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Messages - PE30

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Ages 30-39 / Re: Back On The Wagon: 2
« on: February 20, 2019, 04:25:19 PM »
Day 207

Halfway through our USA trip! It's hot and sunny here - there are plenty of good looking people on the beach but I'm working hard to keep my eyes honest. Having a lovely time with the family.

Success Stories / Re: 200 days clean :)
« on: February 13, 2019, 06:13:33 AM »
200 days clean :)

Ages 30-39 / Re: Back On The Wagon: 2
« on: February 13, 2019, 06:11:50 AM »
Day 200! It's getting to the stage where it's tricky to count the days. I know that Saturday was a day zero so I work around multiples of seven.

I'd say that the second 100 days are a lot more straightforward than the first. That's not to say it's easy: I still get occasional pangs of temptation. I have been trying to put temptation to death early and not let it germinate. I've read stuff about emotional relapse before: where you haven't physically succumbed but have spent so much time dwelling on the possibility that it's very difficult to prevent a full relapse.

I'm still praying lots, seeking God, not taking anything for granted. I can't do this alone.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Back On The Wagon: 2
« on: February 11, 2019, 04:50:28 PM »
Day 198

Getting through the days. I've got two days of work to go - then we head down to Gatwick and then over to the USA. Can't wait. Feeling a bit nervous for some reason but I always get a bit like this before going away somewhere.

Things are generally okay at the moment. Just trying to stay healthy, not slip, be kind to others, make the most of each day.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: February 10, 2019, 02:24:20 AM »
Yep it seems like a 'middle circle' behaviour if you ask me.

There's a proverb which states "delight yourself in the wife of your youth" - basically, I find that thinking about my wife helps melt away the desire for the other. I know things aren't easy for you and her so it might be worth talking these issues through with someone?

Glad you're persevering.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: February 09, 2019, 02:29:40 AM »
Glad to see you get a few days under your belt. Personally I think that looking up women on the internet is a dangerous game. I once ended up relapsing partly as a result of looking up people's Insta accounts.

It's your reboot though, your choice.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: February 05, 2019, 02:35:14 AM »
Rich, I'm confused. Why are you looking these women up in the first place?

Ages 30-39 / Re: Back On The Wagon: 2
« on: February 04, 2019, 11:23:29 AM »
It's day 191. Weirdly, I had some pretty intense dreams last night: one (not sexual) involving the person I had the affair with; another (a bit racier) involving chat rooms and some irl cheating (only as far as kissing but still). I wonder why these dreams still occur?

I think there is still a part of me that still grieves for my past life. Recovering from an addiction is a bit like living with brain damage: there's a well-worn groove in my brain which tries to point me down that path. I think there's always be a battle to stay clean.

I had a good time at church yesterday. The sermon was on freedom, that is provided by the grace of God. I know that in my own strength I will always fail. But grace unburdens me from the failures of the past. Just have to keep holding on to it!

We're going away in a week and half's time. That'll make 201 days chat-room free.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Back On The Wagon: 2
« on: February 03, 2019, 01:53:05 PM »
Thank you :) the chat rooms have always been the biggest temptation so I'm looking forward to a year clean of those.

Still, this has been by far the cleanest twelve months of my adult life.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Back On The Wagon: 2
« on: February 03, 2019, 02:31:28 AM »
I'm on day 190. Also now a full year and a day clean of porn.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Back On The Wagon: 2
« on: February 03, 2019, 02:29:29 AM »
Thanks. I don't think I can say much more than I've already said. ED was gone by day 3 or 4; impact on MH has been lifelong and scarring.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Back On The Wagon: 2
« on: January 28, 2019, 12:11:14 PM »
Today is day 184, and is also six months since I last went on to a chat room.

I don't think there'll ever be a magic day where I'll no longer feel the pull of temptation. I have definitely felt temptation within the last week - even within the last 24 hours. However, I think two things are of particular help when it comes to maintaining a long streak. Firstly, I know I got through yesterday and therefore I got through today. I've got through days where I've felt suicidal, where I've despaired, where I've just felt angry and frustrated about life... and I've got to the end of those days and not used porn and not used a chat room. Secondly, I know how much it hurts to fall. I don't want to do that to myself. The pain of failure is worse than the fleeting thrill of porn and chat rooms.

I've had a bit of a rubbish few days: I fell off my bike last week, and I've had said bike stolen over the weekend. Nevertheless I'll keep going.

Success Stories / Re: Six months clean :)
« on: January 28, 2019, 11:03:53 AM »
Made it to six months :)

Ages 30-39 / Re: Time to put the pen to paper
« on: January 28, 2019, 11:02:02 AM »
Brilliant! Keep going.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 27, 2019, 04:48:48 PM »
Yes, totally agree. You're not alone.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 27, 2019, 10:08:59 AM »
Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Back On The Wagon: 2
« on: January 24, 2019, 10:17:14 AM »
Today is day 180

Here are some thoughts as to what has helped so far:

1. There has to be a vision for a better you. I know that when I'm free of porn and chat rooms I'm kinder, more focussed, less tired, in a better place spiritually, happier with myself and my family, a better husband, and so on. These things are undisputable facts.
2. There also has to be a real disgust for the things you did before. Take a look outside yourself and imagine: if someone saw you on a porn binge, up at 3 in the morning, or sat on a chat room, getting yourself off, what would they think? What do you think when you look back on that? Don't hate yourself, don't hate women, but develop a hatred for porn in all its forms.
3. Count the cost. You probably do these things in the dark, but what if... your partner walked in, or your children, or your boss found your internet history, or you left your phone in a café and someone saw everything you'd looked at? Go and read the 40+ section and look at all the men whose lifes have been ruined by a porn habit.
4. Take it one day at a time. Day 180 seemed so far away at day 1, but it's only through a daily choice that I've got here. Don't expect miracles overnight.
5. Remove temptation and triggers. Don't kid yourself that you can stay up late on your tablet, or spend an hour on youtube or reddit, or whatever. If you need to quit social media, or alcohol, or anything to get clean then do so. It's worth it.
6. Don't go near the middle circle. For me, I'd convince myself I could go onto an internet forum site were we all just talked platonically. But it's a fallacy. If A leads to B, don't go to A.
7. God is good. Seek Him.

There may be more, but that gives you a flavour as to how I've been thinking over the last 180 days. Keep going.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 24, 2019, 07:49:54 AM »
Hey, glad you're back on the wagon. Couple of thoughts: firstly, isn't there anyone you could talk to free of charge? A church minister or priest or whatever? Or would health insurance cover some counselling for you?

Secondly, I take your point about moderation but it doesn't sound like you're achieving that at the moment. Would you count "three drinks in a bar" as a middle circle behaviour?

Feel free to ignore. Hope you get back into your stride.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Back On The Wagon: 2
« on: January 22, 2019, 04:30:01 PM »
Good going! It is possible to break free of addiction.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 21, 2019, 04:41:05 PM »
I hope you come back, Rich. You seem like a good man who just finds things tricky.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Reboot...
« on: January 21, 2019, 04:39:03 PM »
Hey, well done on getting so far through! I had a read of your journey and it's great to see the progress.

I think porn addiction and social anxiety / awkwardness go hand in hand... I don't think you should put yourself under pressure to be someone you're not. Find as many or as few friends as you like, love your wife, be a good dad, do well in your job. Enjoy how uncomplicated life is now you're not hiding a porn habit. Keep going.

Success Stories / Re: One hundred days clean! - now 177 days and counting
« on: January 21, 2019, 02:28:17 PM »
I've managed to surpass my previous "best" and am now 177 days clean. Next Monday will mark six months' clean; a week Saturday is another landmark: one year porn free.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Back On The Wagon: 2
« on: January 20, 2019, 05:21:22 PM »
How many days in are you? It feels really good to get through a period of temptation - I just got on with some work and waited for my wife to come home.

I'm looking forward to getting to the first weekend of February - that'll mark one year free of porn. Next weekend marks six months chat room free.

My life is so much better without porn and chat rooms in it. Previously I would have used the two hours alone for these things, then had to lie to my wife. Instead I caught up with some work and then we slept together when she got back. Trying to live life as it was intended.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Back On The Wagon: 2
« on: January 20, 2019, 02:00:30 PM »
Today is day 176. I'm posting here as my usual means of killing temptation even though I'm tired, I'm going to be alone this evening and it's been a week since my wife and I slept together (nothing terrible has happened between us, it's just been a combination of evening commitments and tiredness).

I feel slightly knocked by the news that someone else I follow on here has relapsed, but I hope he gets back to a good streak again. I know how bad a relapse feels and I can't let myself go down that road. Onwards and upwards! Aiming for the six month mark in a few days' time.

Ages 30-39 / Re: Rich's 90 Days
« on: January 20, 2019, 01:56:19 PM »
Hey, I'm sorry to see that you fell. You were doing great - don't let yourself believe that the 50 days were wasted. Your muscles will be stronger the next time you get to day one.

As others have said, I think it would be worth getting some relationship guidance / counselling, as well as exploring treatment for your alcohol use. Maybe there's some root cause that's making you act out like this, or maybe you just need some better strategies. Keep going though, we're all behind you.

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