but I have a nice body, especially since I started lifting again, and I've had quite a few opportunities to have sex. My old FWB and I made up back in April (there's a reason everything happens in April but it's irrelevant), and just a few weeks ago I hooked up with three different women in one weekend. However, I still couldn't get hard with any of them. So I'm done with it. I'm sick of my shitty PIED, and I'm ready to start rebooting again. I've been updating my tracker the past month or so, but that's not enough. It's time to start anew. I'm creating a new journal (since I haven't touched my old one since 2014). I'm honestly not sure if I still have depression or not, but if I do, then it's definitely because of my PIED. I'm tired of always having my PIED in the back of my mind, looming over my shoulder, making me feel so shitty all the time. I'm ready to start living, and this is the first step (again). It's gonna be hard. It's gonna be long and arduous. But, hopefully, this time I'll be in it for the long haul, and I'll finally be able to be rid of this demon that has plagued me for my entire life. And that all starts today. Technically it started Sunday, since Saturday was the last time I PMO'd, but whatever.

Ages 20-29 / Working from the ground up
« on: July 07, 2014, 08:21:06 PM »
Hey. I'm 23 years old, and I've been PMO since about 13. I've never been able to get hard with women at all, not even a "chubby". I've never had a wet dream before, but I do still get NRBs. Also, please excuse the cheesiness of my topic title relating to my username; the term "ground" can be related to multiple aspects of my life, and I couldn't think of anything better.

A bit about my history:

In middle and high school, I was shy and really naive about relationships and sex, so I had never even kissed a girl until senior year. I was a long-time wrestler, so I had (and still have) a really muscular body, but I was too oblivious to ever notice girls' interest in me. I dated one girl for about a month and a half early in my senior year, but broke up with her for stupid reasons. Late in my senior year, I was hanging at a friend's place and found out that a girl there wanted to have sex with me. I tried, but couldn't get hard. I thought nothing of it because she was drunk and I was sober, I wasn't attracted to her (just wanted to have sex to lose my virginity), and a friend of mine snuck into the room while we were getting into things and tried to record us on his phone.

During college, I would go out to parties a lot, especially Freshman year, but due to excessive drinking and getting really drunk, I only ever left at party with a girl once, and we just made out a bit before she left my dorm. I would grind on and make out with girls at parties fairly often, but I was never able to get hard while doing so, which I just blamed on the alcohol. During sophomore year, a friend of a friend came to visit, and I wound up going to a party with her and bringing her back to my room. She tried giving me oral, but I remained flaccid and blamed it on alcohol.

Second semester senior year (April 2013) I attended an anime convention for the first time. I met and danced with a girl there and ended up getting her number. We would only meet up and hang out a couple times a month due to school, work, and living a 45-75 minute (depending on traffic) drive apart. We "messed around" on three occasions IIRC, but I was never able to get hard, which was really embarrassing. She cut off contact midway through July, although I didn't really care because I hadn't found a job yet so I wasn't sure if I was even going to be in the area much longer. However, I did learn that alcohol was not the reason for my impotence, so I started researching. Early June 2013, I discovered Your Brain On Porn, and I decided to change my ways. Between then and now, I've tried rebooting multiple times, but the longest that I've lasted was a month until I either gave into my urges or became sad/depressed due to something happening and PMO'd out of sadness and self-pity.

I've since obtained a full-time job. I've been attending conventions relatively often, and I've been receiving a good amount of attention from girls and women at them. There are two girls that I met at conventions that I keep in contact with who I know are interested in me. This past April I met at a convention another girl that lives within 30 minutes of me, and we've been seeing each other casually for the past few weeks. We've been hanging out fairly often, and we messed around three times, but, as usual, I've been completely flaccid. However, she is still unaware of my problem; the first time I didn't have a condom so she didn't know I was flaccid, the second time there was someone in the room next to us listening in, so she wanted to stop and thus didn't know I was flaccid, and the third time she tried giving me oral and assumed that I was flaccid because of the alcohol (we typically drink when we hang out).

So, because of the attention that I've been receiving lately and this girl that I'm seeing (who I guess I'll refer to as C from now on), I want to give rebooting a serious try. Last time I PMO'd was about a week ago I believe, although I did PM without the O on Saturday. I decided to join this site and keep a journal here to help keep myself on track so I don't give up again, and possibly to help others do the same.

I have plans to hang out and drink with C at her place on Friday night. Chances are we'll end up messing around again, which I'm dreading a bit. I do still enjoy it, as I enjoy performing oral on women, but I can only make up excuses for my flaccidity so many times. Things are still casual between us, so I don't want to try explaining my problem unless things get more serious. Hopefully, though, I can stick with my rebooting this time and get this issue sorted out.

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