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Messages - Samuel86

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Ages 30-39 / Re: Time for me to grow up
« on: December 14, 2016, 07:36:51 PM »
I strongly believe I can never again "safely" use pornography or chat rooms

Ages 30-39 / Time for me to grow up
« on: December 13, 2016, 09:30:43 PM »
Hello everyone, this is my reboot journal. I'm 30, with a girlfriend and a baby daughter on the way. In the process of a divorce from my ex. I've been viewing internet pornography since age 19, and since age 22 I've frequented online chat rooms for cybersex, especially one in particular. 2 nights ago, my girlfriend caught me using her laptop to engage in cybersex. I came clean to her, and needless to say, she was deeply hurt by my infidelity. Fortunately, she's decided to give me another chance. I am not interested in rebooting because I got caught and I'm scared to lose her, although that is a very real possibility if I continue in this pattern of behavior. I want to reboot because I love her and she is an amazing girl who I want to have all the best of me, and because I know I have no business doing that kind of shit in a committed relationship. I've had my wake-up call, and now I need to take action. No more porn (although she doesn't have a problem with it as long as I don't use it to gratify myself in her presence), and definitely no more chat rooms. I think I also need to stop masturbating as well, at least for now, because most of the time when I do that, I tend to either use pornography, or visualize past cybersex episodes. I really want to save myself completely for my girlfriend, and not use any artificial means to gratify myself. I have no problem with feeling guilty about masturbation per se, but I don't want to trigger that part of my brain that is used to getting stimulation from porn and chat rooms. I have a family now, and I really feel my back is against the wall with what has happened.

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