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Messages - Charlie Marcotte

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1
Yeah, according to Gabe there are WAY more lurkers on this website than members....by a substantial margin. So a lot of people who "recover" don't even have a single post to their name! Like you guys said before, even many members recover and just slowly disappear, phasing recovery websites out of their life.

I will say, though, that at least 2-3 recovery stories come out a week from the various pornography recovery websites on the web. Usually it's more than this, too. The best place to look for recovery stories is the front page of yourbrainonporn.com!

Here is their database of recovery stories if any of ya'll are interested. Nearly 2,000 of them!
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-accounts

2
Success Stories / Re: Gay Man, 49yo Ending PIED After a 90 Day Reboot.
« on: March 13, 2015, 07:15:29 PM »
Great stuff friend! Thanks for posting :) Success stories really motivate people!

3
I have experienced this, as well! I went 9 months no PMO, and felt much better after I had an orgasm at the 9th month. I wish I would of had the orgasm a little earlier - maybe around the 6th month? I think there is a point of diminishing return from orgasm abstinence for many of us.

4
What these guys said is true that there is nothing wrong with having orgasms with your girlfriend as long as you are present and in the moment.

One thing I'll say, though, is that some people find that any type of orgasm can potentially hold them back during the process. If you aren't satisfied with your progress, you might wanna try longer periods of abstaining. For a lot of people, this can kick start their recovery.

5
Porn Addiction / Re: *Happy Birthday Reboot Nation*
« on: March 06, 2015, 01:18:43 PM »
A year already?!

Here's to another! :D

6
Porn Addiction / Re: Gay Rebooters?
« on: March 04, 2015, 07:21:16 PM »
There's a really good thread regarding gay men's reboots on the pornography addiction recovery website Yourbrainrebalanced.

Here it is! A lot of useful information. http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=5575.25

7
Porn Addiction / Re: Has anyone had this awkward sex encounter?
« on: March 03, 2015, 11:32:20 AM »
@HumbleRich How can you make the assumption that I treat women as objects from this post? The original question came because I wouldn't want to disappoint a girlfriend. Yes I do think about sex with women but I also love them for their different personality traits to men. I would never objectify them because I have too many women I really get on well with in my life. Please don't make assumptions

Don't worry man! When I read your post I didn't see anything that would lead me to believe you see women as objects.

About your original questions: hyper sensitivity can potentially be apart of the reboot. The other people's advice here was really good. It might take a few Os to regain some control/practice with actual sex. Don't be too discouraged! The first time after 9 months I had really bad PE.....like, my lady-friend was taking off my belt and I was about ready to orgasm LOL. But honestly, what did I expect? When we go long times without Os we'll almost certainly orgasm on a dime. For me, tt got much better over a few week.

8
Success Stories / Re: Healed after 13months
« on: March 03, 2015, 11:28:31 AM »
Cool friend :) That's great to hear!

Did you see any emotional/mental improvements along the way?

9
Porn Addiction / Re: Trying to Date While Rebooting?
« on: February 25, 2015, 09:44:01 PM »
Hi,

I've never had a girlfriend and have only been on a few dates, all of those through online dating.  One of the excuses I've always fallen back on as a justification for relapsing is "I don't have any healthy sexual outlet" and "it's not like I have a partner, so who cares?" 

I don't know if I should continue to try to find someone while rebooting.  Do I need to reach X amount of days, first?  Or do I need to be fully rewired before trying to date?  Considering I've been an addict for a couple decades, and I think will need a long time to rewire, the thought of needing to be fully rewired before trying to find someone is scary.  I'm 40 now and knowing how hard it is for me to get a woman to reply to a message online, it could take a long time to find a date, let alone a real partner.  If I wait until I'm rebooted, I could be in my mid-40s or older.

Thanks.

You know, when I first started rebooting I was completely determined to go "x" amount of days before even considering to look for a girlfriend. I wish I wouldn't have had that mentality! You can truly start dating and pursuing girls at any point in your reboot. It doesn't matter if it is during week 3 or 9 months down the road. Dating is important, healthy, and finding someone special is what we are striving for!

Don't let the fear of any porn induced sexual dysfunctions you may have interfere with your desire. Don't use it as a rationalization to stay away from girls. No one will force you to have sex, and it's perfectly fine/alright/normal to have a relationship with someone and not have sex regularly. That's ok...and sometimes, practicing abstinence with a partner leads to an even healthier relationship!

Don't get discouraged - if you really want a partner, why wait? Nothing is really holding you back.

10
UCS,

You might consider sending your GF a link to your post here.  If you get her involved in your recovery it could take a lot of pressure off the relationship (not just sexual).  If it scares her off, the relationship probably wasn't meant to be anyway.

This is great advice! I believe in the same thing when it comes to be open and honest with a partner about PIED.

To the OP, don't give up faith in the process. Rebooting, especially for those who started at porn when they were very young, can be a longer process. Try hard to keep your goals in line, and think big picture. It will happen.

11
Hey friend! Try not to fret too much. While this may seem extremely frightening to you, I think the way you find your answer is really simple: rebooting! A good, long reboot will restore your sexual preferences to baseline and you will discover your true sexuality and preferences. In my opinion, from the sounds of the porn history you gave us, it sounds like your sexuality has been very warped by pornography. Although this isn't always the case, most of the gay men that I know identified and recognized being gay from a very very early point in life. Like, about five years old. Your self described escalating tastes/morphing sexual preferences in conjuncture with your very frequent porn use indicates the likelihood that porn is the probable culprit in your changing sexual orientation.

I have seen and read recovery stories from plenty of folks who have HOCD. Although it usually takes them longer, they do recover. You will recover. Don't ever give up hope man!

12
Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction/Delayed Ejaculation / Re: Be grateful
« on: February 18, 2015, 11:05:31 AM »
Im sick of seeing so many posts by people without ED or DE complaining about how porn ruined their lives. By asking for help you are basically a patient with a scraped knee at the hospital seeking help before those with gunshot wounds. People with serious dysfunctions should be the focus of this website. You don't know how lucky you are.

The effects of porn don't necessarily always take form in erectile dysfunction! There are plenty of people who have reported very serious and life changing benefits outside of erectile dysfunction.

True, they might not know what it is like to be impotent...but they are likely here because of serious problems in their life, and they deserve to be taken seriously. We're all fighting the same fight!

13
but this goes to mood, not erection quality right?

That's true, but these things are (in my experience and from reading other accounts) pretty related. I know that in the case of this guy, they were very much related. I think if it was possible to do a completely accurate erection chart, it probably would look a lot like this. Maxime is right, it's just too risky for someone's reboot to try and get an erection to test everyday.

14
Sorry CM, I just couldn't resist. The scientist in me had to do this...I calculated a linear regression on the provided data set. This is the result:



As visualized, the general mood is getting better indeed. The coefficient of determination is pretty low, indicating great deviations between the linear model and the actual mood as assessed by the user - thus supporting the theory of a non-linear recovery.

(Could have also gone to work today if I'm doing the exact same stuff anyway only on different data...)

LOL! This is great! So glad you did that, haha. I love graphs and charts as well, so that is fun (and interesting) to see.

15
Porn Addiction / Re: Grateful for 60 days porn free
« on: February 16, 2015, 12:06:47 PM »
Hello all: I'm very happy to report 60 days porn free for the first time since about the age of 13 or 14. I'll be 57 next month.  I have been allowing myself to M/O during this reboot but chose to end that as well 6 days ago.  I have been trying to quit PMO for 40 years.  I'm not going to post my whole story here,  just my deep gratitude to Gabe Deem, Gary Wilson and everyone who has ever posted on this site or YBOP; I could never have gotten here without you.  To you younger guys: you have been given the opportunity to live a life free of PMO, which is really the only kind of life worth living.  Please take the opportunity you've been given and don't live a life of regret as I have.  They say no one on his bed ever wishes he'd spent more time at the office. To vary that a little, I can guarantee you that you will never regret living a life free of this addiction. The rest of my life will probably be a lot shorter than most of yours' but I'm going to live it like it really matters.  All any of us really have is today and I don't want to waste this day in the self-imposed slavery of PMO addiction.  Been there, done that. No more. Have a great day!

Hey friend, thanks for posting this. I am glad you are finding so much success and freedom! And you are very right about young guys - we have the opportunity to end our addiction and live the rest of our lives PMO free - we really are lucky in this sense!

16
Is 90 days a minimum or something like that?  I see so many guys having that as a goal, is there a special reason for that?  Thanks.

No, there really is no special reason for having 90 days without orgasm. Obviously, quitting porn for life is a must. But in terms of navigating orgasms and masturbation in the reboot, people seem to choose 90 days because orgasms can initially stall the reboot in early stages, and 90 days is a fairly substantial time to rest the brain from it. Even though it is arbitrary, I like the idea of going 90 days without orgasm in the beginning! I think it can be very beneficial.

I should add a little caveat here, though. There is definitely nothing wrong with masturbating to orgasm. It's not a relapse, and it's not contradictory to a reboot at all. However, some people find that their reboots progress faster if they abstain from orgasms for a short duration of time...and, if it's manageable to the individual, I think it's great idea to start a reboot with this no orgasm streak.

17
Yesterday got head from my gf. Hard the first time and came relatively quickly. Went for it again after a couple hours and was not super hard and took me a while to cum. I was pretty exhausted the second time so that may have been a contributor. I've MO a few times in the past month which I will not be doing anymore (hurts the reboot) but i just wanted to know if it's normal for the second attempt at a bj to be softer than the first (as a result of PIED of course). Thanks

Wow, I'd say I'd take this as a very encouraging event in your reboot! I would guess that, as time goes on, your refraction time (or the period in between orgasms in takes for you to be able to get erect) will improve more and more.

Great progress man!

18
To give you a sense of the non-linear nature of recovery, check out this chart a guy created about his mood during his reboot! Keep in mind that this guy was one of the first rebooters, so his reboot (lucky bastard) only took 2-3 months to complete.



I think this sort of erratic pattern accurately explains how a reboot progresses. Up and down, up and down...but with a slow, general trend towards recovery, success and balance. Hope this helps!

19
And I mean healthy masturbation without fantasy. I've gone 17 days without PMO and MO. Staying away from porn is easy. Fapping...is a different story

I understand that my reboot will take longer than others since I started with porn at 14 and have been addicted since then(I'm 18 now). Porn pretty much ruined my social life with social anxiety and depression. I don't think I have any kind of PIED, just...issues with my brain

From what i can tell, porn is the problem, not masturbation(though i do plan to cut down on it when this is over). I'm willing to go a month at least without masturbation. How long do you recommend?

In my personal opinion, the first initial period without orgasm after quitting porn should last at least 8 weeks. Most people shoot for some arbitrary amount of days - 60 days, 90 days, 120 days - and all of this is good! You should decide what works for you. OSS is right, anything over 6 months of complete no orgasm might be a little overkill.

If I had to guess, I'd say the average time people choose to go without orgasm is the standard (and arbitrary) 90 days. But again, it's ultimately up to you to decide!

20
I just thought I would share where I am. Day 72 of hardmode (never thougth i would make it past 1 week!) and back into a mini-flatline (not as bad as my first 45 day flatline) P free for 90 days! . I am very proud of myself. Erections are getting stronger and last longer. They used to fade quickly when stadnign up but now last significantly longer. It just, well, feels different down there to be honest. noticeably fuller when erect too.  I def still have room for improvements and do not plan on having sex at the min until day 90. I may go another couple months just to be sure! I have been rewiring with a woman I am seeing which I think has been helpful.  The cold showers help immensely too. I take 2 a day now (started 2 weeks ago).

I just wanted to share to let everyone know that the process does appear to work and for the first 45 days hardmode I felt hopeless and then started to see noticeable results. I hope I continue to improve and I hope everyone here continues to improve as well. Stay strong!!

Hey thanks for sharing, and stuff like this is great to hear!

From what I have read and experienced personally, what you are doing is the recipe for a speedy reboot. Obviously removing porn forever, but also avoiding all orgasms for a bit of time and rewiring with a partner. Doing that seems to put a reboot on the fast track.

Good to hear it is working with you!

21
Porn Addiction / Re: Just relapsed. Guide me please.
« on: February 16, 2015, 12:09:15 AM »
Hello guys. So, this is my first relapse since joining here. But I did not relapse to porn. It was just that I woke up pretty early today as I always do but after an hour or so had a great urge to masturbate. Right now I am a bit confused about how my mindset should be after this?
Is this a sign that I have low self control or its just natural?
My trigger was like a video I watched yesterday on youtube which had some sexually explicit content which I wasnt aware of.
Accepting the relapse in a positive way, how is that done???

I don't think you should worry too much about this, friend. Porn is the enemy, and actively seeking it is the true definition of a relapse. Don't beat yourself up too much over masturbation. Sure, some people find better results when they don't do it, but masturbation truly isn't the problem and certainly isn't a relapse!

If you are looking to stop masturbating, though, take this as a learning lesson. Everyone who tries and successfully does something usually has slip ups at first. As long as you learn something....it'll better you.

22
I use to have dreams like this, too, during the thick of my no orgasm portion of my reboot. I also have similar experiences with the twitchy-ness and electricity-like feeling you are describing. Remember that we are recovering from an addiction, so seeing physical side effects is really common. Some people's side effects manifest themselves as depression, anxiety, and many other things. Keep going strong!

23
Porn Addiction / Re: How long should i go without masturbation?
« on: February 12, 2015, 12:21:40 PM »
And I mean healthy masturbation without fantasy. I've gone 17 days without PMO and MO. Staying away from porn is easy. Fapping...is a different story

I understand that my reboot will take longer than others since I started with porn at 14 and have been addicted since then(I'm 18 now). Porn pretty much ruined my social life with social anxiety and depression. I don't think I have any kind of PIED, just...issues with my brain

From what i can tell, porn is the problem, not masturbation(though i do plan to cut down on it when this is over). I'm willing to go a month at least without masturbation. How long do you recommend?

People choose different time lengths to completely abstain that is slightly arbitrary...you can really decide for yourself how long you want to go without masturbation!

The common "no fap" challenge is 90 days. That time frame is really arbitrary, but 90 days abstinence works for a lot of people, and I'd say it is probably the most common goal. Some people choose 60 days, some people choose 30...it's really up to you!

My personal experience with no orgasm streaks is that I don't really see that many results until around the 60 day mark. Just my experience - you could be totally different!

24
Porn Addiction / Re: Smoked some pot.
« on: February 12, 2015, 12:18:12 PM »
Interesting! Sounds like you have mixed feelings about the experience.

I know that when I started rebooting, I decided to stay away from weed not because there is anything inherently wrong with it, but because my only MO (without P) experience came when I was on it. It definitely affected my concentration and willpower. Just a thought and cautionary tale about that!

Otherwise, I'm glad the experience gave you some insight on to how PMO altered your life before! Revelations like that are truly valuable, and can add motivation to the fight. :)

25
thanks man, just hoping ill get my libido back, its been along road,  when that all happen i also lost drive in many areas of my life, changed a lot, feel less social and more conservative then i use to, but i guess all in time, just these last two years have been pretty heavy, i think I'm probably overall depressed over the situation.

Hey man! Don't fret. OSS gave you some great advice.

Have you been checked out by a doctor just to be sure that your ED isn't porn induced? It's definitely worth it! Once you are checked out, you will be completely sure that your porn use is the culprit of the ED you are experiencing.

If you aren't looking at porn, then you are on the golden path to recovery. It will happen...sometimes it just takes longer for us young guys because of how malleable our brains are. If you are feeling a little impatient with your recovery, I recommend experimenting with rebooting "hard mode" if you are capable of it. That's where you don't masturbate, orgasm OR look at porn at all for a little while. A lot of people find this is really helpful for kick-starting the reboot. People choose an arbitrary amount of days to do "hard mode" 30 days, 60 days, 90 days....it's up to you how long you want to go and if you even want to try it!

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