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Messages - NOfapjones23

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Ages 20-29 / Re: Reboot Journal
« on: October 13, 2016, 09:56:40 PM »
Day 6

I had to do a reset today... Felt anxious for some reason all day and couldn't stop thinking about porn. I'm trying not to dwell on this fact and try to stay positive and keep fighting, but it is so frustrating to be chained to this addiction. Even worse is the fact of failing my wife which is my rock. I need to stop this, I will stop this. I reset the counter and I will make my 40 day goal. Here we go!!! Going to get tunnel vision and focus on the goal taking it one day at a time.

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Ages 20-29 / Re: It's time to Rise up and Stand tall, Brothers & Sisters.
« on: October 10, 2016, 10:27:33 PM »
Honestly, kudos for getting rid of the tv. That is definitely a step in the right direction. We are all experimenting our highs and lows, but we are all here to help each other. I ended up setting up covenant eyes to act as an internet filter and I also have it on my phone and I gave away my iPad, ps4 and ps3 for those same reasons. When I start craving porn, I start looking for ways to beat the system, so I have to pretty much "meditate" and try to think of the reasons why I'm trying to stay away from porn. Anyways what I'm trying to say is that I understand your pain and we are all here to support each other. Keep your chin up and keep fighting, we will find a way to overcome this!

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Ages 20-29 / Re: Reboot Journal
« on: October 10, 2016, 01:12:49 PM »
R,

Thank you very much for your advice. You're right, I need to work on my marriage more, because this addiction eats at you from the inside out and makes me into more of a senseless person. Porn addiction takes away the emotion out of making love, and sets up these unrealistic standards that get brought into a relationship and set it up for failure. I will take your advice and work on it. Thank you.

4
Ages 20-29 / Re: Reboot Journal
« on: October 09, 2016, 11:45:57 PM »
Day 2

I decided that maybe writing every day about my porn addiction might be a little much. As I was looking through some of the journals written by others, I decided that is best to log the important days in my journal. Something like when I'm struggling and having bad thoughts so that I can better look back to those days to remind myself of why I am doing this. Having said that, even though I just started, for some reason I seem to be very irritable and snapping because of nothing. My wife has noticed it and it makes me feel uncomfortable because after everything happens I realize that it is not normal and that it is definitely my mood. I believe that it is a withdrawal effect from porn, because it is always in my head. Thoughts like checking on Facebook or going to google images and looking for a sexy girl with tight bikini. It is kind of embarrassing, because I feel controlled by this addiction that is nothing more than my body craving more dopamine and my brain providing that from the access to porn. The moments when I struggle the most is when my wife is not present. When I'm by myself is when I'm attacked by all these thoughts of "just one time" or "you can get out of it, whenever you want". I just need to tough it out and find more ways to let out my emotions. I have a pt test soon and I need to get ready for it so maybe it is not a bad idea to train everyday to channel out my emotions and also to pass time.

5
Ages 20-29 / Re: Reboot Journal
« on: October 08, 2016, 08:47:00 PM »
Day 1

Today has been an awesome day! I completed my first ever Tough Mudder and it felt great. There was a lot of camaraderie and motivation going on there. Sliding through mud and swimming in mud pools sounded crazy at first, but it was great to get out of my home and do some crazy obstacle course to take my mind off the frustrations that you deal with day to day with porn addiction. I ended up completing all the obstacles and finishing with the electro shock therapy (running through hanging wires that shock you so bad they make you drop). Anyways it was a really fun day where I was distracted from my porn addiction and I realize that routine is what creates the slumps where I see myself falling back into old habits and sucumbing to porn again. I will keep trying to maintain myself doing exercise and stay out of old habits that drive me down an old path well to known to me. 

6
Ages 20-29 / Re: Ryans Journal
« on: October 08, 2016, 08:29:12 PM »
MLS 2017, yeah the difference in pay with MLS(ASCP) is definitely worth it to go for it. I completed my training in Fort Sam Houston, TX, well phase 1 anyway and the I completed my clinical in Walter Reed in Bethesda, MD. I am stationed in Fort Leavenworth, KS. I am Army.

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Ages 20-29 / Re: Reboot Journal
« on: October 07, 2016, 09:00:21 PM »
Knowledge is power, I believe that having the knowledge on how porn affects your life and how it affects your brain is a step towards beating the addiction. One day at a time for sure, we will beat it! no pun intended, lol.

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Ages 20-29 / Re: Ryans Journal
« on: October 07, 2016, 10:30:52 AM »
Hello Ryan,

I just came to these revelations too while reading YBOP book. It's amazing how much it affects our daily lives. Btw, I am an MLT and work in a lab in the military, good luck on your internship and keep it up. Hope to hear more from you.

9
Ages 20-29 / Re: 24 days since my last PMO but feel depressed
« on: October 07, 2016, 10:26:50 AM »
Hey nuel,

Yes, it has happened to me before, try to go out and exercise, I see that you're swimming, try to go and run, or go to the gym if you can and lift some weights. This has definitely helped me in the past, because studies show that exercise sparks the "happy" feeling in your body and when doing it consistently, like say 3 times a week, it also elevates how you feel in terms of that it helps you beat depression in some cases and also it gives you more energy throughout the day. Anyways, congratulations on making it to 24 days, that is awesome!!! Keep it up, you're doing great!!!
					

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Ages 20-29 / Reboot Journal
« on: October 07, 2016, 10:09:13 AM »
Day 0

Where do I start ? I've been using porn since I was around 11 years old and even though at that point I thought that maybe I was doing something that was affecting me, all I found on the internet said that it was normal and it was just part of growing up. So given this, I continued to satisfy my desires and it never became a problem until I became sexually active and got in a serious relationship. I had always thought that I was just going through a phase that would pass. I used to say to myself "It's alright, once you find somebody that you love and you want to be with, you will stop seeking porn, and will focus entirely on your partner". This was definitely not the case, being in a relationship didn't even slow down my porn addiction progression. It created many problems and conflicts, because my performance was being affected by it. Eventually it just lowered my desire to have intimacy with my partner. 

It's been 16 years since I started watching porn and I am now a happily married man, to the woman of my dreams. She knows of my battles with porn which I struggle to overcome. She tries to understand, but honestly, I can tell that my PIED is creating a void between us that I can't stand anymore. I hate the fact that porn is making me not desire my wife and instead go to a computer and satisfy my desires there. It also affects my moods, and how I feel about the day and about myself. The way I keep track of my progress is through a calendar, in which a circle that day means good job and an x means falling back on old habits. It has been a good way to communicate to my wife what is going on, but it is not helping me progress on stoping porn addiction. This is why I decided to read Your brain on porn which my wife got for me, and also start a journal so that I can express how this makes me feel and hopefully the communication and mutual support with others that share my feelings will help me create a solid foundation to finally leave this addiction once and for all. 

The ways that I battle porn addiction right now is by using a net shield, but I am always looking for ways around this. This is a big reason why I sold my gaming consoles because at one point I was using them to feed my porn addiction through the web browser. I don't feel that my desires in porn are changing, but I do think that I am creating this false image in my brain about how a woman should look, or how big their breasts should be etc. which is what is affecting my desire to my wife. Even though, writing this makes me realize how deep in the rabbit hole I'm at, I am very excited to begin this journal and create a support group.
					

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