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Messages - jjacks

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1
Ages 40 and up / Re: Just turned 40 so now I'm here.....
« on: October 15, 2019, 05:32:33 AM »
Welcome to the club, Matt. You re in the right place with the right people.

I think we all sort of hope for a fast reboot, but the reality is that it can take a little time and a lot of focus on your part. Your brain didn't gt rewired overnight and it won't undo overnight either.

The best advice I got was to get rid of anything that triggered PMO behavior for me, count the days of no PMO, and write in this journal what I was thinking as often as I could. It worked. It helped me keep focus on the journey, not the destination (which I reached in stages). I started to get morning woods soon enough and could stay hard long enough to have intercourse within a few months. It took several more months to have sex without any anxiety about PIED, and just focus on my partner's pleasure. Today, nearly three years later, it is all history. You can read my story at http://www.rebootnation.org/forum/index.php?topic=11134.0

I still come back here from time to time because it is part of the cure. I reset my counter a few times, but I have gotten it to a point that was only a fantasy 3 years ago.

Stick with the program. it works.

-jj
1086 days no PMO

2
Ages 40 and up / Re: I always feel bad
« on: October 14, 2019, 07:56:06 AM »
Hi Wallie,

Two things at play here ... PMO (porn - masturbation) making you feel bad and looking for a relationship. For the first, you have to go cold turkey on the PMO -- cut the triggers, count the days, and keep writing about it in your journal. It takes a bit of time and energy, but it works. Share the failures and successes with this group and you will get all the support you need.

For the second, anonymous sex (online, cruising,etc) and relationships belong in two completely conversations. Relationships best start as friendships, but friendships do not happen over a drink, they happen over time. Check your friends .. are you keeping in touch with old friends? It wakes a bit of work too. Are you looking for non-sexual things to do - go to a film. dinner., play cards? Not being alone helps keep your mind off the PMO too.

Bottom line, the easiest way to get started is to write something here every day. It helps not to have to go it alone.

-jj
1085 days no PMO

3
Ages 40 and up / Re: Journal of Jay
« on: July 22, 2019, 06:38:47 AM »
Hey, Jay,

Sounds like you are on the right track. The triggers that you cannot just turn off are hard to fight, but if you keep recognizing them and writing about them here, you may find them progressively easier to overcome (or ignore). Stay vigilant and keep journaling. It works.

-JJ (1000 days no PMO)

4
Great,Pete! Keep it up.

The morning wood makes me smile, too. As for the rest, it actually became quite easy and normal once my sexual performance with the missus was restored, somewhere in year 1. Beyond that, it is just maintenance (and vigilance).

-JJ

5
1000 days no PMO ... a moment to reflect

The fact that I am still counting says something. You have to stay vigilant when fighting an addiction, and that is a lifelong challenge. I have not PMO in 1000 days but I am still wary of the old triggers -- wife away for a few days, stuff like that. The intensity of the urge is gone -- it is just a memory now. Still, it is reassuring to come back to this site, where I learned how to take control over that addiction.

I read your posts and I know the pain and heartbreak in there and want to give you big hugs and reassure you that there is a way out. Looking at my old posts, I follow the path from a limp-dick 67 year-old who had been giving his wife second chair to some fake reality to a healthy 70 year old man with an active and healthy conjugal life and who wakes up with strong manhood almost every morning.

70, I never thought it would be possible. Every time I pass a mirror I look at it and say to myself "yeah, I beat it!". You all can, too. The program works. Stick with it!

-JJ

6
Ages 40 and up / Re: The Defeat of Porn
« on: July 17, 2019, 05:07:49 AM »
Welcome, Tom.  This is a safe place where you can ask anything and write down your innermost thoughts knowing they will not be challenged.

Keep writing your thoughts and feelings in this journal, day by day -- seeing them in black and white is therapeutic and watching the day count increase is encouraging.

It works.

-JJ

7
Ages 40 and up / Re: One Vision
« on: July 12, 2019, 05:00:08 AM »
Numbers 1, 2, 3 and 5 are PMO triggers. The trick is to eliminate them to your best ability.

1, 2, and 5 are easiest, if it is just a question of deleting login passwords or putting blockers on your computer. Another thing you can do is move your computer to an open area where there are others or beside a streetside window to get rid of the privacy of your computer time.

Number 3 is so familiar and eloquently echoes my own experience, where being alone is a trigger. I decided to plan other things for my wife's away time - call up old friends, try a new gym, anything to find a different kind of satisfaction while alone. Keep my head full of alternate plans. I wish I could say it was easy. That half of me that looked forward to the minute that the door was closed and her footsteps disappeared down the path was a strong enemy.

Keep fighting and keep writing and keep that count up.

-jj (990  days no PMO and still counting)


8
The "little fella" will tell you when he is ready.

9
Ages 40 and up / Re: All for one goal: stop PMO for good
« on: July 11, 2019, 05:55:04 AM »
You are doing great, allforone.

What is going on (or not) "down there" brought us all here in the first place. In my experience,  the real healing did not come for months. Ninety days seems to be realistic for the first real gains, and longer for some, so, yes, patience is the key. Keep counting and keep writing it down here.

You might want to consider keeping your focus on the next calendar milestone, and remove any PMO triggers you can and replace nothing time with  things like exercise. Waiting for your dick to respond is like watching a kettle before the water boils. Your dick will tell you when your brain wiring is being restored.

-jj (989 days no PMO and still counting)

10
Ages 40 and up / Re: Question: Can we have sex when staying PMO free
« on: July 08, 2019, 05:50:38 AM »
I agree that sex can be part of the healing.

I wondered about having sex early in the reboot, too, and it risked becoming an anxiety issue for me, especially since my wife had no notion of the source of my frequent ED and what I was undertaking here.

She initiated sex on day 24 of my no PMO.  I was not cured by any means but the performance was better than it had been in a while, allowing for a short period of penetration. The key was to keep my focus on my wife and her sources of pleasure, thinking back to those things we did early on in our sexual life. Lots of foreplay - the tantric approach, I guess, to build up her pleasure. [Key here -- her pleasure, not some video stranger's]. Afterwards, a clear message -- nothing to be anxious about -- the healing had started.

Day 986 no PMO .. stick with the program ,.. it works!

11
A  unexpected benefit is that since I have rediscovered my masculinity and my performance has been restored, my wife has found a new level of horniness, absent for many years now (she just turned 68). We have sex now every week and I wake with morning woods a few times a week. It is 981 days and still counting.

As Lyon says, "Porn is not an option". Stick with the program.

12
Ages 40 and up / Re: Opening a new front on the war
« on: June 16, 2019, 07:23:22 AM »
Nothing wrong with counting days ... makes you feel good when it goes up and kick-in-the-pant lessons when you reset it.

Stick with the program ... it works (964 days in here)

-JJ

13
Ages 40 and up / Re: One Day At A Time
« on: June 16, 2019, 07:17:30 AM »
I went through the same home-office thing. You are doing the right things .. getting rid of your stored porn and recognizing the triggers. Also writing about it .. even if you have not much to add to your story, it really helps to write something, even daily.

Now, 964 days later, I can say it works and the result is great.  Best wishes for you to stick with it.

14
Ages 40 and up / Re: Introduction to change
« on: April 17, 2019, 05:58:25 AM »
Welcome Pauljoh.

Don't let the challenge get you down ... it is possible to live without porn. Just keep writing here about your feelings and what is in your mind, every day if you want. It is amazing how seeing your own words in print can give you the strength to continue. This is a safe place with a lot of folks just like you so you do not need to hold anything back from yourself here. I know, it worked for me.

15
I don't think you need a degree or a whole lot of science to figure out that if you cut hours of masturbating to porn out of your daily life that your productivity will improve. Financial? not so obvious, except for the productivity lapse that can cost you your job.

I remember "just a couple of minutes" becoming an hour and then two without my even noticing. Two and a half hours -- man, that clock must be wrong ... mid-morning and I have done nothing ... can anyone relate?

16
Yeah, it's all rather incredible, actually, to wake up at 70 years old with a solid morning wood, or to get it up and keep it up to my wife's and my total satisfaction.

It does get easier but it is not fully gone, so I come back here from time to time to remind myself about what happened and what it did to me and those around me.

882 days no PMO. That's hundreds of days of sexual health. I will never reset that counter.

-jj

17
Day 839 no PMO. That's 839 days since I last thought I would need a little blue pill to get my manhood up. I have been waking up with  a nice, happy morning wood almost every day now, and sex with the missus is just great for both of us. A big part of the fun is that I will be turning 70 years old in a few days. (She is only 66.)

... all this by sticking to the program. It works!

Hugs to everyone on this site.

-jj


18
Day 800 no PMO and still rolling along. The PIED is history, no more anxiety with the missus, and nice regular morning woods.

The first few months were tough, performance came back slowly, but in retrospect, over two years later, that was only a small blip in time compared to the healthy years we can enjoy.

The program works ... stick with it. And write in your journals, it really helps.

-JJ

19
Ages 40 and up / Re: Back again
« on: November 26, 2018, 06:42:48 AM »
You want it to work or you wouldn't be here.

You have to stick with it to make it work. Setbacks are part of the program.  I am at day 762 no PMO, and as easy as it has gotten to avoid PMO I still come back here for a small reminder when trigger time happens -- typically when I am alone and have a few minutes to spare.

And the age factor is irrelevant. I know a bit about that, turning 70 in  couple of months. In spite of some aches and pains, I have found that the reboot restored my manhood to a level I thought unattainable. Three months made a difference, 6 months was good, but now, 2 years later, mind-blowing sex is the norm.

20
Ages 40 and up / Re: Here we go
« on: November 26, 2018, 06:31:57 AM »
Quote
I will say that I am almost sad to give up porn.  It seems like giving up an old friend. 

I have used the "old friend" metaphor in my log. But the truth is that an old friend who is a true friend will come to your aid when you need it the most. Porn is no friend.

Stick with the program .. it works. I am 762 days in now and living poof of how it can return your manhood.

-jj


21
Ages 40 and up / Re: Conscience Cleanse
« on: November 15, 2018, 06:54:42 AM »
Scary how easily it is to mindlessly revert to old habits


I still come back here, two years later, when the temptation lurks. It works, stick with the program.
-JJ

22
Ages 40 and up / Re: Back In Business Again
« on: November 15, 2018, 06:52:09 AM »
Thank you for the reference to feeding the good wolf. I had never heard of that. That is such a good place to start from, something you have  in you. Makes me think of when I stopped smoking, after many failures. I would look at myself in the mirror and say "I am a non-smoker" until  I killed that bad-wolf image of a tobacco addict. It didn't happen overnight, neither did kicking the PMO habit, which I did two years ago, with this site's major help.

You have every reason to be scared - it is scary - but just keep feeding the good wolf. You have it in you and it works!

23
Two years and going strong.

Keep with the program, guys!

24
Ages 40 and up / Re: New Culture Needed - Day 7 Now What?
« on: August 28, 2018, 11:46:18 AM »
Now what? ... day 8.

Take it a day at a time.

-jj

(672 days no PMO)

25
Yessir ... Montreal to Boston

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