Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - Berens

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 17
1
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: September 28, 2018, 02:24:43 PM »
That’s sounds awesome. It is great that you learn new things about brain and you put this knowledge in practise. Congratulations on reaching 1 month.

2
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 28, 2018, 02:23:26 PM »
Day 1
How are the other areas of your life?

Other areas of my life are quite good, i have done a lot of progress in my life and it is noticeable. I am overcoming obstacles and growing on regular basis.

3
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 27, 2018, 02:40:29 AM »
Day 3 > 0
I have relapsed again in the morning. I am a bit down now, in a crisis. I must forgive myself those relapses. I have been thinking about how much it is a habit in our minds to be afraid and to stimulate ourselves with sexual fantasy. If we have been doing it since childhood, it will be a habit that will control our life. We can brake from this habit by recognising it.

4
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 27, 2018, 12:49:17 AM »
Day 3
Actually 26 days was a good result and now i notice more success than failure about it.

5
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 26, 2018, 01:59:47 AM »
Day 2
After a relapse i have felt a certain relief. There must be some way to release a tension without relapsing.

6
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you (Day 0)
« on: September 25, 2018, 05:49:26 AM »
Day 1
I feel like I have to do more additional things than only writing a joirnal here on daily basis.

7
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 24, 2018, 07:42:50 AM »
Day 26
I have relapsed  :'( :'( :'( :'(
I have been like hypnotized. I am crying. I can't handle this addiction. I have registered on this forum in June 10, 2014. Now we are in September 24 2018. I can't do it alone. I will look for psychologist/psychotherapist, whoever who can really help me. 26 days without MO and PMO is a good result, but i must overcome this forever. PMO is destroying my life. I feel such a shame for my sexuality. I just can't stop crying. I just don't know what to do anymore. I desire so much to be in a loving relationship and to experience intimacy. If i have promised to be an inspiration for you, then i can't give up. I have fallen but now i get up and I won't give up until i will be free. I am not going to allow P to beat me down. I am going to win. It is my damn life and it belongs to me, not to P. I am going to become healthy. I am not going to live my life in knees. There is no way. I feel shame right now, i feel like must hide from the world. I am not going to do so. I am vulnerable because i relapsed but i won't allow even a relapse to make me have doubts about myself. I can stand on my own two feet and walk forward with confidence, even if i fall. I should have started my day in totally different way. Instead of complaining about feeling tired and week, i should get up earlier, do some exercises, eat a good meal and work. I have been just losing time.

8
Ages 20-29 / Re: My Journal, an attempt to abstain
« on: September 24, 2018, 04:56:21 AM »
Oh man, what a terrible experience. It could have ended much worse.

9
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 24, 2018, 02:49:05 AM »
Day 26
I have to remind myself of how important it is to eat and sleep well. In last 3 days i have been feeling very tired constantly. Which made me drink more coffee which is not very good either as later at night i feel my heart beating fast and i can’t fall asleep. I am thinking about love and intimacy. And i recognise how desperatedly hungry i feel for love, for intimacy, for emotional relationship, for having someone who would take some care of me. And also, how much i need someone i could love. When there is that gap in one’s chest, it is very tempting to fill it with anything, be it P or hook ups, or drugs or anything. It doesn’t feel good to write it but it’s much better than not feeling anything. And the optimistic part is that we can change.

10
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 23, 2018, 02:51:38 PM »
Day 25
I feel like i want to escape, like i need some holidays far away from where i am. It is like some kind of tension that has to be released. Probably PMO releases a tension, not only sexual but also emotional. But tension has to be released in a healthy, conscious and controlled way. I am considering therapeutic massage to relax and release stress and muscular tension from the body. Marnia’s Robinson book Cupid’s poisoned arrow talks about how the touch is relaxing and healing.

11
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 23, 2018, 03:52:28 AM »
Day 25
At this stage of rebooting I will have to begin to plan what I want to do with all this time and energy. From time to time it’s good revaulate one’s own life. The question is how do I want to live my life? What do i want to experience? I have done months ago self-authoring program by Jordan Peterson. Maybe i can do it again, i am in different stage of life right now. Rebooting makes you have more control over your own life and over your actions. So we have to make a good use of it. Time ago i would just act compulsively. Now i have to decide what to do and sometimes i can just feel lost and not know what to do.

12
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 22, 2018, 04:23:15 PM »
Day 24
There is a demon calling my door. When i PMO, he goes away but after some time he always comes back. When rebooting, there is no way to make him go away. At some moment he just hold the ring button, it becomes so annoying that i just have to open the door. When i open the door he enters, but he is not alone, there is whole family of demons. Demonic children screaming like from horror movie and running around destroying everything. His wife that seem to come from hell itself. Medusa from greek mythology looks nice next to her. They are in my home. I have to face them and confront them as they will live with me since now. I don’t like them at all. They bully me laughing at my weaknesses. They make me doubt who i am and how i live. If i could just use magic wand, avadakedabra, PMO and they would disappear. But that is not an option. I can’t kick them out of my house. Earlier everything was easier. I would just PMO and wouldn’t hear demons, my demons calling my name. That’s exactly how i feel now. There are demons in my room. What i can do is to learn to live with them. I feel lost and i am going through some kind of crisis. I can find myself. I can do even more, I can create myself. Overcoming doubts and crisis always brings the sensation of meaning and control over one’s life. And this is what going through rebooting is. There are demons now in my home but it is still my home, my little kingdom.

13
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 22, 2018, 05:04:43 AM »
Day 24
Don’t imagine yourself having an orgasm or having an intercourse that would lead to an orgasm. Imagination plays big role in MO. Without imagination there would be no PMO. P is more about fantasy than about beauty of female body itself. You can use imagination to help you instead of being a burden. If you imagine just holding a hand of a woman that you would love and feel fulfillment in that, it will be additional motivation to reboot and subconscious mental powers will come to help you to bring that to reality. It’s a change in the mindset.

14
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 21, 2018, 11:05:05 PM »
Thank you Kopp, you are absolutely right, it is a process. Process that require a lot of patience.
Day 24
Another wet dream. Marnia Robinson’s book differentates between two ways of sexual relationships: mating and bonding. Mating is when we want to experience an intense orgasm with a woman. Bonding is when we want to connect on deep emotional and intimacy level. Rebooting allows us to change from mating behavior to bonding. It is a change in a mindset. I am single now but when i will be in relationship i will continue rebooting so to speak, as i will avoid having an orgasm for the sake of deeper connection with a partner.

Also one thing worth mentioning at this point, one of the biggest benefits i notice after few weeks of rebooting is ability to maintain strong eye contact.

15
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 21, 2018, 08:03:26 AM »
Thank you Green Wizard, i really appretiate your feedback. I have just been thinking on how much our success in rebooting is dependent on cooperation in this rebooting community. If i would be writing posts only for myself then probably it wouldn’t had that much influence on me. Thank you all!

16
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 21, 2018, 01:51:55 AM »
Day 23
Tonight i had a wet dream, which is a good thing. On short term it is annoying because i feel more tired and aroused. But it is some kind of relief. Months ago i have bought Cupid’s poisoned arrow book by Marnia Robinson. I have finished reading it time ago but i still go back to it an read some of the chapters and highlighted parts. This books was definitely a good investment.

17
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 20, 2018, 03:31:35 AM »
Thank you Stiffy, i can’t agree more with you. Also to add to what you have said, the more effort we put in rebooting, more love we feel for ourselves. The more we reboot, more we can love others and feel worthy of receiving love.
Day 22
Tonight i had very interesting dream that i think is worth of sharing. Briefly, i was traveling in a train and there was a blonde woman that i have seen in P. She was seating in front of me and she was talking very loudly with other people. I have moved to another side of the train car so i could not see nor hear her. But later she moved to seat in front of me again. So i have engaged in conversation with her. I have asked her, that i know she is P actress and that if i can talk with her about something. I have seat closer to her and have told her that my life goal is to have a family and children. And my question was what are the characteristics of women like you so i can avoid women like you when dating. This is when my dream has ended. And i have realised something important because of having this dream. When we are addicted to P, we perceive P actresses and attractive women in general as someone that is suprior to us, we place them on a pedestal. They are having sex, we don’t, so they are better. And we feel lust for them that we can’t satisfy. But the truth is that when we work on being honest with ourselves, on gaining self-control, on knowing what we want from life, of our friendships and on what is really important and meaningful to us, then we are on such high pedestal that a P actress looks like an ant from our point of view. Why? Because she went the easy way for quick money and she has sold her possibility of loving and having a family. In my dream i have asked her who are you so i can avoid you as much as i can. If i would do that in real life, i can only imagine the shame that she would feel for herself.

18
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 19, 2018, 02:35:50 AM »
Day 21
Rebooting is an investment in a relationship. Quality of romantic relationship depends on how deeply we can connect with another person. When we reboot, we don’t only become more sensitive but we focus more on intimate connection. When we consume P, we perceive women as objects to achieve an orgasm with. I am single now, but I do rebooting not only for myself but for my future girlfriend/wife. And i am not talking only about sex aspects but about deep bonding and intimacy.

19
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 18, 2018, 03:48:50 AM »
Day 20
I have got a trigger in a dream, so i have woke up aroused. When we grow, we face crisis. Crisis a threshold between where we are now and next level. It is when we overcome crisis that we grow. Rebooting is experiencing a crisis on daily basis, and when we move forward despite the burden of rebooting, then we grow.

20
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 17, 2018, 06:54:46 AM »
Day 19
Monday...
Mondays are 1/7 part of our life. I feel grateful for Mondays. We take rest on weekends to start fresh on Monday. Lately i push myself more in work, to work more hours and to be more effective. I am overcoming some laziness. Also boredom that i have been writing about some days ago is not that problem anymore. Also optimism is a thing. I feel that all this effort in rebooting, in reading books, in taking care of myself, in journaling and in meeting new people is worth taking. It already is paying off as i am definitely doing better than i was doing months and years ago. But still great future is about to come.

21
Ages 20-29 / Re: Joyful journal
« on: September 17, 2018, 06:48:56 AM »
Gratitude journal sounds like a great idea. Keep it up man!

22
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 16, 2018, 04:16:14 PM »
Day 18
Today i have been talking with a friend about pornography. We have been talking about negative consequences of pornography on relationship between men and women, on children and on us as individuals. Having such conversations is really helping to liberate oneself from P because we can take different point of view. Also because when you talk about it with someone, P topic is not something you are hiding but something you face with another person, so to speak. It would be definitely easier for me if i would have someone years ago that i could talk about my addiction, psychologist, therapist or some mentor i trust. If i could go back in time, probably i would contact some psychologist via email or by phone and tell about my PMO addiction.

23
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 15, 2018, 06:26:32 AM »
Day 17
Behind every great man there's a great woman. Women can be great inspiration and stimulation for us, to work hard towards meaningful goals, to create great art and build civilizations. But women in P? Those are vampires that are just taking our energy without giving anything back. We became addicted to exaggerated shapes of female body and to sexual fantasy. And people who create P are creating content to fit your deepest sexual fantasies to make you dependent on P. Our bodies take a lot of energy to produce semen. Semen that you lose every time you have an orgasm. P videos and images are not made for you to make you enjoy more your life. They are made to steal your attention. Pay attention on how many advertisements you see a young attractive woman, even when the product they sell has nothing to so with a women. Even on youtube thumbnails they place some attractive women only to make you click. How many decisions are we taking for ourselves and how many times we are just reacting because “female body”?

24
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 14, 2018, 03:09:10 PM »
Day 16
I feel really good and grateful to be alive. Tomorrow is Saturday, I’ll go in the morning to see the sunrise and read a novel in a coffee shop. I can allow myself once a week a little pleasure of having a coffee and cake. Does things really matter when it comes to rebooting. PMO addictions superstimulates our brains and because of it we become blind to beauty. World around us is beautiful but we don’t see it. We see only stimulation and comfort. When we reboot, we don’t regain erections but the perception of reality is changing as well. Changing for better.

25
Ages 20-29 / Re: I want to be inspiration for you
« on: September 14, 2018, 07:08:49 AM »
Day 16
I have to remind myself of how important it is to eat and sleep healthy. Those are really the basics. Yesterday i haven't eaten well and have gone to sleep little later. That already has altered how i feel today. I'll do some more sports, I'll go running today, even if it is just for 10 minutes. I am listening to audiobooks on scribd.com, which is cool because i am not only stimulating my imagination and learning new things but also i am engaging in some activity that helps to overcome boredom.

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 17