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Topics - zander13

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Porn Addiction / Flatlines/Withdrawals
« on: March 22, 2018, 06:22:10 PM »
Can a few of you kind folks describe what your flatlines are like? Do you have withdrawals too? Trying to decipher between depression symptoms and my addiction.

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Porn Addiction / Coping with Life During Reboot
« on: November 06, 2017, 04:11:46 PM »
I just want to talk about the idea of living life while experiencing the difficulties of a reboot. I myself have had a very difficult time finding joy in things, which has made it difficult to stay interested in responsibilities, etc.

If I'm being honest, my life has been a long list of minor failures. I'm starting to learn that because I started watching fetish stuff so early on (end of 7th grade), I've never been healthy as a teen/adult. I'm 26 now, and after a year of only 12 relapses, the weight of my failures is finally starting to hit me.

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Porn Addiction / Creativity during a Reboot
« on: November 03, 2017, 08:58:39 AM »
I'm a writer of fiction and I've noticed that while rebooting my creativity has dwindled inestimably. In short, I can't write well anymore. I've lost it. I've also noticed that I'm just a less clever person overall, and I'm not as funny as I used to be. My sense of humor is lacking where it used to be my favorite part of myself.

Has this happened to anyone else? Is it because of the flatline? Will it return? Logic points to yes, but I'm worried that I've done too much damage or something.

I'm 26 years old and will have to rethink my entire life if I can no longer write well.

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Ages 20-29 / Zander Reboot - Light at the end of the tunnel
« on: February 11, 2017, 08:40:21 PM »

I've had a lot of sex with girls, but I've never done it without the addiction latched onto my psyche. The first experience I had I couldn't get a boner for a bj. I was 16 years old. 16. After that I managed to lose my virginity at age 17 and have had 3 serious girlfriends and several other one nighters. But recently, say the past year, I've had next to nothing.

I've spent the last five or so years of my life with the knowledge that I had an addiction, but continuing to relapse. Not until I fully informed myself and actually read the science and watched the videos did I really start grasping what was going on, and how awful this addiction is. I hit a rock bottom of sorts, with thoughts of suicide coming popping up in my head. I never planned how I was going to do it or even fully acknowledged the idea, but the fact that the word even crept up into my subconscious was enough for me to take drastic measures. I moved into an apartment with no internet connection, got a flip phone, and started going to SA meetings. I did that for 3 months, in a brand new city, before the withdrawals really started to hit. I was more depressed than I had been in my entire life. I quit the school I was attending and moved back in with my parents. I was so scared and so anxious and depressed that I had no other place to turn. Withdrawals are no joke.

So let me reiterate. I'm 25 and living with my parents. But I've also the best I've ever been. I still have bouts of anxiety and depression and my flatline is still going strong, but I'm 167 days into this thing, and I like to believe that I can see a faint glimmer of light at the end of this tunnel. Regardless, I wanted to post on this forum and spread the word. I wanted to chronicle my journey so everyone else can benefit. Because that's how I've been able to build this streak. By learning through the example of others, especially GABE DEEM. He is my hero.

It's 8:38 at night right now, and this day is almost over. But that means tomorrow is 168. And that fact alone makes me happier than anything else. It's my life's greatest accomplishment up until this point.

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