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Topics - Fight or Flight

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Partners of Rebooters and Addicts / What's your rock bottom?
« on: January 12, 2017, 11:10:24 PM »
I often wonder about this myself so thought will ask here. I used to think if he relapses even once that's it. But then after 4 months of trying and working on this since d day, he did relapse. And I caught him out which hurt more than the first time, and I was going to move out, had found a place but then decided to give it one last chance on his insistence. He was really sorry and it felt different than last time. I could see how sorry he was, there was no anger, denial, gas lighting just repeated requests to stay and give him one last chance. Which I did. I love him, he is the father of our two kids, he is my best friend, he is my everything so I took two weeks but I did decide to give it one last chance. And I am doing everything I possibly can (again) to help him recover and for our relationship to recover. But I often wonder what is the difference in being supportive and just plain co dependency. Where does one draw the line? If I was looking at myself from the outside, if this was my friend, or my daughter what advice would I give her?  I sometimes seriously wonder about my self worth or self respect... What's my rock bottom? I still have hope for us, but it's this nagging thought.....Am I just a codependent wife?

Women / New Journal 2017
« on: January 08, 2017, 05:39:57 PM »
Have decided to start my journal and participate on this forum again since I have asked my husband of 19 years(PA) to do this, so thought I should take the time to journal as well. I had deleted my previous account as I am actively trying to save this marriage and it was very triggering to see some partners leaving and moving on, makes you question your decision when you are trying to remain positive.

I'll be trying to update every day as I do have a habit of going off to "disconnection land" when it all gets too much for me and that is always two steps back in this horrid journey.

Why I have decided to stay and work on this? Not really 100% sure but I do question this a lot. There's quite a few reasons, mainly because I do love my husband and we have a history of 20 years so can't just turn my back on him, seeing him in a self destruct zone is very painful and I feel if this was a physical illness I would stand by him no question so I should do the same. BUT it takes all of me and then some to remind myself of this everyday, sometimes walking away and never looking back seems very appealing. Hence the name Fight or flight!

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