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Messages - Introspect

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1
Porn Addiction / Re: Two paths to relapse
« on: August 10, 2016, 01:38:26 AM »
Just two cents from a less advanced rebooter: Isn't it impossible to really control thoughts?  I'm not saying it's impossible not to act on cravings, but that the cravings will come of their own volition. That's how the brain works. Maybe we just have to live with them?

I remember getting powerful cravings for P in the most mundane and unsexy situations, just because of some weird association to a word or a resemblance of some P stars. Just random day to day impulses triggering cravings for P.

I realize that under those circumstances I shouldn't have sat down at the computer to "just check some stuff out", or play a game, or whatnot. Instead I should have mentally rehearsed a plan already for what to do to avoid acting out. And then followed that plan. I'm sure there are a ton of other things we can do as well to avoid falling into the P trap again.

2
Porn Addiction / Re: Two paths to relapse
« on: August 09, 2016, 02:05:23 AM »
Quote from: bulletedlist
From that time onwards every relapse has been of this type. First feeling happy, powerful, fearless. Then feeling something inside takes control and not giving a shit. Then relapsing.

I recognize myself in this one. Not really feeling powerful or fearless, but I would just feel some happiness and a sense of accomplishment in staying away from PMO. And then a complete brainf**k just when things were going good.. which lead to PMO.
I'm currently doing a daily routine where I remind myself of what happens when I end up in that lifestyle. Kind of hoping that will work in the long run, but experience will show.

3
You are OK F. Try not to beat yourself up about it. Stay away from self-loathing, and by the way you are not evil, just human.
Please continue on your reboot. 25 days is a good streak, and I for one don't believe your progress is lost.

The upsetting feelings you have is a good indication that a lifestyle of porn and drugs is not something that you truly want. So use that to motivate you to continue working towards the goals that really mean something to you.

Never using porn again would be easy if it wasn't for the cravings, right?  So your job is to figure out how you will handle the cravings the next time. In a broad sense it's about finding ways to live with the mood swings or the depression, and the thoughts about porn that come out of nowhere.

Some can do it all on their own, but many seek out help from others or even professional aid. You have to find your own way, but whatever you do don't give up. Keep trying out different solutions. I believe you will find the key things if you just keep working on this. Let your experiences guide the way.

Wishing you the best for your continued recovery.

4
Porn Addiction / Re: Can't get past 4 days
« on: August 05, 2016, 02:10:42 AM »
Thanks for the link DontGiveUp7. I never heard of acceptance & commitment therapy before I saw the entertaining TED talk you linked to. Very interesting stuff!

Congrats on being clean seven days! I wish you the best of motivation and awareness, and strength of course, moving towards your goals!

5
Ages 30-39 / Re: History of a porn addict - destruction and hope
« on: August 04, 2016, 02:57:21 PM »
Yeah I agree with Frank-hates-porn, just keep going BAIRFU.  It is completely possible to beat this thing. The urges are just temporary, and if we sit it out then we are fine. Nothing bad happens, we're as fine as ever when they go away.

Think on things you can do instead when you feel like peeking. It sounds weird but have you tried clenching your abdominal (stomach) muscles and holding that for several seconds? Maybe counting slowly to ten while doing it?  I actually think it works in some strange way, but I have no idea how.

Anyhow, keep working on staying clean and you will succeed in this B!

6
21 days is really well done. Stay strong! And continue to keep awareness high about the problem, and also why you want to change.

7
Congratulations on reaching ninety days TiramiSu! Well done!
It is also very motivational for the rest of us to see that, yes, it is possible to live without P.
Much strength and perseverance to you for the road ahead! :)

8
Ages 30-39 / Re: Last Man to the Bottom
« on: July 26, 2016, 01:47:21 AM »
Just get right back on your way to rebooting virtueorvice. You are starting see real changes in yourself, and these will get better as you move on. You practically quit smoking, and you are working out, and you feel differently about porn. That is not easy and you have done well! Now it is time to really move on and get even further.

When you wrote about the edging I got reminded of a similar experience. I saw that once I let porn into my life then I was in really big trouble. It was if the poison had started to spread, and it would lead me to PMO whether I wanted it or not. Therefore it is necessary to totally ban all porn and all porn substitutes from my life.

9
Porn Addiction / Re: Can't get past 4 days
« on: July 25, 2016, 01:35:27 AM »
Quote from: DontGiveUp7
I've also learned of the many overlooked paths for porn to creep into your mind. This is why I deleted the YouTube app and also why I'm going to try to cut out music that is sexual from here on out.

This is progress! Just continue to take these necessary steps one at a time, and your reboot will really start to take off.

10
Quote from: TiramiSu
I also always tried to match everybody's expectation. But with this attitude, we are going nowhere in life.  only get your needs met first you get happy and being happy we will inspire other people.
...
I want to remember I want to be modest about my addiction/life. I always had the impression people would need to help me. Very weird. but actually we can only help ourselves. We are responsible for our own lives.

Your post was very inspirational TiramiSu. This is the truth. Thank you for writing it. 

11
Porn Addiction / Re: Can't get past 4 days
« on: July 22, 2016, 06:41:23 AM »
Thank you for this post Anothertry. I think it is absolutely brilliant.

Quote from: Anothertry
The truth is this: even if you have that chrome book open in front of you in a private space, and the deepest and most intense cravings in that very moment, if, in that moment, you are truly and deeply convinced in your heart as well as your head that you do not want P in your life - you won't look at it.  Full stop.  Remember the chrome book cannot move your hands to do any google searches - only you can do that!

12
Ages 30-39 / Re: 82 days - a lot more personal time without porn
« on: July 22, 2016, 06:29:22 AM »
Quote
Yesterday I did an hour of meditation.

I am amazed. For those who don't know, an hour of meditation is a very long time. I hope to get there someday. Stay strong and the best of luck to you!

13
Ages 30-39 / Re: History of a porn addict - destruction and hope
« on: July 18, 2016, 08:16:47 AM »
Don't give up. Keep on trying! Two weeks without internet could be very useful.  But be aware of P-substitutes (ogling and fantasizing could be one).

14
Porn Addiction / Re: Can't get past 4 days
« on: July 17, 2016, 07:05:13 AM »
Quote from: DontGiveUp7
I just locked myself of the last source i have to look at porn. ... I have recently got my mom to set a password to use the laptop and also got her to set restrictions on my phone. I myself have locked myself out of the family computer (Mac). Last but not least, I let my chrome books battery die and gave the charger cord to my friend.  ...

Well done! I think you have really done yourself a great service by closing down all your ways to access it  ;D

Having a daily routine could be a good idea. I think the 3-4 day barrier is often caused by relying too much on sheer willpower, but quickly forgetting all the negative consequences of using porn. I know I've done that countless times. Keep reminding yourself every day of the bad consequences, and the positive changes you want to see in your life. In this way you keep your motivation up and your awareness high.

Good luck and stay strong!

15
Porn Addiction / Re: A tip for preventing sudden relapses
« on: July 17, 2016, 06:50:22 AM »
Quote from: AZ42
If you feel the overwhelming urge to relapse, go exercise, have a cold shower, or both.

Great advice! Cold showers are super effective urge killers. Also - don't peek at P thinking it will lessen the urge. It will only make it worse.

16
Hello I-am-not-a-slave-anymore,

I don't know anything about L-Tyrosine, so I can't write anything about it.
But I think you may be seeing some withdrawal symptoms already. They can get rough, as you know. It is important to keep rebooting even when you feel a lot of messed up emotions. Like William wrote in "Hello Gentlemen. Now we begin." : learn to love withdrawals.
Keep going and you will beat P-addiction!

17
Ages 30-39 / Re: History of a porn addict - destruction and hope
« on: July 16, 2016, 08:34:45 AM »
I know what you mean B. It can just suddenly happen.
I think a big part of rebooting is to get more awareness of our actions, especially our urges. Only then can we "do something else" instead of P or M when we feel overwhelmed by urges. But it is not easy.

18
Ages 30-39 / Re: 75 days of freedom - thank you to this forum
« on: July 15, 2016, 02:28:31 PM »
Hi there TiramiSu,
It looks like you are doing well for yourself. I hope to get to there too. Good luck and keep on staying strong!

19
Porn Addiction / Re: Bad INSOMNIA!
« on: July 15, 2016, 06:19:07 AM »
Everyone is different. Don't have coke, softdrinks or coffee in the evening. Meditation is supposedly good for your ability to fall to sleep. I think it has worked pretty well for me. I can also be withdrawal symptom that will pass on it's own. It's awful while it's going on though.

20
Porn Addiction / Re: NY Times Article on Recovered PA
« on: July 14, 2016, 01:53:13 PM »
Thanks, it was a good read. His experiences before recovering are something a lot of us can relate to.

21
Ages 30-39 / Re: History of a porn addict - destruction and hope
« on: July 14, 2016, 09:39:13 AM »
Hi B, it's difficult to not give in. But it gets more difficult if you first start watching P.

Have you tried some common remedies for urges, like deep breathing and calming down, taking a cold shower, or even just snapping a rubber band on your palm each time you feel the urges coming on ?

I know it sounds medieval, but it could work?

22
Ages 30-39 / Re: Last Man to the Bottom
« on: July 14, 2016, 03:24:05 AM »
Quote from: virtueorvice
The next couple of things I have to work on are:

1- Know what I will do when PMO thoughts attack me. For instance, force myself to avoid sitting behind my laptop and go out for a walk. Have an exit strategy and committing myself to it. The most difficult task is to commit myself to an exit plan.

2- Convince myself that tolerating the pain and unease is better than submitting to PMO.

3- Seek pleasure from real females. Force myself to approach girls even if I will get rejected. It's a mandatory step in recovery.

...
EDIT:

I will simulate my exit strategy! I imagine that I have entered PMO mode and practice what I will do... It's better to be prepared this way!


This is good! 

Keep reminding yourself of your exit strategies every day. Yesterday I was struggling and only later did I realize that I had forgotten about the king of urge killers: cold showers. How is it possible to forget really?? The brain does strange things when it is craving P..

Just focus on being nice, civil and calm around women. A big mistake is to give off a vibe that you desperately want to get in her pants. Instead just be a fellow human being with friendly intentions. Flirting etc will work itself out once you are truly relaxed and grounded around the opposite sex.

You can do it Virtueorvice!


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Ages 30-39 / Re: History of a porn addict - destruction and hope
« on: July 11, 2016, 03:47:31 PM »
B, you are working hard at staying clean. Keep on going, and you will get over this.

24
Porn Addiction / Re: going beyond porn
« on: July 10, 2016, 12:40:05 PM »
Hi Ankit, just keep going now and be highly aware of what you are thinking. Do not think or do things which leads you to feel temptations. Stay strong. The feeling of weakness will go away.

25
No worries NwaltRed, we're just talking. Fact of the matter is, I can not pretend to know why people in relationships turn to porn compulsively. So I don't have a theory. I can say a few words for myself, but that's all I can say with some certainty:

I'm in a long term relationship myself, and from personal observation I would say that I use porn because I get urges and in that state of mind I eventually lose control. The urges warps my thoughts. I forget about all the bad consequences, and just look at porn. This in spite of the fact that I know rationally that it is an extremely stupid thing for me to do. But like I said, I'm not thinking rationally when I am looking at porn. Sure I want my partner, but I also want porn. They are not the same thing. Porn is not sex with my partner, it is something else. Unfortunately this is really weird and counter-intuitive for non-addicts to understand.

But many things in nature are counter-intuitive, and they are in fact strongly supported by evidence.

OK, I'll wager an hypothesis, but it is no skin of my back if it fails miserably:

Based on the kinds of evidence I've seen (peoples' self-reporting on this site and others) it does occur to me that the mechanisms that lead them to look at porn are they same both in and outside relationships. Relationships don't matter much in this case. It has a lot to do with brain training by years of PMOing, and not much to do with relationships and communication ...

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